Ken Alexander~ Pin your misbehaving wife to the wall

[2xx1xy1JD]

Ken:

I have been told by some that they actually act out precisely because they crave their husband's strength, and they are so disappointed when all he does is walk away. They are conflicted in their own selves because on the one hand the want to be in control, and on the other hand they long to have someone step in and give them a break from their need for self sufficiency and self protection.

Google "bratting" (and be warned that results are NSFW).

Yes, this sounds just like an excerpt from a kinky "domestic discipline" site.

Also, here's a tip that works for toddlers and adults alike: do not reward misbehavior with attention. If you are in a toxic cycle of acting out for attention - use of force - only achieving intimacy/attention this way, you are Doing It Wrong (unless you are in some fully consensual kinky dynamic, in which case please just ensure full consent and make sure you do whatever you do in private without letting the world know the details).

[Koala]

Ken:

I am amazed at the number of "in control" wives out there. My life knows story after story of both husband and wife who are moody, difficult, hormonal, constant upsets that can last 3-4 days in some cases. I know of very few couples that have escaped such behavior, especially not in their early married years.

I am not advocating that every husband needs to try to show his wife a moment of a time out,

[salex]

1) This talk about a wife's "misbehavior" Makes me go WTF? if she's overspending joint money or having affairs or using drugs, or whatever is dangerous or bad for the marriage, pinning her against the wall isnt' going to fix it. My husband isn't my parent and I'm not 3, so I"m not sure, short of those kinds of things, what kind of misbehavior would include my husband even having the right to act as though he gets to tell me I'm "misbehaving"....

2) My husband and I can escalate a conversation, while keeping it a conversation. We call ourselves "passionate" people. Our cute little dog crawled under the couch once when we were Agreeing on politics.... so, yes, if we disagree, we are both well aware of the other's opinion. THat said. It can escalate, calm down and be over and completely forgotten within a couple of minutes, because we are simply discussing things AND we both have the same habit. It works for us. Either of us would no doubt overwhelm a mate with a different disposition.

3) My husband is 6'3" and I'm 5'2". Even when I'm heavy, there is almost no way I could physically defend myself from him if he were physically aggressive toward me, even though I have learned the self defense tips/moves. On large men, pain sometimes might slow them down, but it may also just piss them off.

4) Ken's attitude toward a woman he says he loves makes me think how small a step it is from this kind of stuff to the keeping women chained in the basement stuff.

[salex]

Ken:

So, if hte husband is moody and difficult and too big for the wife to pin him to a wall, what is she supposed to do? Stun Gun????

[ILoveJellybeans]

So, if hte husband is moody and difficult and too big for the wife to pin him to a wall, what is she supposed to do? Stun Gun????

Tazer. The PP loves that.

Might work on other small dicked fundie patriarchs too.

[lilwriter85]

Since I've been reading Lori's blog, I think the Alexanders are a bit worse than some of the other fundie couples here. I think PP and Steve Maxwell are both douches. But I think Ken might be worse than both of them. It has been suspected here that Ken verbally abuses Lori, but based on this post and some other comments on the blog, I think occasional physical abuse might be happening to Lori.

[acheronbeach]

Since I've been reading Lori's blog, I think the Alexanders are a bit worse than some of the other fundie couples here. I think PP and Steve Maxwell are both douches. But I think Ken might be worse than both of them. It has been suspected here that Ken verbally abuses Lori, but based on this post and some other comments on the blog, I think occasional physical abuse might be happening to Lori.

Yeah, this pretty much confirms for me that Ken is a domestic abuser. Generally, people don't casually advocate committing crimes - especially violent crimes - unless they do it themselves. I mean he obviously not only thinks this is okay, he says violence is actually a GOOD thing.

[lilwriter85]

Yeah, this pretty much confirms for me that Ken is a domestic abuser. Generally, people don't casually advocate committing crimes - especially violent crimes - unless they do it themselves. I mean he obviously not only thinks this is okay, he says violence is actually a GOOD thing.

Before this posting, I recall there was an incident on the comments section of Lori's blog where IIRC Ken and/or Lori said something negative about domestic violence shelters. I have to admit that I find it hard to sympathize with Lori because of some of the stuff she has written about women and her constant praise/admiration of the Pearls is disgusting. That Travyon Martin blog entry was another thing that pissed me off. I'm not a fan of Zsu but she is easier to sympathize with more than Lori.

[Vex]

I love he went straight to pinning her to the wall, then 'hugging', then saying 'I love you, but...'

It says all you need to know about Ken Alexander.

RE: Self defense

I'm only 5"1 so I've always been interested in self defense. One of the best moves I've learned is when someone grabs your shoulder from behind.

If they grab you on the right shoulder, you'd grab their wrist with your left hand, then spin around to face them. That forces their arm behind their back so they face away from you. Once their back is to you you can deliver a hard strike to the back of their knee and then run like hell. Just be wary not to position yourself in a way where they're able to kick your shins, stomp on your feet, knee strike ect. It's over in a second so you can really get the jump on someone that way.

Eyes and nose are definitely preferable to the groin as well. Noses are easy to break and eyes are extremely sensitive to pressure. It helps to learn to throw a few solid, correct punches as well because male assailants generally don't expect a woman to punch.

[Hane]

Constance vigilance!

My kids took martial arts when they were young. The instructors used to give lots of self defense tips to the moms and dads who waited through the lessons. One of the best things he ever said, and this was to adults and to the children, is that knee caps bend only one way. And that even a small child can mess up somebody's kneecap with a kick.

These instructors were also big advocates of hitting people in the nose (as is my husband). Hits to the groin are expected, the nose not so much, fingers in the eyeballs work well too. In a bear hug, you can generally reach back and grab his groin with your hand.

Swamptribe, it's wonderful that you had your kids trained in martial arts, which build confidence, whether someone is confronted in a potentially violent situation or not.

But, even if my ex hadn't had me headlocked and off balance, I would have been afraid of intentionally causing him real pain or injury--because he could easily have hurt me badly, or worse.

[maybeizfundie]

ugh. This is really triggering me. I posted a comment but I don't know if it will stay up. meh.

Can't do much about my husband but I refuse to buy into the concept that men are incapable of having basic levels of emotional intelligence and if any of my sons thinks he's going to get away with either neglect or physical control of a wife or girlfriend, he's going to be sorely wrong. They are young but when the opportunity arises to discuss such things I always tell them that son or not, I'll be the first to have your tush in jail if you lay a hand on anyone in such a way.

[Aurora rising]

My martial arts teacher did sometimes self-defense with us girls. He always said the same: The best self-defense is running - as fast as you could. If you can´t be sure to hit a man first and with all the force you have, as a woman you don´t get a second change. The best points are knees, feets (especially with high heels), larynge, eyes and a soft point behind the ears. Of course, the testicles are good as well, but if you aim a few centimeters higher you might be able to damage the pubic bone, which is more sensitive.

If you are fearing a attack, be prepared: NEVER walk with your hands in your pockets! It´s much easier to pin you otherwise. Wear you keys between your fingers and attack the face from an abuser with it, have a lighted cigarette in your hand and drop it in the jacket or shirt, speak to other passengers ("You in the red jacket, please help me!") or shout at the abuser. Self-esteem is quite important, walk with your head and your shoulders high. And: Don´t be afraid to hurt him. I don´t have this reflex thanks to a few years training. If you are not sure, try a martial-arts-lesson (my husband had a few injuries because he wanted to playfully tussle with me... :embarrassed: )

[guidedbybobafett]

I'm pretty sure that Lori and Ken are in a constant shame spiral because of some deeply repressed BDSM stuff they have going on that they're too afraid to be open about.

[Hane]

I'm pretty sure that Lori and Ken are in a constant shame spiral because of some deeply repressed BDSM stuff they have going on that they're too afraid to be open about.

Agreed. They're so steeped in Christianism[tm][/tm] that they'd be terrified to acknowledge their own kink. Make it safe, sane, and consentual, children.

[JesusFightClub]

His definition of "out of control" is crazy. Might one have to physically restrain a person who was attacking you physically or trying to harm themselves? That happens, sure.

Nagging and complaining about a lack of intimacy in the relationship is not "out of control."

And what should the man do? I don't know. How about a heartfelt "I'm so sorry you feel so alone in this relationship. I love you. What can I do to make this right?" minus the physical restraint. Is that so difficult?

This.

"We love each other. I love you very much. I'm sorry we've grown so far apart. Let's talk about this, sweetheart, because you're really angry and I didn't know. We can make this better."

That would work if it was a man or a woman who was upset. Physical restraint, I suspect, will fuck everything up.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Agreed. They're so steeped in Christianism[tm][/tm] that they'd be terrified to acknowledge their own kink. Make it safe, sane, and consentual, children.

Unfortunately, they're doing what they can to get rid of the whole consensual part. Between insisting that GOD SAYS you have to submit to your man, clarifying that this means ALWAYS obeying anything (other than a direct command to violate the commandments) including having sex even if you don't want to or having more children if you don't want to, and allowing men to "lead" even to the point of giving them the right to use "manly strength" to restrain a wife, and bitter complaints about a legal system that actually has laws against assault and some rights for women who divorce or flee an abusive marriage, they aren't interested in just doing this for their own kicks. They are seriously advocating a dominant-submissive relationship model for all marriages.

[salsa]

Is this what Ken wants for his daughters? That their husbands pin them to the wall when they are "out of control" (ie, saying things the hubby doesn't want to hear)?

Sadly enough, I think so. :angry-banghead:

[GeoBQn]

Lori's last daughter just got engaged. Even in the post happily announcing her engagement, Lori was bragging that her daughter immediately expressed a desire to become a submissive wife.

[salsa]

Ken:

Wonder how often Lori needs "a pause in her control"? Someone should ask him about the time Lori claimed that he said he would spank her on SSM's blog and she said she would take the spanking any day. I'd like to see his response to that if the coward didn't delete it.

Ken:

oh and he never misbehaves?

[lilwriter85]

Lori's last daughter just got engaged. Even in the post happily announcing her engagement, Lori was bragging that her daughter immediately expressed a desire to become a submissive wife.

I noticed that. I feel sorry for both of Lori's daughters because they don't realize the fucked up beliefs that their parents have. But it appears the married daughter and the married son both married fundie lite types who believe that shit. I remember a post in which Lori happily mentioned how the married daughter Alyssa got rid of clothes that her husband didn't like. I'm sure the engaged daughter is also marrying into a similar family.

[RosyDaisy]

It sounds like Ken is trying to pull off the same BS -- as long as one is not in a rage, it's loving control, not abuse and assault.

It doesn't work that way, Ken.

No, it doesn't. It's cold, calculating, sinister, and evil.

[Koala]

Sorry to bump this thread. I was looking for a quote and I accidentally posted here instead of in the current thread. Apologies.

[docmom]

I'm glad you did. Maybe Ken will come by and comment on it.

[snarkykitty]

Sure, triggering your wife's natural "fight or flight" reflex is an act of love, isn't it?

You want to see me go crazy? Restrain me or block me from "getting away." It freaks me out to be backed into a corner and not allowed to move. Of course, with all of the medical interventions, procedures and surgeries for which I've had to be "strapped down", at those moments, my heart starts to pound and adrenaline takes over and I panic.

[FloraKitty35]

Advice for the husband of a "misbehaving" wife, from the man who seems to have taken over Lori's blog. The whole thing is worth reading just for the what the fuckery factor, but here are the highlights:

Careful there Ken. Advising men to use unlawful restraint on their wives *might* not be the best idea your masculine, manly, man brain has cooked up in a while.

Awww, that's so sweet, especially the part where the little woman kicks the big manly man in the balls.