Abigail Miscarried

[lovemygsp]

I am 14w pregnant right now (1st after fertility issues and a miscarriage before) and don't follow this blogger but it makes me very sad. I can't even image. :(

[GeoBQn]

Abigail is getting a free plot from a local cemetery. The Catholic cemetery hasn't returned her calls.

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2013/10/more-miscarriage-notes.html

[dairyfreelife]

I've been reading her blog to get to "know" her more and it's really strange. She acts like she's constantly suffering by not being pregnant but she has 6 kids. She also then whines about wanting to be away from them. So why have more? She goes around in circles. And I'm sorry but her job is to pray for the world? Then she writes posts about being bad at prayer and hoping for prayer time to end? What the ever-loving hell? How does her husband not turn and run in the other direction? What a narcissist.

She also tries to claim infertility as well, which is very odd as she's not had much issue at all with getting pregnant. Even in her longest gap between children, she had a miscarriage, so she still is not really struggling with infertility. It is usually after a solid year of actively trying...and not breastfeeding as that can delay cycles and prevent ovulation. She was upset after her last baby and getting her period again and how infertility sucks. It's like, lady you have an infant and are still breastfeeding, so you are not infertile at all and what an insult that is to people who are truly infertile to claim infertility after seven pregnancies and five healthy children. She is one really messed up person who I wish would consider seeking professional help.

[Stephanie66]

This may sound mean, but she needs to suck it up for her son's birthday. Jackie Kennedy buried her husband, then had a 3rd birthday for their son John. It's what mothers do.

[lilwriter85]

This may sound mean, but she needs to suck it up for her son's birthday. Jackie Kennedy buried her husband, then had a 3rd birthday for their son John. It's what mothers do.

I kind of agree with you. The latest posting by Abigail irritated me. First off her whining about the Catholic cemetery not having free plots for infants annoyed me a bit. I feel sorry for her, but she comes off as a bit entitled in regards to the Catholic cemetery. I can see that would have been nice for the Catholic cemetery to provide a free plot for a Catholic family dealing with a miscarriage. She should at least be glad for the Baby Land plot and not bitch about the Catholic cemetery.

I agree she does need to suck it up for her son's birthday.

[Jana814]

This may sound mean, but she needs to suck it up for her son's birthday. Jackie Kennedy buried her husband, then had a 3rd birthday for their son John. It's what mothers do.

Agree w/ u! I remember hearing that about Jackie Kennedy she wanted to make him happy. A difference between these 2 women r Jackie had the whole country behind her where as Abigail does not.

[salex]

I really do feel sadly for her, as snarky as I have been. A loss is a loss.

I honestly do not know if I would have a funeral for a less-than-viable fetus. But I don't find it even eye-rolling that she wants to and needs to to complete her grief process. However, funerals are expensive (she wrote about "not wanting to bury it by the swing set") and if she can't afford food, then on a strictly pragmatic level, it might be an unnecessary expense. Many funeral homes will do the services for children for free, but I think it is pushing it to ask any funeral home to provide gratis services for miscarriage less than 20 weeks. Also, is she planning on a headstone, etc?

I do feel horrible for her. I can't even imagine going in to see your baby on ultrasound and learn the gender, etc, and then no heartbeat. How sad.

Our pregnancy loss was at the point that either state laws required or the hospital social workers encouraged cremation (not sure what they would have done for people who are against cremation) and there is a local mortuary that cremates infants and stillborn babies for free--the hospital social workers managed the whole thing for us.

While we didn't have a funeral, we did attend a "Remembrance Service" at a local church (that we ended up joining and attending for a few years) that they hold every year the Sunday evening before Christmas for anyone in their church or community that had a loss in the previous year (or, really, ever) that wanted to have some support around the holidays. Since our baby was due on Dec. 24, even though we lost the pregnancy a while before that, this was as close to a real funeral as we would have ever done. The ashes are in a box in a cedar chest and will be buried with one of us when we die. I will say, I was having a hard Christmas that year, and the service was helpful. I would think that many people could do a small memorial on their own -- and a kind priest might say a prayer.

I also will say that I went to an online pregnancy loss support group for a while (I had a panic attack when I tried to go to the in person one) and people had photos and headstones for babies much younger than 20 weeks. As the support group continued, I was not sure that was helpful for the people involved. I weaned off the support group, but will say, the grief hit me far harder than I would ever have expected it to.

[lovemygsp]

Ooooh she's that poster?!? Pfft screw her. She doesn't know what infertility is like and needs a good smack of reality. I remember being so enraged when I read that post. Ugh. Just seeing it mentioned makes my blood pressure get a bit higher.

[Arete]

Agree w/ u! I remember hearing that about Jackie Kennedy she wanted to make him happy. A difference between these 2 women r Jackie had the whole country behind her where as Abigail does not.

Actually, the difference between them is that Jackie Kennedy put her child's needs before her own. Abigail wouldn't know the needs of her children even if those needs came up and presented her with a written complaint.

[Stephanie66]

I kind of agree with you. The latest posting by Abigail irritated me. First off her whining about the Catholic cemetery not having free plots for infants annoyed me a bit. I feel sorry for her, but she comes off as a bit entitled in regards to the Catholic cemetery. I can see that would have been nice for the Catholic cemetery to provide a free plot for a Catholic family dealing with a miscarriage. She should at least be glad for the Baby Land plot and not bitch about the Catholic cemetery.

I agree she does need to suck it up for her son's birthday.

I am amazed, really, that a cemetery is giving away free plots for miscarriages. This opens up a whole new bunch of dilemmas. I guess the cemetery is really hoping that full burials for miscarriages doesn't become a normal thing. I understand doing free services and free burial plots for uninsured children as a community service, but how far do they go? Her miscarriage was at 14 weeks.

I know this is completely different, but we had our beloved dog cremated. We aren't sure what we are doing with his ashes yet, but he has a nice receptacle until then. I noticed on her blog that Abigail can not even afford a casket (less than $200) for Leo. I *almost* want to send her the money, as my dog has a nicer receptacle than a shoe box or whatever she is doing. (I could send her my dog's--it's big enough and solid wood-but it has "Louie" etched in it.)

[miffy]

Whilst I don't doubt that its very upsetting to miscarry, it wasn't at a viable age. Having a funeral for a stillborn child (ie after 20 weeks) is reasonable & understandable, but 15 weeks is strange.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I think her priest has probably gone a bit rogue.

This gave me a World of Warcraft flashback.

[Jana814]

Whilst I don't doubt that its very upsetting to miscarry, it wasn't at a viable age. Having a funeral for a stillborn child (ie after 20 weeks) is reasonable & understandable, but 15 weeks is strange.

This!!

[lilwriter85]

Whilst I don't doubt that its very upsetting to miscarry, it wasn't at a viable age. Having a funeral for a stillborn child (ie after 20 weeks) is reasonable & understandable, but 15 weeks is strange.

I agree with this.

[sparkles]

Whilst I don't doubt that its very upsetting to miscarry, it wasn't at a viable age. Having a funeral for a stillborn child (ie after 20 weeks) is reasonable & understandable, but 15 weeks is strange.

For most people, yes. But this is Abigail. She is NOT most people.

And thank the FSM for THAT.

[anjulibai]

How diez she know it was a boy? Sex usn't supposed to be visible before 16 weeks, and even then, they usually wait for the 20 week ultrasound. Most women don't have ultrasounds at 14 weeks at all.

[Koala]

How diez she know it was a boy? Sex usn't supposed to be visible before 16 weeks, and even then, they usually wait for the 20 week ultrasound. Most women don't have ultrasounds at 14 weeks at all.

She doesn't. She believed her fist miscarried child was a boy as well.

[singsingsing]

Fundies always assume the miscarried fetus was male, if they assign it a sex at all. I have never seen a single one assume that it would have been a girl. That always bugs me, especially when they make references to their son, or assign 'him' a name. What if it was going to be a girl?

[NurseNell]

How does she know it was a boy? Sex isn't supposed to be visible before 16 weeks, and even then, they usually wait for the 20 week ultrasound. Most women don't have ultrasounds at 14 weeks at all.

She just knows, it's Leo and his absence from the family unit just ruined her Sunday. Yet he really was absent because she hasn't passed anything yet. I would usually never snark on a miscarriage, it is a very sad situation for most women. But she is making it difficult not to. She still hasn't expelled anything. What happens if she doesn't and she has to have a D&C? Either way, anything that passes isn't going to look like a baby. I hope to God she doesn't make her kids look at it.

I'm worried the homeschooling means that now I think I can do everything at home--including funeral parlor work.

She is really just.too.much. :angry-banghead: Her poor children aren't learning much of anything from her homeschooling except how to play the martyr role. She is so much in need of psychiatric help.

[Coconut Flan]

Maybe she isn't telling the whole story. They would do an ultrasound at 14 weeks if something seemed wrong or off. I don't like their assumption that all miscarriages are male either. I guess they can't accept not knowing.

[GeoBQn]

She said that going to Mass after finding out was difficult, but she comforted herself by thinking about "Mary going to her first Mass after Jesus' death."

I'm not sure if it is the grief talking, or if she is being metaphorical, or if she actually believes that Mary attended a full Catholic Mass in 34 C.E.

[sparkles]

I usually feel bad about snarking on Abigail (I try to keep it to a minimum) because something just doesn't seem right with her, but she makes it so easy. She seems desperately unhappy, like so many fundies, and tries to justify that unhappiness through piety.

The whole funeral for a miscarriage though...I don't know. I'm fortunate that I got pregnant fairly easily and that one pregnancy went to term. My sister did miscarry fairly early on but to be honest, she pretty much brushed it off. And I did have one friend who went into early labor at 26 weeks--sadly, the baby girl only lived for a few hours--but that's whole 'nother thing. So I'm hardly one to judge how someone else processes this kind of loss. But Abigail's reaction just seems OTT, as does everything in her world. And it doesn't help that it reminds me of the passage from The Handmaid's Tale that describes the Econowives' procession with the black jar.

[Koala]

She just knows, it's Leo and his absence from the family unit just ruined her Sunday. Yet he really was absent because she hasn't passed anything yet. I would usually never snark on a miscarriage, it is a very sad situation for most women. But she is making it difficult not to. She still hasn't expelled anything. What happens if she doesn't and she has to have a D&C? Either way, anything that passes isn't going to look like a baby. I hope to God she doesn't make her kids look at it.

She is really just.too.much. :angry-banghead: Her poor children aren't learning much of anything from her homeschooling except how to play the martyr role. She is so much in need of psychiatric help.

I totally agree with all of this. I think it's all made worse by the fact that Abigail LOVES to be the martyr, and she seems to relish in telling us word for word of every painful detail of this miscarriage. Last I checked she was comparing herself to Mary after the death of Jesus on the cross- really.

She also mentions snapping at the poor 9 year old on his birthday. :cry:

I have said it before, I have the utmost empathy for women who suffer miscarriages. I had 2 and neither were pleasant events. But this? I get the horrible feeling that it just = more attention for Abigail.

[lilwriter85]

She just knows, it's Leo and his absence from the family unit just ruined her Sunday. Yet he really was absent because she hasn't passed anything yet. I would usually never snark on a miscarriage, it is a very sad situation for most women. But she is making it difficult not to. She still hasn't expelled anything. What happens if she doesn't and she has to have a D&C? Either way, anything that passes isn't going to look like a baby. I hope to God she doesn't make her kids look at it.

She is really just.too.much. :angry-banghead: Her poor children aren't learning much of anything from her homeschooling except how to play the martyr role. She is so much in need of psychiatric help.

I hope so too. I know many women wouldn't make their kids view that, but Abigail has proven to be way out there.

[browngrl]

How diez she know it was a boy? Sex usn't supposed to be visible before 16 weeks, and even then, they usually wait for the 20 week ultrasound. Most women don't have ultrasounds at 14 weeks at all.

*tiny snark free interval*

I don't have much positive to say about Abigail but where I am - many many women have an ultrasound at 11 - 14 weeks - it is pretty standard in fact. It is used as part of an integrated prenatal screen. Also you can tell the sex at that scan - not as accurately as on the anatomy study later on of course but it is possible. It can be particularly useful if you are looking for a sex linked disorder. I don't know what will happen in the future with cell free fetal dna testing (can determine the fetal genetic profile with a blood test done on the mother - so no risk to the fetus and stunningly accurate in most cases) but right now I do tons and tons on ultrasounds at this stage.

*please return to your regularly scheduled snarking*