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Fundie advice for women with cheating husbands


snuggles911

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My favorite anti-feminist Christian blogger Sunshine Mary offered advice yesterday to a commenter with a cheating husband on her blog, sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/why-do-modern-women-have-such-filthy-mouths/

According to Sunshine Mary, the woman cannot divorce her husband because she is a Christian. She should also pray for the women he is sleeping with. Additionally, she should continue to have sexual relations with him and ask the Holy Spirit to join them in bed. After all, it worked for Sunshine when her husband was cheating.

Since you are a Christian woman, you may not divorce your husband. That takes some of the options off the table. As DS pointed out, if your husband leaves, you are no longer bound to him because he is not a believer.

You have not described what you are doing spiritually. I was not a practicing Christian and my husband was an atheist when his many infidelities came to light. I later returned to the faith, but it was quite a while before my husband accepted Christ. In that time, he continued to have the occasional affair.

Your chief weapon is prayer. You are right in the midst of a massive spiritual battle and you should not fight this alone. Who is praying with you? Be exceedingly careful about revealing your marital troubles to other people, especially infidelities. Do not tell your mother or other close female relatives under any circumstances. If he ever accepts Christ and repents of his sin, you would be surprised how unforgiving the female herd can be.

You must engage this battle whether you want to or not. You should be getting up while it is still dark and praying over all his possession that he will touch during the day. Speak verses over everything: his phone, his coffee cup, his very shoes. I wrote scripture verses on bits of silk and sewed them into my husbands pants cuffs. I anointed his car with oil while praying. I got on my knees in the basement every night and cried out to God. I wrote Bible verses on scraps of paper and hid them among his possessions. If you do not know which verses to pray, I can make a list for you. God’s Word is powerful. He tells us that His Word never returns to Him void; it always accomplishes His purposes.

Pray for the women he is having sex with. Pray for them to be pursued by the Holy Spirit. Pray specifically that the very taste of them would be like sawdust in your husband’s mouth. But never, under any circumstances attempt to contact any of these women. There is nothing to be gained by doing so; I learned this the hard way. It will just end with both of you crying and screaming at each other. You already know they are adulteresses and liars, so you cannot trust anything they might say to you. However, anything they do say to you will haunt you. You do not need those images in your mind. Satan will use them to tempt you in many ways.

When you do come together with him, pray unceasingly. I used to beseech God to use my very body to soften my husband’s heart to Christ. I would pray every time we had marital relations for the Holy Spirit to speak to him through me. You should be speaking verses over your bed and inviting the presence of the Holy Spirit to dwell there. Write verses in a fine-tipped sharpie on the inside edge of his pillow.

The one piece of advice she left out is to have the cheating husband wear a condom if she wants him to come anywhere near her. Sunshine is a Quiverful fundie, but you'd think she'd at least want the poor commentator to protect herself from STDs. :(

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When you do come together with him, pray unceasingly. I used to beseech God to use my very body to soften my husband’s heart to Christ. I would pray every time we had marital relations for the Holy Spirit to speak to him through me. You should be speaking verses over your bed and inviting the presence of the Holy Spirit to dwell there. Write verses in a fine-tipped sharpie on the inside edge of his pillow.

The one piece of advice she left out is to have the cheating husband wear a condom if she wants him to come anywhere near her. Sunshine is a Quiverful fundie, but you'd think she'd at least want the poor commentator to protect herself from STDs. :(

I'm sure the Holy Spirit and the incantations she spoke over the bed and wrote on his pillow acted like a magical condom, protecting her from whatever.

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No doubt she feels that God will protect a virtuous wife from STIs. If he doesn't, surely that means she's being punished for her selfishness / bitterness / lack of submission.

:disgust:

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When you do come together with him, pray unceasingly. I used to beseech God to use my very body to soften my husband’s heart to Christ. I would pray every time we had marital relations for the Holy Spirit to speak to him through me. You should be speaking verses over your bed and inviting the presence of the Holy Spirit to dwell there.

The passive-aggressive shit these meek and submissive fundy women engage in blows my mind. If she was praying for her husband to give his soul to Christ while they were having marital relations, her husband was doing it wrong. That piece of advice essentially screams her husband was so unimaginative in bed that she did spiritual accounting exercises to pass the time. Awesome of her to let the whole world know.

She could have just left the jerk, but that does require some self respect. :hand:

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I am pretty sure marital infidelity was one of the few (maybe the only reason) for divorce that the Bible does allow. Sunshine Mary must have "skipped" over that part :roll:

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How is speaking verses over his phone, coffee cup, and shoes supposed to help?

When you do come together with him, pray unceasingly. I used to beseech God to use my very body to soften my husband’s heart to Christ. I would pray every time we had marital relations for the Holy Spirit to speak to him through me. You should be speaking verses over your bed and inviting the presence of the Holy Spirit to dwell there. Write verses in a fine-tipped sharpie on the inside edge of his pillow.

Somehow I don't think this would make his wife more attractive to him than she was before.

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I knew a lady who stayed with her cheating husband. She kept praying for him to change his ways and he kept on cheating on her. He gave her just about every disease under the sun. When she had an AIDS scare she finally divorced him.

She was miserable the entire time she was with him and he was cheating on her.

When you do come together with him, pray unceasingly. I used to beseech God to use my very body to soften my husband’s heart to Christ. I would pray every time we had marital relations for the Holy Spirit to speak to him through me. You should be speaking verses over your bed and inviting the presence of the Holy Spirit to dwell there. Write verses in a fine-tipped sharpie on the inside edge of his pillow.

Bolding mine.

Great way to turn women into walking vaginas there. :roll:

If someone I loved was writing bible verses on the inside of my pillow I'd be very creeped out.

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You should be getting up while it is still dark and praying over all his possession that he will touch during the day. Speak verses over everything: his phone, his coffee cup, his very shoes. I wrote scripture verses on bits of silk and sewed them into my husbands pants cuffs. I anointed his car with oil while praying.

Yeah, I thought magic was bad? This sounds identical to spell casting. Why do these people not see that their praying, especially like this, is no different than that wicked, heathen magic? So ridiculous. And about as likely to get results, IME.

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I am pretty sure marital infidelity was one of the few (maybe the only reason) for divorce that the Bible does allow. Sunshine Mary must have "skipped" over that part :roll:

Actually, I have an inlaw who told his mother in no uncertain terms that, no matter that her husband (his father) had numerous affairs, only men could remarry under that clause. He changed his term 5 years later when his daughter divorced.

Funny That. I can only think he worried that his inheritance might be impacted if Mom remarried, but didn't want to have to help support his daughter and grandchild.

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Don't these findies read their bibles? Infidelity is a very biblical reason for divorce; Jesus himself said so, but also their real favorite bible character: Paul.

Therefore this woman is an idiot with no leg to stand on.

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Actually, I have an inlaw who told his mother in no uncertain terms that, no matter that her husband (his father) had numerous affairs, only men could remarry under that clause. He changed his term 5 years later when his daughter divorced.

Funny That. I can only think he worried that his inheritance might be impacted if Mom remarried, but didn't want to have to help support his daughter and grandchild.

Sunshine Mary and other fundies believe that only men can divorce b/c of adultery, according to the Bible. There's no escape clause for women, even in cases of abuse ( according to Sunshine she can separate for her own protection; but she can't get divorced).

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Do not tell your mother or other close female relatives under any circumstances.

Not that I am particularly close to my mother, but this bothers me. Isolate yourself from your most trusted female companions, ones that care for you. I read this as, "must not chance interference with the brainwashing by speaking to a concerned outsider."

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How do these women throw out lines like "occasional affair" so flippantly? We aren't talking about a spouse cheating on their diet with the occasional brownie here.

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How do these women throw out lines like "occasional affair" so flippantly? We aren't talking about a spouse cheating on their diet with the occasional brownie here.

By deciding their worth as human beings is less than that of a brownie.

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By deciding their worth as human beings is less than that of a brownie.

As depressing as it is, I think you are right. Sadly, they would have more control over their husbands sneaking brownies than sneaking an STD in on them. What a miserable life to be trapped in.

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The one piece of advice she left out is to have the cheating husband wear a condom if she wants him to come anywhere near her. Sunshine is a Quiverful fundie, but you'd think she'd at least want the poor commentator to protect herself from STDs. :(

You mean the Holy Spirit doesn't protect you from those? :wtf:

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Not that I am particularly close to my mother, but this bothers me. Isolate yourself from your most trusted female companions, ones that care for you. I read this as, "must not chance interference with the brainwashing by speaking to a concerned outsider."

But, hell hath no fury like a herd of females. :pink-shock:

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Why is Miss Mary even speaking on this subject? Everyone knows females are to be seen and not heard, and most especially, they're not to have an opinion on anything like this, never mind publish it on the nets. Where the hell is her headship and why is he failing at his job so badly?

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Fundies do not accept the Biblical exception that you may divorce a cheater, as others have said. Men can leave a cheating wife, and are strongly encouraged to do so. Women are not allowed to leave, not even for cheating or abuse. Furthermore, if a fundie man is cheating, then it is because she has failed, most commonly it is held that she has failed to meet his sexual and physical needs. However, it can simply be because she is a shrew, an unsubmissive woman, or even that she has a temper. Whatever it is, in the fundie world when a man cheats it is ALWAYS the fault of his wife.

You will notice, though they have traveled quite a way in their theology, Ted Hagrid's wife absolutely stood by her man. All good fundie women WILL stand by her man, unless he leaves her. The only acceptable escape is death or standing beside him and having him walk out on you anyway. Any other response and it is her fault.

This, by the way, leads to the very real and bizarre scenario whereby some fundie women present this submissive persona to the world and pray for their husband to DIE in private because it is the ONLY option afforded to them to release them from the horrors of their marriage. I have known more than one fundie woman with a cheating or abusive husband to admitin the quiet to me personally that she prayed daily for his death to release her...yet not one of those women would consider throwing his pathetic rear OUT and valuing herself enough to do better without those men.

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My first husband cheated on me, when I was pregnant. My grandmother told me that I was to tell him he was not ALLOWED to leave me, that he was staying and helping me raise my children no matter what. My mom told me if I had been a better wife, kept the house cleaner, made more money, etc. then he wouldn't have looked elsewhere in the first place.

I was really young then. Just thinking about that makes my head hurt. I don't know why on Earth no one in my life, and no one in these women's lives, say to them, "Maybe he's just a huge piece of shit and you should take your children and what's left of your self-esteem and get the fuck out."

I don't know. This makes me feel so ill for these women.

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I anointed his car with oil while praying

I keep wondering where fundies are getting all this oil. What kind of oil? Maybe it's baby oil, which would be so appropriate, but a bottle of Johnson's doesn't seem very holy.

Now I feel like writing something in sharpie on my husband's clothes and seeing if he ever notices. Perhaps "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"....repeatedly.

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Ooh! I know the answer!

"it is all your fault, you sinless whore, look the other way. "

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What I don't get is, if god made women to be the weaker sex, to require looking after by men etc why did he make us so damn powerful! A single glance can toss a faithful man off the fidelity wagon. Wearing certain clothes can derail a young man's spirituality. Having an opinion and stating it can bring a grown man to his knees. And let's not even get into the female herd effect! Honestly until I started reading this stuff I had no idea what I could do!

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Back in the '70s, I was on our town's new domestic violence task force. A sweet, soft spoken young woman was in our support group. Her husband was slapping her around and cheating on her. When she went to her mother and sisters for help, they actually told her, "You can't just go and divorce him--he's your HUSBAND." My mind still reels; there were small children involved.

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