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One of my friends has gone Quiverfull


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I just got friended by an old college friend and I have to say that the more I read his FB page, the more obvious it is he's gone QF. I have to admit it makes me sad. This guy was super-smart (finalist for a Rhodes Scholarship) and kind of moderate/mainstream Protestant when we were in school.

 

However, I see from his page that he is now OPC (orthodox Preby.) and he got married in 2006 but already has 7 kids! No twins in that either. He's posted a series of family photos as each new kid is born and I've noticed that he is looking a little ragged around the edges but his poor wife looks utterly worn out and you can just see despair in her eyes. And for the birth of number 6 earlier this month, he posted about how "God willing" there will be a family photo with a kid #8 someday soon.

 

The kicker for me is that for Mother's Day he posted about how for today he didn't make any big meal plans or buy anything because he thought the best gift for his wife would be for her to have lots of quality time with the kids as their mother. Um..he works full-time and has an hour commute, so what does he think she gets staying at home every day of the week?

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The kicker for me is that for Mother's Day he posted about how for today he didn't make any big meal plans or buy anything because he thought the best gift for his wife would be for her to have lots of quality time with the kids as their mother. Um..he works full-time and has an hour commute, so what does he think she gets staying at home every day of the week?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON?

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Two words for all these insensitive men who are notching their bedpost each time they add a child: Andrea Yates.

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I only have three kids, and for Mother's Day, my husband took them out of the house at Noon, with promises not to return until at least 3 PM. It's been fantastic to just be in my quiet house, reading a book and not having to referee any fights or deal with any normal, everyday problems.

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The kicker for me is that for Mother's Day he posted about how for today he didn't make any big meal plans or buy anything because he thought the best gift for his wife would be for her to have lots of quality time with the kids as their mother. Um..he works full-time and has an hour commute, so what does he think she gets staying at home every day of the week?

There's isn't going to be a #8, that poor woman is going to give me a vasectomy with a butter knife tonight.

I have a friend who has been married 6 years and her youngest is 6 months old and her fourth. I wonder if they have gone Quiverful, they do the home church and bible verse spouting thing already. I worry for her.

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Two words for all these insensitive men who are notching their bedpost each time they add a child: Andrea Yates.

Agree!

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WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON?

Please post what he says for Father's Day!! I bet he would demand a big meal & lots of praise.

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Oh my word, I would want to smack him if he were my husband. We have three kids and not a lot of extra cash at the moment so I wasn't expecting dinner out or a huge present. He brought me a nice breakfast, gave me a sweet card from him and one from the kids that they "helped" with, and we spent the morning out. In the afternoon he took them to the playground for two hours and I stayed home.

I'm a stay at home mother, if my "mother's day" doesn't include some kind of respite from my kids I would be annoyed. ;)

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I only have one kid - my husband travels for work and is only home about 60 days/year. But if he pulled that? I would KILL him!!

Seriously - He's not home today, but he called one of my friends and arranged a sitter to surprise me so I could have some time to myself! Seriously... what a... GRRR!!! I can't believe your "friend"... These men are idiots.

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That's because time away from your children makes you a selfish mother don't you know?

Perry Coghlan was wondering how he was going to handle his smaller ones because he "allowed" the teenagers to go canoeing with his wife.

Yeah, a good Quiverfull wife NEVER needs a break or rest and I am sure she cooked, cleaned and did everything else she normally does today.

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To use one of my favorite Bugs Bunny lines, "what an ultra-maroon!"

We had four kids in six and a half years (not quiverfull, just chose to let them come naturally with breastfeeding in between and that's how it worked out; by the time I was 5 months pregnant with the last one I knew I was DONE having kids). When they were all little, my husband would always take them OUT on Mother's Day and leave me alone in the house. I would take a hot bubble bath, and just sit and drink in the silence.

Right now they're all in the living room and I'm in bed with my laptop watching Say Yes to the Dress episodes on YouTube and skimming FJ. It's a grand Mother's Day to me. :)

Also they all got me little gifts bought with their own money - that means the world to me.

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When they were all little, my husband would always take them OUT on Mother's Day and leave me alone in the house. I would take a hot bubble bath, and just sit and drink in the silence.

My sister and I used to think it was kind of funny that for Mother's Day, our dad would take us mini-golfing. And then on Father's Day, our dad would also take us mini-golfing :-). Now I get it.

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I just got friended by an old college friend and I have to say that the more I read his FB page, the more obvious it is he's gone QF. I have to admit it makes me sad. This guy was super-smart (finalist for a Rhodes Scholarship) and kind of moderate/mainstream Protestant when we were in school.

However, I see from his page that he is now OPC (orthodox Preby.) and he got married in 2006 but already has 7 kids! No twins in that either. He's posted a series of family photos as each new kid is born and I've noticed that he is looking a little ragged around the edges but his poor wife looks utterly worn out and you can just see despair in her eyes. And for the birth of number 6 earlier this month, he posted about how "God willing" there will be a family photo with a kid #8 someday soon.

The kicker for me is that for Mother's Day he posted about how for today he didn't make any big meal plans or buy anything because he thought the best gift for his wife would be for her to have lots of quality time with the kids as their mother. Um..he works full-time and has an hour commute, so what does he think she gets staying at home every day of the week?

Has this poor woman had a period since she got married? Or does she just go from pregnancy to pregnancy? My insides hurt trying to contemplate it.

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When they were all little, my husband would always take them OUT on Mother's Day and leave me alone in the house. I would take a hot bubble bath, and just sit and drink in the silence.

We all know what you meant (and not that it matters anyway) but I'm just enjoying pondering the difference between

just sit and "drink in" the silence

and

just sit and drink, in the silence

:lol:

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We all know what you meant (and not that it matters anyway) but I'm just enjoying pondering the difference between

just sit and "drink in" the silence

and

just sit and drink, in the silence

:lol:

Some years I did both!! :dance:

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However, I see from his page that he is now OPC (orthodox Preby.) and he got married in 2006 but already has 7 kids! No twins in that either. He's posted a series of family photos as each new kid is born and I've noticed that he is looking a little ragged around the edges but his poor wife looks utterly worn out and you can just see despair in her eyes. And for the birth of number 6 earlier this month, he posted about how "God willing" there will be a family photo with a kid #8 someday soon.

Math is not my strong subject. They already have 7 kids, but "for the birth of number 6 earlier this month, he posted about how "God willing" there will be a family photo with a kid #8 someday soon." If #6 was born earlier this month when was #7 born? And how can #8 come after #6 born earlier this month?

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The kicker for me is that for Mother's Day he posted about how for today he didn't make any big meal plans or buy anything because he thought the best gift for his wife would be for her to have lots of quality time with the kids as their mother.

I'm reading that as "I'm too poor/lazy to take her out or buy her anything, and much too lazy to rally the kids to make a meal for her, or do some project around the house myself as a gift for her."

I hope she takes the day of Father's Day to go to her father's and leave the kids with him all day to give him quality time with the kids.

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Math is not my strong subject. They already have 7 kids, but "for the birth of number 6 earlier this month, he posted about how "God willing" there will be a family photo with a kid #8 someday soon." If #6 was born earlier this month when was #7 born? And how can #8 come after #6 born earlier this month?

Whoops. Obviously #7 was the kid born this month.

And yeah, I was pretty much speechless when I read the Mother's Day post. I had lost touch with this guy several years after college so I had no idea he'd drunk the koolaid until he found me on Facebook. I do kind of wonder what his wife thinks of all this but she doesn't have her own FB page so I've only seen things secondhand as he reports them on his own.

I sometimes wonder if the kind of hard-edged attitude I'm seeing is because this guy converted to QF and so maybe he's more conscious about what he's doing. I know quite a few fundies that I grew up with who are still in the lifestyle but don't seem quite this pushy about it. For instance, my childhood best friend is still very much a fundie and she married a like-minded guy and they are QF (not as extreme, though - it's been 5 kids in 9 years).However, her husband shares very much in the raising of those children - not to mention regularly taking the kids out by himself so she can have a "me day."

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I'm reading that as "I'm too poor/lazy to take her out or buy her anything, and much too lazy to rally the kids to make a meal for her, or do some project around the house myself as a gift for her."

I hope she takes the day of Father's Day to go to her father's and leave the kids with him all day to give him quality time with the kids.

Slightly OT: A local mom-columnist wrote that, shortly before Mother's Day, she asked her husband what he and the kids had planned. "Oh," said hubby, "I'm going to leave all that to the kids. It will be more meaningful that way." Mother's Day came and went with no acknowledgement from either hubby or kids.

Then Father's Day approached. When he asked her what she and the kids had planned, she said, "Oh, I'm going to leave all that to the kids. It will be more meaningful that way." Father's Day celebration? Nothing happened.

Suffice it to say that, the NEXT Mother's Day, hubby and kids pulled out all the stops!

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Oh no. This just sucks. That poor poor woman!

Agree!! I really would love for this guys wife to not do a thing for Father's Day just like he did nothing for Mother's Day. I can't believe they kids didn't even do anything.

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Agree!! I really would love for this guys wife to not do a thing for Father's Day just like he did nothing for Mother's Day. I can't believe they kids didn't even do anything.

Well, they're too young to do anything spontaneously, and I assume they're homeschooled? So I'm not surprised they didn't do anything, presumably their dad didn't suggest they do anything?

Honestly, you might as well say you don't bother with Mother Day, it would be less hypocritical. My own family never did anything, but when I was in primary school we usually made some crafts for our moms. But then, I'm an only child with parents who both worked and split up housework...

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My dad used to take my sister & I with him to buy mums main mothers day present on the morning of mothers day, presumably to get us out of the house for a few hours. Then we always went to lunch & then dropped by the grandparents house for afternoon tea.

We still try to make a fuss of her on mothers day because she usually spends the day mourning her own mother & needs some cheering up.

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I had a college friend who went sorta ultra-conservative, although not fundie, after a traumatic break-up from a long term relationship. She announced she has become a "conservative" and railed against "radical feminists","socialists" and other corrupting forces in society. Thankfully, my friend came around and taken a more moderate stance---although that was probably precipitated by a job loss which forced her to seek out employment for her family (and perhaps forced her family to take government benefits and turn her into a working mom).

It's sad to see a friend go down a path we strongly disagree with. However, I find it particularly troubling if such change is due to a reactionary stance after a traumatic life event. There the decision is fueled by emotion rather than careful thought. Lucky for my friend, she didn't get herself chained down to a horrible man, or birth a dozen children before coming back from the brink. I think the quiverful lifestyle is extremely harmful not least of it because it makes it extremely difficult for someone, especially the woman, to leave it. It makes women forgo education and career and then locks them down with a dozen children. That's a situation which would be extremely difficult to come out of.

Interestingly enough, my friend's ex whose breakup precipitated the entire situation DID go fundie after their break-up.

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