Ready To Be Married? Prepare To Suffer!

[lilith]

I thought I had seen it all, but that Michael Pearl honeymoon story is just...I don't even have words.

OK, if you absolutely had to choose...would you choose Michael Pearl, Jim Bob, or Doug Phillips? Based on Michelle's attitude I suspect Jim Bob is halfway decent in bed. (I'm puking now.) I think Doug Phillips would hurry up and get it over with so he could get back to watching push up videos of hawt fundie guys. So that leaves Michael Pearl. I think I would just kill myself and get it over with. So my choice is Jim Bob, but I'm not getting a perm for him!

Definitely Doug Phillips (is a tool). He's pretty hot under all that toolishness, and I bet he'd dress up as a 19th century British cavalry officer for me.

[Just_Jane]

I can't crochet but I can knit. Is it acceptable to knit in the presence of Christ or are the two needles the tools of Satan?

[Arete]

I can't crochet but I can knit. Is it acceptable to knit in the presence of Christ or are the two needles the tools of Satan?

Two needles are indeed the tools of Satan. The number 2 can be divided evenly, just like Satan tries to divide the 2 that make Holy Matrimony. If you want to be married or want to continue to be married, knitting is therefore ungodly.

Though a cable stitch is probably godly, as there are three needles involved, and the number 3 represents the trinity. Best to only attempt a cable stitch with prayer cover from a church body.

[Burris]

A "liberal pool" where people are "abortionistic"?

This woman is an idiot.

[Burris]

Definitely Doug Phillips (is a tool). He's pretty hot under all that toolishness, and I bet he'd dress up as a 19th century British cavalry officer for me.

If he could get away with it, Doug Phillips (is a tool) would dress up as a 19th Century British cavalry officer's wife for you.

[lilith]

If he could get away with it, Doug Phillips (is a tool) would dress up as a 19th Century British cavalry officer's wife for you.

No deal, I want the corsets and pretty dresses and ridiculous hats all for myself.

[Rosa]

I just figured out about the evolutionist pool! Fundies think evolution is a belief, like YECism. And they teach their kids to preach at everyone they encounter. So they think the little nonfundy kids are going to just walk up to their precious angels and be all "Do you know about Darwin? I want to tell you about Darwin, come here in the dark corner with me..."

Because this happens (in reverse, you know "Guess what I just learned about Jesus!") to my kid on the regular, and we live in a godless heathen gay-friendly city.

[salex]

48. Pray for those who attend large alcoholic gatherings

:lol:

What in the world? Is she talking about parties or AA meetings?

I thought we were all feeling especially blessed at our wine tasting the other night!

[Hane]

If he could get away with it, Doug Phillips (is a tool) would dress up as a 19th Century British cavalry officer's wife for you.

Now, Burris, I hate the hackneyed, overused term LOL. But I just LOLd here, just for you! (literally, not figuratively)

[thoughtful]

I'm sorry, I only pray for those attending small alcoholic gatherings.

And I'll crochet whether Jesus is with me or not, 'cause I'm such a rebel! :cracking-up:

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I just figured out about the evolutionist pool! Fundies think evolution is a belief, like YECism. And they teach their kids to preach at everyone they encounter. So they think the little nonfundy kids are going to just walk up to their precious angels and be all "Do you know about Darwin? I want to tell you about Darwin, come here in the dark corner with me..."

Because this happens (in reverse, you know "Guess what I just learned about Jesus!") to my kid on the regular, and we live in a godless heathen gay-friendly city.

Oh I'm dying here. "Let me tell you about Darwin." Heh. Do we get our own Chick Tracts? Something like "Dinosaurs did NOT walk with man" and "Healthy? Thank a scientist." and "Satan is a Myth."

[formergothardite]

I thought I had seen it all, but that Michael Pearl honeymoon story is just...I don't even have words.

OK, if you absolutely had to choose...would you choose Michael Pearl, Jim Bob, or Doug Phillips? Based on Michelle's attitude I suspect Jim Bob is halfway decent in bed. (I'm puking now.) I think Doug Phillips would hurry up and get it over with so he could get back to watching push up videos of hawt fundie guys. So that leaves Michael Pearl. I think I would just kill myself and get it over with. So my choice is Jim Bob, but I'm not getting a perm for him!

I would take Doug. He isn't bad looking and I bet it wouldn't last long.

[Talitha Cumi]

Blah, that sounds like a game of fuck-marry-kill with fundies! I think that I need to go hide now!

Marry- Doug Phillips is a tool. Because I like costumes.

Fuck- Jim-Bob. He must be doing something right for them to be trying so often.

Hope He Steps On A Lego- Michael Pearl. He deserves pain, and lots of it.

[Talitha Cumi]

Two needles are indeed the tools of Satan. The number 2 can be divided evenly, just like Satan tries to divide the 2 that make Holy Matrimony. If you want to be married or want to continue to be married, knitting is therefore ungodly.

Though a cable stitch is probably godly, as there are three needles involved, and the number 3 represents the trinity. Best to only attempt a cable stitch with prayer cover from a church body.

Knitting in the round with 4 (or 5, if that's your preference) needles? Or, holy crap, knitting cables in the round? How does the numerology work out there?

[Mermaidgrrrl]

I thought I had seen it all, but that Michael Pearl honeymoon story is just...I don't even have words.

OK, if you absolutely had to choose...would you choose Michael Pearl, Jim Bob, or Doug Phillips? Based on Michelle's attitude I suspect Jim Bob is halfway decent in bed. (I'm puking now.) I think Doug Phillips would hurry up and get it over with so he could get back to watching push up videos of hawt fundie guys. So that leaves Michael Pearl. I think I would just kill myself and get it over with. So my choice is Jim Bob, but I'm not getting a perm for him!

Jim Bob. He seems the least abusive. That Michael Pearl must be the worst of the bad bunch.