All things Razing Ruth

[snarkopolis]

Sorry for your loss Ruth. It is a loss for you because you will never get closure with him; but that is NOT your fault. Just keep your head up, you have the "virtual" support from many who marvel at your courage.

[VaSportsMom]

I'm so sorry for your pain. Please don't be hard on yourself about your conflicting feelings. Under the circumstances it is to be expected that you will experience a whole range of emotions. You can grieve the father you wanted while celebrating that the man he was will no longer be able to terrorize your mother and siblings. Give yourself time and don't try to force your emotions into some "socially appropriate" box.

[Chibi Author]

I've been following your blog for quite awhile now, and I am so, so sorry for everything you've had to endure. Whether or not your father's death tops the list of worst things, none of it is or was fair, and you are unbelievably strong to be fighting so hard through it.

I wish you and your family every happiness (not really your brother, he sounds like a complete jerk. Sorry), and I guess ... I just hope you find peace and true happiness someday. :group-hug: I'm glad you have Ellie and her family.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Ruth, I'm so sorry you've been through so many difficult trials in the last few years, this especially among them. I wish you, Ellie, Rachel, and the rest of your family every happiness. I will be keeping you and yours in the light.

Hang in there. You're strong...I know you can make it through this and achieve the happiness you deserve.

[julie paradox]

I'm sorry for your loss, and wish you peace and strength.

[August]

Ruth, it's OK for you to grieve the lost possibility that your father would reform and become a good loving person at the same time as being glad the bastard is gone. Maybe your mother will recover over time and will welcome you again. It's also OK to take comfort in any incidents of love or fun you remember.

[idonthaveajname]

I just wanted to add my sympathies. What a tough situation. My thoughts are with you.

[urban explorer]

My heart goes out to you Ruth, I'm glad that you have a brother on the out side that you can lean on and support each other. It does get better just don't forget the progress you made. ((((HUGS))))

[MamaJunebug]

Ruth, all my hugs. You're in my prayers!

If it isn't too soon -- your brother wrote that your dad had 11 kids, 8 of whom your brother approved of. Did he count Rachel as one of the other 3, if not, are you in touch with the 3rd sibling to reject the Gothard madness?

[mrs]

Freejinger also is most assuredly on the radar of the higher ups because rabid brother told other brother that they weren't putting his obit in the paper because "the media and naysayers websites" would see " daddy's death as confirmation of false claims" and " use faith against the goal".

That is so odd. I would think they would want to "share" his faith, and so on. :think:

I am sorry for your lose. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. HUGS

[Rosa]

So glad you posted, Ruth. Writing you out of the obit & shutting you out of the funeral is just small and wrong. I'm glad you came here for the condolences & support you (and every one of your siblings) deserve.

[moodygirl86]

Hi, Ruth. I've followed your story since the FJ days, and I've always admired you for going against family wishes and being your own person. That takes serious balls.

I'm sorry for your loss but am also glad your dad can no longer terrorise/stalk you. At least you now have that off your mind. And without his influence, you may in time renew your old relationship with your mum and other siblings. But getting through the first few weeks after a death is always the hardest part, and I hope you'll take it easy/grieve at your own pace. Look after yourself.

[znthahmed378]

I'm sorry for your loss, Mary. I'm new to the forum and not entirely familiar to your story, but I gathered that you've been through a lot. You'll be on my mind and please take it easy for a while.

[razingruth]

Thank you for all the kind words of sympathy.

Rachel was, actually, if my math is correct, counted as one of the 'faithful'. Since she's married and pregnant with her fundy, new husband, she's repented and seen the light, I guess. I think my dad was referring to two of my brothers and I. But, even that is strange because he never gave the boys as much grief as I got. My dad, and many QFers, believe that men are the head of their household and that means they have the right to choose to adopt the faith or method of living the faith as they see fit for their family. I'm the blacksheep because, as my dad sees it, I was under his umbrella of protection and headship until the day I married....I suppose now I'm under my eldest brother's headship (if you follow their belief system). I had always wondered if marrying Harris would've changed my father's relationship with me because I would technically have been following my husband into his faith? I don't know.

[Stephers831]

Ruth,

I'm sorry for your loss on one hand as its hard to lose a parent but I'll thrilled for you that you are finally free of having him to torture you from afar. It wil take a while for you to fully process things and to deal with your emotions and that is normal. You are grieving the father you knew and the one that you wanted at the same time. I pray that one of your siblings that has kept open the lines of communication will let you know what happens with your mother and your younger siblings and that they might see fit to offer you some help to get you settled and on your feet.

[RosyDaisy]

So sorry for your loss and the way you were treated.

[alwayscaffeinated]

Wishing love and continued healing for you.

[Anxious Girl]

I'm sorry, Ruth. I hope that you don't mind prayers for you? It must be a confusing and sad time for your siblings; and I hope and pray for them. Sends hugs even though you can't see them.

[hywelis]

Ruth/Mary, your brother's behaviour is outrageous. He's a big j***.

Gentle hugs if you want them.

Hywelis

[Trynn]

I'm really sorry about everything you have to deal with. I hope things get better soon.

[nokidsmom]

Ruth, my condolences to you on the loss of your father. In spite of your history with him, it's still hard to lose a parent and it's completely understandable to have mixed feelings. I am sorry about what your brother did, but know that you did the right things for you and that is what counts, regardless of how other family members feel about it. We only get one chance in life and your life is yours to live, not for others to dictate, even family. Hopefully, and in time, this will open the door to a renewed relationship with your mother and other siblings.

[JaChelle Sugar]

Ruth, you have my deepest sympathies for everything your going through. I'm sending prayers/good thoughts for healing your way. And as other's have said, there is no 'wrong' way to feel/not feel about your father's death.

[MamaJunebug]

Thank you for explaining that its you and 2 brothers who are under your jerkwad brother's condemnation. It makes twisted sense that women are held to a stricter standard, punished more, and considered greater sinners -- it's always been thus in patriocentric systems.

We are all imperfect and what counts is how we attempt to make up for the imperfections within us and around us.

You, Ruth Mary, are being kind and honest with those around you. Your heart - though it may not seem so, at this time of emotional upheaval - your heart desires peace, healing and warmth. Your parents' cult desires conflict, control and is cold about how it will achieve its goals.

Your mom may yet come out of the fog she's been in all these years. I pray for you first, and then for all those you love,that they may find true peace and healing. With all love, MJB.

[sparkplug]

I'm so sorry, Ruth! Really. Prayers for you right now.

[craftymom]

Ruth, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have one brother you can lean on.