Jump to content
IGNORED

List of Unmarried Fundies


teachergirl

Recommended Posts

Tabitha Paine response has been hashed out a bit on the Duggar Forum.  She's been drafted into slave labor for Meechelle. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 833
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Tabitha Paine response has been hashed out a bit on the Duggar Forum.  She's been drafted into slave labor for Meechelle. 

Thanks, I try to stay out of the fray in there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda wondering why Olivia (Fresh Modesty) is not married yet.

I've wondered the same thing. My guess is that she's actually pretty insufferable in person. Just a hunch based on how self-important she comes across on the blog.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda wondering why Olivia (Fresh Modesty) is not married yet.

Lol, you could ask that about half the people we follow-- and she's on the younger end. Maybe her parents keep her on a short leash, maybe she's just not interested, maybe she feels like there's a lot on her plate. Her business seems like an actual business unlike a lot of the "home enterprises." And I think she has Lyme disease?

What I mean is, I know this subculture produces a lot of absurd situations with daughters pushing thirty and still sharing a room with little siblings, but it feels weird to me to be speculating that something must be wrong with a 22 (?) year old if she's not married yet!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Olivia has tacitly confirmed in some of her past "ask me anything" posts that she was the object of at least a couple of courtship attempts. I get the impression that her father treats Olivia and her sisters with more respect than most women get in fundie circles, and that he's allowed her to focus on other things. She's commented on the fact that they have family meetings about pretty much everything. That sounds insufferable to someone who's had the autonomy to make most of my own decisions since the age of 18, but it's extremely liberal in fundie culture. Can you imagine Steve Maxwell hosting a family meeting because Sarah wanted to go into business for herself? And agreeing that she should go on road trips alone to investigate distributors and suppliers? And allowing her to stay up late and sleep in late because she wanted to work at night? Or even allowing her to have her OWN blog where she freely expressed her opinions and focused on fashion?

The head spins.

Olivia is an oddball. I doubt her sisters will be unattached at her age (especially the youngest), but there's no denying that they've allowed her a marvelous amount of freedom. Considering the weight her opinion seems to carry with very young fundie girls, I can't help but think it's a good thing. My personal opinion is that she probably won't marry someone from her immediate community. Maybe a visiting preacher, teacher, or someone like that. She gets REALLY into the all-day bible sermons. I could definitely see her going for someone who is or wants to be a preacher.

 

Tangent (sorry, apparently I can't shut up about this): Comparing the Howards with the Maxwells is actually kind of interesting. They have similar backgrounds, in a way. Olivia's family used to be pretty mainstream, including some fairly "worldly" extra-curricular activities that compare with the Maxwell's Little League days (she broke her collarbone doing competitive gymnastics as a child, per an old blog post). Like Steve, her father became increasingly convinced that they needed to move away from the worldly distractions. Like Steve, he moved his entire family to a more rural area to participate in building a Patriarchal religious Utopia. Like the Maxwells, the Howards originally just had three children, but committed themselves to start a whole new batch and "let God decide" after they became more fundie. They had two more children at that point.

That's pretty much where the paths diverge. Olivia's mom became very sick after the last pregnancy, so they stopped when it was apparent that she couldn't physically or mentally handle more. Olivia's dad gives his daughters a lot of freedom and responsibility, and encourages them to cultivate their interests. As much as I despise the underlying message of the Howard family faith system, if I had to choose between being an adult "child" in the Howard home vs the Maxwell home, there's no question of where I'd rather be. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think Olivia is not married because she is enjoying running her business and being fairly independent. She has posted about going to a conference (some religious thing) recently by herself - no chaperones and she comments about being out and about for her business. It would take a non- fundie man to be proud and pleased with that lifestyle. Yet at the same time she can't come right out and say she wants to be an independent woman so she talks the talk but walks her own walk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, Kira said:

Remember the 11 Smiths? Daughter Amanda is engaged to Russell, a friend of the family.

11smiths.blogspot.com

How old is Amanda?

 

 

 

I don't know who these people are, but holy fuck. I thought this guy was the father, but I guess he's the fiancé? Wow.

IMG_8195 - 4x6.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I went back in the blog, found this post from 2008:

http://11smiths.blogspot.ca/2008/08/we-enjoyed-visit-from-our-friend.html

The guy's name is Russell Lewis. That's all I could find. I don't follow this family so I have no idea how old Amanda is, but in the 'about her' section that seems to have been completed in 2008, the oldest photo of her still looks really young. This is seriously disturbing. Maybe she's 30, but even if she is, he has to be at least 20+ years her senior. And if he's been a family friend for this long, he's probably known her since she was a kid. 

(Also, gotta love the fun fact in her 'about me' section where she 'faints occasionally for no apparent reason!' How funny! I'd go ahead and assume that she's had that checked out by a medical professional, but her family seems to be cool with marrying off a girl who looks about 25 to a guy who looks like he's 60, so I don't have much faith in their sanity...)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wonder which one of these two, or who was originally "convicted" that the marriage was god's will?

Snark aside, my fondest wish is that this could be a really kind and decent man who might treat her better than a younger guy.  Wonder about his history?  Divorced?  Widowed? Has (grown?) kids?  If he had a happy previous marriage, he might already know how to be a wonderful husband. 

An elderly aunt passed away in January and we're still sorting through her stuff.  I found a Texas 1962 poll tax receipt for each of them; the difference in their ages was 24 years.  It was a happy marriage until he passed away 13 years later of a heart attack. 

Don't know what a poll tax was?  Google it; a nasty part of American history. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This thread title always makes me think it's intended for single FJ'ers who are looking for a fundie spouse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually the family seems quite sweet...

For a long time nobody in the family was married except Anna. She has two children and due to an issue at her youngest child's birth, can't have anymore even though she would have wanted to.

Melissa, the oldest daughter, recently married when she was around 39, a Catholic and has a baby and is expecting Number 2.

Given that Amanda is the fourth oldest daughter, she could be very well into her mid to late 30s. Who knows, he might be a very sweet man, and they might be very happy together. Maybe she just looks younger, and her fiance looks older (kind of like Salma Hayek's husband is only 4 years old but looks like her father in some pictures). 

Their youngest son David married last year as well, so Amanda can't be 25. Son David's blog where he discusses the Gothard scandal: http://jdsmith91.blogspot.de/2014/03/gothard-part-one-sexual-abuse.html

and the family was discussed here:

http://www.freejinger.org/topic/20226-meet-the-11smiths-aka-the-11boringfundies/?page=1

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did a little snooping. The fiance is named Russell Lewis, he has a public Facebook but no word on his age. Judging by the dates on the Smith's "family photos" page, I'm guessing Amanda is 32 or 33.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The age gap is broad, but it bothers me less than a smaller age gap would with a younger fundie bride. Amanda at 33(ish) is undoubtedly sheltered and innocent of the world, but at least she isn't literally a child. Her future husband is a family friend, and someone that she has known for at least a decade. This is not something I'd choose for myself or anyone that I loved,  but I can't say that I find it as incredible as some may. She's one of many SAHD's that have aged out of the fundie "sheltered hearts" program. Her choices are to remain as a dependent in her parents' home along with a half-dozen other legal adults, or to marry someone she knows well, who can (theoretically) provide her with a home and potentially children.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On December 6, 2015 at 3:10:11 PM, Howl said:

I wonder which one of these two, or who was originally "convicted" that the marriage was god's will?

Snark aside, my fondest wish is that this could be a really kind and decent man who might treat her better than a younger guy.  Wonder about his history?  Divorced?  Widowed? Has (grown?) kids?  If he had a happy previous marriage, he might already know how to be a wonderful husband. 

An elderly aunt passed away in January and we're still sorting through her stuff.  I found a Texas 1962 poll tax receipt for each of them; the difference in their ages was 24 years.  It was a happy marriage until he passed away 13 years later of a heart attack. 

Don't know what a poll tax was?  Google it; a nasty part of American history. 

 

I used to know this guy.  He is mid-50s, I think, and as far as I know he has never been married.  I remember him as being awkward but kind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 12/6/2015, 11:10:11, Howl said:

Snark aside, my fondest wish is that this could be a really kind and decent man who might treat her better than a younger guy.  

As the saying goes, better to be an old man's darling than young man's slave.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Age difference is relevant but not a deal breaker or maker per se in my opinion - it really does depend on the people/couple. 

At the risk of sounding arrogant (which is not at all my intention!) I've never been able to relate to guys my age - I have lived/traveled in half of the world, speak multiple languages, generally have had life experiences that 90% of my peers have not had and are/were therefore not able to relate to me. The gap does narrow as time passes, but generally, older men were always much more interesting to me just because they knew/got it/had more mileage. I am in my mid thirties and my husband is 17 years my senior and there is nobody else in the world I'd rather be with. 

Now, I am not a sheltered fundie who has been chaperoned her whole life and may not have had a lot of "worldly experience" - I know what I am doing (well at least I hope so LOL). I think the fact that she's had that type of sheltered life and that the guy is/was a family friend (probably saw her growing up - yuck) are scarier factors than the age difference per se. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

Age difference is relevant but not a deal breaker or maker per se in my opinion - it really does depend on the people/couple. 

At the risk of sounding arrogant (which is not at all my intention!) I've never been able to relate to guys my age - I have lived/traveled in half of the world, speak multiple languages, generally have had life experiences that 90% of my peers have not had and are/were therefore not able to relate to me. The gap does narrow as time passes, but generally, older men were always much more interesting to me just because they knew/got it/had more mileage. I am in my mid thirties and my husband is 17 years my senior and there is nobody else in the world I'd rather be with. 

Now, I am not a sheltered fundie who has been chaperoned her whole life and may not have had a lot of "worldly experience" - I know what I am doing (well at least I hope so LOL). I think the fact that she's had that type of sheltered life and that the guy is/was a family friend (probably saw her growing up - yuck) are scarier factors than the age difference per se. 

I feel you. I have had a terrible time even just making last friendships with my peers, none the less romantic relationships. I dated someone with quite a decent age (5 years) However it was by far the happiest and healthy. We were both constantly aware of any potential power abuse and while in the end things didn't work out he is my only ex who I can truly say I am on good terms with. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, tumblr said:

I feel you. I have had a terrible time even just making last friendships with my peers, none the less romantic relationships. I dated someone with quite a decent age (5 years) However it was by far the happiest and healthy. We were both constantly aware of any potential power abuse and while in the end things didn't work out he is my only ex who I can truly say I am on good terms with. 

5 years...? Were you 16 at the time? I never would have thought of five years as a significant age difference...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, singsingsing said:

5 years...? Were you 16 at the time? I never would have thought of five years as a significant age difference...

I was in fact 16, but at least in my circles, anything more than 2 or 3 years is seen as weird. My parents are 6 years apart and my mom had to deal with questions about how she could have ever met such an older man. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, tumblr said:

I was in fact 16, but at least in my circles, anything more than 2 or 3 years is seen as weird. My parents are 6 years apart and my mom had to deal with questions about how she could have ever met such an older man. 

That's really interesting, would you mind me asking where you're from, or what your cultural background is? Definitely at 16, maybe even 20 or so, it would be an issue, but I've never heard of 5 or 6 years being seen as a big deal beyond that! (I hope I'm not coming across as snarky, I'm genuinely interested, and you don't have to answer if you're not comfortable doing so!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

That's really interesting, would you mind me asking where you're from, or what your cultural background is? Definitely at 16, maybe even 20 or so, it would be an issue, but I've never heard of 5 or 6 years being seen as a big deal beyond that! (I hope I'm not coming across as snarky, I'm genuinely interested, and you don't have to answer if you're not comfortable doing so!)

My mom's family is Italian-American, living in a small city in North PA that was at the time nearly all recent European immigrants. I think the oddity was more that my dad was in his early 30's and not married yet while my mom was 25 and not yet viewed as old to them? It's odd to me as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kimberly Mueller (21) is engaged to Joshua Palazzolo (23). Apparently they started courting last December, but sensibly, they didn't mention it on the blog.

ETA : The Muellers don't seem to have too much trouble with their kids finding spouses. I wonder what they're getting right that people like the Maxwells and their ilk are missing. From what I'd heard the Muellers are still pretty extreme, no touching engagement, Dad slips the ring on the daughter's finger type.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • FundieFarmer locked and unpinned this topic

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.