Jump to content
IGNORED

Men Want Wives Like Their Grandmothers


GeoBQn

Recommended Posts

Let's see- the grandmother that my husband actually liked was a chain-smoker, compulsive BINGO player who liked to bet on dog races, and was definitely the woman in charge of everything. Oh, yeah, she was also a nurse who provided at least 50% of the household income. She had three daughters, all of whom went to college.

The grandmother that my husband despised probably should have been a nun. She was a devout Irish Catholic, who went to Mass daily, taught CCD, was submissive to her husband, never learned to drive, got married at 16, and started having babies at 19. Her husband died when she was only 60, and she spent the next 39 YEARS living with her oldest daughter, because she was closest to the church. She was a shadow woman when her husband died. Unable to make decisions on her own. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years, and I met her three times. She maintained that my marriage to my husband wasn't real because we didn't get married in a Catholic ceremony (and in fact, refused to attend our wedding). She was a horrible woman.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 93
  • Created
  • Last Reply
My Granny used to fart loudly, longly and very publicly.

Maybe that's what Lori wants :lol:

Mine too! She had survived colon cancer, and had to eat a LOT of fiber. I rescued a kitten who was found on the side of the road and was afraid of loud noises. Nannie let one rip, and the kitty hissed and flattened out like a bear turning into a bear rug in a cartoon. Then she howled with laughter and snorted a few times. Ah, memories :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of my husband's grandmothers died years before he was born, and the other one died when he was 2. So he doesn't have much to compare me to in that area.

My mom's mother died when I was 23. She worked outside of the home and ran her own store for a while. She was a really cool lady; very crafty and did a lot to rescue animals. My dad's mother died when I was 33. She struggled with mental illness and had a tough life, but she and I were close. Neither of my grandmothers really fit the mold that Lori the Fucking Monster describes.

One of my great-grandmothers was a real trip - chain-smoked, cursed like a sailor, and loved talking about the tabloid magazines. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My grand-mothers were pretty traditional French middle-class housewives...

This is not the kind of wife my husband wants ! He is very happy to have a working wife who is his equal partner in our marriage... Not all men want to marry traditional housewives :naughty:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Feminist foes" don't want aging women, or women in general, to stay physically fit by "go(ing) to the gym everyday"?

Oh, right, the only reason 70-year-old women are supposed to do that, in Lori's eyes, is because they still need to remain adequately physically attractive objects for their husbands... it couldn't possibly be about enjoying the fact that they are still able to be healthy, fit and strong. That's for them silly feminists.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Feminist foes" don't want aging women, or women in general, to stay physically fit by "go(ing) to the gym everyday"?

Oh, right, the only reason 70-year-old women are supposed to do that, in Lori's eyes, is because they still need to remain adequately physically attractive objects for their husbands... it couldn't possibly be about enjoying the fact that they are still able to be healthy, fit and strong. That's for them silly feminists.

Doncha know that women have been brainwashed by feminism, and apparently so have men, so even if a couple prefers something else, Lori says that the Bible tells her that it's her job to remind you that GOD says you're Doing It Wrong.

'Cause she's the expert on What the Bible Says. Or at least, the New Testmament part of it. I have a hard time believing that she actually read Proverbs 31, since it clearly refers to a woman who engages in commerce, makes her own business decisions, provides for her household and has domestic help. But really, if she posts it, it's all about God's Word. Even if she's quoting a rabid MRA type who writes other articles on How to Bang a Persian Girl and other not-so-godly stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of my husband's grandmothers died last month. She worked full-time for the state health department, refusing to retire until she turned 80. Not long after she retired, she started showing symptoms of Alzheimer's and my in-laws are convinced that once she stopped working, she had lost her reason for "keeping it together." (I don't entirely agree with people explaining dementia this way, but it shows how everyone recognized that work was so important to her.) Her husband was also not the easiest person to be around, and she had to hold her own during arguments.

Lori has written before that women should not only not work, but also that they should not have any hobbies or interests that take them away from home or their children--even a weekly Bible study is too much. My maternal grandmother would volunteer at her synagogue and with the local consumptive aid society, where her sister worked as a secretary in charge of fundraising. My paternal grandmother frequently worked as a poll worker on election days. My husband's grandmothers took dance lessons. Even though they were stay-at-home mothers once they had children, they found ways to maintain independent interests and be civically engaged. Lori doesn't want to just get women to stop working. She wants them to lose all traces of unique personalities and cut themselves off from society.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Both of my grandmothers are/were people Lori would dislike. My deceased maternal grandmother never worked outside the home because she and my grandfather owned a ranch. They worked in a partnership to run everything. My paternal grandmother back in the 50s and 60s took seasonal jobs as a housekeeper for ski resort hotels. She had her own hobbies and did volunteer work for Catholic parishes. Lori would have disliked the fact that my maternal grandmother sometimes was the key decision maker on the ranch or that my paternal grandmother encouraged her daughters to have careers if they wanted them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My maternal grandmother was widowed when my mom was 2, so she was a teacher who worked to support my mom and 2 aunts, and continued to work even after she found someone else. She also had untreated depression, and ended up committing suicide long before my brother and I were born, so we never knew her. Apparently, my great grandmother had her out of wedlock back in the 20's, and even homebrewed during Prohibition. I don't think Lori, the fucking monster would want anyone to emulate her or my grandmother on that side.

My other grandmother was a traditional Catholic housewife who did quit her job when she married, and had 6 children. She enabled the youngest by paying his rent because that uncle is so mentally unstable, he's been fired from every job for picking fights with management, with the last job only lasting a week. This uncle has been so verbally abusive, that the family pretty much wants nothing to do with him, and while there is suspicion of elder abuse, my grandma refuses to press charges or get that uncle out of her house and let a caregiver move in. The thing is that my grandpa was NEVER abusive towards my grandma or anyone else, yet my grandma allows this uncle to verbally and financially abuse her. Unfortunately, verbal abuse doesn't count as someone being a danger to others and my uncle has never been suicidal, so there's no way to force him to get mental health treatment. The thing I've planned is that when my grandma dies, I'm not carpooling to her funeral because when he starts up shit, I can get in my car and get the hell out of there. Lori, the fucking monster would have disliked that my maternal grandmother volunteered for things with her local Catholic parish, and that she occasionally spent time with her SIL.

My fiancee already said that he doesn't want a traditional housewife, but to be an equal partner in the relationship. He likes that I would rather be self-supporting than rely on a husband to support me. His grandparents, while being typical housewives, also had interests and hobbies outside the home, so Lori, the fucking monster would have hated both of them as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never met either of The Partner's grandmothers, but I've heard stories. One was a librarian who worked into her 80s. The other was a SAHM of many (Catholic) children, whom TP's mom refers to as "a force of nature-- a strong women who raised strong women."

I knew both of my grandmothers but was far closer to the younger one (a former teacher and musician who double-majored in French and biology) than the older one (a retired factory worker who raised three kids after her husband died young).

I wonder what Lori would have made of M, my great-grandmother, who was working as a missionary in China when she met the man (also a missionary) she would eventually marry. Great-grandfather's church had to buy out her contract before he could marry her, because her church didn't want to let her go. She spoke far better Mandarin than he did and was a very good teacher and fund-raiser, and she derived a sense of great purpose from her work.

Oh, and Lori can bite me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lori is a Fucking Monster says that women who are into cookin', cleanin', and man-pleasin' are going the way of the dodo, and that men want women who are like their grandmothers.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/06/his-outdated-grandmother.html

I don't even want to waste energy picking this post apart sentence by sentence. FJers have already talked at length about having grandmothers who did not conform to traditional gender roles, or grandparents who divided the labor by traditional gender roles but worked together as a team--not headship and helpmeet.

So she thinks my husband would just LOVE a wife like his alcoholic, embittered grandmother who spent her life resenting the hell out of her children and her marriage? Ooooooookay then. :evil-eye:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let's see - neither of my bio grandmas can/could cook much. Every time I hear or see a commercial or something referring to Grandma's cooking, I kind of cringe. And my step-grandma might cook well by Minnesota standards, I honestly don't really know, but as she once (innocently!) served me the mayo-based-salad Lunch From Hell (even the FRUIT SALAD was mayoized!) that I was unable to eat (let's hear it for sandwich makings from the fridge, she was luckily not offended at all) due to my revulsion at the stuff, well...I'd have to ask a mayo fiend, I guess, about her food.

Oh, and my maternal grandmother years later in life apologized to her daughters for being a doormat to her husband all those years when they were growing up. It was way too late to have much of an effect, but she did eventually realize that wife=doormat=FUCKED UP. Points to her for that. Methinks the fundies would be horrified.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, girls, if you dedicate your life to mindless and repetitive labor, become a gourmet cook, maintain your body in a fuckable condition into your seventies, and never ever ask for any compensation, you too can get... some cheap foliage "from time to time". And a guy willing to say "I love you."

Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with these young girls today. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal!

Gaaah. It's not as though either of my grandmothers were hugely progressive women, but they expected (and got) a hell of a lot more out of their husbands than that. When I was dating the husband before my paternal GM died, she strongly encouraged me to take absolute control of the household finances and provide him with an allowance. She said it was the easiest way to ensure marital happiness. Both of them ran their large families with iron fists, took paying work where it was indicated, and didn't take shit from anyone. And yet somehow they were also loved and respected by their husbands and descendants.

Go figure.

I think your gran and both by grandmothers were triplets seperated at birth. Both mine had complete and iron fisted control of the family and the grandfathers' money (in addition to their own) and both advised all their female descendents that this was the only way to marital happiness and inner peace. :mrgreen: To think they were both women who came of age before they even had the vote in their countries, and Lori and her ilk would like to piss away not only their own rights, but everyone else's.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of my husband's grandmothers was a farm wife who raised 7 kids. Excellent cook and baker, but since DH has no desire for farm life he says he doesn't want a wife like her.

The other grandmother was a horrible bitch, apparently. I didn't know her very well because hubs didn't want our kids around her. Apparently at the grandparents' 50th anniversary, somebody congratulated the grandpa and he said "50 years with the wrong woman" and walked away.

My grandma was awesome. She was a Bible believing Christian, prayed every day, but she took no crap from anybody and cussed like a sailor. I still miss her. She used to say "the older you get, the less you care what people think," and after turning 50, it's true.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My paternal grandmother was a chain smoking alcoholic who thought milk didn't need to be refrigerated and did not cook. She and my paternal grandfather prided themselves in physical abusing their four children.

My maternal grandmother was married to a raging alcoholic who left her. She ran a boarding house until she died. My mother told me her mother greeted each day with a cigarette and a cup of coffee.

My husband's grandmother came from a prominent Chicago family. His great-aunt is a DAR member, for instance. Our grandma was working for civil rights in the 40's, in accordance with her Quaker beliefs. She was one of the co-founders of a local org that focuses on organic farming. She worked as a math teacher till retirement, raising five kids on a teacher's salary after her ex (a manic depressive) left. She also raised several of her grandchildren. She was a familiar figure at local protests and demonstrations. Let's just say we weren't surprised (but pretty scared,) to find out she and her second husband were marching during the Battle in Seattle in 1999.

She was brutally honest. When we told her we weren't planning on having children, she told me she supported our decision 100%. She also told me if she had it to do over again, she would never have had so many children.

I want to be just like her.

Lori Alexander isn't fit to stand in her shadow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Both of my grandmothers were widows before I was old enough for school, so I can't really relate to what Lori's trying to say (but then, can anyone really relate to her?).

Law Dogger sounds a lot like Marky Mark.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love grandmother stories!

My 88-year-old grandmother is practically the domestic ideal: a fantastic homemaker/cook/quilter, non-college-educated (but a voracious reader), 70-years-married (she married my grandpa at 17 during WW2), SAHM except for some part-time secretarial work at her sons' school... and she did not approve of my parents' slide into fundie-dom. Politely, of course, 'cause she doesn't believe in prying and bossing, but disapproving nevertheless. (Not to mention that said 70 years of marriage to my atheist grandfather have turned her from politely Episcopalian to politely agnostic.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just read Lori´s (who is a fuckin´Monster) blog. A 50s ad of course aaaand some "uh-oh, these ebil american femigirls. I´m gonna buy me a slavic housewife!" MRA shit in it. Of course.

Both my Grandmothers were born in the rather unpleasant 1930s and were young wives and mothers in post-WWII years/early 50s. Both families were also farmers:

They took their babies or toddlers with them when doing fieldwork or cutting grassland with that big-ass grim reaper styled scythes and gave them "Mohnzuzel" /poppy seed pacifiers so they keep quiet or leaved them with the half deaf/blind great-grandma (grandma had to work too!)

They wore dresses, coats and stockings from hard but robust cotton or linnen and wool. Oh so much wool, especially the stockings! Bathing time was once a week.

They brewed schnaps with a approx. 70% alcohol content of which you go blind if you haven´t been "raised with it".

Which they also drunk when their friends popped by to exchange news. Like whose husband in the village is drinking awful lot of milk because he has some suspctions about his wife or who recently got run over by a tractor. His own. At the apple tree yard (It was a divorceless time and therefor a better time, or wasn´t it?).

They poured back uneaten soup from the dishes into the pot and cut off the moldy parts from bred and ate it anyway. They feeded a pig until it had like 200 kilo so they could make this desired bacon (?) that basically contained 100 percent white pure fat and made a pudding with that much sugar in it, the spoon would stuck. Because fat and sugar were the things they were deprived of for quite a time.

And don´t let me start on the usual traditional dishes: blood sausage, brain with eggs, "Beuschl" (lungs), plenty of intestines I tell ya.

Hey @Law Dogger, how about some Bluatsterz? It´s a manly dinner, made complete from scratch. And fresh pig´s blood. and stale bread. But nothing else in it, I promise! Just a manly slice...you also could take the leftovers home....No?

So Lori (who is a Monster) does want me to raise my daughter to be like my grannie so she could one day be "the perfect wife" for Law Doggers son.

Well, okehdokeh then. But keep in mind: she will be able to operate a scythe, will be very wooly and you should have a good stomach!

And make sure your boy likes milk, he´ll probably need it one day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love grandmother stories!

Me too! And I'm noticing a theme here...So few grandmas in the real world fit the fundie ideal. Imagine that!

Let's see, my maternal grandmother got pregnant at 17 to trap my grandpa. She had a very unstable childhood and he was the only child of a fairly well-off family. His mom offered her $20k to disappear. :lol: That was quite a chunk of change in the early 50's. But she refused and they were married until my beloved gpa died in '88. They were quite the partiers, and pretty much any picture of them includes alcohol and cigarettes and other drunk couples. She had her good qualities but she was also a pill addict with some serious mental instability, esp after my grandpa passed. She had long stopped cooking by the time grandkids came along and she spoiled us rotten. We had a complicated relationship after I became an adult and I cut her out of my life about 5 years before she died. Most of the family had by then.

My paternal grandma died when my dad was a young boy, unfortunately. By all accounts she was a lovely woman. Lori would probably have loved my step-grandma, though. She was a cruel woman who was very emotionally abusive to my dad and uncle. She didn't treat them like human beings with feelings and got off on punishing them for any slight. I have no idea if she was particularly religious. The only fun I ever had with her was when she was in a coma and my aunt and I were giving her funky hairstyles. :banana-dance:

My husband's grandma had 5 kids by 3 different men, and I'm not sure if she was married to any of them. She worked 3 jobs when I knew her and was a lot of fun. She was a damned good cook, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One grandmother went back to work when her youngest was about 10. Prior to that she was on the school parents committee and hospital auxiliary.

The other one oversaw the running of the farm. She was in charge of MEN!! One of them was Italian and the other Fijian!! Their families are forever grateful for the start they we given in this country.

That hardly Lori the monsters ideal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love these stories also!! My paternial grandmother lived in NYC and didn't drive, and went to Florida in the winter. She smoked till the day she died, was not the greatest cook, but she could sew and Knit, I still have some of the sweaters she made when I was a kid. She died in 1993, my uncle died the year before and I think she lost her will to live.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmm, moving from hub's grandmothers to mine-- one went to the city by her self and went to business college and worked as a typist for a large company, didn't marry until she was almost 30, had 3 kids, fired grand-dad's hired man a time or two and yes, cooked, quilted, gardened, etc. , the other went to college and studied chemistry, married and had 6 kids. She also had a woman come out and help with / do laundry and some of the cooking. Hub's great aunt (grandfather's sister) had a full time housekeeper who did most of the cooking. She ran an antique shop and traveled to europe on buying trips, sometimes without her husband.

These people want a time that never was.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Anonymous

My maternal grandmother was a divorced single mother and a college-educated professional. My paternal grandmother was a widow who used the accusations of witchcraft made against her (accusations of witchcraft can be very serious business in Africa) to mess with people's heads, thus maintaining her independence after her husband died.

I'm intrigued by the 'true happiness' stuff from Law Dogger's rant. It seems to cover all bases. A successful career woman who feels fulfilled, accomplished and happy can be told that what she is experiencing is not 'true happiness', while a lonely housewife who is utterly miserable can be told that she is experiencing 'true happiness' but her sinful heart is deceiving her. I laughed a little when Law Dogger complained about the 'fabricated ideal of the independent female'. He's the one peddling a fabricated ideal of womanhood!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm CERTAIN my husband wouldn't expect me to emulate either of his grandmothers. His paternal grandmother died 5 or 6 years before he was born. As for his maternal grandmother, according to him and my MIL, she was a cold, rigid, self-absorbed bitch and only a few of her kids could stand her in adulthood. (MIL was NOT among them.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I certainly hope the men in my family would want women like my grandmothers.

One started the business that still supports several of my cousins, and had very little interest in domestic skills.

The other was the sole support of her family, including through the Depression, and sent one son to WWII and another to Korea (both came back, luckily). She was a crappy cook.

My great-grandmothers all worked to support their families, too.

Sorry, Lori -- the SAH slave you seem to imagine was a blip on the radar -- hardly a typical woman of most past eras.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.




×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.