I listened so you don't have to: Teri Maxwell

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Teri had to learn how Steve felt loved – again, supporting his decisions and praising and encouraging him. She says she feels loved if Steve stops on the way home and brings her home a soda with crushed ice.

P.S. Steve Maxwell is an Asshat

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Teri fell off the wagon? Or is this very old?

[BornFree]

Over the years Teri has had many, many chances not to go along with Steve's insecurities, paranoia and dogmatism. My sense of why she becomes more and more submissive is: (1) When it comes to the absolute word of the bible, she's a true believer and (2) even more important, she is one of those people who is a true follower. She feels most secure when she's in a regimented life with someone else in charge, and telling her exactly what to do.

[salex]

Does it sound like a lot of these partriarch guys are a bit mentally ill. Their quitting jobs, moving to out of the way places, expecting their families to kowtow on all things, etc, sounds like the script for Mosquito Coast or something.

And while I think there is a lid for every pot, as far as their wives go, their kids ar screwed fro birth.

[VodouDoll]

This is insane. She has no idea that her spiel makes her husband come across as a psychopath. More than he usually does, even.

[MrsYoungie]

So when the electricity is cut off - what then? My husband would hate it if he made an error that caused something so extreme to happen to the family. And what kind of wifely reaction is one supposed to have to that happening?

What is one supposed to say to the couple whose wedding you missed? Oops? In my book, you only miss a wedding that you have RSVP'd to if you are in hospital or dead. Not because you are too mealy mouthed to remind your hubby to make the transportation arrangements.

[VodouDoll]

Well, then you get to sigh piously and forgive him for screwing up, while he has to do the work of fixing it. It's no fun to be married to a martyr, which means Teri is exactly Steve's type.

[Pam]

Sounds like crapola that's straight out of Debi Pearl's Created to be His Helpmeet :cray-cray:

[gustava]

If I put toothpaste on my husband's brush, he'd say "stop babying me!"

Most sane husbands would think the wife had lost her mind. Oh yes, unfortunately, Teri has.

[freehannie]

No wonder she has problems with depression. She has no control over what happens even within her own home and her feelings are completely unimportant to anyone. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed if I lived that way. Why would any woman want to get married if this is what they had to look forward to? Steve obviously can't handle even minimal conflict without seeing it as an attack on his manhood. What a creep.

[sparkles]

No wonder she has problems with depression. She has no control over what happens even within her own home and her feelings are completely unimportant to anyone. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed if I lived that way. Why would any woman want to get married if this is what they had to look forward to? Steve obviously can't handle even minimal conflict without seeing it as an attack on his manhood. What a creep.

I think it was in one of the Corners where Teri, who suffers from a bad back, was talking out how she was in great pain one day and feeling sorry for herself and somewhat snappish. In a normal family, you'd be able to talk about your pain--or your family members would know from experience--and everyone would understand and be a little tolerant. Not in the Maxwell Collective. Instead, Teri focused on her sin of not keeping sweet and making everyone else feel bad. Honestly, I wanted to cry when I read that. The woman can't even be in pain without feeling guilty about it. No, it's got to be a "spiritual battle." That's how little she--or anyone else in that family--matters as an individual.

Found it:

Let me give you a personal example of this. I have lived with chronic back pain for many years. One day last week, I had my normal back pain plus a new pain that caused me to hurt every time I took a deep breath. I knew this new pain was temporary and would be gone in a day or two, but it still hurt right then. In addition, I had a sort of allergic reaction in my mouth that was causing the roof of my mouth to burn, ache, and itch. That morning a family member shared with me something I had said to them that they felt had an attitude behind it.

Were any of those very big problems? No! However, added together that day, they presented a spiritual battle. Rather than fight the spiritual battle with my thoughts of self-pity, I decided to cry. Here is the outcome of my good cry.

Red, puffy eyes

A terrible headache

A runny nose even after I stopped crying

A perpetuation of my self-pity

A bleak countenance

A concern in the family manifested by them asking me if I was okay

An insecurity in one family member indicated by her thinking she was the cause of my crying

A sadness that pervaded our home that evening.

As I evaluated that period of crying, I couldn't figure out one positive benefit that had come from it. All the outcomes were negative. At the moment I chose to cry, I also had the opportunity to choose what I have been encouraging us to do in these articles. Had I done those things, God's grace would have given me the strength to accept the pain and discouragement and move on with my day.

[Lillybee]

I can't believe that Steve wants Terri to put the toothpaste on his toothbrush. Either he is the laziest man in the world or the most controlling. He is treating Terri like a servant. I wonder if he expects her to prefold his TP like the Duke of Windsor did.

[Coconut Flan]

I'd be depressed if I spent more than about 5 minutes in control master Steve's presence. It's so tough to believe people live like that willingly.

[ILoveJellybeans]

This makes me feel very sad for Teri. What an awful life.

If my future girlfriend/wife knew that the electricity bill needed paying but thought it was wrong to tell me, I wouldn't be happy at all. Whats wrong with just reminding someone?

An adult does not need their toothpaste putting on the brush. They are capable of doing it for themselves. Lazy asshat

[Jana814]

I'd be depressed if I spent more than about 5 minutes in control master Steve's presence. It's so tough to believe people live like that willingly.

Same here! The worst part is that people take what Steve & Teri say as the gospel.

[Hane]

Re the backache and snappish comments story: How this would pan out in a normal family--

"Kids, mommy's back hurts really badly today; that's why I was crabby a little while ago. No, sweetie--you didn't do anything wrong. Could someone please bring me my medicine and a glass of Pepsi with ice in it? And the heating pad? Thanks. Now, either play quietly in the house or go out into the yard--I need to take a nap till Daddy gets home. I asked him to bring us a pizza."

[mausi]

Such a sad way to pass your days. I wonder what Teri's family makes of the situation (if anything, perhaps they cut off contact and are estranged).

[Rescinded and Mended]

This missive of Teri's is beyond pathetic. Is Steve really so needy, so fragile, that he is entirely dependant on everyone in his immediate vicinity to tell him exactly what he wants to hear, every minute of every hour of every day of his life?

We know Steve reads here, so I'll leave him a message.

Steve, grow up. As a grown man, you should understand that the world DOES NOT revolve around you, and that people do not exist to tell you exactly what you want to hear at all times. The manner in which you choose to shelter, inhibit, and emotionally stunt your children and abuse your wife is pathetic. The fact that you excise fun and independent thought from the daily routine of your family does not make you a man of God - it makes you selfish, small, pathetic, and most importantly, unable to cope with life on life's terms.

Teri and your children should not be required to continually stroke your ego becuase you feel so insecure for your failings as a man. In the end, only you are responsible, and should treat your family accordingly.

You have made an idol of yourself. GROW UP.

[mastercleaner]

I wonder when they had pizza last. Pizza is a "fun" treat in alot of homes, like a friday thing, or when theres a hockey/football game on or no one feels like cooking, something like that.. but the maxhells dont have "fun" so I really wonder the last time they ordered a pizza. I guess never if steve forgets to order it lol

They went from beef burritos to only beans... and only 3 animal crackers, we never see them enjoying good food unless someone blesses them with a gift card somewhere.

I wonder if they have had pizza at all recently

[sparkles]

In an old blog post, Teri mentioned being allergic to chicken and turkey products. I wonder how much that impacts what the family eats, given the seemingly limited fare they make us privy to. She brought it up when she was talking about a meal prepared for them by a host family--they made something especially for her because of her allergies. Do you think Steve would be as accommodating or does she just get an extra crust of bread? Inquiring minds want to know.

[docmom]

In an old blog post, Teri mentioned being allergic to chicken and turkey products

Wow, if that's true, she is very unusual. There are only 3 cases in the literature of allergy to chicken or turkey meat. Teri, you're (almost) unique! Love yourself.

[danvillebelle]

I remember in MOTH, in the meal planning/scheduling section, she mentioned that two specific nights a week (I think maybe Friday and Saturday, or Saturday and Sunday) they would have frozen burritos, then frozen pizza and frozen french fries. She was thankful because everyone looked forward to those meals (this was when there were 5 little kids) and she didn't really have to cook them. So they used to eat a lot of frozen pizza, apparently. I've often thought that their current sparse/healthy eating/smoothies is some kind of repentance for the way they ate when the kids were little and more high maintenance, and Teri was more depressed. I think they ate a lot of processed stuff. And I remember her writing about doing "obedience training" with M & M's, and leaving a candy bar in a child's drawer as a reward for keeping it neat.

I don't have any problems with frozen pizza or candy bars, I eat them myself...it's just very different from the nutritional portrait they paint now.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

A concern in the family manifested by them asking me if I was okay

...which could end up a GOOD thing - they worry about you, which seems bad, but then you get the opportunity to love on them and thank them for caring for you, and to say how loved that makes you feel, and to remind them that you too love them back just as much, and isn't having a family wonderful? People who will care for you.

If my future girlfriend/wife knew that the electricity bill needed paying but thought it was wrong to tell me, I wouldn't be happy at all.

Also extremely much this. If I'm partners with someone, I want to be PARTNERS. That means we look out for each other and TELL each other when we're about to do something stupid, so that our UNIT overall does better. We're a TEAM. If I have a big hole in my pants, TELL ME before I leave the house. If I'm forgetting to pay the bills HELL YES tell me, or better yet, take over because you know I'm scatterbrained (as in fact my husband does - I might earn the money right now, but he's in charge of the ledger for a reason).

[Closed Womb]

Huh. Maybe Poor Sarah is single because she sees this bullshit?

[MissBitters]

Steve sounds like an incredibly exhausting human to deal with on a daily basis. It must be hell to have to placate his ego 24/7.

[danvillebelle]

Such a sad way to pass your days. I wonder what Teri's family makes of the situation (if anything, perhaps they cut off contact and are estranged).

Her parents have lived next door for years, so they're well aware. I don't know how often they see Teri's sister, if at all.