Abigail Miscarried

[nausicaa]

So Abigail must still be at the manic stage of her cycle because she has another post up.

Apparently poverty means only buying her children two toys each (so I guess the little paper toys aren't the only things they're getting). And to hear Abigail tell it, looking for a few, free holiday themed kid things to do this month doesn't mean you're just another budget concious SAHM, it lifts you to a higher realm of spirituality.

I'm glad her kids are getting a Christmas, but her way to talking out of both sides of her mouth about money is driving me crazy. We get agonizingly detailed posts about the lack of heat in the small, old house, recounted conversations with aggressive bill collectors, photo updates about the empty (mini) fridge and cabinets, yet you plan on spending your husband's possible bonus on MORE toys?

I think whoever first guessed that she got her hands on her parents' credit card called it.

[nausicaa]

And whoever can get Abigail as a guest on The Suze Orman Show for a "Suze Smackdown" will have given me my ultimate Christmas gift.

[GeoBQn]

Bumping because Abigail picked out a headstone for the grave.

abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2014/02/a-hard-job.html

[Eternalbluepearl]

God! She really does just go on and on doesn't she? Always starting with these sentences for the shock value "I picked out my baby's headstone today..." Shut up, shut up, shut up, my head keeps saying to the computer. Shut up Abigail!

[Koala]

She needs help. Truly she does.

[lilwriter85]

God! She really does just go on and on doesn't she? Always starting with these sentences for the shock value "I picked out my baby's headstone today..." Shut up, shut up, shut up, my head keeps saying to the computer. Shut up Abigail!

I have to agree with you. I still sympathy for her, but at the same time I think she uses Leo to get attention.

[Rowan]

Each time, my normal supportive spouse who enjoy the creative challenges of logo design and book covers for whatever pro bono project I normally unearth during my day, this time looked at me with shock and horror. "Why the hell do you want to throw this at me right now," his blue eyes seemed to say. His lips stumbled out "I'm sure whatever you decide will be fine with me."

Translation: Stop bothering me about this, you are way overdoing things, woman!

[slickcat79]

Translation: Stop bothering me about this, you are way overdoing things, woman!

Ugh. It's like she expects him to treat "picking out baby headstone" the way he would a graphic design project at work, yet she is wallowing in melodrama.

So then we moved into the choice of clip art. I'm sure I over thought this. But I'm a Historian, and an Artist, and a grieving Mom.

Really, Abigail...really? This is what you're concerned about right now? SMH.

[Peas n carrots]

This stuck out to me:

So I sat there without my husband or my opinionated older kids and looked through this big batch of bad clip art. At first I was surprised. There were so many career options--does someone really want "surveyor" on their headstone? I skipped over the musical instrument choices because I have no idea if Leo was an electric guitar guy like his brother or an acoustic guitar guy like his Dad. I really started to feel emotional when I got to the motorcycle pictures. We never got to have that fight that he wasn't allowed to ride a moped at 15. Flipping through the clip art guide was a reminder how little I know about my son.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unsympathetic to a woman who has experienced a miscarriage. But what gets me with Abigail is that she was treating this the same way she would treat the loss of a child that had lived outside the womb. This is the first time she's admitted otherwise.

[Jana814]

She needs help. Truly she does.

So true!! I wish someone would say something to her.

[Georgiana]

So true!! I wish someone would say something to her.

She's Catholic right? So doesn't she have a parish? She should have access through at least the diocese to a variety of counseling services and financial help. If her parish/diocese doesn't offer it, she'd be able to get the same services from a neighboring one. The thing about being Catholic is that you (should) have access to a deep network of services and connections even if the area you live in is poor. Which isn't to say that the Church doesn't ever fail people (example #1 right here!), but THESE services are right up the Catholic Church's alley. Where does she live? I'm sure it's been posted, and I missed it.

To be honest. from her I get the "I'm too Catholic for other Catholics" vibe, so I wouldn't be surprised if she has services available that she just wont accept.

[nausicaa]

Ugh. It's like she expects him to treat "picking out baby headstone" the way he would a graphic design project at work, yet she is wallowing in melodrama.

Really, Abigail...really? This is what you're concerned about right now? SMH.

Abigail is a historian and an artist? I thought she was a lawyer. And a writer. And a musician. And a foodie. And a Carmelite.

[Stephanie66]

She is no longer a lawyer. I wonder if she let her license lapse?

I just can't with her. My son's friend from high school killed himself a week ago. He was transgender and although his parents completely accepted him and he had been accepted at the creative arts charter high school, the world got too rough for him. HE was a real person, someone's flesh and blood child who was adored. He was not a 14 week fetus.

[chaotic life]

Abigail is clearly all things to all people. I believe she has and would simply seek out a different priest and parish if they didn't support her in this crazy behavior. Her last miscarriage was at 12 weeks and it was rather frightening how extreme her behavior was. This one was 14 weeks and it's a bit disturbing how focused she is on the idea of grieving this as if it was a living child.

I didn't get a grave or a headstone for my son. I didn't want him buried in the earth. So, I had him cremated and I will eventually place his remains in a flower garden. There is no one way to handle death in general.

My 14 week miscarriage did go down the toilet. It wasn't ideal nor necessary what I wanted but in that moment in time, the thought of fishing it back out of the toilet was more than I could bear and more than I considered doing. Her doctor told her it was okay for hers to go down the toilet as well. God stopped up her ears so that her good Catholic soul didn't hear that suggestion though.

[Koala]

She is no longer a lawyer. I wonder if she let her license lapse?

I just can't with her. My son's friend from high school killed himself a week ago. He was transgender and although his parents completely accepted him and he had been accepted at the creative arts charter high school, the world got too rough for him. HE was a real person, someone's flesh and blood child who was adored. He was not a 14 week fetus.

That's tragic...I am so very sorry.

[Koala]

Abigail is clearly all things to all people. I believe she has and would simply seek out a different priest and parish if they didn't support her in this crazy behavior. Her last miscarriage was at 12 weeks and it was rather frightening how extreme her behavior was. This one was 14 weeks and it's a bit disturbing how focused she is on the idea of grieving this as if it was a living child.

I didn't get a grave or a headstone for my son. I didn't want him buried in the earth. So, I had him cremated and I will eventually place his remains in a flower garden. There is no one way to handle death in general.

My 14 week miscarriage did go down the toilet. It wasn't ideal nor necessary what I wanted but in that moment in time, the thought of fishing it back out of the toilet was more than I could bear and more than I considered doing. Her doctor told her it was okay for hers to go down the toilet as well. God stopped up her ears so that her good Catholic soul didn't hear that suggestion though.

Here's what I never understood about that. She claimed her doctor told her to flush it one day, but then later I think she said they wanted to do an autopsy?!?! I had a really hard time believing that, but I guess who knows....

[lilwriter85]

She's Catholic right? So doesn't she have a parish? She should have access through at least the diocese to a variety of counseling services and financial help. If her parish/diocese doesn't offer it, she'd be able to get the same services from a neighboring one. The thing about being Catholic is that you (should) have access to a deep network of services and connections even if the area you live in is poor. Which isn't to say that the Church doesn't ever fail people (example #1 right here!), but THESE services are right up the Catholic Church's alley. Where does she live? I'm sure it's been posted, and I missed it.

To be honest. from her I get the "I'm too Catholic for other Catholics" vibe, so I wouldn't be surprised if she has services available that she just wont accept.

I also get that vibe from her. She does have a parish. She lives in West Virginia, I'm not sure about the demo/stats regarding Catholics there, but I think it might be low. Like you said, there is a deep network within the Catholic church. I grew up in a part of New Mexico that is heavily Catholic, but some parishes didn't have grief/pastoral care counselors, but counselors from other parishes would travel to help people in need.

Abigail about a year or two ago hinted at having issues with people in her parish. She blogged about how someone scorned her at Mass or something. I suspect she has a somewhat bad reputation within her parish.

[chaotic life]

Yesterday, I went back and re-read all of the posts to remember exactly how far along she was. The doctor told her to flush the fetus down the toilet. She insisted upon going to the hospital for an induced labor. She refused a D&C because that would destroy the body. Apparently, in her state there is a mandatory autopsy at a certain weight limit for stillborn births. I cannot find anything about such a law in MD or WV. If there were one, it would fall under stillborn births, which hers was NOT classified as because that requires you reach 20 weeks. Medically, hers was classified as a miscarriage or spontaneous abortion (heaven help the person who tells her the medical term for a miscarriage is actually spontaneous abortion though).

So, no one wanted to do an autopsy per se. She was upset that if the baby weighed enough then one would be required. I cannot imagine any law that triggers by weight and not gestation or both and cannot find one for either possible state she discussed. Honestly, given how devastated she is with her miscarriages you would think she would WANT a pathology report. It's not an autopsy of a 14 week fetus though, but if you can catch the products of conception, you can run at least genetic testing to see if you can determine a cause of death. It can be important information in women having repeated miscarriages to help solve the problems. She definitely did not want one. Lucky for her, at 14 weeks I cannot imagine if there was a weight based law, that any fetus would meet that weight requirement.

[Stephanie66]

That's tragic...I am so very sorry.

Thank you. My son is heartbroken. Although he was an adult, he was a young adult. I wish the world were kinder.

So I just can't with a 14 week fetus. She just goes on and on and on with this.

[Rowan]

That's tragic...I am so very sorry.

Adding my sympathy. A good friend is FtM transgender and seeing what he has gone though has been horrific, even though I met him after he began transitioning but before he came out about it publicly. I am so sorry for your son and his friend's family to have lost him. And for your son's friend for the pain he suffered.

[lilwriter85]

Thank you. My son is heartbroken. Although he was an adult, he was a young adult. I wish the world were kinder.

So I just can't with a 14 week fetus. She just goes on and on and on with this.

I'm sorry about your son's friend. I get what you mean with Abigail going on and on. I find it hard to sympathize with her.

On the topic of Abigail's law license, I don't know if she has ever said if she let it lapse. I know some people who do keep their law licenses active even when they are doing other careers. One of my high school teachers worked as a lawyer for several years before she left to teach. She kept her license active because she did some legal work for non-profits on the side. Abigail could be doing some legal work here and there to help out with the family finances. But I guess she is now focused on her supposed advertising agency.

[VodouDoll]

Also, of you let your law license lapse and then ever want to activate it again, they charge you back fees for all the years you didn't pay. Better to just keep it current, probably.

[Jana814]

That's tragic...I am so very sorry.

So very sorry also for your son's friend. Even w/ acceptance & support from parents that is just sad.