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Lori Alexander: Have Sex With Your Kids In the Room


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My parents had a system of sending us to the hotel "game room" with a twenty, and telling us not to come back for an hour. Not terribly subtle, but enough that I could at least pretend. Too bad the fundies would find that too "worldly".

The kids can't go to the game room, they might see a video game with a immodestly dressed female in it. It's much better to stay in the room and watch mom have sex.

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Arent fundies all about protecting their children's innocence, which is why their 20 year olds arent allowed to watch anything that is not suitable for toddlers, and are worried about them seeing people dressed immodestly (OMG my kids might turn into sex addicts from seeing a knee) or knowing that gay people exist?

I was going to say perhaps someone should ask her if she would let her kids watch porn or sleep in the room where someone is watching porn.

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If they are asleep and you're quiet, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm not talking about swinging from the chandeliers and hog tying each other, but some under the blanket action isn't really all that scandalous. A lot of people have the babies sleeping in the same room for at least a few months, and still manage to get it on.

Not feeling the hate on this one.

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And frankly we've been called out by my son at home for the sexing, not realizing a door was open at night or thinking he was asleep, more than he ever had a clue about our vacation sexnanigans. For the record, I HAD A CRAMP IN MY LEG. AND MY TUMMY HURT.

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There's a difference between having sex with a sleeping baby in the room, and having sex with a sleeping eight-year-old in the room. Big difference. An eight-year-old is capable of waking up and understanding what's going on and being upset by it. I would've been pretty pissed off as a kid if my parents had had sex while I was in the room. It's disrespectful to the other people, and yes, children are people.

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There's a difference between having sex with a sleeping baby in the room, and having sex with a sleeping eight-year-old in the room. Big difference. An eight-year-old is capable of waking up and understanding what's going on and being upset by it. I would've been pretty pissed off as a kid if my parents had had sex while I was in the room. It's disrespectful to the other people, and yes, children are people.

Exactly. And Lori and her crowd of supporters on this one don't seem to be discussing sleeping babies.

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(From the comments of the original post),

"And to be perfectly honest, I would have a MISERABLE vacation without sex. Grumpy, sad, and I can’t imagine being around all those other females, who are often skimply dressed without being with my wife and having any kind of victory with my thoughtlife."

WTF does the bolded mean?

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If Lori's kid went on a sleepover and the parents had (discreet) sex in the same room as the kids, she would pop a rivet. But it's OK in her house, for some reason.

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This is exactly why we always stay in a suite hotel while on vacation...I'm all about vacation sex. I'm not about vacation sex with my 13 year old daughter in the next bed.

In addition, vacation sex is a good reason to have a couples weekend away. Swing from the chandelier, get it on in the shower, whatever...but for god's sake, if I found a couple having sex in the family shower at a campground I'd be hella pissed!

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I keep coming back into this thread with the idea that I might post a relevant comment, but Lori's got me totally gobsmacked with this one. :shock: She does seem to have a completely immodest propensity for discussing her sex life, doesn't she? :?

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This sounds like a really crappy excuse for having zero self control. Not to mention, it's disturbing and disgusting.

Sex is great. I love having sex with my partner. However, I do insist that when it occurs, there are only the two of us in the room, and preferably no one else within earshot. That's because I happen to think making love is a very private affair, between me and my partner only. I don't want anyone else to inflict their sexual activity on me, so I offer the same consideration to others.

Lori has some serious mental issues, and her husband is very creepy too. Their poor children.

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If Lori's kid went on a sleepover and the parents had (discreet) sex in the same room as the kids, she would pop a rivet. But it's OK in her house, for some reason.

Good thing Lori Alexander is a Monster doesn't let her kids GO to a sleepover!

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So, am I getting it right that the consensus of the posters seems to be no sex with kids of any age or stage of REM in the room, EVAR? I'm seeing a few dissenting voices, but honestly not as many as I'd expected. I've never read Lori myself, and I've heard enough about her to realize that her reasons for anything are usually FUBAR, but I don't think it's illegitimate for some couples to decide that it's okay to have some super-discreet relations while their sleeping offspring under a certain age are in the room with them. I just spent the summer living in my parent's basement with my husband and two kids under 4, and I don't think we're bad parents or horndogs for deciding that abstaining that whole time wasn't for us. Would I do that with older kids, probably not... but almost our entire parenthood so far has been spent with a baby in the room.

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I was under the impression that (deliberately) exposing children to sexual acts was considered abuse.

And how hard is it to get a separate room or two attached rooms with a locking door between them for vacation?

I get the feeling that Lori is fishing for praise for not letting anything get in the way of being a sexual outlet for her husband. Go right to the extreme, even if there are more appropriate alternatives! :?

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WTF does the bolded mean?

I'll take a stab at it. Asshole is saying that when he is on vacation, he gets all hot and bothered all day looking at women in bikinis and such thus he must have free access to the wife to alleviate the sexual frustration he feels because the bikini girls are not for him. If he couldn't have sex with his wife, he'd have to lay around fantasizing about all the women he sees. Because he is a fundagelical pervert who has been taught that women are merely objects put in the world for his sexual gratification and that his wife's main purpose in his life is to satisfy that since he is not allowed to have every woman who walks by.

Or short version: he means he is a pitiful horn dog with less self control than the average 14 year old boy.

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So, am I getting it right that the consensus of the posters seems to be no sex with kids of any age or stage of REM in the room, EVAR? I'm seeing a few dissenting voices, but honestly not as many as I'd expected. I've never read Lori myself, and I've heard enough about her to realize that her reasons for anything are usually FUBAR, but I don't think it's illegitimate for some couples to decide that it's okay to have some super-discreet relations while their sleeping offspring under a certain age are in the room with them. I just spent the summer living in my parent's basement with my husband and two kids under 4, and I don't think we're bad parents or horndogs for deciding that abstaining that whole time wasn't for us. Would I do that with older kids, probably not... but almost our entire parenthood so far has been spent with a baby in the room.

I don't necessarily say never ever. Depends on the age, how the child typically sleeps, how discreet the parents can be. My daughter could sleep through a meteor strike, but I still personally wouldn't do it with her in the room as she is almost 10 and it would just feel weird to me. A major turnoff, for starters! A heavily sleeping baby who wouldn't really notice or understand if he or she woke up? That doesn't bother me too much. I think sex in the same room with sleeping children happens, it's not always a big deal. It's one of those things that is a case by case basis, though. There are too many factors to say ALWAYS or NEVER, imo. Having relations around an awake child, or a child that is likely to wake and realize what is going on? I would consider that abusive.

However, what really irks me is ... why does Lori need to discuss this at all? How is it modest to blab the details your sweet fellowship all over the internet? She's so freaking gross and weird.

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So, am I getting it right that the consensus of the posters seems to be no sex with kids of any age or stage of REM in the room, EVAR? I'm seeing a few dissenting voices, but honestly not as many as I'd expected. I've never read Lori myself, and I've heard enough about her to realize that her reasons for anything are usually FUBAR, but I don't think it's illegitimate for some couples to decide that it's okay to have some super-discreet relations while their sleeping offspring under a certain age are in the room with them. I just spent the summer living in my parent's basement with my husband and two kids under 4, and I don't think we're bad parents or horndogs for deciding that abstaining that whole time wasn't for us. Would I do that with older kids, probably not... but almost our entire parenthood so far has been spent with a baby in the room.

No, I think the issue is that they seem to be talking about older kids. We coslept with our kids when they were little, and if they were in the crib, it wasn't a big deal but even then only AFTER they were asleep. Or we just went to a different part of the house -- which was more common, tbh. Still, we're talking about kids under two or three. Not school-aged kids who are going to have memories of seeing their parents with each other. That's as much for our sake as theirs. We appreciate our privacy, and we respect their right to their own privacy.

We've rented cabins on vacation -- that's usually cheaper than renting a hotel room, ime. We also camp in a camper with separate rooms. If we have no choice but to stay in a hotel, then we abstain or wait until someone else can take the kids since they're really too young to just send off by themselves.

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This happened to me when I was a kid. Not my parents, but friends of my parents that we were staying with. I was camped out on a cot in their room, maybe ten years old, and they thought I was asleep. I heard them giggling about it before - "Is she asleep?" "Yeah, it's OK, she's asleep!" I wasn't but I was too horribly awkwardly embarrassed to say anything and pretended as hard as I could to actually be asleep. They tried to be quiet and I never mentioned it to anyone - as far as they knew, I slept through the whole thing. I wasn't scarred by it or anything - I was old enough to have an idea what was happening - but even at the time I thought it was very inconsiderate. I asked my mom if I could sleep anywhere but in their room for the rest of the trip, though I didn't tell her why. A baby or toddler is one thing, but it's a rude thing to do to an older kid. Why put someone in that position?

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JFC. Man growing up I heard some messed up sermons regarding married sex life but even they wouldn't go as far as this. Quite actually the opposite. This would def fall under lascivious behavior and that verse about keeping the marriage bed holy would be the biblical base. Wtf even

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they didn't realize she had woken up until she sat up in bed and started saying, "Go Daddy, go Daddy."

Ahahahaha! Priceless. I'm dying here.

And Lori...ewwwww! Get a room. Your own, not shared with the kiddies, and definitely not communal showers.

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So, am I getting it right that the consensus of the posters seems to be no sex with kids of any age or stage of REM in the room, EVAR? I'm seeing a few dissenting voices, but honestly not as many as I'd expected. I've never read Lori myself, and I've heard enough about her to realize that her reasons for anything are usually FUBAR, but I don't think it's illegitimate for some couples to decide that it's okay to have some super-discreet relations while their sleeping offspring under a certain age are in the room with them. I just spent the summer living in my parent's basement with my husband and two kids under 4, and I don't think we're bad parents or horndogs for deciding that abstaining that whole time wasn't for us. Would I do that with older kids, probably not... but almost our entire parenthood so far has been spent with a baby in the room.

I think it must also be partly cultural. In the U.S., most people grow up where the parents have their own bedroom, the children have at least a separate bedroom they share with siblings (or in more affluent homes, each child has their own bedroom). So we grow up with a certain level of privacy. In other cultures, or in families where the cost of living means that the entire family might share one large sleeping room, obviously the boundaries are different.

When my son was an infant, I preferred to have him sleeping in his bassinet in the same bedroom. No apologies - I was a worry wart and wanted to hear him breathing throughout the night. His father and I did have sex occasionally when he was asleep, but it was very quiet sex and I was mostly in a hurry for it to be over.

I don't think you and your husband are bad parents or horn dogs. You were in a long-term living situation that meant you shared a sleeping space with your two young children. You made the best of the arrangement. Lori's post is talking about when going away on vacation (presumably for no more than one to two weeks) and sharing a room with children. My thought is why can't the parents go without sex for that week? Would that be so terrible? Also, I think Lori's children are older than toddlerhood, but I'm not sure. I think the older your child, the less acceptable I would find having sex in the same room with them to be.

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I was under the impression that (deliberately) exposing children to sexual acts was considered abuse.

And how hard is it to get a separate room or two attached rooms with a locking door between them for vacation?

I get the feeling that Lori is fishing for praise for not letting anything get in the way of being a sexual outlet for her husband. Go right to the extreme, even if there are more appropriate alternatives! :?

I agree with you 100% on this. If there are children in the room (and not infants and very young toddlers who don't have a clue what's going on), I'd consider it child abuse.

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You know, if parents are comfy with having sex with their young (toddler and younger), sleeping children in the room, that is one thing. But I read Lori's comments to be its totally okay to have sex with your older kid in the room which is decidedly not okay, imo. That is incredibly inappropriate and completely violates boundaries. And if a man is so turned on in his "thoughtlife" or WTFever it was called that he can't wait until an appropriate time and place to have sex? I'd dump a man like that because that would send up all sorts of red flags to me.

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Lori is getting defensive that almost no one is agreeing with her.

Lori Alexander

So if any of you have a husband who really enjoys sex every day, especially on vacation, and requests that of you and wants to find a way to do it discreetly, would you say he was a pig for wanting it?

Monica

Wanting sex does not make a man a pig, I don't see that as the issue here. I do think he should be respectful enough of his wife and children to realize there may not be a place discreet enough for as much sex as, either husband or wife, would like.

Lori Alexander

This wasn't the point of the post. You have thrown a red herring into it. Many women believe that a husband that would like a lot of sex on vacation is a pig. I am asking you if your husband asked that of you, would you consider him a pig? We are to be subject to our husbands in everything and commanded not to deprive each other sexually except for prayer, so if he asked you, would you do it? When there is a will, there is always a way!

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