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Women are selfish!


dairyfreelife

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yestheyareallours.com/2013/06/marriage-monday-what-destroys-more.html

We think we know better than our husbands do, especially when it comes to how to raise our children.

Everyone thinks they know best, but do most women really think they know better than their spouses at everything? I find that hard to believe. I certainly don't think I know better than my boyfriend quite often. I know some things better than he does and he knows some things better than I do.

We think we deserve a more comfortable life and refuse to be content with the standard of living that our husbands provide for us, so we either complain, drive them to change jobs or take on more debt, or we take matters into our own hands and go get a job that will bring in the additional income we desire.

I have never complained about income. My boyfriend does quite well, but that's not why I like him. I have never complained about his jobs, though sometimes I think he works too hard and puts too much pressure on himself. He wants to do things well and worries about failing too much imo. I wouldn't consider driving him to debt. I hate debt myself. I will probably work even if we do get married because I want to work. Technically, he would make enough that I would not need to work, but I would prefer it. I need people interaction. Don't see what the problem is with the latter. If someone complained I didn't make enough money for them and they went out and got a job, I say great. Less complaining now.

We think our plans and desires for how we spend time are more important or noble than their ideas of how to spend the evening or the weekend.

I have never once though my ideas for spending time together are more important than his. Not ever. If he's not happy, I wouldn't be either. And the rest is just ridiculous. I really don't need to consult him before I go to a friend's baby shower or what have you.

We think all holidays should be spent with our families, not theirs.

Um...what? Who thinks this? Both families are vital, though we will probably be living a few hours from either family if we got married, but I never have thought mine is more important.

We think our husbands should take us out to eat, because we don't feel like cooking and we "deserve a break today."

I don't see what's wrong with wrong with this occasionally. I really don't think my boyfriend would mind if I suggested we go out to eat because I just don't feel like cooking today. He'd just say, "Okay, where do you want to eat?" End of that.

We reject our husbands' advances yet again, because we are tired or have a headache or want to be left alone.

If I seem tired or don't feel well, I doubt he would even consider an advance. If I said I really don't feel well or am exhausted, he would accept that. Is it really that difficult to see when their wives are exhausted or unwell? My boyfriend is not interested in sex if I'm not, even if he wanted it. My experience with most men is that they want her to enjoy it as well and if she is not in the mood, it won't be as fun. I don't get these men who want sex with women who have zero interest in it at the time. I don't get how they don't care if she is enjoying it or not. Selfish women? More like selfish men.

I get that putting him first is important. I mean, I want to put him first because I care about his happiness. BUT, he should be doing the same to her. My boyfriend tries to put me first as well. It's a mutual respect that while we are important, someone else's thoughts, feelings, opinions, concerns, etc. are just as important. If she puts him first and he doesn't do the same for her, that's not a loving relationship imho.

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I feel sad for fundies because of their concept of selfishness. J.O.Y. is bullshit. Its okay to sometimes put yourself first, nobody can be completely unselfish, but its okay. Everyone deserves to look after themselves and put themselves first sometimes. As long as they arent doing it all the time, and know theres a time and place to put themselves first (it probably wont be so good to just casually sit reading a book while someone else is lying bleeding on the floor next to you calling for you to call an ambulance, but your partners desire for sex when you dont want to can wait, as he wont die if you dont sleep with him right now.)

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The thing is that if these women take their roles as "caretaker" as seriously as they say that they do, then they need to take care of the caretaker as well. If the caretaker becomes too ill from exhaustion, inferior nutrition, and poor health care, what happens to all of these people who need to be cared for? The whole system is unsustaiable. It is unsustainable in both the long and the short term. The house of cards cannot stand. Either the mother of the full quiver becomes a complete basket case or she turns to the buddy system, thus wearing out her daughters before they even start their own quiver.

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I freely admit I'm kind of selfish( I still have one child at home, so of course she is my first priority). I want to spend every holiday with my family. I want to do as I please, and I don't want to take anyone else's opinion into consideration when it comes to how I live my life.

That is why I am single, and happy to remain so until I decide to be less selfish.

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We think we know better than our husbands do, especially when it comes to how to raise our children.

Um, isn't this like, the whole of female fundiedom blogging? They are women, addressing women, on how the children should be raised. I get the whole "Titus 2" aspect of that, the "older women teaching the younger", but how often do we see men pushing the Pearls or Maxwells? How do we think the Pearls' or Maxwells' (or anyone else's) material is introduced into the household?

All the womenz read the other womenz blogs, and then go home and put it in action. When the husband doesn't agree to giving up birth control or doesn't get on board with the discipline method she wants, the woman cries about how her conscience is violated and pleads on public blogs that other women to pray that "God will change her husband's heart". I believe Raising Olives had a big post about this a while back.

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This woman seriously needs to throttle back her use of the plural pronouns and stick to I and me. She doesn't speak for all women, and it's incredibly arrogant for her to write as if she does.

She's projecting her personal troubles and failings on to all of us vagina-d people.

Self awareness: get some, woman. :angry-steamingears:

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The thing is that if these women take their roles as "caretaker" as seriously as they say that they do, then they need to take care of the caretaker as well. If the caretaker becomes too ill from exhaustion, inferior nutrition, and poor health care, what happens to all of these people who need to be cared for? The whole system is unsustaiable. It is unsustainable in both the long and the short term. The house of cards cannot stand. Either the mother of the full quiver becomes a complete basket case or she turns to the buddy system, thus wearing out her daughters before they even start their own quiver.

A caretaker isn't a person. She's a repository and conduit of God's love. Her job is to get filled with the Spirit and let it flow to the rest of the family. If she runs out of health or energy, that just means she isn't as open to God as she should be. At that point, it's okay to throw out the broken caretaker and get a new one.

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A caretaker isn't a person. She's a repository and conduit of God's love. Her job is to get filled with the Spirit and let it flow to the rest of the family. If she runs out of health or energy, that just means she isn't as open to God as she should be. At that point, it's okay to throw out the broken caretaker and get a new one.

Silly heathen me!

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I feel sad for fundies because of their concept of selfishness. J.O.Y. is bullshit. Its okay to sometimes put yourself first, nobody can be completely unselfish, but its okay. Everyone deserves to look after themselves and put themselves first sometimes. As long as they arent doing it all the time, and know theres a time and place to put themselves first (it probably wont be so good to just casually sit reading a book while someone else is lying bleeding on the floor next to you calling for you to call an ambulance, but your partners desire for sex when you dont want to can wait, as he wont die if you dont sleep with him right now.)

Yes. You can't look after others if you're not taking care of yourself. It's ridiculous.

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This reminds me of Lori Alexander's post about how "women don't need me time."

Sadly, a few commentators responded that they agreed with her and that they never needed time away from their children. I don't think this is healthy for the mother or the child. I always feel more energized and in a better state of mind when I get a chance to go for a run or just grab a cup of coffee and spend an hour reading a magazine.

I can't imagine what it would be like to constantly feel guilty about taking time for oneself, or ordering takeout.

Guilt and fundism are forever intertwined me thinks.

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We think we deserve a more comfortable life and refuse to be content with the standard of living that our husbands provide for us, so we either complain, drive them to change jobs or take on more debt, or we take matters into our own hands and go get a job that will bring in the additional income we desire.

Oh fuck you. My husband can't seem to get a job in the first place, or keep it if he manages to land one. I'm a full-time worker, ensuring I make enough money to have a roof over my head because my husband can't seem to manage to do so. In related commentary, I am also a full-time student and will be graduating as a nurse in 6 months; I want to be self-sufficient before filing for divorce (I've been the only one in our relationship who has managed to stay employed regularly).

We reject our husbands' advances yet again, because we are tired or have a headache or want to be left alone.
Considering I work 40 hours a week, am in classes 18 hours out of the week, in clinicals 12 hours out of the week, have on average 8 hours of homework a week and still manage to do most of the pet care and laundry, you're goddamned right I turn my husband down for sex. Not only do I not respect him (repeatedly losing jobs, not looking for work, spending more time playing Magic: The Gathering at the local geek store instead of applying for work), I am exhausted. :zombie:

/rant

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If I seem tired or don't feel well, I doubt he would even consider an advance. If I said I really don't feel well or am exhausted, he would accept that. Is it really that difficult to see when their wives are exhausted or unwell? My boyfriend is not interested in sex if I'm not, even if he wanted it. My experience with most men is that they want her to enjoy it as well and if she is not in the mood, it won't be as fun. I don't get these men who want sex with women who have zero interest in it at the time. I don't get how they don't care if she is enjoying it or not. Selfish women? More like selfish men.

I agreed with your entire post, but this last one I liked best of all. Exactly! What kind of loving husband wants to have sex with his wife, if he knows she doesn't feel well? Selfish man indeed. If my partner is exhausted from a tough day at work, or feeling headachy or generally unwell - the last thing I would consider is demanding we have sex! And then pouting if he asks if we can't postpone it to another time. It's shameful of anyone to promote this type of mindset in men.

It's no wonder that girls have to be brainwashed from birth to accept this crap -- because otherwise, fundie men would have to go shopping for brides online. It's not selfish to expect to be treated with decency.

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Oh fuck you. My husband can't seem to get a job in the first place, or keep it if he manages to land one. I'm a full-time worker, ensuring I make enough money to have a roof over my head because my husband can't seem to manage to do so. In related commentary, I am also a full-time student and will be graduating as a nurse in 6 months; I want to be self-sufficient before filing for divorce (I've been the only one in our relationship who has managed to stay employed regularly).

Considering I work 40 hours a week, am in classes 18 hours out of the week, in clinicals 12 hours out of the week, have on average 8 hours of homework a week and still manage to do most of the pet care and laundry, you're goddamned right I turn my husband down for sex. Not only do I not respect him (repeatedly losing jobs, not looking for work, spending more time playing Magic: The Gathering at the local geek store instead of applying for work), I am exhausted. :zombie:

/rant

Run far and run fast honey. You deserve better.

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Why is it ALWAYS women? We're too modest and won't please a man in bed, or we're not modest enough and letting him down. Or we're whining about a family finance problem, or we're not helping enough even when pregnant, or we're not pretty enough, or energetic enough, or grateful enough. Why is it NEVER a deficiency in the men, EVER?

Thank God I'm married to a man who wants a partner, not a Stepford wife. We need eachother, in a nice, we balance eachother out in terms of domesticity, parenting and emotions way, not a creepy master/helpmeet way.

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Run far and run fast honey. You deserve better.

We've been together since I was 23 and he was 35, and it's been almost 13 years. I grew up, he chose not to.

But anyway, back to the topic at hand. That crapweasel needs to figure out that she is not the official mouthpiece for any woman but herself. :evil-eye:

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In related commentary, I am also a full-time student and will be graduating as a nurse in 6 months; I want to be self-sufficient before filing for divorce (I've been the only one in our relationship who has managed to stay employed regularly).

You are a strong woman! I'm at my worst when I'm exhausted, and my work ethic comes and goes, so you have my admiration.

Are you prepared for the possibility that you'll be paying alimony? (There's a concept to make fundie heads spin.)

Speaking to the topic...meh. I'm so fed up with these women constantly putting themselves down.* Where are all the self-hating husband blogs? And, anyway, what's wrong with mutual respect and kindness, along with occasional moments of selflessness? Only in Fundieland** do these kind of one-sided "all-women-are-spiteful-selfish-whiners" marriages seem to be the norm.

*Ninja'd by Drina Adams, but posting nonetheless even though you said it better. :D

**Theme park idea! There could be the Michelle Duggar Log Flume, the Vision Forum Victorian Teacup ride, Doug the Tool's Amazon Adventure, Tunnel of Love (for females) and Tunnel of Respect (menz only), the Maxwell Funhouse....

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You are a strong woman! I'm at my worst when I'm exhausted, and my work ethic comes and goes, so you have my admiration.

Are you prepared for the possibility that you'll be paying alimony? (There's a concept to make fundie heads spin.)

Speaking to the topic...meh. I'm so fed up with these women constantly putting themselves down.* Where are all the self-hating husband blogs? And, anyway, what's wrong with mutual respect and kindness, along with occasional moments of selflessness? Only in Fundieland** do these kind of one-sided "all-women-are-spiteful-selfish-whiners" marriages seem to be the norm.

*Ninja'd by Drina Adams, but posting nonetheless even though you said it better. :D

**Theme park idea! There could be the Michelle Duggar Log Flume, the Vision Forum Victorian Teacup ride, Doug the Tool's Amazon Adventure, Tunnel of Love (for females) and Tunnel of Respect (menz only), the Maxwell Funhouse....

Mercifully, my state doesn't "do" alimony, just child support (there are no children). And considering I put him through college for the 7 years it took him to get a bachelor's degree and the 3 years it took for him to get a teaching certificate, well, it would be wisest if he doesn't even go there.

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Women aren't selfish in the world they set up. Men are the selfish infants who can't function if anyone disagrees with them or if they do not have someone around to worship and serve them 24/7.

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