Abigail Miscarried

[formergothardite]

She said that going to Mass after finding out was difficult, but she comforted herself by thinking about "Mary going to her first Mass after Jesus' death."

I'm not sure if it is the grief talking, or if she is being metaphorical, or if she actually believes that Mary attended a full Catholic Mass in 34 C.E.

The idea of someone believing that Mary hopped off to attend Mass right after Jesus was crucified is amusing. :lol: There is something wrong with Abigail and I worry for her children.

[dilannsmom]

How diez she know it was a boy? Sex usn't supposed to be visible before 16 weeks, and even then, they usually wait for the 20 week ultrasound. Most women don't have ultrasounds at 14 weeks at all.

I am not a doctor, or a nurse, or in any way associated with the medical field, but I swear that I have heard that male embryos are much more "delicate" than female embryos--XY is missing the last "leg" (vs. XX). That is why boy boy twins are the most rare? Anybody know if there is truth to this? (And I'm not saying that Abigail knew the sex or is just assuming male.)

[alaeangelorum]

The idea of someone believing that Mary hopped off to attend Mass right after Jesus was crucified is amusing. :lol: There is something wrong with Abigail and I worry for her children.

I missed that when I first read it... have to say, to me it reads like she actually thinks Mary was a Catholic, though hopefully it is just that she hasn't thought the idea through.

[alaeangelorum]

I am not a doctor, or a nurse, or in any way associated with the medical field, but I swear that I have heard that male embryos are much more "delicate" than female embryos--XY is missing the last "leg" (vs. XX). That is why boy boy twins are the most rare? Anybody know if there is truth to this? (And I'm not saying that Abigail knew the sex or is just assuming male.)

Not sure about the male embryos being more delicate... what I have heard (though cannot immediately back up, so may be just hearsay) is that slightly more male babies are born, but they have an slight increased likelihood of dying within the first year. Girl preemies are likely to do a bit better than boys as well, as far as I remember.

[Iokaste]

I am not a doctor, or a nurse, or in any way associated with the medical field, but I swear that I have heard that male embryos are much more "delicate" than female embryos--XY is missing the last "leg" (vs. XX). That is why boy boy twins are the most rare? Anybody know if there is truth to this? (And I'm not saying that Abigail knew the sex or is just assuming male.)

Also not a doctor, nurse or midwife but I remember learning in Biology about how the boy-fetus is more fragile due to the difference in chromosones from the mother, the XX-mother will "read" the XY-fetus as an abnormality and start producing anti-hormones.

Bonus info: some geneticists believe this is why statistically the more older brothers a boy has the more likely it is that he is gay, since with each boy-pregnancy a women will have more anti-hormones in her body, which influences the male-fetus.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Thats interesting, cause my mom always had more trouble carrying my brothers than she did with us girls.

I feel sorry for the younger boys in a quiverfull family where there is loads of boys, if statistically they are more likely to be gay. I imagine it racks up a lot if you have about eight older brothers, and if youre gay in that lifestyle, all options suck-you can either stay in the closet, marry a woman you dont love in that way and be unhappy, or get shunned by the rest of your family and have to leave everything youve ever known.

[chaotic life]

I encourage women who miscarry to assign a sex to the baby if that is what the need for their grief. I did so with all three of mine. It doesn't matter if I'm correct, only that it gives a tangible connection with a lost child. So, I really cannot snark on her for declaring it yet another boy and giving the child a name.

That said, as a parent you suck up and deal. She blogged about having to crawl out on her hands and knees to make lunch for her baby and toddler with the first miscarriage and otherwise leaving them entirely unsupervised. Now she cannot accomplish a birthday celebration for her living child.

My second miscarriage occurred on my child's first birthday. Yes it sucked but you don't sacrifice the living for what was lost, plain and simple. My third miscarriage occurred on Christmas Eve--that Totally sucked but there was no I was ruing Christmas for my children. This is what is required as a grown-up, to put the needs of the children in your care ahead of you.

[FloraKitty35]

I have no children of my own and I am sure that must be a sad and painful experience, but if you have other children shouldn't they take priority?

[Aurora rising]

I encourage women who miscarry to assign a sex to the baby if that is what the need for their grief. I did so with all three of mine. It doesn't matter if I'm correct, only that it gives a tangible connection with a lost child. So, I really cannot snark on her for declaring it yet another boy and giving the child a name.

I did it with mine as well. I´m sorry for your losses! *hugs* (if you want)

[Jana814]

I have no children of my own and I am sure that must be a sad and painful experience, but if you have other children shouldn't they take priority?

This!! Unfortually I don't think Abigail would do that!

[lovemygsp]

How diez she know it was a boy? Sex usn't supposed to be visible before 16 weeks, and even then, they usually wait for the 20 week ultrasound. Most women don't have ultrasounds at 14 weeks at all.

Well I'm going for my sex determination ultrasound today at 14w3d. There are blood tests they do now that can tell you at 10w and its apart of genetics screening tests. They usually do it for all at risk mothers if they want. Science is pretty awesome for those of us who are impatient.

[Jana814]

That said, as a parent you suck up and deal. She blogged about having to crawl out on her hands and knees to make lunch for her baby and toddler with the first miscarriage and otherwise leaving them entirely unsupervised. Now she cannot accomplish a birthday celebration for her living child.

My second miscarriage occurred on my child's first birthday. Yes it sucked but you don't sacrifice the living for what was lost, plain and simple. My third miscarriage occurred on Christmas Eve--that Totally sucked but there was no I was ruing Christmas for my children. This is what is required as a grown-up, to put the needs of the children in your care ahead of you.

Completely agree with your statement!! So sorry for the losses, but u r right when u have other kids u HAVE to put their needs ahead of yours. I don't think Abigail does that.

[Coconut Flan]

There are people who like to wallow in grief and do things to prolong their grief whether it's intentional or not. Abigail seems to fall in that category.

[lilah]

I think it's worth noting that she and her husband are both carriers for the cystic fibrosis gene and every child they have, they roll the dice they will have a child with cystic fibrosis. It is in fact possible that both children she miscarried had cystic fibrosis. She claimed herself that even if none of her children lived to adulthood because they had a chronic disease. she would be okay with that. This why she has chosen to have children without any sort of genetic counseling or IVF or anything because she's a catholic. she talks all about it here (abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2007/12/help-of-holy-innocents.html)

If she is this undone by a miscarriage I don't know how she will function if she had a child or two with CF>

[chaotic life]

If she is this undone by a miscarriage I don't know how she will function if she had a child or two with CF

She won't. I've had three miscarries and not even the one I lost at 14.5 weeks could have possibly prepared me for the soul wrenching agony of watching my son die of Cystic Fibrosis.

I've even worked with terminal patients and he was NOT the first person I watched die. CF is horrendous and it is far worse at the end than even I could have imagined. There are things I would only EVER discuss if I were preparing someone who was watching a loved one die of this disease, that is how traumatizing it was to survive. And that is nothing compared to what it is like to wake up every morning and NOT have my son here to greet me, to watch him run and play and to even watch him struggle with his Autism.

[lovemygsp]

I think it's worth noting that she and her husband are both carriers for the cystic fibrosis gene and every child they have, they roll the dice they will have a child with cystic fibrosis. It is in fact possible that both children she miscarried had cystic fibrosis. She claimed herself that even if none of her children lived to adulthood because they had a chronic disease. she would be okay with that. This why she has chosen to have children without any sort of genetic counseling or IVF or anything because she's a catholic. she talks all about it here (abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2007/12/help-of-holy-innocents.html)

If she is this undone by a miscarriage I don't know how she will function if she had a child or two with CF>

Wow. She really is a horrible person isn't she.

[crazyforkate]

Semi-OT. I know some (if not most) genetic conditions are more likely to result in miscarriage, even if many people are born alive with the condition. Is this true of CF? If, say, both parents are carriers and have a miscarriage, would it be more likely that the child had the genes? Just wondering.

[slickcat79]

Semi-OT. I know some (if not most) genetic conditions are more likely to result in miscarriage, even if many people are born alive with the condition. Is this true of CF? If, say, both parents are carriers and have a miscarriage, would it be more likely that the child had the genes? Just wondering.

AFAIK, there is no evidence of that. We had some discussion about it the last time Abigail's reckless reproduction was brought up.

Assuming she's being truthful about hers and her husband's carrier status, she has beaten the odds by having 5 children with no instances of CF. Of course, she could be lying about or exaggerating the chances. It would be just like her.

[Koala]

AFAIK, there is no evidence of that. We had some discussion about it the last time Abigail's reckless reproduction was brought up.

Assuming she's being truthful about hers and her husband's carrier status, she has beaten the odds by having 5 children with no instances of CF. Of course, she could be lying about or exaggerating the chances. It would be just like her.

I think there's a high probability of that...given that she found her stay in daycare comparable to being an orphan in a 3rd world country.

[Stephanie66]

She should read this:

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/ ... ring_.html

"If I had known Ronan had Tay-Sachs (I met with two genetic counselors and had every standard prenatal test available to me, including the one for Tay-Sachs, which did not detect my rare mutation, and therefore I waived the test at my CVS procedure), I would have found out what the disease meant for my then unborn child; I would have talked to parents who are raising (and burying) children with this disease, and then I would have had an abortion. Without question and without regret, although this would have been a different kind of loss to mourn and would by no means have been a cavalier or uncomplicated, heartless decision. I'm so grateful that Ronan is my child. I also wish he'd never been born; no person should suffer in this way—daily seizures, blindness, lack of movement, inability to swallow, a devastated brain—with no hope for a cure. Both of these statements are categorically true; neither one is mutually exclusive."

I understand that CF is not Tay Sachs, but she said that her children would get the WORST kind of CF. So she at least needs to know what she is sentencing her child to before she subjects him/her to it. She made her decision to go through with all pregnancies without any understanding at all, over dinner at Bob Evans. I think her potentially suffering children at least deserve the knowledge that yes, their parents KNEW what they would be going through.

[GeoBQn]

Thanks for posting that. My husband and I took two days off of work and took an overnight trip to another state to get the most comprehensive genetic testing we could just so we could give our future children the best chance we can at a healthy life. If we ever had a child with a genetic disease that I could have prevented, I would never be able to forgive myself.

[Stephanie66]

I am choosing to believe that Abigail is not *really* telling the truth. I can't imagine any parent being that casual about giving their potential children death sentences.

[singsingsing]

Sadly I think that in this case she IS telling the truth. She has a sick love/hate relationship with suffering. She is an intensely unhappy person, but she craves suffering, she can't get enough of it, she needs it to validate her existence. A child with CF = more suffering. She knows what the chances are, and at the same time she's so obsessed with having more children that she was devastated by her 'secondary infertility' (aka a 2 1/2 year gap between babies), and has given up even using NFP. I'm sure that she is genuinely mourning the loss of the child she is miscarrying, but I think she is also mourning being able to say that she has six children instead of just five. She's in her late 30s now and I think she is panicking because she needs more children to prove how Catholic she is.

[mockingbird]

I think there's a high probability of that...given that she found her stay in daycare comparable to being an orphan in a 3rd world country.

Hopefully she is... like maybe she has a distant relative with CF, or something like that. :?

I don't really have anything else to say that hasn't already been said. I would not want to choose a life of terminal illness for my child and I think it's irresponsible to gamble with fate if it's true Abigail and her husband are both carriers. My hope is that maybe in 20-30 years, we will see that Kalydeco (a drug that targets a specific CF mutation) has worked long term and have similar or better drugs for other mutations, and CF will become more of a manageable chronic disease.

[countressrascal]

There is something very fishy about her miscarriage story, according to her blog she is still walking around with a dead fetus, 10 days. Why has she not done something medically about it, I would not let a patient of mine to do this. We usually let then try to naturally miscarriage for max a week then we intervene (medically) so that there are not any further complications. Does she not understand that she can get an infection and could die. Maybe that is what she wants? Story just does not sound right.

I really want her to get professional mental health help, she needs it!!!!