4Moms QA-QF Daugther does NOT like caring for sibs

[ADoyle90815]

My dad was one of 7. He and his siblings all have between 0 and 3 kids (I'm one of two).

His Catholic family was also one to encourage the priesthood, however. My dad was in the seminary before he met my mother, and I have an uncle (now divorced and with one kid, haha), who was a priest for a short time. Now all the siblings range from non-practicing to proudly "cafeteria-style" Catholicism.

My dad was one of 6, and he and his siblings had between 0 to 2 kids. I'm one of 2, one uncle had only one child, and another uncle had 2 as well. My grandma is really the only person left who is a practicing Catholic, as my dad and siblings don't practice, and none of us grandchildren were raised in the church.

[copper]

Does anyone have a link to Deanna's blog. I checked SOTDRT and did a quick search, but didn't find where it was mentioned before.

[BullyJBG]

I'm the oldest of 4 and I thought THAT was too many! Well, mainly because about everyone else I knew had their own rooms and I had to share with my sister. I didn't mind looking after them, except being told "I don't have to listen to you" by one of them. I probably would've been like that older daughter too, had I been in that situation. Often I would say I'd never marry and never have kids, though eventually I did get married. I never promised to have kids, and didn't, and my husband died when I was 36. But yeah, I agree; it's good to teach and train kids to have a work ethic, and to help around the house and learn such skills. It becomes wrong when parents become DEPENDENT on their older children to help with the younger ones, or housework or whatever. I think my parents had their moments, but in my 20s I eventually learned that they'd have some hard knocks once I move out! And I think they learned it too. Good topic! I have to admit it did my heart good to hear Michelle Duggar say how they're "short of help" one morning, since Jana was on a missions trip and Jill had been up late delivering a baby. More learning experiences to come with Josh and Anna and their family moving away.

[Childless]

My husband is one of 4 and I'm one of 5. Both of us have said we want no more than 2 children. My husband was forced to raise his siblings and by the time he left home for college, he was adamant that he was never going to have kids. It wasn't until he was in his early 30s that he changed his mind. I waited until I was in my mid-30s for kids because I wanted to build my career, travel, live on my own, and enjoy my 20s without being saddled with the added responsibilities of children. I like kids, but I had no interest in having any until I hit my 30s.

We have one son now and I feel we are better parents for having waited. We have more life experience to draw on, we are more mature, and we have more financial stability. I know for a fact, I would have been a terrible mother in my 20s. I'm glad I waited and feel that it's the best decision I've ever made.

[quinoa]

Does anyone have a link to Deanna's blog. I checked SOTDRT and did a quick search, but didn't find where it was mentioned before.

It's actually just

deannasblog.com

Don't worry, when you click on this you're really in the right place. It is in fact the blog of a (barely) adult married woman who lives on her own with her husband. You have not accidentally stumbled onto the blog of a poorly supervised 10 year-old.

[slickcat79]

It's actually just

deannasblog.com

Don't worry, when you click on this you're really in the right place. It is in fact the blog of a (barely) adult married woman who lives on her own with her husband. You have not accidentally stumbled onto the blog of a poorly supervised 10 year-old.

:lol: I was just looking over it and thinking, wow, this girl seems like she's in high school. I also wondered about her plan to draw all over the walls in sharpie. They are renting that apartment, right? :?

I didn't see her talk about wanting to be pregnant though.

[copper]

Thanks for the link! Good grief, Deanna needs her own thread to cover all this crazy! In the context of this discussion, though, I found that her struggles with functioning well at her DQ job are interesting. She's had several lectures from her boss and is expected to act like an ADULT! GASP! Poor kid, she doesn't realize that they don't realize this is the first chance she's had to be a kid.

[roddma]

Ugh the typical one size fits all Fundie style. A common Duggar defense for the daughters helping with toddlers is 'but large families did this years ago'. Excuse me, birth control was not around and they needed everyone helping which meant the females got the childcare. Today there is no excuse. IMO that is the most selfish thing you can do to a child. Turning them into pint size adults will not always make them less selfish. If parents want to set an example, start by using birth control and taking care of your own kids.

[uber frau]

One of my parents came from a super-mega family but it didn't put most of the kids off breeding (and most of them came of age after reliable contraception came into being).  Well, they tended to half the amount of kids but that had more to do with the fact that 24 kids is a biological impossibility for most. Of all of my uncle's and aunts only two had less than 8: one was the youngest daughter who decided she'd rather join the military and one was a family who decided they couldn't look after their disabled child if they kept having more so they stopped.

Most of my eleven hundred cousins seem to be having big families too. Six is a small family by their standards, eight to ten is normal. Did I say they're all fundies?

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Re: Deanna's blog. She has a list up of books that she wants (deannasblog.com/books-galore/) and on it are Lolita by Nabokov and Belinda by Anne Rice. UM WHAT? I know that her family goes in for a lot of non-fundie entertainment and superficial stuff, but those books? What would the Botkins say??? :lol:

[loulou]

Re: Deanna's blog. She has a list up of books that she wants (deannasblog.com/books-galore/) and on it are Lolita by Nabokov and Belinda by Anne Rice. UM WHAT? I know that her family goes in for a lot of non-fundie entertainment and superficial stuff, but those books? What would the Botkins say??? :lol:

She bought Harry Potter books (oh the HORROR!), talks about reading Stephanie Meyers' The Host (read Twilight but didn't like them). She also watches a lot of movies/TV that don't sound fundie approved at all (the cartoon Adventure Time), for one.

I couldn't find on her blog where she states she wishes to be pregnant though. And she sure (IMO) doesn't write or act like a 20YO.

I can't imagine how some of these girls get burned out by the time they are teens/young women with taking care of sibs & doing housework.

[BigSandy]

She wrote about it in the comments to one of the posts. Here's the exchange:

Jane Says:

June 6th, 2013 at 1:01 pm

I hope you will allow your future children to write on the walls. Why should mom have all the fun! Nice job.

However, it is good to see you are waiting a bit in the children department. That is very important! Get to know your husband first.

2.Deanna Says:

June 14th, 2013 at 7:31 am

Thanks for commenting Jane!

I do fully intend to have a chalkboard wall in my house once I have kids, which will be A.S.A.P. The fact that I’m not pregnant right this minute isn’t due to lack of trying. :)

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

She bought Harry Potter books (oh the HORROR!), talks about reading Stephanie Meyers' The Host (read Twilight but didn't like them). She also watches a lot of movies/TV that don't sound fundie approved at all (the cartoon Adventure Time), for one.

I couldn't find on her blog where she states she wishes to be pregnant though. And she sure (IMO) doesn't write or act like a 20YO.

I can't imagine how some of these girls get burned out by the time they are teens/young women with taking care of sibs & doing housework.

True, but Lolita and Belinda go far beyond those. The latter is more or less erotica. Extra-weird from a girl who thinks it might not be a bad idea to execute promiscuous women.

[tabitha2]

kim coghlans parenting is, well, .... bluntly, she expects them to obey completely when she tells them something but the rest of time she leaves them to amuse, regulate and teach themselves as much as possible.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I guess I'm just baffled as to how the Coghlan kids remain so fundie in the absence of the extreme censorship that everyone else in their circle practices. And I wonder how the girls socialize with other VF girls - the ones who think that the Botkinette's guide to reading is Gospel truth.

[HereticHick]

The Coughlan teenage daughters have a blog as well--its quite eye-opening. I don't think G-0-D is EVER mentioned. To find it, google Fat, Short & Lean!

[hywelis]

This subject burns my bacon. I agree with that teenage girl 100%. My parents tried that crap. "We are a family. You should help take care of them.". Ah, no. I didn't pop 'em out. I'm not raising them. Parental responsibility really shouldn't be dumped on the kids' shoulders. It kills something inside so many.

Kudos to you.

A reasonable amount of chores, sure. Pitching in more in a family emergency, no problem. But taking on a parent's responsibilities on a permanent basis? Not a child's job, not even as a teenager. You (general you) can't handle them, you don't pop them out.

Hywelis

[gravelmonkey]

At one point, a couple of the older daughters left home in their late teens/early 20s to rent an apartment by themselves, and supported themselves by working in retail. They were totally sick of being the main people doing the cooking, laundry, childcare and farm duties for 8 other people.

That is what I hope happens for the older Duggar girls. A couple go off to visit Josh & co for a month and just happen to never come back!

[Lady Grass Lake]

Second oldest of 6, less than a year between older sister and me. Not Quiver Full but raised Catholic by a Mom who never went to church herself. We were doing dishes by the time we were 8 or 9, ironing and housework, as well as cooking. When we got into middle school, we couldn't do any after school sports or activities because we had to be home from school when the little kids got out to watch them. Mom went back to work when the youngest was in full day school. Once I turned 16 I wasn't allowed to look for a summer job, because I had to baby sit all day and WOW, Mom paid me $10 a week, this was in 1968. I hated having charity store used clothes, sharing what we did have with 3 other sisters, having 3 kids in a bedroom. I'll bet most of those girls hate where they are but have no idea how to change things or get the heck out.

I married at 18 just to get away from home, big mistake there, and it only lasted 4 years, he didn't like to work and have me support him.

After I remarried and had my 2 boys, I said something about how difficult it was sometimes being a working mother. My Mom chimed in with "I had 6 kids and I worked." I told her I didn't have slaves that made sure I came home to a meal on the table every night, built in free babysitters, and never had to do any house work because my kids did it all, we seem to remember totally different lives.

I was 27 before I had my first child,

[roddma]

Psychologists t have spoken agianst putting kids in parenting roles. I understand that there may be times when older kids have to step in like death of parents, extended illnesses.etc Even so it still seems parents would make arrangements for such things when there are huge age gaps among children. Many 18-20 yr olds are still growing up themselves.

[wild little fox]

I almost wonder if this mother is trolling. Or else the family must have converted to QF after the oldest daughter was already old enough to remember the outside world. I don't believe than any Duggar or Bates daughter would even dare to say such a thought out loud, even if they were secretly thinking it. And if they did think it, they would probably just feel like they had sinned and would berate themselves for it.

I was wondering that, myself. The DD doesn't sound like someone who had her spirit broken and poured into a mold..

[emesbe]

After I remarried and had my 2 boys, I said something about how difficult it was sometimes being a working mother. My Mom chimed in with "I had 6 kids and I worked." I told her I didn't have slaves that made sure I came home to a meal on the table every night, built in free babysitters, and never had to do any house work because my kids did it all, we seem to remember totally different lives.

,

Did your mom have any response? :clap:

[tenth muse]

Heaven forbid- a girl with her own mind ! Who wants to do something different with her life ! She must be reindoctrinated.

[fundiefun]

It's actually just

deannasblog.com

Don't worry, when you click on this you're really in the right place. It is in fact the blog of a (barely) adult married woman who lives on her own with her husband. You have not accidentally stumbled onto the blog of a poorly supervised 10 year-old.

I actually find her blog entertaining especially da rules page I get a kick out of this girl

[hapamama]

My older kids do help me out quite a bit with their younger sibs, but never to the point that the Duggar kids or other QF older sibs have to. We're talking the occasional diaper change, or getting someone a drink, or entertaining a sib while I do housework or make dinner or something.

My kids are also expected to help around the house, but they're not taking on the entire burden. Especially since most of my kids are boys, I consider it teaching them basic life skills.

I want my kids to have the time to be kids...