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4Moms QA-QF Daugther does NOT like caring for sibs


copper

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In the family I grew up in, one would have been spanked or at least gotten a stern lecture if they had stated they didn't like helping (ie, doing 90% of the parenting) of the younger children. And who knows what would have happened if one dared express that they were sick and tired of babies. I know I was happy when my mom miscarried pregancies ##11 and #12 and cried (privately) when I heard about # 13. I would have never dared express that to my parents though, and did feel very guilty about it at the time. I'm still angry about the parenting being forced on my shoulders and the lack of having a childhood of my own. I currently do not have any children and am not sure if I want any.

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2.Deanna Says:

June 14th, 2013 at 7:31 am

Thanks for commenting Jane!

I do fully intend to have a chalkboard wall in my house once I have kids, which will be A.S.A.P. The fact that I’m not pregnant right this minute isn’t due to lack of trying. :)

I think maybe this was just her cutesy way of saying that she's a Married Lady Allowed To Have The SEX! Now!! But that could just be me being overly optimistic on her behalf.

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Kudos to you.

A reasonable amount of chores, sure. Pitching in more in a family emergency, no problem. But taking on a parent's responsibilities on a permanent basis? Not a child's job, not even as a teenager. You (general you) can't handle them, you don't pop them out.

Hywelis

Agree!! I just don't get why Fundie families think all the girls want to do is get married & have lots of kids.

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My kids are also expected to help around the house, but they're not taking on the entire burden. Especially since most of my kids are boys, I consider it teaching them basic life skills.

I want my kids to have the time to be kids...

Agree w/ u. Sounds like u r doing a great thing.

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I guess I'm just baffled as to how the Coghlan kids remain so fundie in the absence of the extreme censorship that everyone else in their circle practices. And I wonder how the girls socialize with other VF girls - the ones who think that the Botkinette's guide to reading is Gospel truth.

I think it's mostly due to the fact that Kim and Perry grew up pretty fundie themselves, and their families also have lots of kids. They've had more time and experience to see what works and what doesn't. Lots of fundie families glom onto the lifestyle as adults because they're afraid of "losing their children" to the secular world. They become totally legalistic because they approach their new beliefs with the zeal of converts.

If they were smart they would take a page from the Coghlans' book. Quit trying to dictate "modest" dress, especially on occasions when it's wildly inappropriate. Let your kids read a damn book besides the bible or some waiting on prince charming crap. While I do think the way Kim and Perry raise their kids is horrible, I have no doubt that any Coghlan child above the age of 12 could write a better creative story than Sarah Maxwell. Let your kids do sports or outside activities, don't isolate them to the point that they can never meet a potential spouse or even a friend. With all that petty stuff out of the way, you have kids who are more content with their lives and you have more time to fill their heads with the REALLY important anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-woman ideas.

I don't really think the Coghlan girls associate with other VF girls that much. Perry is well beneath Dougie on the social totem pole. Kim and the kids like to pimp VF products, but I've never seen her talking about them going to events or anything. I remember thinking when Dougie had his creepy father-daughter tea that Perry would never be able to afford it.

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perry takes one or two of the girls to the teas and other father daughter events every year and kim has been a key note speaker at conferences at least once;and I think perry has only 5 is siblings...kim has 13 but that's because they just ...did. they were not fundie.

but yes, those girls are very creative and imaginative. she lets them have rather unusual interests-snakes, insects, experiments and the like.

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I think maybe this was just her cutesy way of saying that she's a Married Lady Allowed To Have The SEX! Now!! But that could just be me being overly optimistic on her behalf.

...plus, any other answer and she would alienate herself from her family, which kind of seems like her main (emotional) support system aside from her husband. Despite the fact that she thinks I deserve to be put to death, I actually really like Deana--she reminds me of my little sister (who is not at all religious). My greatest wish for her is that she enrolls in community college, joins Nerd Fighters, and makes tons of friends. I get the sense that she's kind of lonely.

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I think it's mostly due to the fact that Kim and Perry grew up pretty fundie themselves, and their families also have lots of kids. They've had more time and experience to see what works and what doesn't. Lots of fundie families glom onto the lifestyle as adults because they're afraid of "losing their children" to the secular world. They become totally legalistic because they approach their new beliefs with the zeal of converts.

If they were smart they would take a page from the Coghlans' book. Quit trying to dictate "modest" dress, especially on occasions when it's wildly inappropriate. Let your kids read a damn book besides the bible or some waiting on prince charming crap. While I do think the way Kim and Perry raise their kids is horrible, I have no doubt that any Coghlan child above the age of 12 could write a better creative story than Sarah Maxwell. Let your kids do sports or outside activities, don't isolate them to the point that they can never meet a potential spouse or even a friend. With all that petty stuff out of the way, you have kids who are more content with their lives and you have more time to fill their heads with the REALLY important anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-woman ideas.

I don't really think the Coghlan girls associate with other VF girls that much. Perry is well beneath Dougie on the social totem pole. Kim and the kids like to pimp VF products, but I've never seen her talking about them going to events or anything. I remember thinking when Dougie had his creepy father-daughter tea that Perry would never be able to afford it.

They just attended the History of America Mega-conference, and I'm pretty sure they actually have attended the father-daughter retreat, just Perry and a couple of the older girls.

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I'd like to have maybe four kids, and I come from a family a similar size. I think the reason I want that many is because I never had to parent any of my siblings, so I always saw having more kids as a positive thing. I can see how the opposite would be true too

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