Sparkling Adventures in Child Neglect: Now with Rats!

[ladyaudley]

I see where your mother was coming from, but with my own children I wanted them to call me 'Mom'. I reasoned that only three people in the whole world could call me Mom, and they were the only ones. I wanted our relationship to be special, unique. Of course, I set the tone for our relationship because I was the adult; I could have had my kids call me by my first name, but I didn't even think about it. I didn't want other people to assume I was the babysitter or a family friend, I was damned proud of being my kids' mom and I wanted everyone to know that. Perhaps some people would take that to mean that my own identity was suppressed in favor of my children, and they might be right. My greatest achievement is raising people that are empathetic and caring adults who will live good lives and help others whenever possible.

YMMV

I put it down to the fact my mother was quite young. She was only 22 when she had me and I think desperately wanted to make sure enough of *her* remained, if that makes sense. She went to med school

When I started primary school and is an all round awesome woman :) I call her mum now , unless she's being an idiot :D

[happy atheist]

She has a new post up. Not terribly exciting. They're staying with some artistic people. Lauren is rewiring the bus.

There are lots of pictures, but none of the girls. Maybe she's learning not to advertise their neglect?

[Blahblah]

Someone has posted this in the comments on her recent "Elijah's death is neutral" post:

18 · A · 8 July 2013, 22:57

Lauren, are you allowing your girls to be authentic in their grief? I know from my own experiences of grief and loss through my life that I couldn’t be hurried on from each stage, that to be true to myself I had to process my own feelings and arrive at a place of acceptance when I was good and ready. When I was a child I needed help from adults to do this because, to put it mildly, kids just don’t understand the world! Young children think they control the world with their thoughts (you know how a four year old will shout “you want to play with me!â€), odds are that at least one of your girls thinks they killed Elijah by wishing he wasn’t crying or being held by you and they need your help to see that’s not true. While you’re in Perth for a while maybe you could get an appointment with a grief counsellor for the girls? The worst possible tragedy has happenned in your family, and it’s not, and never will be a neutral thing. There’s no upside to the death of a healthy six month old baby.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Someone has posted this in the comments on her recent "Elijah's death is neutral" post:

18 · A · 8 July 2013, 22:57

Lauren, are you allowing your girls to be authentic in their grief? I know from my own experiences of grief and loss through my life that I couldn’t be hurried on from each stage, that to be true to myself I had to process my own feelings and arrive at a place of acceptance when I was good and ready. When I was a child I needed help from adults to do this because, to put it mildly, kids just don’t understand the world! Young children think they control the world with their thoughts (you know how a four year old will shout “you want to play with me!â€), odds are that at least one of your girls thinks they killed Elijah by wishing he wasn’t crying or being held by you and they need your help to see that’s not true. While you’re in Perth for a while maybe you could get an appointment with a grief counsellor for the girls? The worst possible tragedy has happenned in your family, and it’s not, and never will be a neutral thing. There’s no upside to the death of a healthy six month old baby.

Hopefully, she'll consider listening.

[CheeseDeprived]

Someone has posted this in the comments on her recent "Elijah's death is neutral" post:

18 · A · 8 July 2013, 22:57

Lauren, are you allowing your girls to be authentic in their grief? I know from my own experiences of grief and loss through my life that I couldn’t be hurried on from each stage, that to be true to myself I had to process my own feelings and arrive at a place of acceptance when I was good and ready. When I was a child I needed help from adults to do this because, to put it mildly, kids just don’t understand the world! Young children think they control the world with their thoughts (you know how a four year old will shout “you want to play with me!â€), odds are that at least one of your girls thinks they killed Elijah by wishing he wasn’t crying or being held by you and they need your help to see that’s not true. While you’re in Perth for a while maybe you could get an appointment with a grief counsellor for the girls? The worst possible tragedy has happenned in your family, and it’s not, and never will be a neutral thing. There’s no upside to the death of a healthy six month old baby.

Oh, finally! When I last looked at the entry, she had about 15 comments, all of them glowingly positive, inspired, in awe, blah blah blah. I couldn't believe my eyes. She's unbelievably good at sucking people into her BS.

[chaotic life]

Well, it wasn't me, but it is pretty much exactly what I said here. Sadly, I guarantee the answer is a resounding no.

[thoughtful]

Hopefully, she'll consider listening.

Probably not, but it was a good try, whoever did it, including using that important word!

[CheeseDeprived]

Well, it wasn't me, but it is pretty much exactly what I said here. Sadly, I guarantee the answer is a resounding no.

I would put money on that too. :( It's as though she's determined to go it alone and prove everyone wrong. It wouldn't be such a bad thing under different circumstances, but not when the victims are four little girls whose baby brother was murdered by their dad.

Part of me always wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not a person who does everything "by the book", and I am normally also someone who will try to find positives in sad events, but this... this "neutral not negative" business is a bridge too far. It's disturbing. Very few things in life are black and white, but surely the murder of an innocent baby is as close to all black as you can get. :fubar:

[ladyaudley]

I dreamed last night that I was somehow stuck in Lauren's bus with her. It was slightly bigger in my dream ( had an "upstairs" you could sit up in if you're a child) and all I void think was how terrified I was she'd find my phone and see fj on it before I could convince the girls that something's up.

Maybe I should lay off the FJ for a while! ^^

[longskirtlotsakids]

Another angle to this- if Elijah-a much anticipated and revered member of the family-can die and the event be regarded as neutral- what must those little girls have as a self image?

They must see themselves as horribly unloved and unimportant. It is quite possible they walk around with the feeling "If I die or go away, no one will mourn me."

[Eternalbluepearl]

Another angle to this- if Elijah-a much anticipated and revered member of the family-can die and the event be regarded as neutral- what must those little girls have as a self image?

They must see themselves as horribly unloved and unimportant. It is quite possible they walk around with the feeling "If I die or go away, no one will mourn me."

THIS x eleventy!

[Blahblah]

Another angle to this- if Elijah-a much anticipated and revered member of the family-can die and the event be regarded as neutral- what must those little girls have as a self image?

They must see themselves as horribly unloved and unimportant. It is quite possible they walk around with the feeling "If I die or go away, no one will mourn me."

Well they've been trained in this thinking for a long time. Getting lost for several hours while Mummy relied on Perfect Love to bring them back? Stuck up a mountain all night with a complete stranger while no one raised any alarm at all? Hell my kids are 15 minutes late from a play date and I'm imagining the worst.

[August]

Hopefully, she'll consider listening.

Fat chance.

[lilith]

Oh, finally! When I last looked at the entry, she had about 15 comments, all of them glowingly positive, inspired, in awe, blah blah blah. I couldn't believe my eyes. She's unbelievably good at sucking people into her BS.

Yes, I might just throw up if I see another gushing comment commending her spirituality and strength.

What, exactly, has she said or done that indicates exceptional spirituality or strength?

[wild little fox]

is it bad that on that last picture i find Luke really attractive? mmmh, curls...

what lilith said. There are quite a lot of bits in the Alps that are similar to that and you'd only ever call the emergency services if you really need them, because you know someone else's life might depend on their availability.

Mr Wild and I were in the Sierras over the 4th at a small Rainbow gathering. On the way we went through entire towns where neither of us were able to get cell reception. Not to mention when we were at the Gathering. It was sooooooooooo nice to be disconnected from everything. If I had children I would be sure to have a CB or some way to get word out if there was trouble. May as well, we took our BOBs plus LOL!

[wild little fox]

As the oldest child of three, living in an unstable home, I can imagine what Aiesha is going through. The shame (guilt over things that are not her fault) and super responsibility she must feel. I agree, she does not look happy not carefree as a girl her age should. The cognitive dissodance of her past vs her new reality.

Oh, I wanted to add that at Gatherings there is radio communication with emergency services. I am feeling that they were off on their own when Aiesha and Luke were lost. I'm sure Lilith could fill in some gaps since I'm very new to the Rainbow family. I know very little about how things are run.

[lilith]

As the oldest child of three, living in an unstable home, I can imagine what Aiesha is going through. The shame (guilt over things that are not her fault) and super responsibility she must feel. I agree, she does not look happy not carefree as a girl her age should. The cognitive dissodance of her past vs her new reality.

Oh, I wanted to add that at Gatherings there is radio communication with emergency services. I am feeling that they were off on their own when Aiesha and Luke were lost. I'm sure Lilith could fill in some gaps since I'm very new to the Rainbow family. I know very little about how things are run.

The Fishers stayed on the property upon which the festival was held for a few weeks after the official gathering ended, first they were recovering from Elijah's birth and bonding, then the access roads flooded for a while. So although I don't know the exact timeline, I'm pretty sure that the actual festival organisers had left and taken their infrastructure by the time of Aisha's disappearance.

I have also been to Rainbow gatherings in very isolated spots with no connection to the outside world, but that was fifteen years ago, before there was a mobile phone network here, and the Rainbow community was all round less organised and regulated then. Even then, though, a nine months pregnant woman without a midwife or birth plan, who had never home birthed before and who was unknown to the vast majority of festival goers, with four young children in tow, would have been very strongly encouraged to leave the gathering when it became obvious that the access roads were going to flood. That's one of the details that truly shocks me about Elijah's birth - Lauren had always birthed in hospitals and taken advantage of all the pain management options available, but she chose to have no pre natal care, to birth without a midwife, to birth not even at home, but on a campsite without basics like easy access to hot water and electricity, surrounded by people she had met only a few weeks earlier. All of that is insane enough, but they had warning the access roads were going to flood and that it would become impossible to get off the property, and they still chose to stay. That just blows my mind.

[Blahblah]

Folie a deux. No other explanation.

[miffy]

I would put money on that too. :( It's as though she's determined to go it alone and prove everyone wrong. It wouldn't be such a bad thing under different circumstances, but not when the victims are four little girls whose baby brother was murdered by their dad.

Part of me always wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not a person who does everything "by the book", and I am normally also someone who will try to find positives in sad events, but this... this "neutral not negative" business is a bridge too far. It's disturbing. Very few things in life are black and white, but surely the murder of an innocent baby is as close to all black as you can get. :fubar:

Yeah, its one thing to see the death of an elderly person with a debilitating disease are a more positive death, whilst still being very sad. But a 6 month old baby being murdered by his own father is nothing less than a horrible tragedy.

[ladyaudley]

Lauren's FB posts are getting increasingly religious again. Yesterday we had

We have the opportunity to leave a touch of the Divine in every encounter, through loving, encouraging and peace-making.

and then today

My challenge is to remain more conscious than my children, to not let my ego be provoked by their ungodly behaviour, to remember I am love.

Firstly: is her depression over losing Elijah and the anniversary of his funeral making her turn back to the only thing she has known to give her comfort back in the day, namely her faith? She had distanced herself to much from all that and was hapring on about self-determination (mostly in her daughters, but still) and general spiritual mumblings and now this?

Secondly: what could her daughters possibly have done that was that ungodly? We know that she'd punish David when she thought he wasn't "walking in righteousness" and had Aisha relay that message. She hasn't updated the blog since the 8th of July, which is unusual, especially given what a flurry of posts she made after starting back up again.

I want to know what's going oooon! Like a nosy school child.

[August]

I don't know, I'm a militant atheist and a lot of my kids behaviour over the last week could be described as ungodly. And not just wearing trousers, lighting candles on the sabbath and eating meat on a friday, either.

[ladyaudley]

I don't know, I'm a militant atheist and a lot of my kids behaviour over the last week could be described as ungodly. And not just wearing trousers, lighting candles on the sabbath and eating meat on a friday, either.

Does it tax your ego so much you have to whine about on Facebook? ;)

[mamallama]

What is ungodly when murdering you're own child is simply neutral?

[CheeseDeprived]

I don't follow her on FB, so I missed that.

So these little girls have pretty much been left to "self-determine" (read: fend for themselves) and free-range for the last year, and now their behaviour is labelled ungodly?

Far canal. The crazy just gets crazier.

[wild little fox]

Those poor girls! Absolutely no stability and now their mother is going down the whacked Christian path again.