Is this as horrible as I think? - Adoption

[higgledypiggledy]

You know, I may be a bit of a bitch about this, but I would email her or send her a private message and share with her that god offered her these two children as a gift. In reward for her willingness and faithfulness he offered her a third gift. But she has broken her promise to these two children and someday god will hold her accountable for abandoning two of her children. I would remind her that by telling these children they would become theirs, sending pictures and gifts etc.... she made a promise to them and by breaking that promise has become an oath breaker, and what does the bible say about breaking our oaths. I'm sure there is a verse about this somewhere which I would take the time to cite. I would also ask her if she considered how she would feel if she had longed for a forever family, prayed every day for one and then god answered that prayer in the form of a couple from far away, who sent gifts and pictures of their future home. Then, how would she feel if the people she had now started to thank god for and consider her parents abandoned and broke their promise. Would the child still be able to have faith in god? Could the child come to trust god and other human beings to be honest and faithful? Would the child think she was unlovable and unworthy of a family? I would share that we as human beings first learn to comprehend and love god through the medium of human love. It would probably cost me my friendship to send an email like this, but if the woman was unable to carefully consider those points, I wouldn't want her for a friend anyway.

[Courtneyb]

You know, I may be a bit of a bitch about this, but I would email her or send her a private message and share with her that god offered her these two children as a gift. In reward for her willingness and faithfulness he offered her a third gift. But she has broken her promise to these two children and someday god will hold her accountable for abandoning two of her children. I would remind her that by telling these children they would become theirs, sending pictures and gifts etc.... she made a promise to them and by breaking that promise has become an oath breaker, and what does the bible say about breaking our oaths. I'm sure there is a verse about this somewhere which I would take the time to cite. I would also ask her if she considered how she would feel if she had longed for a forever family, prayed every day for one and then god answered that prayer in the form of a couple from far away, who sent gifts and pictures of their future home. Then, how would she feel if the people she had now started to thank god for and consider her parents abandoned and broke their promise. Would the child still be able to have faith in god? Could the child come to trust god and other human beings to be honest and faithful? Would the child think she was unlovable and unworthy of a family? I would share that we as human beings first learn to comprehend and love god through the medium of human love. It would probably cost me my friendship to send an email like this, but if the woman was unable to carefully consider those points, I wouldn't want her for a friend anyway.

This. Completely.

[Austin]

You know, I may be a bit of a bitch about this, but I would email her or send her a private message and share with her that god offered her these two children as a gift. In reward for her willingness and faithfulness he offered her a third gift. But she has broken her promise to these two children and someday god will hold her accountable for abandoning two of her children. I would remind her that by telling these children they would become theirs, sending pictures and gifts etc.... she made a promise to them and by breaking that promise has become an oath breaker, and what does the bible say about breaking our oaths. I'm sure there is a verse about this somewhere which I would take the time to cite. I would also ask her if she considered how she would feel if she had longed for a forever family, prayed every day for one and then god answered that prayer in the form of a couple from far away, who sent gifts and pictures of their future home. Then, how would she feel if the people she had now started to thank god for and consider her parents abandoned and broke their promise. Would the child still be able to have faith in god? Could the child come to trust god and other human beings to be honest and faithful? Would the child think she was unlovable and unworthy of a family? I would share that we as human beings first learn to comprehend and love god through the medium of human love. It would probably cost me my friendship to send an email like this, but if the woman was unable to carefully consider those points, I wouldn't want her for a friend anyway.

Actually, there are numerous ones. Here are just two off the top of my head:

Let your 'Yes' be your yes and your 'No,' no, or you will be condemned" (James 5:12).

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:37)

And lots of others.

ETA: I agree with others who say this friend is not someone worth knowing. I would unfriend her, IRL and on FB and make it clear why. But that's me. I don't know the particulars of your friendship with her.

[jockosmom]

Simply awful. Those poor children, looking at their photos every night and probably counting the days and then finding out the people didn't want them. How terrible for those little souls! I hate the way these fundies can justify the things they want to do by claiming that God "led" them to a certain decision. That kind of rationalization can cover any nasty thing you want to get away with. Why, if the Lord told you to do thus and so, then what else can you do? :roll:

[O Latin]

One would think that a couple in that position would have had this conversation: "Okay, we met these two wonderful little children in the orphanage and are considering adopting them. But what will happen if at some point, we do end up pregnant? Will that change how we feel about the adoption?"

This.

Also, I don't know a lot about how adoptions work, but I wouldn't have sent the kids a whole bunch of pictures of their "new home" and things like that until I was absolutely 1000% sure that I was bringing those kids home, like maybe when we were in the car on the way home from the airport. As I understand it, adoptions can fall through even for well intentioned couples, and I would hate to get a child's hopes up only to have something go wrong.

[olive]

:( Unfortunately, most of the time that people say God has told them something or other, it's just an utterance of their own opinion and preference with the supposed authority of confirmation from the Divine. This is of course a dreadfull and disturbing sitation, as it not only gives people an excuse in their own minds to do things plainly against teachings of Scripture, but it belittles the true cause of Christ and presumptuously seeks to discredit the true leading of God in the life of a born again believer.

May God bless your friend, and lead them into doing the right thing.

[maybeizfundie]

That is a really terrible thing to do to those children. :( It's a shame they're blaming God for it (he called them to adopt and then, poof! reversed the calling???) but it's a viewpoint that I've seen that's not exclusive to fundies. It's entitlement. I *want* a kid. I will *get* a kid, somehow. If I have to adopt, I will but only if I can't have my own bio kids. That's a really, really, really poor place to seek adoption from, particularly because it's so negative for the adopted kids. :(

We know a beautiful young Ethiopian gal, who was adopted in her teens with two others (a brother, a sister, and her--they were good friends), and that was a success. But prior to that, another family had wanted to adopt her along with two younger children. They took her all the way to the capital city and started the process, but then dumped her when it became clear that their ideas (that she would essentially nanny the little children) and hers (that she was going to become an actual daughter) were different. :x THey sent her all the way back down country, and she was incredibly fortunate that the couple adopting her friend and her friend's brother were open to a third child.

[Mompom]

The only thing that I can think of is that the kids maybe had some issues like sexually acting out towards other children or violence? If that were the case, then I could see not going through with it. But if not, then this is absolutely horrible, vile, and selfish. She should be ashamed and I kind of think someone should say something.

We know some people that did the exact same thing with a little toddler. They named her, fundraised, everything, I believe they had even met her and had a day for her coming to their home... then got pregnant and cancelled the adoption. Not only that, but they also had an older girl who also knew about the baby they were going to adopt. We used to support them as missionaries, but no longer. I can't support someone who has such a casual idea of a child's life and who didn't recognize the loss the older daughter would have felt after her "new sister" wasn't coming home.

What is wrong with people? Make it work. It's not THAT hard to have three kids. I have three, one with special needs, one adopted, and one with medical issues. It has been very, very hard, yes. But worth it and I take their feelings seriously. They are humans, right? Lives that we should protect and cherish?? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I think they should have taken their feelings into account from the beginning. Families aren't a trophy case.

[Turtle]

Definitely a horrible thing to do.

When I was in college, I did a summer language immersion independent study program hosted by my university where we were placed with a host family that spoke little/no English (I was learning Spanish, so I went to Peru) and then we were placed in a work/study program with a non-profit related somewhat to our feild of study. So, early childhood ed/development/psychology students volunteered at a children's home under the guidence of the professionals working there. Anyway, there were constantly church groups visiting the area doing the passing out bibles/tracts in English thing (lol) who would ask to come and work on short term construction type projects at the children's home. Generally the male "missionaries" would do the construction and the female ones would want to play with the kids, ect. There was a constant issue with them picking favorites and giving personal gifts to one particular kid.

The director of the home kept a really careful watch. If the missionaries wrote letters, gave gifts, ect. they were all thoroughly read and sometimes even re-distributed to other kids or censored (almost always written in English, so not hard to do). At first I thought it was harsh to be so controlling or re-distribute gifts that were intended for a particular child, but she explained how the serious majority of the letters would contain promises, ranging from "I promise to come back to see you next summer" to "I wish you could come live with me in the U.S.". She was really really protective of every child that came through those doors.

I can only hope that those kids were protected or sheilded at least a little bit from your friends.

[FundiesInMyFamily]

It really chaps my ass when somthing good happens its because "god laid in on my heart" and when somthing bad happens "god led us in another direction" ect ect ect... why can't these people take posession and own ANY freakin decision they make???? I'm not christian, but isn't it generally accepted among christians that god gave us free will??? Free will means you make your own decisions and then you take responsibility for your actions, good or bad.

My parents tried for 5+ years and couldn't get pregnant, so they adopted my sister. RIGHT after they brought her home (I think she was a few months old) they got pregnant with me. They were thrilled! We are sisters in every way, and although its never been a secret that she's adopted none of us ever think of her that way. People even comment all the time how we look alike and we just laugh.

These people make me sick!

[lilah]

I think that's awful behavior. Terrible.

Please tell me they passed along every penny they raised to adopt those kids along to the kids when they decided not to adopt.

[olive]

why can't these people take posession and own ANY freakin decision they make???? I'm not christian, but isn't it generally accepted among christians that god gave us free will??? Free will means you make your own decisions and then you take responsibility for your actions, good or bad.

That's true...everyone has the right to make whatever decision he/she/it wants to. However, if you are born again, you are no longer your own. (read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

If you are a christian as defined by today's standard, this makes you miserable trying to submit to someone/something you don't understand or know with a series of dos and don'ts.

If you are truly born again, you trust that the God who made you and redeemed you may actually know something you don't...and faith in Him is a very relieving thing, knowing HE works all things out for the good of those who love Him. Problem is, not many truly love Him.

[demgirl]

That's true...everyone has the right to make whatever decision he/she/it wants to. However, if you are born again, you are no longer your own. (read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

If you are a christian as defined by today's standard, this makes you miserable trying to submit to someone/something you don't understand or know with a series of dos and don'ts.

If you are truly born again, you trust that the God who made you and redeemed you may actually know something you don't...and faith in Him is a very relieving thing, knowing HE works all things out for the good of those who love Him. Problem is, not many truly love Him.

I don't want to be rude, especially because I know you just started posting, but I have to honestly say I don't understand what you are saying here at all. Could you explain more?

[formergothardite]

I have no idea what happened to the money they raised. Hopefully they did something good with it, but probably not. I sent her a reply saying as nicely as I could that I thought what she did was beyond horrid and that she should be ashamed. She did not reply but immediatly after I sent it she posted this on her wall:

"It saddens me so much when I become reacquainted with someone who used to be so strong in the LORD only to discover that they have fallen to the wayside and become so entrenched with bitterness, hate and the world that they are blind to the workings of God. We can only fall on our knees and implore the LORD to break their hard hearts and bring them back into fellowship with HIM. True peace and happiness can only be found in HIS path"

I posted: "If God's path involves hurting children I'm cool with skipping out."

She deleted the comment, unfriended and blocked me. I think is it pretty safe to say that this "friendship" is over. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

[demgirl]

Nice job! High fives to you! She sounds like a real and true bitch. I'd actually be sad for her warped view of God and life, if it wasn't for what she did to those children.

[BlackHawk]

You know... this is where my stance on adoption comes in. Adoption should not be a "back up" plan. Adoption should be a thought out, well planned venture... not something to do if "XYZ don't work out". Seriously. My partner and I are working towards our first adoption. It kills me for these poor children. Don't make adoption "second best" to getting pregnant. Make it a decision for yourself and any future children you may have. Make it a decision, a conscious decision that you take on fully. Ugh... stupid people.

[formergothardite]

I wished she blogged now because I bet it would be a treasure trove of snark. I've known her since my teens and she has always been a person who the adults loved and held up as a shiny example of being a Christian but everyone else hated because she was a passive aggressive bitch. I feel sorry for her daughter and I hope she isn't able to ever have anymore kids.

[GenerationCedarchip]

You know... this is where my stance on adoption comes in. Adoption should not be a "back up" plan. Adoption should be a thought out, well planned venture... not something to do if "XYZ don't work out". Seriously. My partner and I are working towards our first adoption. It kills me for these poor children. Don't make adoption "second best" to getting pregnant. Make it a decision for yourself and any future children you may have. Make it a decision, a conscious decision that you take on fully. Ugh... stupid people.

Yes. This.

You know, I hope this woman sees this comment thread. Saying that would probably earn me a "keep sweet" talk back home, but it's still what I think.

[darareaksmey]

I have no idea what happened to the money they raised. Hopefully they did something good with it, but probably not. I sent her a reply saying as nicely as I could that I thought what she did was beyond horrid and that she should be ashamed. She did not reply but immediatly after I sent it she posted this on her wall:

"It saddens me so much when I become reacquainted with someone who used to be so strong in the LORD only to discover that they have fallen to the wayside and become so entrenched with bitterness, hate and the world that they are blind to the workings of God. We can only fall on our knees and implore the LORD to break their hard hearts and bring them back into fellowship with HIM. True peace and happiness can only be found in HIS path"

I posted: "If God's path involves hurting children I'm cool with skipping out."

She deleted the comment, unfriended and blocked me. I think is it pretty safe to say that this "friendship" is over. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

The nerve! What a bitch! (Her, not you ;) ). Well, you're right, of course; she IS bad rubbish. Obviously they don't feel an ounce of shame or a smidgen of remorse over their abandonment of children they had already promised to make a home for.

I'm pretty sure God would not direct a course of action that leaves two parentless children not only still without a family but also in a position in which they may never trust adults--or anyone--again. I hope it does not happen, but it would so be universal justice if these children grew up to become serial killers based on the hurt she and her husband inflicted.

[hoipolloi]

You know... this is where my stance on adoption comes in. Adoption should not be a "back up" plan. Adoption should be a thought out, well planned venture... not something to do if "XYZ don't work out". Seriously. My partner and I are working towards our first adoption. It kills me for these poor children. Don't make adoption "second best" to getting pregnant. Make it a decision for yourself and any future children you may have. Make it a decision, a conscious decision that you take on fully. Ugh... stupid people.

ITA.

I hope that they don't try to adopt in the future. I'd think that this the kind of behavior that, if an adoption agency knew about it, would automatically disqualify them from any consideration.

[nutella addict]

I am absolutely appalled, there are no words. This is indeed the most unChristian thing I can think of her doing to those poor children. The more outrageous things like this I see, and arguments that anyone who points out their awful behaviour is clearly not a Christian, the more I want to start my own damn blog with my loving Christian friends and take turns posting how people who truly take the message of Christ to heart to love everyone try to and should behave, along the lines of what higgeldypiggledy said. Guest posts and comments to keep me in line more than welcome if I do it. Just to try to balance out these sick, twisted interpretations. This is just disgusting. My best friend was adopted. My dad was adopted. There are even more adoptions if you go a generation or two back in my family. I need to stop reading this before my head explodes or blood boils or steam comes out of my ears or something. Those poor, poor children.

[Dinorah]

Basically when people say "God's plan for us was X" it translates as "I want to do X". I've yet to see a fundie say "God's plan for me was to give all my money to charity and live like a pauper" or something.

[Mompom]

You know... this is where my stance on adoption comes in. Adoption should not be a "back up" plan. Adoption should be a thought out, well planned venture... not something to do if "XYZ don't work out". Seriously. My partner and I are working towards our first adoption. It kills me for these poor children. Don't make adoption "second best" to getting pregnant. Make it a decision for yourself and any future children you may have. Make it a decision, a conscious decision that you take on fully. Ugh... stupid people.

Absolutely. So true. She is a bad lady. Bad bad lady. :naughty:

[Maggie Mae]

Reading that was a horrible start to my day.

Horrible, Horrible people. If "God" did, in fact, "lead them to adopt" those children, then they should adopt those children, and love them as they would love their own. If "God" than chose to give them a biological baby, that doesn't mean "god" changed his/her mind about the first one. I DONT UNDERSTAND PEOPLE.

Children are people, not possessions!

[Terrie]

You know... this is where my stance on adoption comes in. Adoption should not be a "back up" plan. Adoption should be a thought out, well planned venture... not something to do if "XYZ don't work out". Seriously. My partner and I are working towards our first adoption. It kills me for these poor children. Don't make adoption "second best" to getting pregnant. Make it a decision for yourself and any future children you may have. Make it a decision, a conscious decision that you take on fully. Ugh... stupid people.

Exactly! Adoption is different from having a biological child, yes, but that doesn't make it second best. Of course, fundies also seem to think girls are second best, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised. Disgusted, yes, but not surprised.