We Just Don't Understand Submissive Wives

[debrand]

People who think it is controversial for a wife to be submissive to her husband

A: does not understand the biblical principle of marriage,

B: is not going to do well in marriage,

C: needs to think and do research before arguing this with me and

D: (a repeat because it is just so very true for men and women both) they ARE NOT GOING TO DO WELL IN MARRIAGE!

A. Not every Christian has the same view of submissiveness in marriage

B. I've been married nearly 25 years and we are very happy

C. Whatever

D. Again, read B

You see, it isn't just a submissive wife... husband and wife are supposed to submit to EACH OTHER.

Submitting to one another is fine however her next sentence contradicts this one

The husband is supposed to be the leader, but any good leader knows how to take suggestions from others.

Pretty certain that listening to the other person's opinions is not the same as submitting. That is just called being polite and thoughtful. And i her husband is the leader, he is not submitting to her

The husband is supposed to love his wife like Christ loved the church (people). Christ DIED for the church. That is a pretty big responsibility.

Most men will probably never have to die for their wives' lives. The chances of murderous ninjas or a drug cartel or even rampaging monkeys intent on ripping their wives apart are very slim. However, women will have to submit every moment of every day. It seems to me it would be better for the wife to take self defense classes or have a good alarm system or even a large dog than to have to constantly submit to a man so he might possibly protect her from an unlikely deadly scenario

Being a submissive wife does not mean the husband is the BOSS. He MUST treat her "far more precious then treasure". He must respect her, cherish her, revere her. She is the mother of his children, the heart of the family, his help mate. Those things he must do, even when she is being crabby and cranky, and looking a wreck after a long night with a sick child.

She needs to explain the difference between leader and boss because I don't get what she means. My husband respects me and cherishes me but we are equal. He doesn't revere me but I don't want him to either

mfindingmyhappyplace.blogspot.com/2013/04/a-submissive-wife.html

[Guest Anonymous]

It seems really strange to repeat the one thing that is so easily disproved. There are a lot of people who are happily married and do not believe in this submission bullshit. Why emphasise the flaw in your argument?

[kpmom]

How many times have we heard this same tired argument for submission?

"This doesn't mean the husband is the boss", "This doesn't mean a husband and wife aren't equal", "It's like a football game. The husband is the q.b., but the other positions are just as important!!!"

If one person is always making the final decision, and the other person has to go along with it, the 2nd person is NOT equal to the 1st!

[meda]

She's right, I don't understand submissive wives. Neither does my husband, who does not require biblical faux-hero worship in order to be a functional adult. In fact, I'm pretty sure that we would point, giggle, and make obnoxious comments if anyone we knew attempted to "lead" their wife around us. We're a classy couple that way. :D

[bluelady]

I was not a submissive wife and my marriage did suck. However, HAD I been submissive, I would still be married to an alcoholic drug user who was emotionally manipulative and who spent our grocery money on whatever he could put up his nose. HAD I been submissive, I imagine I would have a parcel of kids, whom I would have to shield from their father's activities, all the while not being able to voice my concerns, offer to get him help and treatment or, you know, tell him to quit the douchebaggery and get his shit together. It wasn't *me* who didn't do well in marriage, it was *him*

Sigh...my 23 year old self didn't choose very well.

[Mama Mia]

l

Okay, she needs to either change the question, or change the answers.

EITHER A person who thinks it is controversial ....

A) Does not understand ....

B) Is not...

OR

People who think it is controversial.......

A) Do not understand

B)Are not going to

Sorry, don't usually care about grammar, but this was driving me nuts.

[Mary C Doates]

Okay, she needs to either change the question, or change the answers.

EITHER A person who thinks it is controversial ....

A) Does not understand ....

B) Is not...

OR

People who think it is controversial.......

A) Do not understand

B)Are not going to

Sorry, don't usually care about grammar, but this was driving me nuts.

Was just going to post this. Graduate of the SOTDRT?

[Boltingmadonna]

Most men will probably never have to die for their wives' lives. The chances of murderous ninjas or a drug cartel or even rampaging monkeys intent on ripping their wives apart are very slim. However, women will have to submit every moment of every day. It seems to me it would be better for the wife to take self defense classes or have a good alarm system or even a large dog than to have to constantly submit to a man so he might possibly protect her from an unlikely deadly scenario

This!

Also-

Those things he must do, even when she is being crabby and cranky, and looking a wreck after a long night with a sick child.

WTF? Why do they always feel a need to mention her appearance? If looking stressed out after caring for YOUR CHILD even crosses your mind as an excuse to not respect your wife, there is something seriously fucked up in your thinking.

[formergothardite]

Well, we've been married for a good long bit. No submission here, when is my marriage supposed to turn miserable and fall apart? I

[ThatSnark]

Me too-- our next anniversary is our 19th, and there's no submission either way. I would appreciate a heads-up as well about when to expect the misery and disintegration?

[ZTwist]

Me too-- our next anniversary is our 19th, and there's no submission either way. I would appreciate a heads-up as well about when to expect the misery and disintegration?

Well, not by 30 years; we'll be celebrating that anniversary next week and no misery in our house yet.

[August]

You don't get her argument. You are not doing well in marriage if the woman isn't submitting to the man, therefore someone who doesn't play that game isn't doing well in marriage. That's why the gays won't do well at marriage, because penis people dominate, vagina people submit and you need D/s to do well in marriage!

See, if you draw the circle out beforehand it's easier to follow religious logic.

[Arete]

Is the marriage still considered a success when wifely submission is practiced and said wife prays every night to die or become a widow?

Inquiring minds want to know.

[mlady]

I'm guessing some women who need to be "the submissive wife" to fit in basically just make up crap that they choose to believe makes them "submissive" (H wants peas instead of carrots? Ok...I SUBMIT!!), the rest are scared, stupid or abused.

[curlytoes79]

Happily married for 7 years, no submission. I once asked my husband if he thought I should be a submissive wife, and he said "That would be boring." He also asked me what the hell a "helpmeet" was.

[Closed Womb]

It's rather ignorant of this blogger to believe that all husbands love their wives like Christ loved the church.

Funny thing, if hubby's an asshole, wifey is supposed to submit and pray. You know, to make him a godly man that is a pleasure to submit to. Hubby is never really responsible for changing his behavior, except at the prompting of the LORD.

I'm going to stick with equality, 5 years and no signs of disaster yet.

[Maggie Mae]

I think they like being submissive because they are too stupid/weak to make a fucking decision. "Oh, sweetie, I don't know if we should buy this house, god says it is your decision" while thinking "I don't know, it sounds expensive and if anything goes wrong he might blame me"

[JesusFightClub]

Most men will probably never have to die for their wives' lives. The chances of murderous ninjas or a drug cartel or even rampaging monkeys intent on ripping their wives apart are very slim.

Not much to add except this made me LOL. :lol:

[YPestis]

The biggest issue I have with this "submissive wives has it good" is what happens if the husband fails in his duty to treat her as Christ treats the church? What recourse does the wife have to push back? Defend herself against a horrible husband? It seems the submission is a great gig for the man because he gets to be in charge but need not worry about any earthly consequences for being a poor-ass husband. In real life, rarely is someone automatically given a position of authority, and most who acquire that position will lose it if they fail in their duties. We do this because we believe that entitled people make for poor leaders, and that we live in a meritocracy where the most able replace the incompetent. How come in marriage, men are entitled creatures and women are given the same rights as slaves? It still amazes me that there are women who think this submission thing is a good deal for them.

[bluelady]

Happily married for 7 years, no submission. I once asked my husband if he thought I should be a submissive wife, and he said "That would be boring." He also asked me what the hell a "helpmeet" was.

A recurring disagreement between myself and my SO revolves around loading the dishwasher. He has a system. I just kinda throw the dishes in and hope for the best. One day, we were in the kitchen having a conversation and I was loading the dishwasher. I could tell that he was getting more and more preoccupied. Finally, I asked him if he wanted to do it. He jumped right in and started explaining how if I did it this way, I could fit a lot more dishes in, blah, blah, blah. My response was "Yes my headship". He asked what that was and I explained that that is what a submissive wife would call her husband. He kinda got a smirk on his face and said that he would be ok with that.

Then, last night happened. I've been sick and I texted him, asking him to "pick up dinner" cause I was too tired to cook. He asked me what I wanted. I said I didn't care. He told me he needed suggestions. I told him that I really didn't care. Whatever he wanted was fine with me. He texted back and said that I needed to tell him something cause he didn't know what to get. Chicken, I said. Five minutes later I get this: "So, what should I get with the chicken?"

Yeah. He wouldn't survive with a submissive wife.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

A recurring disagreement between myself and my SO revolves around loading the dishwasher. He has a system. I just kinda throw the dishes in and hope for the best. One day, we were in the kitchen having a conversation and I was loading the dishwasher. I could tell that he was getting more and more preoccupied. Finally, I asked him if he wanted to do it. He jumped right in and started explaining how if I did it this way, I could fit a lot more dishes in, blah, blah, blah. My response was "Yes my headship". He asked what that was and I explained that that is what a submissive wife would call her husband. He kinda got a smirk on his face and said that he would be ok with that.

Then, last night happened. I've been sick and I texted him, asking him to "pick up dinner" cause I was too tired to cook. He asked me what I wanted. I said I didn't care. He told me he needed suggestions. I told him that I really didn't care. Whatever he wanted was fine with me. He texted back and said that I needed to tell him something cause he didn't know what to get. Chicken, I said. Five minutes later I get this: "So, what should I get with the chicken?"

Yeah. He wouldn't survive with a submissive wife.

I can't even tell you how many fights I've had with my "headship" over the dishwasher. Some have seriously ended in tears and slammed doors. I'm like you, he's like your husband. It's extra fun when his mother is visiting. Ever had two Germans lecturing you on loading a dishwasher? Oy.

[littlemommy]

Easy! Leave the dishes in the sink for him. They are now his exclusive domain. I stopped putting away the clothes my husband throws on the floor. I do pick them up, however. I pick them up daily and dump them on his bed pillow. When the mountain gets too big, he does something about it.

Submission, bah!

[August]

I think they like being submissive because they are too stupid/weak to make a fucking decision. "Oh, sweetie, I don't know if we should buy this house, god says it is your decision" while thinking "I don't know, it sounds expensive and if anything goes wrong he might blame me"

Can you imagine the stress for the person who has to make all the decisions?

[debrand]

The biggest issue I have with this "submissive wives has it good" is what happens if the husband fails in his duty to treat her as Christ treats the church? What recourse does the wife have to push back? Defend herself against a horrible husband? It seems the submission is a great gig for the man because he gets to be in charge but need not worry about any earthly consequences for being a poor-ass husband. In real life, rarely is someone automatically given a position of authority, and most who acquire that position will lose it if they fail in their duties. We do this because we believe that entitled people make for poor leaders, and that we live in a meritocracy where the most able replace the incompetent. How come in marriage, men are entitled creatures and women are given the same rights as slaves? It still amazes me that there are women who think this submission thing is a good deal for them.

A lot of good points have been made but I especially like yours. Fundamentalist wives have compared their relationships with their husbands to businesses and the military. CEOs and military leaders aren't given their positions automatically. They continually go through training and are evaluated by their superiors. If they fail, there is a procedure to remove them. There is no such thing for a fundamentalist husband who is a bad husband. The wife just has to suck it up and pray

[dairyfreelife]

I have seen people with no faith have very good marriages. Because they follow those natural laws in a marriage. Not because husband is boss and wife is a wimp (or doormat) ... but because they sacrifice for one another, the love unconditionally and they commit FULLY to one another and to their marriage.

The latter is not submission of a wife to her husband, it's called mutual respect and love. It has zero to do with the wife submitting to her husband. I think Maxine does not quite understand what submission is by definition. Mutual sacrifice, love and commitment to each other is not called submission, but caring for one other deeply. Not ruling over the other, not believing he must make all the decisions because he is smarter and more logical than she is cause women are stupid, emotional weaklings who can't be trusted to make the right decision. That, to me, is a recipe for a disastrous marriage.