Love letter to a Lesbian

[merrily]

Dear ______,

I just want you to know that I understand.

I understand how it feels to be in love with a woman. To want nothing more than to be with her forever. Feeling as if the universe has played a cruel joke on your heart by allowing it to fall into the hands of a creature that looks just like you.

I too was a lesbian. I had same-sex attractions as early as five-years old. As I grew up, those feelings never subsided. They only grew. I would find myself having crushes on my female best friends, but I was far too ashamed to admit it to them — let alone to myself.

At the age of 17, I finally made the decision to pursue these desires. I entered into a relationship with a young lady who became my “first.†The first time we kissed, it felt extremely natural, as if this feeling is what I had been missing all along. After her came another woman and then another woman. Both relationships were very serious, each lasting over a year. I enjoyed these relationships and loved these women a lot. And it came to the point that I was willing to forsake all, including my soul, to enjoy their love on earth.

In October 2008, at the age of 19, my superficial reality was shaken up by a deeper love — one from the outside, one that I’d heard of before but never experienced. For the first time, I was convicted of my sin in a way that made me consider everything I loved (idolized), and its consequences. I looked at my life, and saw that I had been in love with everything except God, and these decisions would ultimately be the death of me, eternally. My eyes were opened, and I began to believe everything God says in his word. I began to believe that what he says about sin, death, and hell were completely true.

And amazingly, at the same time that the penalty of my sin became true to me, so did the preciousness of the cross. A vision of God’s Son crucified, bearing the wrath I deserved, and an empty tomb displaying his power over death — all things I had heard before without any interest had become the most glorious revelation of love imaginable.

After realizing all of what I would have to give up, I said to God, “I cannot let these things or people go on my own. I love them too much. But I know you are good and strong enough to help me.â€

Now, at the age of 23, I can say with all honesty that God has done just that. He has helped me love him more than anything.

Now why did I just tell you about this? I gave you a glimpse of my story because I want you to understand that I understand. But I also want you to know that I also understand how it feels to be in love with the Creator of the universe. To want nothing more than to be with him forever. To feel his grace, the best news ever announced to mankind. To see his forgiveness, that he would take such a wicked heart into his hands of mercy.

But with that in mind, we’re in a culture where stories like mine either seem impossible or hilarious, depending on the audience. Homosexuality is everywhere — from music, to TV, even sports. If you’d believe all that society had to say about homosexuality, you’d come to the conclusion that it is completely normal, even somewhat admirable. But that is far from the truth. God tells us that homosexuality is sinful, abominable, and unnatural (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:18–32; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11; 1 Timothy 1:8–10). But if I were to be honest, sometimes homosexual attractions can seem natural to me.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that this may be your dilemma as well. You see what God has to say about homosexuality, but your heart doesn’t utter the same sentiments. God’s word says it’s sinful; your heart says it feels right. God’s word says it’s abominable; your heart says it’s delightful. God’s word says it’s unnatural; your heart says it’s totally normal. Do you see that there is a clear divide between what God’s word says and how your heart feels?

So which voice should you believe?

There was a time in my walk with Christ where I experienced a lot of temptation about falling back into lesbianism. These temptations caused me to doubt God’s word. My temptations and desires began to become more real to me than the truth of the Bible. As I was praying and meditating on these things, God put this impression on my heart: “Jackie, you have to believe that my word is true even if it contradicts how you feel.†Wow! This is right. Either I trust in his word or I trust my own feelings. Either I look to him for the pleasure my soul craves or I search for it in lesser things. Either I walk in obedience to what he says or I reject his truth as if it were a lie.

The struggle with homosexuality is a battle of faith. Is God my joy? Is he good enough? Or am I still looking to broken cisterns to quench a thirst only he can satisfy? That is the battle. It is for me, and it is for you.

The choice is yours, my friend. I pray you put your faith in Christ and flee from the lies of our society that coincide with the voices of your heart — a heart that Scripture says is wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Run to Jesus instead.

You were made for him (Romans 11:36). He is ultimately all that you need! He is good and wise (Psalm 145:9). He is the source of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is kind and patient (2 Peter 3:9). He is righteous and faithful (Psalm 33:4). He is holy and just (1 John 1:9). He is our true King (Psalm 47:7). He is our Savior (Jude 1:25). And he is inviting you to be not just his servant, but also his friend. If lasting love is what you’re looking for anywhere else, you are chasing the wind, seeking what you will never find, slowly being destroyed by your pursuit.

But in Jesus, there is fullness of joy. In Jesus, there is a relationship worth everything, because he is everything. Run to him.

found this on Raquel's fb. I feel very sorry for this woman, she sounds depressed in her letter.

desiringgod.org/blog/posts/love-letter-to-a-lesbian

[Miss M]

I agree, so sad!

[lizziesmom]

Too bad she can't find an accepting Christian community that will not condemn her. That way she could have human love as well as God's. I hope she doesn't get married. That's a course of action that has the potential to hurt many lives.

[debrand]

That is heartbreaking :cry:

[LucySnowe]

The two Leviticus verses she quotes are specifically about men. Nothing about women loving other women. So these people take the Bible literally, but in this one instance it's okay to extrapolate? Spare me.

[Savoring Samsara]

Here's a page with some more information on the letter writer. There has definitely been a lot of trauma in her past:

wadeoradio.com/former-lesbian-jackie-hill-responds-to-macklemores-same-love/

What I am telling myself is that she is only 23, and has obviously been through some things. My concept of my self and my beliefs was still forming and changing a lot at that time, and I didn't have to cope with even a small fraction of what this woman has faced. I hope that she can find a way to reconcile her spirituality and her sexuality, because there is some despair in that letter for sure.

[Ariel]

I just don't understand how this woman can deny something she's been feeling since she was 5 years old! How is it unnatural if it's the only state you've ever experienced?

[ILoveJellybeans]

That is sad. She doesnt need to deny it, she should embrace what she has been feeling since she was 5. Its a long time to have these feelings, so obviously they werent a choice. Being gay is natural, its in peoples nature, and its something you are born with. And if its something youre born with, God must have made gay people.

[kpmom]

She writes;

You were made for him (Romans 11:36). He is ultimately all that you need! He is good and wise (Psalm 145:9). He is the source of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is kind and patient (2 Peter 3:9). He is righteous and faithful (Psalm 33:4). He is holy and just (1 John 1:9). He is our true King (Psalm 47:7). He is our Savior (Jude 1:25). And he is inviting you to be not just his servant, but also his friend. If lasting love is what you’re looking for anywhere else, you are chasing the wind, seeking what you will never find, slowly being destroyed by your pursuit.

But in Jesus, there is fullness of joy. In Jesus, there is a relationship worth everything, because he is everything. Run to him.

The problem is, for most people, He (God) is not ultimately all you need. Most of us need relationships with other humans that include the physical.

It sounds like she's advocating celibacy rather than trying to force a relationship with a man. I don't see either of these as working. She's 23 now. I'd like to hear from her at 28, or 33. I think things will be quite different.

[super skeptic]

I find it hard to believe that a loving God would put people on Earth just so they can deprive themselves of love. Murder, theft, adultery...all those things hurt others. Who exactly do homosexual relationships hurt? It makes no sense to me.

[rward]

As an atheist, these stories make me so, so sad. I believe there's nothing after death. Nothing at all. This life is the only chance you get to be happy, and she's wasting it hating herself and denying herself happiness and love, all to please the people who hate her most.

There's not much sadder out there.

[duplessis3]

ANd sadly she is likely doomed to failure. I read a couple of blogs -one an ex-Mormon lesbian and a Mormon lesbian (who has been excommunicated, but still is a true believer.) The latter was married for awhile, and then was celibate for awhile and finally has realized she can't live without love . It is heartbreaking, and of course, she has extra baggage.

[Dysfundamental]

Too bad she can't find an accepting Christian community that will not condemn her. That way she could have human love as well as God's. I hope she doesn't get married. That's a course of action that has the potential to hurt many lives.

It's not like she'd have to look all that far to find one if she did take that leap of faith; she's in a large city where there are lots of amazing, inclusive churches.