Making Great Conversationalists

[Peas n carrots]

I can't imagine NEVER joking. That is the only way my family communicates effectively. It's probably the only reason we never killed each other :lol:

Reading that just makes me feel so, so sad. So many little joys in life are denied to them.

[mastercleaner]

There was that time Teri ate the cheese wrapper and they all laughed at that...... :roll:

I'm sure that's as "funny" as they get

[Hane]

FB convo between my daughter and me:

Her: Can you babysit for Grandson tonight?

Me: No. He is a pr!ck and a b@st@rd.

Her: Aw, thanks. Can you get here by 7?

Stevehovah will promptly send my light-minded joking @$$ straight to hell.

[Jana814]

I can't imagine NEVER joking. That is the only way my family communicates effectively. It's probably the only reason we never killed each other :lol:

Reading that just makes me feel so, so sad. So many little joys in life are denied to them.

Same here on both accounts!

[Savoring Samsara]

The weird lack of contractions reminds me of reading a Christian children's book when I was in elementary school and noticing that the protagonist and her family never spoke in contractions, which were reserved for antagonists and other heathens. My poor mother was totally perplexed when I asked her if it was a sin to say "don't" instead of "do not," having inferred from the book that my immortal soul might be in danger otherwise. Christian children's book authors, you have a lot to answer for.

[twin2]

There was that time Teri ate the cheese wrapper and they all laughed at that...... :roll:

I'm sure that's as "funny" as they get

One day I was making a sandwich. I went to put a piece of chesse on it and noticed that there was a sheet of paper seperating it from the next slice. Thinking of the Maxwells, I just had to try it. I put the piece of 'cheese paper' in my sandwich and took a bite. I don't now how in hell Teri made it through half a sandwich before she figured it out.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I guess its harder to be aware of these things when your spirit has been crushed to dust.

[Jana814]

I guess its harder to be aware of these things when your spirit has been crushed to dust.

Agree! She was probably focused on how Steve would feel that she was doing something for herself that she didn't noticed.

[kpmom]

The weird lack of contractions reminds me of reading a Christian children's book when I was in elementary school and noticing that the protagonist and her family never spoke in contractions, which were reserved for antagonists and other heathens. My poor mother was totally perplexed when I asked her if it was a sin to say "don't" instead of "do not," having inferred from the book that my immortal soul might be in danger otherwise. Christian children's book authors, you have a lot to answer for.

I think you might have been on to something when you realized at a very young age only sinners and heathens use contractions. The following is a post from the "600 Club", a community of Satanists regarding contractions;

Welcome to Satanism 101. The reason we have this area is because we don't want your shitty spelling and grammar mucking up the rest of the forums any more than we want your stupid, uneducated opinions flying around where the big kids play.

We're a parade of fuckin' rainbows around here, aren't we?

One of the unspoken tenets of Satanism is that you at least appear to be a notch above the rest of the riff-raff in the world. The stupid; the lazy, et al. That being said, when you post here post like you have an education past the second grade because when the desire to post outside of this particular forum overtakes you and you bring your nongrasp of the English language to another, more serious thread, we are going to get really fuckin' annoyed and rip you to shreds. We may even ban you, if you prove completely incorrigible.

Because remember, Satan is the bringer of WISDOM; the giver of KNOWLEDGE, and the bearer of LIGHT...which is another word for wisdom and knowledge. You cannot claim yourself to be playing in the major leagues when you have not yet even learned how to swing.

All that being said, follows is everything off the top of my head that I can think of that I am sick to fuckin' death of seeing and I am only one of many grammar nazis around here.

:::::::

The word, "et cetera" is abbreviated thus: etc. There is NO OTHER WAY to do it. If you don't know how to spell and abbreviate your Latin, don't fuckin' use it.

They're = "They are". Only that and nothing more.

Their = shows ownership. "That's their shotgun, Cletus."

There = someplace that is not 'here'.

*Notice, if you will, that all of these words start with T-H-E.

You're = "You are". Are you seeing a pattern with the apostraphes yet?

Your = once again, showing ownership.

It's = "It is".

Its = shows ownership.

A contraction is two words that have been combined into one by way of the use of an apostraphe. The apostraphe ALWAYS goes where the missing letters are, even when not used in a contraction. This helps keep you from looking like an uneducated retard. I am from The South and often add an apostraphe when I drop a 'g' from a word as I am wont to do in real life...because that's what you do when you leave letters out on purpose. With one simple keystroke I go from looking like a lazy bitch who can't spell to making certain members hear me in a Southern Belle voice when they read my posts. Behold: the power of punctuation.

Won't, when saying, "will not"...this is another occasion for the use of an apostraphe. Get it, ya'll?

They're ( excuse, me, They are), not only pro contractions, they give you a lesson in their proper use!

So, Savoring Samsara, I think the Holy Spirit may have been convicting you on the use of contractions (sin) when you were little.

[Patsy]

Eve's sopin brought contractions into the world, but all this time we thought they meant labour pains.

[Miggy]

Chapter 6: How do I help my children improve?

Family : Dad, Mom, Morgan (16), Hunter (14)

Example 1: Dad tries to get kids to tell him about their day. Both give him one word answers. This is BAD!

Example 2: Dad asks kids about their day. Hunter gives a long and boring speech about how he was struggling with algebra but he prayed about it and now it makes sense. Morgan says school was fine but what was really exciting was washing and drying the fabric for a new apron she is making. Hunter takes over again to tell his parents about his bible study "I'm reading in Jeremiah, and it is very convicting". [Do these people know what the word convicting actually means?] All this is GOOD!

Now Steve explains that conversation can be taught so your children will behave like those in example 2 instead of 1. All you have to do is the exercises at the end of each chapter. [so far most of these exercises have involved reading and discussing the chapter.]

Get rid of distractions. You MUST get rid of television and computer games or your children will never learn to converse. You must also limit cell phones, iPads, computers and books. Steve says these don't need to be completely eliminated but must be carefully managed so they don't interfere with building conversation skills. Being busy is also a distraction from conversation so it is important families are not busy.

Best times to talk are during meals and before and after family bible time. If your family don't sit down for meals regularly this is bad. "The purpose of learning conversation is defeated." Fix this problem.

Talk in the car when running errands.

Talk when going for a walk.

Talk when doing a family activity. "For the Maxwells, we regularly need to put together Chorepacks - a simple chore tool for children that we assemble as a family and sell as part of the Managers of their Chores book. We all sit in the living room and talk while we spend about a half hour per evening working until the job is completed." [Well done Steve. Got an ad in for another product. That gets you bonus points.]

Steve begins having one on one meetings with his kids when they are 4-5 years old. They do this on Sundays after church. This should be a priority in everyones lives. [Actually I agree it is important to spend one on one time with each of your kids. However, I prefer to do this on their ground rather than have a "meeting" with them at home. For example; Son 2 & I go out for coffee before school a couple of days a week. Very casual and very much on his terms.]

Define conversations to your child. Give them examples of good and bad conversations using this book. Discuss the kind of words kids should use and why those words are pleasing to God. "Model for your children the use of scripture".

As your kids improve you might invited people over to dinner for them to practice with. A family member or someone from church is best. "As conversation experience grows, having a family from church over for dinner allows a greater degree of not only practice but also ministry. The girls can have conversations with the visiting daughters and mom while the boys engage the other family's sons and father. [Remember to keep the sexes separate!!!]

Once you are good at this, you can move on to talking to min-Christians. Remember to be "cautious to oversee conversations between them and your children. They will not be sensitive to what a Christian would consider appropriate topics for children's ears."

Role play conversations.

Don't forget to keep it age appropriate.

Dad & Mom must discuss privately "when, where, with whom, and with what supervision" the children can have conversations.

Exercises

(1) Discuss distractions and plan to get rid of them.

(2) Figure out the best family talk times and add them to your family schedule.

(3) At dinner or family bible time, have everyone report on their day.

(4) At dinner or family bible time, have everyone report on what they read during personal bible time.

Parents should evaluate and document each child's conversation.

"For variation try other topics such as scripture recently read, animals ..."

(5) One-on-one practice with each of your children.

[Miggy]

I love the idea that non Christians don't know what are appropriate topics for conversation when kids are around. I immediately thought of Jim Bob Duggar and his need to snog Michelle everytime people are looking at them and then make a big deal out of the fact his kids aren't allowed to do that yet.

[kpmom]

Chapter 6: How do I help my children improve?

Get rid of distractions. You MUST get rid of television and computer games or your children will never learn to converse. You must also limit cell phones, iPads, computers and books. Steve says these don't need to be completely eliminated but must be carefully managed so they don't interfere with building conversation skills. Being busy is also a distraction from conversation so it is important families are not busy.

Says the man who schedules his family in 15 minute blocks.

"cautious to oversee conversations between them and your children. They will not be sensitive to what a Christian would consider appropriate topics for children's ears."

What an arrogant ass this man is. Does he really think non-Christians don't know what children should and shouldn't hear?

Dad & Mom must discuss privately "when, where, with whom, and with what supervision" the children can have conversations.

Yes, can't have them having any spontaneous moments in their days now can we?

Exercises

(2) Figure out the best family talk times and add them to your family schedule.

Most of us manage to talk with our families all day without scheduling time.

Parents should evaluate and document each child's conversation.

OMG

"For variation try other topics such as scripture recently read, animals ..."

And beyond scripture and animals what? You have no life beyond these, Steve.

[Miggy]

Considering most of the bloggers we snark on are obsessed with sex and modesty, I don't think fundy Christians know what is appropriate conversation in front of kids.

[Justme]

Do they schedule time to pee? What about #2? That could take 10 minutes out of their 15 minute time block...

[thoughtful]

Morgan says school was fine but what was really exciting was washing and drying the fabric for a new apron she is making.

Well, of course -- girls only get excited about washing and drying fabric. No excitement over literature, math, history or phys. ed. for those non-penis-people!

"For variation try other topics such as scripture recently read, animals ..."

Animals? WTF do the Maxwells know about animals? They had to get a neighbor's cat to pose for a picture to know how a cat looks when up a tree.

Get rid of distractions. You MUST get rid of television and computer games or your children will never learn to converse. You must also limit cell phones, iPads, computers and books.

Y'know, Steve, when I was a kid, we had a bit of a problem. My father sometimes got frustrated when trying to communicate with me. When I was old enough to hear it, my mother told me that my vocabulary had surpassed his by the time I was five (she may have been exaggerating a bit!), and he was somewhat intimidated by having a kid who used words he didn't understand. Dad was a very smart man, he was just not a "word person" -- math and people skills were his forte.

Where did I get that vocabulary? Some came from my Mom and other people around me, but a large proportion came from media.

I was pissed off that others could interpret those squiggles that made words and I couldn't, and started annoying people about it very early, so I was reading by age 4 (yes, Steve, a child's desire to have control led to something good!).

Besides books, much of my vocabulary and ability to converse (and yes, joke) came from TV, movies, radio and records. There were no home computers at the time, so I couldn't be taught -- er, excuse me -- distracted -- by them.

Without those outside influences, I think I would have been a much less educated person, and less able to carry on a conversation. Of course, I'm sure I learned lots of non-Steve-approved stuff, since most of the world is non-Steve-approved.

BTW, Steve, hearing that my father had limits, that I actually had some power over him about which I had not been aware, didn't take one bit away from my respect for him. It made me feel more forgiving and tender towards him, which was my mother's intention in telling me.

Something to think about . . .

[Coconut Flan]

I think the book should be How to Kill a Child's Interest in Conversing. I can't think of a faster way to turn a child against talking than critiquing their performance in conversing. He really doesn't see himself as he is at all.

[Queen Of Hearts]

Do they schedule time to pee? What about #2? That could take 10 minutes out of their 15 minute time block...

To answer your question, women do not go #2. I learned that from the Cavemen thread on this forum. :lol:

[FiddleDD]

I can understand limiting electronics, but books?! Are they not even going to pretend to educate their kids anymore? I could live without pretty much anything but books. Not to mention I can't think of a time in which my conversation was impeded because I read too much. On the contrary, it gives me something to talk about. Which I realize is probably the last thing Steve actually wants.

[AnywhereButHere]

I can understand limiting electronics, but books?! Are they not even going to pretend to educate their kids anymore? I could live without pretty much anything but books. Not to mention I can't think of a time in which my conversation was impeded because I read too much. On the contrary, it gives me something to talk about. Which I realize is probably the last thing Steve actually wants.

Most books are bad. Books contain ideas and information about the world outside of Stevieville. Can't read those, the "kids" might start to, OH MY GOD, think. Maxwell written books are good. No thought involved there! The insular nature of their lives just astounds me.

[anjulibai]

Didn't Steve say in a response to a commenter asking what books his children liked, that they didn't read, the write insteadd?

[Patsy]

I wonder if women have to wear skirts to make good small talk, too.

[julie paradox]

Welcome to Satanism 101. The reason we have this area is because we don't want your shitty spelling and grammar mucking up the rest of the forums any more than we want your stupid, uneducated opinions flying around where the big kids play.

... apostraphes ...

... apostraphe. The apostraphe .... apostraphe...

... apostraphe. .

Ahem.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Topics I may bring up when talking to younger children: school, friends, pets, sports, their clothes (Hey, that's an awesome Batman shirt. I like Batman too!), that sort of thing.

Topics Steve would bring up: death, afterlife, Bible stories (My kid is prone to nightmares, so no thank you), keeping sweet, college is bad, you're a girl so you should be sewing an apron and planning how you're going to worship your husband and nothing else.

Yeah, you better watch out for me, fundie parents! I'm fucking evil.

ETA- Seriously, I have never, ever seen an atheist trying to discuss any kind of religion with kids. I have had plenty of people try to engage my kid in religious talk, from the mall to festivals where they have tents and are handing out tracts. She wants to be nice to everyone and doesn't understand my terse, "Don't take that! It's not money. They're tricking you." That's what I told her a couple weekends ago. If that makes me evil to them, so be it.

[Loveday]

Ahem.

:lol: