the 1950s Quiz That Proves You Are a Terrible Wife

[alchemy]

This blog post is from a few months ago so I searched for a topic here but didn't find it.

blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2013/02/heres_the_1950s.php?page=2

I fail at the 50's wife thing in so many ways. For starters the seams in my hose are always crooked.

#1 Demerit sounds like the 50's version of birth control.

[littlehouse]

I am a poor wife, damn it all to hell.

[CelticGoddess]

I am a poor wife, damn it all to hell.

I am beyond a poor wife. I am a horrible wife. :) I drive, horror of horrors. (I get car sick if I am a passenger). I gossip, cuss and don't wear stockings. I put my cold feet on my husband and I don't cook. And I open my husband mail all the time.

And the worst yet, I wear red nail polish. I am not a waitress anyone?

[Savoring Samsara]

I'm average! I think that the 10 points for taking the kid and myself to church was what did it.

If anyone is curious, here's the husband version of the same test: blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2013/02/and_heres_the_1.php?page=2

Note the 20 points for orgasms, which are 20 times as valuable for this test as doing anything around the house whatsoever!

[curlytoes79]

A foul-mouthed, childless, atheist woman who cooks in her pajamas doesn't have a chance in hell on this test. I'm a very poor wife -- a failure! Don't tell my husband, though...we've been happily married for almost 7 years.

[hollyandivy]

I have not laughed like this in a long time. But I lucked out: I do not wear red nail polish - mine is blue!!!!

[alchemy]

Note the 20 points for orgasms, which are 20 times as valuable for this test as doing anything around the house whatsoever!

My, how things have changed. I'd skip the orgasm just to get him to clean the cat box once in a while.

[EmiGirl]

I don't need this to know I'm an awful wife. My mom and dad tell me that regularly.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

"Marital Congress" anyone? lol

[debrand]

"Shows up at card games with chatter and gossip?" My husband does this!

I drink, open husband's mail(he can open mine too), I tell risque and vulgar stories, I wear pjs, I don't prepare breakfast

Wow. I thought I was a pretty great wife with a wonderful marriage. Guess I was wrong.

[Lainey]

I came out in the negatives...my demerits totaled more than my merits. Oh well. Also, some of the things I think they didn't quite have in mind...like I am the same "religion"--that would be no religion--as my husband. But I took those points, dammit! I needed them.

PS--My husband won't eat breakfast. This quiz is rigged! *shakes fist*

[laura oz]

Apparently I really suck. I started taking the quiz, but some of it was just so off the wall, and my demerits were REALLY getting up there, so I just stopped. I'll have to ask the Mr how he puts up with me :lol:

[ILoveJellybeans]

I scored about 30.

Its interesting how you get 5 points per minor child. Is this what they grade mother of the year by, as just having the amount of kids she does bumps Michelle up to superior (and at one point, very superior before her kids started growing up).

[Pammy]

52!

All that work for an "Average" -- I believe I shall write a strongly worded letter to the editor of such a subversive publication.

Honestly, I only got 10 points for being 'faithful and true'??? You'd think that would be sort of important??? ("Has multiple love affairs with husband's co-workers... 10 points demerit, but you can earn them back if you darn enough socks.")

Just checked my hubby too. Apparently he's "Very Superior" -- by a long shot. Looks like I lucked out, eh. (But he only got 10 points for faithfulness too... weird.)

[RachelB]

I am a poor wife-- 40 points. (Okay, I'm not a wife-- I'm a partner.)

I lost all the child-related points. I don't in fact dislike children, but in the logic of the quiz, if I liked them so much, I would have some.

There were some merits I think I could have claimed as a general rule, but not as an always thing. Sometimes I shower after breakfast. The sense of humor/jolly thing? I do think The Partner is hella funny, in general. But I don't laugh aloud all the time, plus I think being on an antidepressant means I don't meet the 1950s standard for jolly.

I figured wearing my frying hat (to keep oil off the insides of my glasses!) when cooking stir fry is probably equivalent to cooking breakfast in my nightgown.

I docked myself points for complaining. That is the one thing I actually agree with the quiz is a problem.

Couldn't determine whether therapy is equivalent to "telling family secrets" and "talking too much." What do you all think?

Some things that really surprised me:

Walking around in socks is bad why?

How is one supposed to be the same religion as one's spouse-- worth another 10 points that I lost, because TP is atheist-- if one both takes oneself and the children (you do have children, don't you?) to church but lets the spouse sleep in on Sundays and holidays?

And what on earth is one to do if one's spouse would be weirded out by a shampoo from someone else? Not everyone likes being treated like a child.

Very glad to be living at a time when most people think these standards are absurd.

[crazyforkate]

:lol: "Reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress." Did Pete Campbell write this?

Also, what's the problem with red nail polish?

[Coconut Flan]

Also, what's the problem with red nail polish?

The sign of a hussy I presume.

[Burris]

Some of the items on that list – not going to be angry, for example, and being polite to one another when alone – have been genuine merits for my husband and me. (A few of the other items are actually listed in our marriage contract.) Hey, I fresh-squeeze our orange juice when I can, and I still only scored ‘average.’ I lost most of my points on questions concerning children and doing things on-time – not so much that I didn’t want to have kids, but it turns out I couldn’t have them (and now I’m more or less beyond the age where I could procreate without medical assistance anyway).

But seamed stockings? Yeah, the quiz is certainly dated. I haven’t even seen anything like that commercially available for a long time. And how could a woman with a lot of children – five points each! – manage to keep straight seams? I guess she’s supposed to stop among her various duties and look at her backside in a full-length mirror every half-hour or so. (And anti-feminists claim it’s the women’s rights movement that convinced women they needed to ‘have it all.’)

Virtually the only women who could score ‘Very Superior’ on that quiz are those who flatly ignore their own short-comings and count only the merits.

[docmom]

Wow I've been married 15 years and never once realized that my unshod feet presented such an obstacle to my husband's happiness.

[AnywhereButHere]

"Marital Congress" anyone? lol

This is how far we got in taking the quiz. I was asking my husband how he'd score me.

Me: Do I react with pleasure and delight to marital congress?

Him: What? What the fuck is THAT?!

Me: Dude, do we have a good sex life?

Him: (howling with laughter) Who the hell writes these things!

By the time he recovered, I'd finished the quiz. I failed. Miserably. Can't imagine how I've stayed married for 15 years...

[thoughtful]

Surprise, surprise -- the fellow who wrote the quiz raised two conservative politicians.

He also got some of his first commercial writing gigs with items for Weird Tales. :lol:

http://tellersofweirdtales.blogspot.com ... -1995.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_W._Crane

[ADoyle90815]

I failed that quiz, but I only gave myself half a demerit on one since I do sew buttons on clothing when needed, but I would rather buy new socks. I also wear red nail polish often, and have some on my toenails right now. My fingernails happen to have a coral shade on now, which would be unimaginable to the original writer of that quiz.

[salex]

My husband loves the painted nails, and Freud would point out that it is because he mom and favorite grandmother ALWAYS wore red nail polish. And I'd go to the nail salon to choose a different color and pick one off the wall... And it was always

Opi I' m not really a waitress. No matter how hard I tried to find a different red. that was my red.

[Shoes Grace]

Took both quizzes myself, I scored a 9, he scored a 22. Then had him do the same, he scored a 36 and I got a 4. He wanted to know how exactly husbands could talk too much about their other wives, and I could only talk too much about my first husband. The "stocking feet" question brought, "And nothing else? The neighbours are starting to complain, dear, all you're wearing around the house are socks and red hussy nail polish."

[uber frau]

I'm a minus 6. I would be worse but I got 15 points for having kids.