Pray for Ian latest post so sad...

[ThatSnark]

I've read the blog and the threads here-- I will ask what several other posters have asked: where does Larissa's family come in on this? Has she (or anyone) ever written about what their views are of her decision to go through with/stay in this marriage? I know some fundy churches preach "leave and cleave," in that the daughter is near-property of the husband and his family at the time of marriage, and I am wondering if that is the case here?

It is hard for me, as a mother, to imagine my bright, beautiful, full-of-potential daughter choosing willingly to make this her life. I can't imagine what her parents, siblings, and extended family think about this-- and id doesn't seem that she's shared their perspective. They're in the wedding video, right?

[Pearl]

I just read the Wartburg Watch and am completely and utterly disgusted by John Piper. I haven't liked Piper for a long time, some of it is just a vague discomfort with him, some of it more solid reasons why. I feel like those that are "reformed" see Piper as their own personal Jesus - they treat him like his word is God's word.

Anyhow, I feel like they exploited this couple. I can't begin to understand Larissa's decision - I think she was too young to make such a life decision (personally) and knowing what I know about Sovereign Grace and how they suck dry any person that has a real desire to serve and please God - I feel like she made this decision under duress. If she were older, I might not be so sickened, but she was so young when she made this decision - too young, too uninformed about life and it's responsibilities.

I wonder if she has awakened (like I did) and realized that her life is spread out before her in years of drudgery and servitude, a life she thought she was ready for, a life she thought was pleasing God, only to realize that it was like ashes in her mouth. She is, in essence, Ian's slave - and no one seems to say it's okay to walk away - it's okay to start again. It's okay to love Ian, but to move on and live her life.

She deserves to be able to live her life. She deserves to find fulfillment that belongs to herself. But, if her church is anything like I have encountered - they will castigate her for it - they will say she is pleasing the flesh - they will say that she is turning her back on God.

My heart weeps for her.

Of course, this decision was hers to take, and if she kind find peace with - it - if she finds it truly fulfilling (outside of "doing it only to please God," then I take back my thoughts and feelings).

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Oh Pearl you said it so beautifully.

Have you emailed her at all? It may help if she meets someone as compassionate as you with your experience.

[Mela99]

I want to go back to Indiana so bad. I need to know more about the SGC. I messaged a friend of mine involved in the local political scene - he knows EVERYBODY. I'm curious to see what else is going on.

Whoever asked it above, Larissa did post something saying "Yes, we do have sex, just like normal people."

[teachergirl]

I had no idea they were from Indiana PA. I am too and had never heard of this story...I am 37, how old are they?

I went to IUP too....

[punkiepie]

I had no idea they were from Indiana PA. I am too and had never heard of this story...I am 37, how old are they?

I went to IUP too....

27 and 28 I believe. So not even 30 and this is the rest of her life.

[yetanothermeg]

whoops, someone answered this question already, nevermind.

[sacrilicious]

I just found out about this couple so I don't know a lot of their backstory so I am wondering what other family Ian had that would be in a position to take care of him. If she walked away, what would happen to him? It's heartbreaking situation for her but if she lovedhim and knew what she was getting into I can't fault her for her decision. Or am I wrong and there would have been other family to care for him?

[Mela99]

I had no idea they were from Indiana PA. I am too and had never heard of this story...I am 37, how old are they?

I went to IUP too....

I'm so excited to keep meeting IUP alums.

[indygirl76]

I don't even believe in Hell, and yet I fervently hope the assholes who convinced this poor woman that this was a good idea, burn in it. There are no words. Ugh.

[snarkyjan]

I don't even believe in Hell, and yet I fervently hope the assholes who convinced this poor woman that this was a good idea, burn in it. There are no words. Ugh.

Amen. A few people have expressed a little empathy for Ian's father but I don't even have that for him. I too hope that the nasty old man is burning in hell for condemning this poor girl to a life of servitude.

[HeckBound]

I posted on her blog a very benign post to Larissa which said that she matters, her life matters, and that any of her potential that goes unfulfilled is a tragedy. She deleted it. I follow this blog because I honestly worry for her. And him. I hope someone's involved that has her best interests at heart. Clearly she needs to cut loose and make a life for herself.

[HeckBound]

Amen. A few people have expressed a little empathy for Ian's father but I don't even have that for him. I too hope that the nasty old man is burning in hell for condemning this poor girl to a life of servitude.

I feel the exact same way. What the fuck is wrong with her family that they didnt stop this clusterfuck of a "marriage". I also blame her parents.

[Carla Bruni]

I feel absolutely terrible for her, and I, too, blame her parents - in any normal family, parents are supposed to have their children's best interests at heart and fight for them ad infinitum.

That said, she seems completely out there sometimes. See this post from February 26, 2013:

i struggle sometimes with the focus of our blog, our book, our encouragement from others. sometimes the encouragement, unintentionally, makes ian into an object of pity.

sometimes ian's value is sacrificed with a well-intended encouragement to me.

sometimes all i hear is that i've made a sacrifice. that i've made a hard choice. that i'm the focus.

sometimes we forget that the one who is disabled has made a sacrifice.

as we sat this weekend at a film festival, i looked at ian sitting next to me. i listened to the screen, to the documentary voices telling me about the gift of stepping into the darkness of loss and disability and grief.

i looked at ian who i came into this darkness with and who is a pure gift to me.

i didn't know how to love until ian. i didn't know how to love until God led us into darkness, together.

ian has fought for seven years. ian has entered into marriage knowing that he would have infinite losses. he knew that he would be marrying someone who wouldn't always feel in love with him and who wouldn't always be kind. he knew that he would live an entire life of giving up his preferences and thinking of someone else first and making hard decisions for the sake of Christ, all with a disability. he could have given up or chosen despair or been afraid that God couldn't keep our love.

I'm sure this post has been discussed before, but just... :wtf:

[Mela99]

Her post today was graduation at IUP . So much nostalgia. I keep meaning to dig out my dorm photos from that first year. Maybe she's in some of them.

I was always confuddled by that post of hers. But I think it is the mindset that he, the man, was doing what was right, for Jesus and Larissa.

Sad, though . . . because DID Ian have a choice? Where else would he go with a dying father?

[longskirtlotsakids]

Whoever asked it above, Larissa did post something saying "Yes, we do have sex, just like normal people."

I'm not sure if she is saying they have sex BECAUSE they are normal people, or if they have sex LIKE normal people. Because it is not normal to have sex with people who cannot consent.

[punkiepie]

Her post today was graduation at IUP . So much nostalgia. I keep meaning to dig out my dorm photos from that first year. Maybe she's in some of them.

I was always confuddled by that post of hers. But I think it is the mindset that he, the man, was doing what was right, for Jesus and Larissa.

Sad, though . . . because DID Ian have a choice? Where else would he go with a dying father?

They live with Ian's mom and his brother Caleb takes care of him everyday during the week while Larissa is at work. Then Larissa comes home and takes care of him- not sure what the mom does exactly. So there were people available to be his caretakers bedsides Larissa. But they some how convinced her- and these are her words- that God had pre-ordained this marriage before the beginning of time and her role was to be his caregiver. That was her purpose in this life.

[punkiepie]

I'm not sure if she is saying they have sex BECAUSE they are normal people, or if they have sex LIKE normal people. Because it is not normal to have sex with people who cannot consent.

When/where did she say they have sex? And you are 100% correct- it is NOt normal to have sex with someone who cannot even give their own consent to be married. It actually squicks me out to think about it.

[lilwriter85]

Amen. A few people have expressed a little empathy for Ian's father but I don't even have that for him. I too hope that the nasty old man is burning in hell for condemning this poor girl to a life of servitude.

I have also found it hard to empathize with Ian's side of the family. In another Ian and Larissa thread, someone made the comment that the judge who issued the court order for the marriage should be thrown off the bench. I have to agree with whoever said that.

[salex]

When/where did she say they have sex? And you are 100% correct- it is NOt normal to have sex with someone who cannot even give their own consent to be married. It actually swicks me out to think about it.

Agreed,

I too am squicked out by this. I think there is a great big bunch of pretending he is "better" than he is, really. Either as denial on her part Or on the part of their church. I mean, we don't see him walking or talking in videos, we see him standing while she holds him up, or her translating or saying what he said before. Their website includes his going to his film company during the week --as if he were working on projects, when it is pretty clear he is not. The complete absense of any video of him doing the things that they suggest happen in their lives-- the phrases on post it notes, the work on walking, etc strike me as meaing that we get huge exagerations of how well he is doing.

I believe she was heavily manipulated. I fell in love with my husband immediately when I met him, and married a very few months later. However, if this accident had occurred at any time before we were married, I know myself well enough to know that I would not have married him. And I am certain he would not have married him. And I'm glad about that, because I love/d him and would not have wanted him to have spent his live in that way, just as I would not be good in that no end in sight caretaker role myself.

[yetanothermeg]

When/where did she say they have sex? And you are 100% correct- it is NOt normal to have sex with someone who cannot even give their own consent to be married. It actually squicks me out to think about it.

Its in her post from Nov. 3, 2012. She is writing about discovering internet discussions about their marriage. Regarding sex, Larissa writes,

"along with a public life comes scrutiny, and disagreement and other things that can feel really uncomfortable.

but, i can't help but feel the need to clear up two things, as maybe my lack of clearing them up has confused some people. ian does not have the mentality of an eight year old (an eight year old could not have given the answer of "stool pigeon" during a round of taboo last night) and yes, we do have sex."

[rollmeover]

I just saw the paintings. :( I was expecting something like one of my elementary aged kids would churn out now. That is like a toddler level of attainment, and the high falutin' titles may imply they are abtract art but no, really, they are daubs that resemble the work my one year olds would do.

I just don't know - Larissa's life seems potentially so sad. She puts so much out there, that I wish she would open up more and actually show some videos of the two of them interacting and showing how they have a genuine (albeit different to most) marriage, rather than a depressing. permanent care taking role. She is giving up so much of her hopes and desires for life with just the hope of heavenly compensation - deferring to Ian (a man who couldn't be trusted to consent to marriage), caring for him, working, giving up on children... We teach our kids not to focus only on earthly things, to be unafraid of death and to look forward to the perfection of heaven - but to make the very most of the amazing joys and beauties of their one life on earth. Larissa deserves to enjoy her life on earth, not only yearn for heaven as if she was very ill and in her 80s or 90s.

If my husband of 18 years had a TBI, I wouldn't divorce him, although I know and do not for a moment judge a woman who did divorce her husband of a decade + in similar circumstances in order to be fair to herself and their children - because we have two decades of loving and relying on one another and are totally knit together as a unit. But it just doesn't make sense to me to START a marriage under such a huge burden, and my daughter would need to step over my dead body to get to the altar in a case like that of Larissa and Ian.

[Koala]

my daughter would need to step over my dead body to get to the altar in a case like that of Larissa and Ian.

This.

[lilwriter85]

There has been speculation on here regarding Larissa's side of the family and if they tried to stop her from marrying. I have wondered about that too. But my guess is that Larissa's family felt sort for Ian and his family and maybe they kept quiet.

[longskirtlotsakids]

(an eight year old could not have given the answer of "stool pigeon" during a round of taboo last night) and yes, we do have sex."

SOTDRT strikes again....I know plenty of eight year olds that could have done that. I also know a lot of thirteen year olds that are academically brilliant.