The Laydee Test

[Guest Anonymous]

I started doing the women's test but found it really boring and gave up (I did read it through, I just couldn't be bothered to go through it again and work out my score).

The men's test is really interesting. I genuinely cannot imagine many women caring about how much a man can bench press. Being arrested and getting into fights are not positive attributes either. All that crap about how to treat a woman during a "pickup" seems ridiculous too - do you ignore her and treat her like shit? Have some points!!1!

Also, it's interesting that there is no sex stuff in the male test. A woman's worth is marked based on how much she loves giving spontaneous blowjobs and whether she can come with the sheer joy of knowing that she is giving a man pleasure through anal sex... :roll: but there is no alternative for men. There is no expectation that they do anything for women sexually. Instead, women are supposed to care about whether a man has played a lead role in a team sport and how often he goes to house parties (Seriously, house parties? Is this guy 16?!).

Edits for wording tweaks and typos.

[Lainey]

I started doing the women's test but found it really boring and gave up (I did read it through, I just couldn't be bothered to go through it again and work out my score).

The men's test is really interesting. I genuinely cannot imagine many women caring about how much a man can bench press. Being arrested and getting into fights are not positive attributes either. All that crap about how to treat a woman during a "pickup" seems ridiculous too - do you ignore her and treat her like shit? Have some points!!1!

Also, it's interesting that there is no sex stuff in the male test. A woman's worth is marked based on how much she loves giving spontaneous blowjobs and whether she can come with the sheer joy of knowing that she is giving a man pleasure through anal sex... :roll: but there is no alternative for men. There is no expectation that they do anything for women sexually. Instead, women are supposed to care about whether a man has played a lead role in a team sport and how often he goes to house parties (Seriously, house parties? Is this guy 16?!).

Edits for wording tweaks and typos.

Yes to all of this, and also, I couldn't help but notice that he puts a LOT of thought into what he considers to be positive attributes for men. Like, a LOT of thought. Most of which are stupid, to me as a straight woman. But I'm pretty sure I've never put THAT much thought into what makes a man attractive to me. I can't understand why getting arrested earns points. Why does going to house parties earn points? Maybe he is 16. That would explain a lot, actually... :think:

And if some guy treated me the way he says men should treat women to pick them up, I would mentally stamp him with a big red "JERK" and it would be a complete turnoff to me.

[RachelB]

I started doing the women's test but found it really boring and gave up (I did read it through, I just couldn't be bothered to go through it again and work out my score).

The men's test is really interesting. I genuinely cannot imagine many women caring about how much a man can bench press. Being arrested and getting into fights are not positive attributes either. All that crap about how to treat a woman during a "pickup" seems ridiculous too - do you ignore her and treat her like shit? Have some points!!1!

Also, it's interesting that there is no sex stuff in the male test. A woman's worth is marked based on how much she loves giving spontaneous blowjobs and whether she can come with the sheer joy of knowing that she is giving a man pleasure through anal sex... :roll: but there is no alternative for men. There is no expectation that they do anything for women sexually. Instead, women are supposed to care about whether a man has played a lead role in a team sport and how often he goes to house parties (Seriously, house parties? Is this guy 16?!).

Edits for wording tweaks and typos.

No feminist could ever be as insulting to men as MRAs are. Seriously. I could care less what this dude thinks of me, but I want to kick his butt for talking smack about people like my partner.

I don't think I've ever been into a man who played a lead role in a team sport. I have met some physics club members, typography nerds, runners, and people who skipped house parties to write poems who made me weak in the knees, though. Some of us find shared experience and shared context kind of hot.

[Closed Womb]

Ladies, I'll save you some time. You are perfect as you are. You are lovable. You have worth. Ditto: FJ men.

In two recent threads I have read the members of FJ have disagreed about the appearance of two particular women. In the Polygamy USA thread, some women find Rose Marie Cawley to be unappealing, but I said I found her to be unique but pleasant looking (I rather like her look.) Same thing in the active Seppi thread; some find Regina beautiful others find her unattractive.

Beauty is so subjective.

[Arete]

I refuse to take the test. But let me give hope to my younger and more worried sisters out there. I am average in face, have an ass that arrives five minutes after the rest of me, and my girls need a bra for moral support only. Despite these multiple handicaps, I have always been able to get laid in long term relationships.

Granted, I never scored me an Adonis, but did manage to score people I didn't have to beg for sex, who didn't beat me, and who seemed to enjoy the company of women they weren't doing the horizontal tango with. Did I mention they were employed and didn't live with their mothers?

[Bookworm89]

I started the test and didn't make it through 1/4 of it. The BMI test is crap. Really 1950's 5'10 should be 140??? If I get close to that number than I have health issues (5'10.5). I am pretty heavy right now at closer to 200 than 150 but my goal weight is 155-165 and healthy not freaking too skinny to function (side note, some women function great at the lower weight but having previously been at the weight my body does not).

If some guy tries to score me by that test he is not worth my time.

[Peppercorn]

So the ideal is a skinny contortionist with long legs, a big forehead, tiny chin and saucer eyes?

Aha! The perfect woman:

Except she's probably too smart for a PUA ass-clown.

[Pond]

Wow, that was a really boring test, not to mention stupid. I'm getting a headache just trying to comprehend the bullshit. So women are supposed to have boobs, but not huge-ass ones and no bee-stings, have long legs, and a virgin pornstar in bed... :pull-hair: :angry-banghead:

Just for fun I took it anyway and got 16. :shrug: I wasn't bothered because I don't intend to be attractive for these douchenozzles, but I can understand how young insecure fundie girls would fall for these absurd "tests" having had these absurd beauty "standards" drilled into them since their pre-teen days.

Also I took a look at the men's "test", now sure which one offends me more...

[crazyforkate]

Just for fun I put my sorta-boyfriend through the Men's Test. Aaand he got 5 points, which presumably means I should dump him before it goes anywhere. Honestly, that just makes me feel better about him - the men's quiz is even worse than the women's, if possible.

Then I did the costume thing on the second blog. He's the second guy through and through. And sure enough, he and my ex-girlfriend dress exactly the same way. Truly these ladies are wise.

[OkToBeTakei]

What is the shape of your ass?

What IS that all about :lol:

As I was immediately in the negative numbers by my age I gave up.

You are about to have sex with a guy for the first time. He undresses and his penis is small. Do you:

Tell him how great his cock looks and feels?: +1 point

Say nothing: 0 points

Look surprised and stifle a laugh: -1 point

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Pond]

What is the shape of your ass?

What IS that all about :lol:

As I was immediately in the negative numbers by my age I gave up.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Test-maker has a small cock :lol:

[Jezebel]

What is the shape of your ass?

What IS that all about :lol:

Had it been a fill-in-the-blank test, my answer would have been "Ass-shaped. Kinda like your personality, now that I think about it."

I'm at the laundromat, using their giant washers to clean all the cat beds that don't fit in my home washer. Did I mention I have ten cats? And that I'm 46 years old and have never married? And that being a stereotype of female failure is actually pretty fucking awesome?

At any rate, as long as I'm here I figured I'd check out the men's test for shits and giggles.

From the women's test, we can already infer that this guy has a wee stubby between his legs.

From the men's test, two questions really stand out to me. The first is "Have you ever been in a violent fistfight where you truly wanted to kill your opponent?" You get a point for saying "Yes"--supposedly, chicks dig violent rage and see it as "manly." Never mind what the fight was actually over (an intruder threatening your life? Or a petty insult in a bar?), or whether you won or got your ass beat (not that you'll never admit to the latter anyway). Women think killing rage is hot.

You score a negative point if that fight was with a woman, but I'm pretty sure that's because 1) a woman is an unworthy opponent; and 2) if she's actually a contender holding her own in the fight, you're not fit to call yourself a man. A real man would have ended the argument with one blow.

The second is "Have you ever been arrested?" You get points for saying "Yes," but a negative point for being arrested for possessing kiddie porn or exposing yourself in public. So if you got arrested for rape, domestic violence, child abuse, child molestation, making and/or distributing child pornography, kidnapping, statutory rape, assault, murder, arson, or armed robbery, that's apparently all cool. Ditto if you only got busted for shoplifting, jaywalking, or being drunk in public. Women don't care what it was for; they just like bad boys. Poor impulse control, the inability to manage anger appropriately, lack of forethought, and disregard for the safety and well-being of others aren't massive character flaws; they're hot.

And he thinks it's women who are irrational? Douche, please.

As for captaining a team sport, the last time this dude did that was probably in high school. Or maybe he's the douchey co-worker who decides he's going to be softball/volleyball coach for his team at the company picnic, even though everyone else just wants to have fun and relax.

Mostly, the test just paints a picture of a stunted, angry, anxious little man who has bought every lie ever sold him about status and success, and who desperately needs to believe that everyone else is just as shallow and soulless as he is. It's pretty interesting from that point of view, but as a reliable guide to what women find attractive in men, it's pathetic and laughable.

[dragonsarewhat]

This is just goofy. And really, what's the point? Since most of the attributes for women aren't exactly controllable, what is a woman supposed to do if she takes the test and scores low? Shut herself up in her room and never date? Or is it saying 'you better not reject any men, because you're not that hot and might never get a better offer'. That's probably it..

The way these guys view the world makes no sense. I look around and see all sorts of people in happy relationships, having sex, and so on...not just skinny 18 year old white women and hypermasculine men. In their ideal world, would all women who don't fit their standard just never leave the house or something? What is the point here...

[ThrK]

Since most of the attributes for women aren't exactly controllable, what is a woman supposed to do if she takes the test and scores low?

A lot of them are controllable through immense amounts of plastic surgery. Firmness of your breasts and butt, the sizes of your jawline, forehead, nose, breasts and lips, body-hair and moles; they're all changeable in theory. Heck, you can even lengthen your legs if you can find a sketchy enough doctor! Maybe that's what he expects of women?

But a serious question for you guys: Are these MRA's real, adult men who've had sex with living women? Is this not a Poe's law thing? Because a lot of the things on that list really make no sense to me. The physical questions (shaving legs + waxing eyebrows = bad?) and the "pretty" image which is of a women wearing full make-up... it just seems like it's being written by someone who has never encountered a women in any situation ever.

Seriously :wtf:

[Rachel333]

I got a lot of points just for my weight, which is so messed up as I'm currently underweight after rapidly losing quite a lot from depression. But then, because of my weight loss I have an undesirable flat ass and no boobs. You can't win with them.

[curlytoes79]

This is hilarious. From the man test:

“26. In the middle of the conversation you have to pee. You say:

(A) “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.â€

(B) “Excuse me.â€

© nothing. Just go.

Apparently, "just go" means just walk away. But from the gist of the test and my assumptions about the type of man who wrote it, I assumed "just go" meant piss your pants. +1 if you do it, gents!

[moodygirl86]

This is hilarious. From the man test:

“26. In the middle of the conversation you have to pee. You say:

(A) “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.â€

(B) “Excuse me.â€

© nothing. Just go.

Apparently, "just go" means just walk away. But from the gist of the test and my assumptions about the type of man who wrote it, I assumed "just go" meant piss your pants. +1 if you do it, gents!

I realise that question was aimed at the men, but I'd just say, "Gotta take a leak". It's both true, and an amusing "Fuck you" to those who think I should restrict myself to behaviours/words that they find ladylike/feminine.

[pimpom]

Had it been a fill-in-the-blank test, my answer would have been "Ass-shaped. Kinda like your personality, now that I think about it."

I'm at the laundromat, using their giant washers to clean all the cat beds that don't fit in my home washer. Did I mention I have ten cats? And that I'm 46 years old and have never married? And that being a stereotype of female failure is actually pretty fucking awesome? At any rate, as long as I'm here I figured I'd check out the men's test for shits and giggles.

From the women's test, we can already infer that this guy has a wee stubby between his legs.

From the men's test, two questions really stand out to me. The first is "Have you ever been in a violent fistfight where you truly wanted to kill your opponent?" You get a point for saying "Yes"--supposedly, chicks dig violent rage and see it as "manly." Never mind what the fight was actually over (an intruder threatening your life? Or a petty insult in a bar?), or whether you won or got your ass beat (not that you'll never admit to the latter anyway). Women think killing rage is hot.

You score a negative point if that fight was with a woman, but I'm pretty sure that's because 1) a woman is an unworthy opponent; and 2) if she's actually a contender holding her own in the fight, you're not fit to call yourself a man. A real man would have ended the argument with one blow.

The second is "Have you ever been arrested?" You get points for saying "Yes," but a negative point for being arrested for possessing kiddie porn or exposing yourself in public. So if you got arrested for rape, domestic violence, child abuse, child molestation, making and/or distributing child pornography, kidnapping, statutory rape, assault, murder, arson, or armed robbery, that's apparently all cool. Ditto if you only got busted for shoplifting, jaywalking, or being drunk in public. Women don't care what it was for; they just like bad boys. Poor impulse control, the inability to manage anger appropriately, lack of forethought, and disregard for the safety and well-being of others aren't massive character flaws; they're hot.

And he thinks it's women who are irrational? Douche, please.As for captaining a team sport, the last time this dude did that was probably in high school. Or maybe he's the douchey co-worker who decides he's going to be softball/volleyball coach for his team at the company picnic, even though everyone else just wants to have fun and relax.

Mostly, the test just paints a picture of a stunted, angry, anxious little man who has bought every lie ever sold him about status and success, and who desperately needs to believe that everyone else is just as shallow and soulless as he is. It's pretty interesting from that point of view, but as a reliable guide to what women find attractive in men, it's pathetic and laughable.

Jezebel, this post is truly made of AWESOME!