Pray for Ian latest post so sad...

[0 kids n not countin]

Larissa's latest post is just too sad... :cry:

his is for myself, a reminder for when the next day comes that was like the last. a reminder on the next day that i don't know how to enjoy with a brain injury and the day that the things he used to do are all that i see. this is a reminder for the next time my mind has my bags packed and i wonder how i will keep loving.

there is someone who has already swallowed up my marriage and someone who has already swallowed up my loss. it has been finished and so i can wait with my husband, tearfully, and know that my way has already been made for me. i can wake in the morning with mercies that don't seem new and know that this has already been done for me.

it was done before i was born. done before i knew him. before mrs. murphy.

i can keep making my way in hope because He has made me His own.

i can know that this has nothing to do with me. but instead, Him.

[Mela99]

I asked around to my fellow IUP friends. None of them are still in contact with Larissa. She's backed away from a lot of friends.

Apparently she was so different in college. Happy and playful and hopeful.

She sounds so fatalistic in this post...

[ThatSnark]

I read this yesterday and felt the same way-- the way she puts it, that her "mind has my bags packed," which is a totally normal way to feel in this situation, and yet she can't allow herself to feel that.

It sounds as though she's seeing more downs than ups.

[louisa05]

She needs a therapist. Not a "Christian" one. One who can help her evaluate her situation and help her see that she was not obligated to put herself there and that the best thing for her may be to pack those bags.

I feel like Ian's parents were looking for a sort of insurance policy that there would always be someone to care for him. And they were clinging to the idea that his life could be normal. Larissa was both an illusion of normality and assurance that someone would be there to care for him after both parents die. As I said in the last thread, I also suspect that the purity culture's "emotional purity" ideal played a part in her decision to marry him. She was in love with Ian before the accident thus she would be "damaged goods" for another relationship.

[rward]

Is she even 30? Her whole life was over before she was even born?

This is just the saddest thing I have ever read. How long before she commits suicide?

[Letgo]

She's backed away from a lot of friends.

Larissa probably does not have the energy or time for much else besides work and Ian. She may have removed herself from anyone who may have expressed negativity about the idea of marrying Ian and thus is not in contact with former friends. She has probably matured beyond her years because of what happened to Ian and because of how her life has changed being married to a person with a TBI.

I would certainly have had a hard time telling her how great I thought marriage to Ian would be had I known Larissa. I have read the blog since shortly after the accident and have always been troubled by the marriage. Had they already BEEN married then she should have stayed-in sickness and in health. However, they were not married. To me that makes a huge difference. A ten month relationship should not have committed her to a life of caretaking. There, I said it. That is what she has. Regardless of how she spins it, this is not a regular marriage. How could she NOT imagine what could have been. She is a far better person than I am as I don't think I could have stayed as the girl friend, now wife. I can see Larissa remaining in Ian's life as a friend, but not as a marriage partner. The person she loved is gone. I feel so sorry for both of them. I can't see her staying with him for the next 50 years, nor can I see her leaving him.

[singsingsing]

I don't have a child, but I was just thinking about what I would do if my sister got engaged to her boyfriend and then suffered a traumatic brain injury like Ian's. Not only would I NOT encourage her fiance to marry her, I would be horrified if he did. It's not right for either person. Whoever pressured Larissa into this (wasn't it Ian's father?) was very, very wrong.

The first thing I thought upon reading this post was that she sounds borderline suicidal. I really hope she can get the help and support she needs, whether that means leaving her husband or not.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Singsing, I agree she sounds almost sucidial. As if she thinks her & Ian's deaths would unite them again in heaven. I'm sure she didn't mean that but it felt like that. Oh if I was someone who prayed I would pray she would leave Ian. Remain friends but leave him & have a life filled with friends, happiness & one day a husband who is her equal partner in life & some children.

[Coldest Winter]

I can't imagine living life waiting for the freedom of the afterlife.

She needs to speak to someone asap. Someone needs to realize that she is NOT. OKAY. Sigh.

[punkiepie]

Where are her parents? Why weren't they horrified by what Ian's dad did and step in? They must read her blog and any idiot can see she is in desperate need of an intervention. Five seconds after reading something like that, by my daughter, I would have been pounding on her front door. I find it SO incredibly sad that NO one, not even her parents, is advocating for her. She is an afterthought.

[lilwriter85]

Is she even 30? Her whole life was over before she was even born?

This is just the saddest thing I have ever read. How long before she commits suicide?

I think she is 27 or 28.

[littlemommy]

I've never seen this blog before, but that is definitely a person in need of help. I reached out as much as an anonymous person on the internet can. I hope someone she actually knows does more.

[punkiepie]

I just read an interview she gave a year ago and said:

Really, my heart in that post (and hopefully future ones) is just to provide Biblical evidence that it’s not wrong to have a career as a godly woman. Even though I have a desire to be home raising babies and teaching kids and managing our home, I can’t be, at least not now. I just want to encourage other women in my situation who may get really sad when they have to leave their kids with a sitter or put on a suit in the morning, even though that’s not their number one desire. And to encourage other women to be thankful that God has given us minds to work and create and provide, when called to.

wogmagazine.com/2012/06/an-interview-with-ian-and-larissa-murphy/

This makes me so sad for her. I don't see how she's ever going to be a mom. Can they even be intimate? It feels almost dirty to even write that down. With all of his disabilities, it would not surprise me if he were impotent. And there's no way they will ever be able to adopt a baby. And even if by some miracle they have a child- by birth or by adoption- I'm afraid it might put Larissa over the edge. Her plate is full just caring for Ian and herself, I don't see how she'd be able to handle a child on top of all that.

She's blogged about his art they were selling in order to pay for his therapy, so I checked out the etsy page. It made me want to cry when I saw those paintings. http://www.etsy.com/shop/PWX1/sold?ref= ... es_leftnav (not breaking the link because it's etsy)

[Dysfundamental]

I am not being facetious when I say that [link=http://www.koko.org/world/art_portraits.html]gorillas[/link] can paint more skillfully than Ian. How tragic for everyone who knows and loves him.

This is such a sad story. I blame Sovereign Grace Ministries for a lot of this.

[VaSportsMom]

I have never read this blog before but that post is heartbreaking. Is the backstory of this couple and whatever the FIL did here or on the old site?

[yetanothermeg]

This is a very, very sad story. Ian's brain injury is such that a judge had to sign off on whether the marriage would be in Ian's best interest. In other words, he was not considered mentally competent enough to make the choice for himself.

[punkiepie]

I have never read this blog before but that post is heartbreaking. Is the backstory of this couple and whatever the FIL did here or on the old site?

Larissa did not want to get married if Ian couldn't talk- and it took almost three years for him to speak any words. The FIL was dying of brain cancer and told Larissa that they either needed to get married or she had to move on (and out of the house). And that was after she had spent the last three years living with the family and taking care of Ian. Basically, he was looking for a caregiver for his son because he knew he was dying. And their church pushed for the marriage too.

[VaSportsMom]

Larissa did not want to get married if Ian couldn't talk- and it took over almost three years for him to speak any words. The FIL was dying of brain cancer and told Larissa that they either needed to get married or she had to move on. And that was after she had spent the last three years living with the family and taking care of Ian. Basically, he was looking for a caregiver for his son because he knew he was dying. And their church pushed for the marriage too.

Thank you! I want to hope that the FIL had good intentions but what a horribly cruel position to put anyone in. I finally found how to get to the archives and have started reading back from the cancer diagnosis in '09. It is such a difficult read.

I read the post above about a judge having to approve the marriage and I'm not sure what to say about that. It is a slippery slope to venture down. I can't imagine how Larissa's parents feel. There has to be a lot of pride in raising such a loving, loyal and compassionate daughter but I think I would feel devastated in many ways by what my child was giving up in terms of their own future.

[punkiepie]

Thank you! I want to hope that the FIL had good intentions but what a horribly cruel position to put anyone in. I finally found how to get to the archives and have started reading back from the cancer diagnosis in '09. It is such a difficult read.

I read the post above about a judge having to approve the marriage and I'm not sure what to say about that. It is a slippery slope to venture down. I can't imagine how Larissa's parents feel. There has to be a lot of pride in raising such a loving, loyal and compassionate daughter but I think I would feel devastated in many ways by what my child was giving up in terms of their own future.

Wartburg Watch did a really great post about the situation when John Piper and his is people made that video of their wedding, life, and how Ian is still the authority in their marriage. It's a good read and adds some perspective to the situation. http://thewartburgwatch.com/2012/06/15/ ... d-agendas/ (not breaking link because it's wartburg)

[VaSportsMom]

Wartburg Watch did a really great post about the situation when John Piper and his is people made that video of their wedding, life, and how Ian is still the authority in their marriage. It's a good read and adds some perspective to the situation. http://thewartburgwatch.com/2012/06/15/ ... d-agendas/ (not breaking link because it's wartburg)

Thanks for the link. That video is heart wrenching. They were such a beautiful young couple. I have no doubt that they did and still do love each other a great deal but I'm not sure that the marriage should have been allowed. I have to believe that if Ian had all his mental faculties and the ability to clearly express them he would not have wanted the woman he loved to give up so much to commit to a lifetime as his caregiver. Surely he planned to give her a much different life and would still want her to have all the things they must have dreamed of. His family should have been kind enough to give her that out by refusing to petition for judicial approval.

[VaSportsMom]

On 11/25/09 and 11/30/09 there are posts that read as if they were written by Ian and are signed with his name, is that really the case? If so that was less than a year before the wedding and does not appear to be the work of a man that would need a judge to sign off on a decision to marry. Those posts seem to have been published by someone with fairly decent to average mental capabilities and a normal ability to express himself.

[punkiepie]

On 11/25/09 and 11/30/09 there are posts that read as if they were written by Ian and are signed with his name, is that really the case? If so that was less than a year before the wedding and does not appear to be the work of a man that would need a judge to sign off on a decision to marry. Those posts seem to have been published by someone with fairly decent to average mental capabilities and a normal ability to express himself.

I'm thinking he might have expressed sentiments akin to what's written, but Larissa put the words together. She probably said something like- do you miss your dad? And then he said yes- so she wrote "I miss my dad."

From what we've seen of Ian speaking, I don't see how he could have written/dictated those posts. It's not just how he speaks- its what he actually says that makes you realize he doesn't have the mental capability of constructing those thoughts anymore. In one of the posts right have Steve died, she wrote that Ian kept forgetting his dad had died and kept asking every day where he was. It would be a pretty far stretch to go from forgetting he'd died to writing those entries.

[VaSportsMom]

I'm thinking he might have expressed sentiments akin to what's written, but Larissa put the words together. She probably said something like- do you miss your dad? And then he said yes- so she wrote "I miss my dad."

From what we've seen of Ian speaking, I don't see how he could have written/dictated those posts. It's not just how he speaks- its what he actually says that makes you realize he doesn't have the mental capability of constructing those thoughts anymore. In one of the posts right have Steve died, she wrote that Ian kept forgetting his dad had died and kept asking every day where he was. It would be a pretty far stretch to go from forgetting he'd died to writing those entries.

Watching the video from the link you posted earlier and reading the posts about him forgetting his dad died is what made me pause when reading "his" words. I'm not sure how to say or explain this clearly but, to me, those posts read like someone trying to express what they think another person would say if they were capable and it comes across awkwardly. It doesn't feel natural if that makes any sense.

[fundyfunland]

Oy! This couple's story makes me so sad and confused at the same time. I suffered a TBI twice whilst having neurosurgery (I've had 13 in total for a lifelong condition), so I'm trying to put myself in Larissa, Ian, and Ian's father's shoes.

TBH I think I understand their points of view. It is SUCH a tragic story though. I can't imagine what Larissa is going through caring for Ian - I'm torn between the idea that she was talked into the marriage by her FIL or that she just has a huge nurturing side. If it's the latter, than maybe she's happy with the arrangement. She gets to be a servant-wife/caretaker and help Ian reach his full potential. Maybe that's just who she is!!! OTOH, maybe she felt guilted into marrying Ian so that he would have someone to take care of him. I also don't fault his father for wanting this. I think it's a natural reaction as a parent to make sure that your kids are in good hands.

It may seem like a cut & dry situation from the outside (ie. Larissa definitely needs to leave Ian), but these are always complicated situations with very complex thoughts and emotions involved.

Regardless of what the outcome of this marriage is, I do sincerely hope that they all find peace, happiness, and love.

[BlondeAsTheyCome]

Oy! This couple's story makes me so sad and confused at the same time. I suffered a TBI twice whilst having neurosurgery (I've had 13 in total for a lifelong condition), so I'm trying to put myself in Larissa, Ian, and Ian's father's shoes.

TBH I think I understand their points of view. It is SUCH a tragic story though. I can't imagine what Larissa is going through caring for Ian - I'm torn between the idea that she was talked into the marriage by her FIL or that she just has a huge nurturing side. If it's the latter, than maybe she's happy with the arrangement. She gets to be a servant-wife/caretaker and help Ian reach his full potential. Maybe that's just who she is!!! OTOH, maybe she felt guilted into marrying Ian so that he would have someone to take care of him. I also don't fault his father for wanting this. I think it's a natural reaction as a parent to make sure that your kids are in good hands.

It may seem like a cut & dry situation from the outside (ie. Larissa definitely needs to leave Ian), but these are always complicated situations with very complex thoughts and emotions involved.

Regardless of what the outcome of this marriage is, I do sincerely hope that they all find peace, happiness, and love.

While I agree that there are probably a multitude of reasons why Larissa married Ian, I think that it is also important to understand the church that they attend. Larissa and Ian are part of Sovereign Grace Ministries. They attend a church that only very recently, in the past few months, left SGM. Currently, there is another thread about some of the scandal surrounding SGM. Suffice to say though, that SGM is VERY cult-like. What the "leaders" of the church tell you to do is what you do. Ian is related to the Murphys, who are higher up within the Sovereign Grace Church of Indiana, Pa. In saying that, there was likely pressure from those within the church to marry. You add in Ian's dad pressuring Larissa and Larissa feeling as though it is her "obligation", and you have the current situation, where she seems to be fairly miserable.

Here is a link to the church website, if anyone is interested. sgcindianapa.org/#/welcome