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Trouble in Paradise at LiaS?


Hisey

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Kim's oldest, Deanna, was married last year on Sept 15th. She and her husband, Tyler, did not have a honeymoon. Kim explained at the time that "everything happened so fast" they decided to do something special on their first anniversary.

That first anniversary was last month. However, the young couple was not together. Instead, Deanna posted on her blog that she was off on a 6+ week trip visiting relatives in Oregon. Presumably, Tyler did not go, as he has a job.

Doesn't it seem strange to leave your new husband for six weeks at a time, before you've even been married a year? Especially when this trip coincided with their first anniversary? And what about doing something special on that day, as they had planned?

I wonder if there are problems because Deanna has not yet conceived. I'm sure there is a lot of pressure when her mom seems to have a baby every other year.

Besides the cat, I went to Oregon to visit family from Aug 24 – Oct 6. It was fun and I really really want to move to Oregon now. It’s my ideal climate, and it’s just so darn lovely!

deannasblog.com/

[Edited by hoipolloi to remove direct link]

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I would not be surprised. I've been married for 4 months, living with my husband for one year (tomorrow) & could hardly stand the 5 days we spent apart last month while I was visiting family.

Not normal newlywed behaviour from Deanna!

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I had to leave my husband for almost 4 weeks just 6 days after we married. But it was for a job, and we had eloped. I wasn't just visiting relatives.

It also was awful and I did not like it at all.

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I thought it was strange too but I also had higher hopes for her. She has quit her job and now is staying at home to "focus" on cooking and cleaning.

For all of the talk that fundie homeschoolers do about their children being go getters, entreperneurs, smart, industrious... Deanna isn't fitting that description. You would think she would want to go to school, keep working, make more money, etc.

Kim and Perry seem to want it both way, raising fundies while allowing them culture and entertainment. I have to wonder how the older girls will turn out.

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Besides the cat, I went to Oregon to visit family from Aug 24 – Oct 6. It was fun and I really really want to move to Oregon now. It’s my ideal climate, and it’s just so darn lovely!

The Oct 6th is a typo. All those LiaS girls came back on Sept 6th. Look on her facebook page in the comments on her Sept 11th post.

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I've always suspected that Deanna had to marry quickly to either retain or regain her purity. It wouldn't surprise me at all if, after some exposure to the real world, she has realised that Tyler may not be the one and only special soulmate that God chose for her.

And she wants Ann Rice's Belinda? But doesn't read books that include adultery?

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They remind me a bit of my sister and her boyfriend, theyre even into all the same things, other than that my sister is an atheist and is kissing and moving in with someone of the opposite sex before marriage.

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I don't think that being gone 2 weeks from your newlywed spouse is a big deal. What I think is a bigger deal is that they haven't conceived after a year of marriage (hooray for them). I am extremely disappointed that she has quit her job--I wonder if her parents are pressuring her to stay home, be a housewife, and get pregnant ASAP. She seemed so bored even when she WAS working. They seem to live in a small, 1 bedroom apartment--how on earth can she fill her days with "cleaning?" How about some volunteer work, at least? Yes, I think we read somewhere that Tyler is a cancer survivor. How terrible if her family is telling her that her only duty in life is to get pregnant--what if Tyler turns out to be impotent?

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How terrible if her family is telling her that her only duty in life is to get pregnant--what if Tyler turns out to be impotent?

I read that as "what if Tyler turns out to be pregnant?" and snorted coffee out of my nose.

Anyway, he'd be infertile, not likely impotent. And I he's a cancer survivor, this is the kind of thing they know ahead of time. My cousin's 17 year old son spent the last year in treatment for testicular cancer and one of the things the doctors were VERY clear about was banking sperm before he started treatment. Infertility due to cancer treatment is one of those things they tell you about. Maybe God was going to heal him.

Or maybe they're using birth control and hoping everyone blames it on treatment-related side effects. Hell, if I'd grown up the way that girl has, I'd wait a whole for kids too, and they have a GREAT excuse.

As for the first wedding anniversary........we forgot about ours until two days later, when someone asked is how we'd celebrated. Oops. Our 15th anniversary was yesterday. He got me flowers, I have him a candy bar. Some people are a little deficient in the romance department.

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I read that as "what if Tyler turns out to be pregnant?" and snorted coffee out of my nose.

Anyway, he'd be infertile, not likely impotent. And I he's a cancer survivor, this is the kind of thing they know ahead of time. My cousin's 17 year old son spent the last year in treatment for testicular cancer and one of the things the doctors were VERY clear about was banking sperm before he started treatment. Infertility due to cancer treatment is one of those things they tell you about. Maybe God was going to heal him.

Or maybe they're using birth control and hoping everyone blames it on treatment-related side effects. Hell, if I'd grown up the way that girl has, I'd wait a whole for kids too, and they have a GREAT excuse.

As for the first wedding anniversary........we forgot about ours until two days later, when someone asked is how we'd celebrated. Oops. Our 15th anniversary was yesterday. He got me flowers, I have him a candy bar. Some people are a little deficient in the romance department.

The candy bar would work for me! :D

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On her latest blog.

I am sure there is pressure to have a baby, after all it is what her parents did. Kim is only 40 so do the math. Marry young, have kids young before you can question whether this is right for you. There may be hope for her yet, I just can't imagine Tyler is on board with this. Do we know anything about his background?

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On her latest blog.

I am sure there is pressure to have a baby, after all it is what her parents did. Kim is only 40 so do the math. Marry young, have kids young before you can question whether this is right for you. There may be hope for her yet, I just can't imagine Tyler is on board with this. Do we know anything about his background?

He was home schooled, and he attends the same church as the Coghlans, although I don't know if he did before marrying Deanna.

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Speaking of their church (which I believe is some sort of conservative Presbyterian), did you catch this gem on the LiaS blog. Kim is speaking about a recent Sunday morning mishap making communion bread--they thought they might have to run to the store to buy some bread:

". Our local grocery store specializes in delightful artisan breads with add-ins like cranberries, pistachios, walnuts and poppy seeds. They are delicious but very, very tough, which would provide some good comic relief as the heads of household tried to wrestle a chunk from the pastor."

I interpret that as, in their church, individual congregants don't take communion directly from the pastor--the heads of household take the bread and distribute it to their families.

Boy, does that raise my liberal protestant hackles. So you don't even get to commune with the body and blood of Christ directly?--you have to do it through your daddy or husband?

Protestantism--you're doing it wrong!!

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I read that as "what if Tyler turns out to be pregnant?" and snorted coffee out of my nose.

Anyway, he'd be infertile, not likely impotent. And I he's a cancer survivor, this is the kind of thing they know ahead of time. My cousin's 17 year old son spent the last year in treatment for testicular cancer and one of the things the doctors were VERY clear about was banking sperm before he started treatment. Infertility due to cancer treatment is one of those things they tell you about. Maybe God was going to heal him.

Or maybe they're using birth control and hoping everyone blames it on treatment-related side effects. Hell, if I'd grown up the way that girl has, I'd wait a whole for kids too, and they have a GREAT excuse.

As for the first wedding anniversary........we forgot about ours until two days later, when someone asked is how we'd celebrated. Oops. Our 15th anniversary was yesterday. He got me flowers, I have him a candy bar. Some people are a little deficient in the romance department.

My husband and I have been together for 16 years. We've forgotten our anniversary every year. It's just a busy time of year for us, we're not into that sort of thing and about a week afterwards, one of us will say "Hey, wasn't it out anniversary last week?" Then we spend 5 minutes trying to figure out if it even was our anniversary, laugh about it and move on.

Anniversaries aren't a big thing for everyone.

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I interpret that as, in their church, individual congregants don't take communion directly from the pastor--the heads of household take the bread and distribute it to their families.

Boy, does that raise my liberal protestant hackles. So you don't even get to commune with the body and blood of Christ directly?--you have to do it through your daddy or husband?

Protestantism--you're doing it wrong!!

I am making this post as gender neutral and non-identifying as possible. I hope everyone understands.

I know someone who visited their church once due to a family obligation - basically heavily pressured to attend. Thankfully, this person no longer feels they must attend family gatherings with these family members. They have only attended once and was completely aghast at how the communion was conducted. If you are a woman, and you have no male with you, another male from the church has to retrieve your communion. So, you have to ask a man to get it for you because women are NOT allowed to get their own communion.

The man goes up to the pastor, he takes a drink of wine from a large cup and consumes his bread. Then, he takes that large cup and some bread back to their family members to consume. Before the communion, the pastor went into this really odd and long admonishment and lecture about taking communion if you do not have a true covenant with the Lord.

The church did not feel very welcoming at all. It felt to them VERY VERY cultish or as this person says - very children of the corn. All the kids sat with their parents even though the church population was very small. Unlike larger or mid-size churches where you see at least some kids sitting together with their friends during service. You could not pay this person to step foot into that church again.

To this person, they felt the church members were drinking a lot of beer and wine at the after church potluck at one of the church members homes. This is coming from someone who is not in the least anti-drinking and has a wonderfully stocked bar at their home. What is truly bewildering is that they heard more than one man say, that they wished men would teach young "men" how to drink like a Christian (whatever that means). This was a couple years ago, and they still talk about how weird the experience was.

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My husband and I have been together for 16 years. We've forgotten our anniversary every year. It's just a busy time of year for us, we're not into that sort of thing and about a week afterwards, one of us will say "Hey, wasn't it out anniversary last week?" Then we spend 5 minutes trying to figure out if it even was our anniversary, laugh about it and move on.

Anniversaries aren't a big thing for everyone.

We're horrible about remembering. I remember heading out in the car having a discussion about whether it was the 30 or the 31. I "won" because my mom called on the 30, and she'd remember. We sometimes celebrate, but not often. We try and do nice things to / for each other regularly so the anniversary isn't a big deal.

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I interpret that as, in their church, individual congregants don't take communion directly from the pastor--the heads of household take the bread and distribute it to their families.

Boy, does that raise my liberal protestant hackles. So you don't even get to commune with the body and blood of Christ directly?--you have to do it through your daddy or husband?

Protestantism--you're doing it wrong!!

That's the case for the S'Morton's whole group. One of the "perks" of betrothal was getting to take communion from your significant other. :(

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Wow, this blows my mind. I was always taught that one of the whole points of the Protestant Reformation was to bring worshippers in more direct contact with God. Adding a layer of daddy between you and the pastor seems to be missing the entire point. [and certainly not something what Jesus would be into--but Fundies often seem to totally misunderstand what Jesus would be into!]

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yep, I don't think they attend Bourne Christian (Dougie's church) but no, women are not allowed to take communion alone. I suspect then that they remain silent as well. Great huh? Jesus TOTALLY didn't want women to speak in church.

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That's the case for the S'Morton's whole group. One of the "perks" of betrothal was getting to take communion from your significant other. :(

Remind me who it is they worship not only above all else but to the exclusion of all things?

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yep, I don't think they attend Bourne Christian (Dougie's church) but no, women are not allowed to take communion alone. I suspect then that they remain silent as well. Great huh? Jesus TOTALLY didn't want women to speak in church.

I'm fairly certain this is the church they attend:

christcovenantsa.org/

Their constitution contains such gems as:

  

Only males shall be ordained to church office.

and

the believing husband is normally designated to be the head of household

and

C. Voting, Electors, and Quorum

Only the following individuals, called electors, shall be entitled to vote at meetings (rare exceptions may be granted by the Session in unique situations):

1) Male heads of household, who have been communicant members for at least six months, and who have been approved by the Session.

2) Unmarried males who have been communicant members for at least six months and who are independent of their parents may be considered as a household for purposes of voting.

Female communicant members that do not have male voting representation shall communicate their concerns and opinions by way of the Session.

Charming...

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We're horrible about remembering. I remember heading out in the car having a discussion about whether it was the 30 or the 31. I "won" because my mom called on the 30, and she'd remember. We sometimes celebrate, but not often. We try and do nice things to / for each other regularly so the anniversary isn't a big deal.

You couldn't rely on my mum. She called us one year to wish us Happy Anniversary. We were like "oh cool, thanks, we'd forgotten". 10 minutes later we realised our anniversary was actually the previous day. :lol: :lol: Some things just aren't that important to some people.

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