Raising Homewreckers - Merge

[GenerationCedarchip]

That's right! One of the contributors over at RH is on today exhorting all mothers not to raise their daughters to be homewreckers.

raisinghomemakers.com/2013/22-ways-to-raise-a-home-wrecker/

So, how does one turn a girl into a homewrecker, you may ask?

Well, let her enjoy being a kid, for starters. :o ( there is a middle ground between totally spoiling a kid and making her a j-slave; subtlety, fundies!)

Make academics a top priority

Encourage careers for women so they don't have to depend on men (I grew up in this world so I shouldn't be surprised, but ugh) :angry-banghead:

Oh, and apparently she shouldn't see the light of day because having lessons, clubs and fun stuff to do outside the home will give her ideas about not being content at home.

*big sigh*

[treehugger]

Teach her to have a critical spirit, of everything and everyone/quote]

Fundies - take note! Did you all know you are raising home wreckers?

As for the whole education and letting kids be kids and enjoying their childhood thing - I guess I am raising a home wrecker. Too bad. I hope she loves every minute of it. :D

[JesusFightClub]

WHAT

Be sure she knows that academics are her highest priority and that practical homemaking skills are menial and for the lower class folks.

I really hate to say this, but academics are hard and practical homemaking skills, um, aren't. 99% of people can learn how to decently tidy and clean their houses, cook meals and take care of domestic issues without a huge exertion of brain power. It's physical strength and skill, not mental.

Whereas try to learn law or Mandarin Chinese or even how to process cases in a government department and you'll find it takes a lot more concentration than remembering to sweep and hoover ALL the corners and when you should use bleach. That's not calling anything menial or "low class". It's a basic fact.

Let her believe her beauty and charm will keep a husband happy once she has snagged him.

Well, presumably if the ebil mummy and daddy made her focus on academics, she's going to have a bit more than that going on in her head. But hang on, no man wants a woman with lively intellect and interests outside the home! If she can cook and fuck, he'll NEVER stray! *headdesk*

And this one is so VERY IMPORTANT- Teach her not to be content at home. Make sure that you have somewhere to go every day. It may be lessons, clubs, teams, shopping; anything that will keep her away from home.

Newsflash - people like variety. It's not, actually, wrong.

[dairyfreelife]

The whole "Serving is a privilege" sounds like what peasants, servants and slaves told themselves to keep themselves from going insane. Yes, things need done to keep a house maintained, but why should you have to enjoy them? I would be lying to myself if I pretended doing laundry and cleaning toilets and washing puppy nose prints off my windows was somehow fun. Please. They need done, so I do it. Just because things need done doesn't mean I have to enjoy the task. But it's typical fundie talk: All or nothing, black or white. Balance is something they don't seem to have. It's like their minds can't seem to fathom any shades of gray or that there can be an in-between. It's either rejoice in all tasks as a homemaker or be a home-wrecker. There's no medium there that most people have.

Also, how do you "stop the welfare mentality", yet require her to depend on someone else for a living? What's the difference between depending on another person for money for everything and depending on the government for money for everything? You force your daughters to earn everything they have while growing up, yet refuse to allow her to depend on herself for anything. That's not teaching her how to "stop the welfare mentality" at all. She's still depending on someone or something else her entire life for everything she has.

Let her believe her beauty and charm will keep a husband happy once she has snagged him.

Isn't that what fundies say about women all the time? Isn't it all about looking good for her husband and keeping him happy? I thought that was important so that he won't stray?

[docmom]

They've just made a wee mistake in the title. It should be how-to-raise-a-fundie-fantasy-wrecker. There, fixed! I have followed all of their advice with my girls (both of whom are at camp right now as I evilly work outside the home). I am enjoying reaping the fruits of my labor (they are really nice kids if I say so myself).

[ILoveJellybeans]

Wow, I am totally going to follow that advice for my future kids. I will make sure I do all of those things just so they dont end up fundie.

[GeoBQn]

Looks like she didn't get the response she was hoping for. She added this clarification:

EDIT AND CLARIFICATION:

This post was SATIRE, perhaps I should have stated that first.

It is a post that was directed at the heart of homemaking. As mothers are we fostering a heart of homemaking, giving our daughters what they need, not only in skill but a matter of priorities?

THIS IS NOT AN ANTI-EDUCATION POST! Education IS important, and I wholeheartedly believe that women should be contributing to the household financially, whether it be through income or stewardship. Although I do believe that this is done best from home and is keeping with Titus 2:5.

I’ve been a wife and mother long enough to know that most mothers do not train up their daughters in the way they should go. If your mother did great! If God gave you eyes to see in the midst of worldly teaching, great! But most are struggling and fostering selfish lifestyles in their daughters.

I used the “home-wrecker†term as SATIRE because it is a woman who does not have her heart at home that will destroy her own home…tear it down with her own hands, as Proverbs 14 says.

We live in a culture that is selfish and materialistic, a culture that does everything it can to destroy families and homes. If you want a lifelong marriage and a peaceful home then you have to be deliberate about it, it doesn’t just happen!

I'd be confused by the use of the term "homewrecker" as well. I've only heard it in reference to a woman who has an affair with a married man.

[AnywhereButHere]

•Do everything for her so she can enjoy being a kid. – Yup, and part of enjoying things is not getting to do them all the time. We make beds, then play. Clean up dinner, then watch tv. Balance, it’s a wonderful thing.

•Don’t require any real responsibility from her even if she is capable. – See above please.

•Be sure she knows that academics are her highest priority and that practical homemaking skills are menial and for the lower class folks. – Ah yeah, academics are most important. If it comes down to studying for a test or making the bed, the bed will get made tomorrow. And by the way, inferiority complex much? Cleaning is not for the “lower classâ€, it’s for whoever wants a clean living space.

•Indulge her every whim without requiring any investment from her. – I haven’t seen anyone who does this – outside of bad tv shows about the super rich.

•Shield her from disappointment and hardships. – Disappointment is a part of life. As for hardship, I’ll do my best to not have my kid sleeping in a drawer or on Costco shelving thank you very much.

•Give her her own room, her own space complete with ways to tune out the family, such as unlimited ipads, iphone, texting, computers… - Everyone needs down time/private time. Mybe tha’s why all these people are so high strung. Can’t be easy being up each other’s butts all day.

•Don’t allow her to earn or manage any money, just make sure she has plenty of it. – You need it, I’ll buy it. You want it, you earn the money to buy it. Works for us. And not for nothing, how are these girls supposed to earn money? They can’t, God forbid, work outside the home, and I think the market on essential oils is glutted by now.

•Never put her in situations where she has to get creative and resourceful, just give her what she wants…so she can have a happy childhood. - Seriously?

•Do not correct her lack of character, because you may hurt her feelings…and she may not like you. Just let her be free to be herself. – Yourself is the best thing you can be. Character is subjective, and I’m pretty sure our idea of what constitutes it differs wildly.

•Don’t ever require her to do acts of service for other people, unless she is getting extra credit for a school subject or club of course, because she may need that for a scholarship. :roll:

•Push her to establish a career because she should never depend on a man for anything. – Damn straight. Want a man, love a man, depend on yourself. In a relationship, depend on each other.

•Encourage her to focus on her outer beauty, keep her nails done and keep her clothed in the latest fashions, because that is very important to her self-esteem. – Self esteem is important. So is that pesky balance thing again. Aim for it, it will do you good.

•Allow her to talk about her friends (gossip), better yet, you be sure to tear down your family and friends in front of her so she knows how to do it right. – Umm sure, talk about your friends and family. It encourages communication, which is a good thing. It also provides opportunity for teaching how not to talk badly about others.

•Teach her to have a critical spirit, of everything and everyone. – Critical, yes. Criticize, no. Two different concepts.

•Complain! Complain a lot so she will be a pro by the time she has her own home. – My 12 year old is already a pro. I think it’s a rite of passage, also another one of those learning experiences on how not to get what you want.

•Second guess and disrespect your husband, but be sure to justify it so it seems ‘righteous’, this is key to being a home-wrecker and sabotaging a marriage! – Respect is a two way street. In a loving marriage it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.

•Allow your daughter to always have an opinion on everything, and to ALWAYS have the last word! – Yes, she needs to have an opinion! I was raised to not have opinions. It took me until I was 24 and almost not buying a houseplant for my apartment because I hadn’t check with mommy first. Big eye opener there. And the last word thing – no shit.

[hywelis]

The word homewrecker drives me up. The. Walls.

I don't mean to excuse affair partners, but that word puts all the responsibility on the affair partner and none on the person who is actually married and broke a commitment/vow.

Accepting the attention of a married person and consenting to an affair is not a good thing, but it definitely takes 2 to tango, and the "homewrecker" is not the one with a home to think about.

Hywelis

[JesusFightClub]

The word homewrecker drives me up. The. Walls.

I don't mean to excuse affair partners, but that word puts all the responsibility on the affair partner and none on the person who is actually married and broke a commitment/vow.

Accepting the attention of a married person and consenting to an affair is not a good thing, but it definitely takes 2 to tango, and the "homewrecker" is not the one with a home to think about.

Hywelis

100% agree with this. While the consent is wrong, the married person is a lot wronger (if, indeed, that is a word).

[hywelis]

100% agree with this. While the consent is wrong, the married person is a lot wronger (if, indeed, that is a word).

Thanks.

Additional thought: I don't think I ever heard the word "homewrecker" used for a man giving in to a married woman's inappropriate attention. He's "the other man", or he's called some kind of name, but never a homewrecker. Double standard.

Hywelis

[martian]

Reading down into the comments made me really sad. There were a couple of women calling out for help because they had had terrible home environments themselves as kids, and they wanted to do better for their own little ones. It's an awful glimpse into how some people fall down the fundamentalist rabbit hole. It starts off gradual with just seeming common sensical, and there's a steep drop-off from there. The thought that some vulnerable people can go from desperately seeking to do better for the sake of their kids into some of the horrendous parenting practices advocated by fundie darlings like the Pearls... it's just profoundly depressing.

At least some of the people responding were advocating more reasonable parenting choices. There seem to be a number of fundie light commenters. And my, does the blooger have a thin skin. Satire... you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

[snarktastic]

Allow your daughter to always have an opinion on everything

Oh noes! Not evil godless OPINIONS! How can anyone have a happy home if the womenfolk have OPINONS!

Now, here's a funny thing. My daughter spends her life gadding about with her friends, having fun, doing schoolwork, and generally not practising the dusting. She adores babies and can't wait to get married. Oh, and she has LOTS of opinions. HOW COULD THIS BE?!!!!

[AnywhereButHere]

Reading down into the comments made me really sad. There were a couple of women calling out for help because they had had terrible home environments themselves as kids, and they wanted to do better for their own little ones. It's an awful glimpse into how some people fall down the fundamentalist rabbit hole. It starts off gradual with just seeming common sensical, and there's a steep drop-off from there. The thought that some vulnerable people can go from desperately seeking to do better for the sake of their kids into some of the horrendous parenting practices advocated by fundie darlings like the Pearls... it's just profoundly depressing.

At least some of the people responding were advocating more reasonable parenting choices. There seem to be a number of fundie light commenters. And my, does the blooger have a thin skin. Satire... you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

One of my favorite movies! :D

Yeah, she's a little confused on satire. Another one I don't get is "defraud". As far as I knew, defraud means to cheat or deceive using trickery. Honestly, if I'm wearing a low cut shirt, I'm not deceiving you. It's all out there. According to my definition, I'd be defrauding you if I wore a minimizing bra. A woman who's an A cup may be defrauding by wearing a push up bra. Quite frankly, I think a lot of the frumper wearing fundies are defrauding because you have no idea, as a future husband, what you may be getting. But that's just me. :think:

[CelticGoddess]

That's right! One of the contributors over at RH is on today exhorting all mothers not to raise their daughters to be homewreckers.

raisinghomemakers.com/2013/22-ways-to-raise-a-home-wrecker/

So, how does one turn a girl into a homewrecker, you may ask?

Well, let her enjoy being a kid, for starters. :o ( there is a middle ground between totally spoiling a kid and making her a j-slave; subtlety, fundies!)

Make academics a top priority

Encourage careers for women so they don't have to depend on men (I grew up in this world so I shouldn't be surprised, but ugh) :angry-banghead:

Oh, and apparently she shouldn't see the light of day because having lessons, clubs and fun stuff to do outside the home will give her ideas about not being content at home.

*big sigh*

Well, Day-yum. I am raising my daughter to be a homewrecker. She has been on the honor roll since 3rd grade (and I send her to teh ebul gubmint school, the horrrors). She is taking AP and Honors classes. (Honors math and science, even more horrors. Not the "girly" classes like english). She takes Kenpo Karate (She can kick manly man Dough the Tools ass, i you want my opinion) and she wants to major in Chemistry. Not as a teacher, no. She wants to be a chemist like her auntie. :)

Oh, and her bestie is a lesbian, and she doesn't give a fly eff about that. (She has told me that she prefers boys). Actually, she is fiercely protective of her bestie. :) I love that girl!!!

Here's to all of us who are raising homewreckers. Let's raise our daughters to be strong proud women!

[martian]

One of my favorite movies! :D

Yeah, she's a little confused on satire. Another one I don't get is "defraud". As far as I knew, defraud means to cheat or deceive using trickery. Honestly, if I'm wearing a low cut shirt, I'm not deceiving you. It's all out there. According to my definition, I'd be defrauding you if I wore a minimizing bra. A woman who's an A cup may be defrauding by wearing a push up bra. Quite frankly, I think a lot of the frumper wearing fundies are defrauding because you have no idea, as a future husband, what you may be getting. But that's just me. :think:

One of my favourite movies, too, and quotable for all occasions!

Yes, I've puzzled over "defraud". Physical attractions trick innocent spirits into sins of the flesh and cheat them of their salvation, maybe? It has a whiff of Eve and the Serpent about it, with everything being the woman's fault. Another one that confuses me is the fundie use of "convicted" where people would normally say "convinced". Is it just to denote the degree of seriousness, that you weren't merely convinced, you were convicted? Are you a prisoner of the Word of God? Or was it just some tent revival preacher's malaprop that caught on as especially Christian?

[debrand]

raisinghomemakers.com/2013/22-ways-to-raise-a-home-wrecker/

I try to move my children toward independence so I have them do chores and be responsible but some of these things I very proudly do

Be sure she knows that academics are her highest priority and that practical homemaking skills are menial and for the lower class folks.

My children don't think that work is for the 'lower class' but they do think that academics is very important. It isn't that hard to learn homemaking skills

Push her to establish a career because she should never depend on a man for anything.

I married my husband because I loved him not because I had to get married for support. OF course, couples depend on each other but I don't think that is the type of depend this writer means.

Be sure she chooses friends that are shallow and enjoy wasting time like she does.

What does this even mean? Should her friends not share her interests and what is the writer's definition of shallow?

Let her believe her beauty and charm will keep a husband happy once she has snagged him.

Isn't this what Vision Forum teaches young women? It seems unlikely that someone who teaches a young woman to be independent, career and academics focused is also going to tell her to put emphasis on her physical looks and have shallow friends.

Allow your daughter to always have an opinion on everything, and to ALWAYS have the last word!

And this one is so VERY IMPORTANT- Teach her not to be content at home. Make sure that you have somewhere to go every day. It may be lessons, clubs, teams, shopping; anything that will keep her away from home.

I am amused how they set up the points so that there is always something bad with something that someone might consider good. Having her own opinion does not mean that someone will not listen or insist on the last word.

There is nothing wrong with having outside interests.

At the end she states it is satire but I don't think she understands what the word means. Satire would be if she was being tongue in cheek and didn't actually agree with what she is saying. She seems to be using satire to deflect criticism or discussion by claiming she was joking when she clearly isn't.

I used the “home-wrecker†term as SATIRE because it is a woman who does not have her heart at home that will destroy her own home…tear it down with her own hands, as Proverbs 14 says.

We live in a culture that is selfish and materialistic, a culture that does everything it can to destroy families and homes. If you want a lifelong marriage and a peaceful home then you have to be deliberate about it, it doesn’t just happen!

[nelliebelle1197]

This comment was brilliant:

Linda June 14, 2013

By discouraging your daughters from preparing for a career, you are essentially banking her future on how good a man her husband turns out to be. If he turns out to be abusive or chronically sinful, then you have sentenced your daughter and her children to a life of suffering and dependency. Such was the case in our family. We were missionaries, but it was eventually discovered that my husband was a serial pedophile spanning decades before we had even met. Do encourage your daughters to get in the boat with their husbands and sail off while he steers the ship, but by all means teach her to swim and better yet, make sure she has her own life raft because our men are sinners after all, right? You cannot bank on a sinner never sinning grossly.

[onlyorganic]

Ugh... what a self-righteous, douchey post. I get she's saying "Home Wrecker" as in someone who is marring the perfect idea of a wife, not Titus 2 who is working her fingers to the bone and managing her husband's business, but The Tool's vision, the sixteen-year old girl who worships her father and stitches Titanic-reenactment costumes while waiting for her sugar cookies to cool. The use of "Home Wrecker" to describe the girl being raised is so poor, it's offensive.

[debrand]

I did not see this and started a thread on the same subject. Hopefully, the administrators will combine the two together.

The fact that the Op and I noticed the value of snarking on the same article is just proof of our mutual brilliance. :lol:

[singsingsing]

Shouldn't it be the opposite? A happy childhood gives you a good foundation. Having your own career helps you gain confidence and gives you something to fall back on even if you plan to be a stay at home wife/mother, just in case something happens to your husband - illness, injury, disability, loss of work. Pursuing your own education and interests gives your life more meaning outside of your husband. You're not depending on him for everything, which ultimately means you're less likely to resent him, because he's not the sole source of your happiness. Which is a GOOD thing.