Lori Alexander needs to stop "mentoring" other women

[lilwriter85]

I've said it before, but Lori A is one of the worst people to be mentoring young women. I know there is more to the below story, I honestly wish Lori would either stop mentoring or the women quit talking to her.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/05/white-flag-of-surrender.html

She'd been to counseling. They even went to a marriage counselor together. Nothing seemed to work. She was worried about her marriage. She has one child and didn't think she wanted any more. She came to me and wanted to be mentored.

I encouraged her to be in God's Word daily. I told her to renew her mind with God's truth. Stop thinking negative thoughts about her husband. Her husband was upset when he heard that she wanted to be a "submissive wife." He didn't want any part of that.

I told her she must be a submissive wife for this is what God commands of her regardless of what her husband wants since God's Word trumps a husband's word. I told her to win him without a word. Let him see what true submission looks like.

The last time I met with her she was glowing. They haven't had any arguments. She got her IUD out and desires to have children. He got mad at her for something and she simply said she was sorry instead of fighting back. She is no longer an adversary of her husband but a source of peace to him. She has waved her white flag of surrender and she is reaping beautiful fruit from it.

He no longer tells her not to be a submissive wife. I think he is enjoying their new relationship and his new wife. She no longer cares if he sleeps in. She wants him to now so he will be well rested. Her whole countenance has changed. She radiates joy and peace.

I never tire of watching the beautiful ways of the Lord and how well they work. Mentoring young women is so rewarding...marriages restored, peace reigning in the home, children becoming well-behaved. If you are an older women, begin mentoring younger women. You will learn so much in the process and young women will be so thankful.

I also don't think all older women are suited to be mentoring younger women. Lori is one of those people. I know this biased, but my own mother who gives good advice to me would be a better mentor for many woman than Lori is, but my mom doesn't have the major "older woman" ego that asshole Lori has. Lori's advice is incredibly stupid and she refers to the fucking Bible too much.

[Maggie Mae]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I hate Lori.

There is NO one size fits all answer to relationship problems. Every couple has it's strength and weaknesses. My parents have been married for at least 30 years, probably longer but I don't really know because it's their marriage, not mine, and my mom works while my dad stays home. This is because he is disabled and if she didn't work, they wouldn't have insurance and he would die.

In my own relationship, the more I "submit" (which isn't really submission, but asking his opinion on things that I don't always care about or apologizing out of habit) the more annoying I become. This causes friction, because he doesn't like women who are simpering idiots.

[GeoBQn]

She had a post at the beginning of the month that began with this anecdote.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/05/his-very-bad-advice.html

She was in the middle seat. Her husband was on the aisle seat. A marriage psychologist was in the window seat. It was an hour flight. The whole time her husband was on his computer and phone. He didn't look at her or speak to her the whole time.

At the end, the psychologist who teaches at big universities, asked her if he were her husband. She told him he was. Then the psychologist told her what a horrible husband he was to not communicate with her at all and went on and on disparaging him. This made her feel resentment and bitterness towards her husband.

Never happened. Airlines still don't let people talk on their cellphones during flights.

[Maggie Mae]

She had a post at the beginning of the month that began with this anecdote.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/05/his-very-bad-advice.html

Never happened. Airlines still don't let people talk on their cellphones during flights.

You can be on your phone without talking on it. I'm on my phone all day. I have exactly 13 minutes of call time so far this month, and made exactly one phone call. You are allowed to use your phone and computer in "airplane mode" while in flight, until the descent. You can use your phone in regular mode again as soon as the plane starts to taxi.

[Minerva]

Lori should have to pay for the counselling of all the women she mentors.

[patsymae]

I don't get it. You have to be "submissive" to your husband, but you absolutely shouldn't give any consideration to what HE wants?

Lori is dumber than a rock.

[GeoBQn]

You can be on your phone without talking on it. I'm on my phone all day. I have exactly 13 minutes of call time so far this month, and made exactly one phone call. You are allowed to use your phone and computer in "airplane mode" while in flight, until the descent. You can use your phone in regular mode again as soon as the plane starts to taxi.

I guess I still associate being "on the phone" as talking on it. I'm way too young to be feeling this old . . .

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

She had a post at the beginning of the month that began with this anecdote.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/05/his-very-bad-advice.html

Never happened. Airlines still don't let people talk on their cellphones during flights.

My partner has his own new consulting company and he has to be able to take business calls and emails anywhere, anytime (he is often interviewed for newspapers, for example.) This just made me think of the pitying looks I have gotten from other women when he has had to take a call at dinner, for example. I would have told that marriage counselor to suck it. But not bc I am submissive but bc I also have a demanding career and we try to be supportive of each other....instead of, you know, just me supporting his career.

[kpmom]

I don't believe the marriage counselor on the airplane anecdote happened either. What counselor worth his or her salt would do this?

The fact that Lori had to add that this psychologist works at "big universities" (plural!) makes it even more fake sounding to me.

[infooverload]

The whole story rings as false on a few notes. First of all why would the "supposed" professor wait till the end of the flight to say something. Then he goes and disparages her husband in front of him, screams idiot and unlikely move. Then again this is one of those anedoctes most people who read her will take on face value and not think any deeper.

[salex]

She had a post at the beginning of the month that began with this anecdote.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/05/his-very-bad-advice.html

Never happened. Airlines still don't let people talk on their cellphones during flights.

I'd say it never happened because wtf would the psychologist be making that kind of small talk for in the first place. I travel with my husband all the time. Sometimes we talk, but often we are both busy with other things-- work, writing, reading, music, movies (on our computer OR phone) because 1) we aren't going to talk about much of substance on a plane surrounded by strangers and 2) we often have work to do.

Secondly, if some stranger started bad mouthing my husband, i'd tune them out because I know my marriage, how it works and who my husband is, so some stranger isn't going to convince me otherwise.

[salex]

My partner has his own new consulting company and he has to be able to take business calls and emails anywhere, anytime (he is often interviewed for newspapers, for example.) This just made me think of the pitying looks I have gotten from other women when he has had to take a call at dinner, for example. I would have told that marriage counselor to suck it. But not bc I am submissive but bc I also have a demanding career and we try to be supportive of each other....instead of, you know, just me supporting his career.

This, absolutely. We both work with clients from New Jersey to California, so we have to be available from pretty early in the day until relatively late, and while sometimes they recognize the time difference, some things can't wait.

[salex]

Strikes me that if one is supposed to be submissive to one's husband, and the husband says "stand on your own two feet, make decisions and live as my equal." Not to do so would be going against his wishes and thus not submissive.

I also think that apologizing when you are wrong is not the same as being submissive, nor is not being upset when your husband sleeps in, and a lot of the crazy bs that this woman seems to think is proof that the women she browbeats/mentors are submitting.

There is something to be said for equals who don't fight about every little thing, but apparently Lori can't even imagine that kind of relationship. She seems to think either people are in an equal relationship and argue over every point OR the wife is submissive and just eats whatever is handed to her no matter what.

I heard some radio preacher saying that even though women must be submissive to their husbands, before God they are equal to men. Apparently it is just on earth that god wants them to do the shit work and keep their mouths shut about it.

:think:

Edited because Got isn't the same as God....

[oil]

I don't get it. You have to be "submissive" to your husband, but you absolutely shouldn't give any consideration to what HE wants?

Lori is dumber than a rock.

This has my mind hurting.

[Jinger Jar]

Lori needs to stop doing one of two things:

• * convincing women to confide their marital problems to her and then blathering about said problems to the internet; or
  
  * writing fiction that showcases her supposed wisdom about Christian marriage.

[browngrl]

I think Lori is making up anecdotes that suit her agenda. Almost all of her little stories ring off key to me. I think there might be some grain of truth but that kernel is buried under a lot of embellishment.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

(I'm still an intern so I'm not going to claim I'm a full therapist) But I do see couples as part of my therapy work. And let me tell you, while I find my job amazingly challenging and rewarding, the last thing I want to do is offer unsolicited relationship advice when I'm trapped on a plane with two people who are obviously insane. Would I side-eye a woman who spent several hours gazing adoringly upon her spiritual leader's Godly countenance? Hells yeah. Would I want to get involved? Um ... fuck no. Thanks. Not to mention that, while there are assholes in every profession, disparaging someone right in front of them and showing bias is considered highly unethical in the mental health field.

See? I know this and I don't even work at "big universities." Lori, your myth has been busted. Oh, and your "advice" and inability to maintain the confidentiality of information that some poor, downtrodden housewife allegedly shared with you is despicable.

[lilwriter85]

Lori should have to pay for the counselling of all the women she mentors.

Oh I agree with that. I've said this dozens of times before, but I think a tragedy is going to happen to one of the women Lori "mentors". A lot of Lori's IRL mentoring is done through her church. Lori has never said the name of her church, but in a posting from a year or two ago, she talked about her pastor and she gave certain details about him which made it easy to find out the church name and the pastor's name. She and Ken attend North Coast Cavalry Chapel in Carlsbad, CA. It is a megachurch which has about 3,000 members.

I looked around the church's website sometime back and there are links to Mark Driscoll crap. Lori has posted stuff about Mark Driscoll several times on her blog. My guess is that sexism goes on a bit at her church and that is why she and Ken manage to retain some of the people they mentor. She did say in one posting, that there have been couples or women that have rejected her and Ken as mentors. I'm glad that some people realized that Lori and Ken are awful mentors. I also think churches should carefully screen couples or individuals that volunteer to be mentors. But since Lori's church promotes Mark Driscoll crap, they probably have no issues with some of the shit Lori spouts off on her blog.

[Claddagh]

So Lori twists words around so that women shouldn't have spines?

Lori really needs to stop dispensing such terrible advice as one of these days her "advice" is going to get an innocent person hurt, or worse, killed.

[Minerva]

(I'm still an intern so I'm not going to claim I'm a full therapist) But I do see couples as part of my therapy work. And let me tell you, while I find my job amazingly challenging and rewarding, the last thing I want to do is offer unsolicited relationship advice when I'm trapped on a plane with two people who are obviously insane. Would I side-eye a woman who spent several hours gazing adoringly upon her spiritual leader's Godly countenance? Hells yeah. Would I want to get involved? Um ... fuck no. Thanks. Not to mention that, while there are assholes in every profession, disparaging someone right in front of them and showing bias is considered highly unethical in the mental health field.

See? I know this and I don't even work at "big universities." Lori, your myth has been busted. Oh, and your "advice" and inability to maintain the confidentiality of information that some poor, downtrodden housewife allegedly shared with you is despicable.

Maybe it doesn't count if the housewife is imaginary.

[Artemis]

Lori needs to remember the words of Thomas a Kempis: 'Let every man fetch his last day to him and make it his company keeper.' Then perhaps she'd stop interfering on the lives of others.

[dairyfreelife]

Sometimes with age comes wisdom...and sometimes with age comes reality blindness.

I seriously think I am way more qualified to mentor women on marriage and child-rearing than Lori and would give way better advice though I have neither been married nor had children. I think that says it all.

[wild little fox]

STFU Lori!

[wild little fox]

Oh I agree with that. I've said this dozens of times before, but I think a tragedy is going to happen to one of the women Lori "mentors". A lot of Lori's IRL mentoring is done through her church. Lori has never said the name of her church, but in a posting from a year or two ago, she talked about her pastor and she gave certain details about him which made it easy to find out the church name and the pastor's name. She and Ken attend North Coast Cavalry Chapel in Carlsbad, CA. It is a megachurch which has about 3,000 members.

I looked around the church's website sometime back and there are links to Mark Driscoll crap. Lori has posted stuff about Mark Driscoll several times on her blog. My guess is that sexism goes on a bit at her church and that is why she and Ken manage to retain some of the people they mentor. She did say in one posting, that there have been couples or women that have rejected her and Ken as mentors. I'm glad that some people realized that Lori and Ken are awful mentors. I also think churches should carefully screen couples or individuals that volunteer to be mentors. But since Lori's church promotes Mark Driscoll crap, they probably have no issues with some of the shit Lori spouts off on her blog.

That makes a lot of sense that Ken and Lori adore Driscoll. What a nightmare. Driscoll promoted anal sex in his book on marriage. If concenting adults are into that I don't have issue. Anal sex and submissive wives who have no say over their bodies ... GAH! The thought makes me ill!!!

[mlady]

I don't know what kind of person believes stories like this, it's so obviously "lying for jesus", which I learned long ago is A-OK with Christians if it's for someone elses good...lol