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Cruelty Teaches Obedience


debrand

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What kind of twisted thinking makes people think that this is all right?

After being told to stay put, a three year old wanders away from home. She goes to the store and takes a candy bar. Upon returning home, she proudly shows off candy bar to mom, which proves that she did not understand her actions.

Mom spanks her. Even if you believe in spanking, I am not certain what the point is. Talking to the child-which the mom does- would have been a much better alternative. No need to spank her also. However, let's leave aside whether spanking is ever justified or not.

The mom takes the candy bar and puts in a glass container.

The next thing Mom did is what I remember most. She opened a door to the kitchen cabinets, took out a clear glass and dropped the Baby Ruth into the glass. She then sat it on a shelf where I could see it. There it was--bright, shiny, beautiful, but I couldn’t reach it! That Baby Ruth bar sat in that glass so that I could see it for TWO WEEKS! It was a constant reminder of my shopping trip gone wrong.

After two weeks, mom sat me down on the counter, and as the Baby Ruth sat nearby, she, again, talked with me about the importance of obedience. Then, she did the unthinkable. She ATE the Baby Ruth as I sat there and watched her! The entire time she ate, she spoke of forgiveness and that even when we do things that are wrong, God forgives us and makes it go away - JUST LIKE MY CANDY BAR!

What kind of sick freak does this to a THREE YEAR OLD? She is freakin' three years old.

The writer thinks that her mom taught her obedience but I think that she taught her that mental torture and overkill on punishment is okay. Plus, her mom taught her that someone bigger always has power over someone smaller. It doesn't matter if the misbehavior was an honest mistake or actual wrong doing, someone will punish you. That is an unhealthy lesson to learn

crosswalk.com/family/parenting/kids/obedience-a-lesson-learned.html

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I did something similar when I was 3. My parents took me back in the store to return the candy bar and apologize. I learned my lesson, the store had their property returned. Next time we went shopping, my mom bought one for me.

I don't understand these people. At all.

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I did something similar when I was 3. My parents took me back in the store to return the candy bar and apologize. I learned my lesson, the store had their property returned. Next time we went shopping, my mom bought one for me.

I don't understand these people. At all.

Exactly. My daughter did the same thing and I reacted just as your parents did. Now an adult, my daughter tells me that the incident had a huge effect on her. Apparently, having your child take responsibility for their actions in a reasonable fashion works very well. Why would anyone think of another way to deal with it?

Torture is sick.

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There was apparently a similar story about candy I stole (and started to eat) l when I was three, but I was obviously unaware I was stealing. I don't remember it, but my parents do. I wonder if this is true since most people don't remember events from when they were three, but it was definitely embellished because who actually recalls such detail from something that occurred when they were three?

Regardless, my parents were not against spanking and I was not spanked for my candy theft. They just went back to pay for it and told me we have to pay for stuff we buy. The end. The idea of laws, hurting business and such were obviously out of my element at the age of four. My parents were Christians, but they were not into obedience training or training at all. My parents were not saints by any means, but when I read about many of the families we discuss on here, I feel like I had the best parents ever. Seriously, I want to go buy them flowers and chocolate and free massages because I am so, so thankful they were my parents instead. :worship:

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What kind of twisted thinking makes people think that this is all right?

This make me cry.

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Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things, but...what kind of neighbors don't stop a 3-year-old from walking alone down and across streets and why was the mom talking with neighbors in the driveway when she got home? Shouldn't the mom have been off and running to protect her child as soon as she saw she was missing and found out in what direction she had gone? Yikes.

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I think that by eating that candy bar, the mom profits from her daughter's theft. What kind of a lesson is that?

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What is really disturbing about these people is that none of them seem to have even the remotest idea of child development. They seem to think a toddler understands as much about social guidelines as an adult.

Most three year olds would have no idea they were stealing, because ...well, why would they ? They saw a candy bar and they took it because they wanted a candy bar - I'm sure they would have seen their parents pay at a cash register, but they wouldn't know that was a requirement.

Couldn't the parent just explain that you have to pay money for things at the store so the kid would now have that information ? And if my 3 year old wandered all the way to the store and back -- the last thing on my mind would be where did the candy come from ! I would be sick with worry and incredibly relieved that she was safe

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My brother actually did something like that, and my parents had him pay for the item, and apologize to the manager. My parents would even have supported the store if they wished to press charges in juvenile court, as they thought my brother would learn that some actions come with serious consequences, but his apology prevented charges being filed. Let's just say that he only made that mistake once, and while I was the older sibling, I also learned from that experience to the point where if a cashier missed something, I let them know so I wouldn't accidentally walk out with something I didn't pay for.

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My brother actually did something like that, and my parents had him pay for the item, and apologize to the manager. My parents would even have supported the store if they wished to press charges in juvenile court, as they thought my brother would learn that some actions come with serious consequences, but his apology prevented charges being filed. Let's just say that he only made that mistake once, and while I was the older sibling, I also learned from that experience to the point where if a cashier missed something, I let them know so I wouldn't accidentally walk out with something I didn't pay for.

I'm assuming though that your brother wasn't 3 - that he was elementary school age or older - old enough to even know it was something against the rules.

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My son wandered off to the store by himself around that age. I didn't know where he was. It was a freaking nightmare. We had the whole neighbourhood looking for him. The police came. One neighbour finally spotted him crossing the park nearby heading home and brought him to me. I couldn't even tell you if had taken anything, I was just so overwhelmed to see him and see that he was ok. In total he had been missing less than an hour.

When all the hubbub died down we had a talk about not going off by himself. I certainly never spanked him for it.

He says now that he misunderstood and thought I had gone to the store and was very surprised to get there and not find me.

That hour still haunts me. I can't imagine if he had been gone longer. I would have lost my mind.

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I don't believe in spanking - but if I did, I'd say that it would be more appropriate to spank a parent who thinks that it's ok to leave a 3 yr old outside with no supervision while they answer a phone in the house, and thinks that the 3 yr old will stay put just because the parent said "don't move".

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What is really disturbing about these people is that none of them seem to have even the remotest idea of child development. They seem to think a toddler understands as much about social guidelines as an adult.

Most three year olds would have no idea they were stealing, because ...well, why would they ? They saw a candy bar and they took it because they wanted a candy bar - I'm sure they would have seen their parents pay at a cash register, but they wouldn't know that was a requirement.

Couldn't the parent just explain that you have to pay money for things at the store so the kid would now have that information ? And if my 3 year old wandered all the way to the store and back -- the last thing on my mind would be where did the candy come from ! I would be sick with worry and incredibly relieved that she was safe

Yes, what you wrote, totally. Also, I'm disturbed by those people who are convinced babies and children are sinners. But that's another rant.

Hywelis

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It does teach obedience well. It's also the easy way out. Taking time to teach obedience through gentle correction takes time, gentleness and patience, none of which many of the fundies we snark on have or want to have.

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I am very confused here. From what I am understanding:

~a mother leaves her 3 year old outside (alone). She comes back and the child is gone. No police are called.

~neighbors watch as a 3 year old heads off down the street (alone) and do absolutely nothing to intervene.

~said 3 year old little girl manages to walk 6 blocks to the store, shop for candy, walk 6 blocks back. When she returns her mother is still standing in the fucking driveway conversing with the neighbors who clearly don't know where the child is. Police have still not been called.

~3 year old returns and proudly shows mom her candy. Instead of grabbing her baby and holding her tight (and being eternally grateful she is home safe and sound) mom proceeds to hit her child.

~mom then torments the child for 2 weeks and then rewards herself with a candy bar (I'm assuming to reward herself for her stellar parenting and to further torment her toddler).

:angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: These people know fuck all about child development. Seriously, the fact that the child calmly returned home and showed the candy to mom indicates that she had NO CLUE that anything was amiss. I am so fucking sick of these people assigning adult motives to childish behavior. 3 year olds aren't planners and schemers. They are live in the moment kind of people with no ability to see around corners.

That this woman took HER negligent parenting out on a small child absolutely infuriates me.

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That story is disturbing on so many levels. I also find it disturbing that people are saying what a "great" story it is in the comments. Beating your kid for stealing a candy bar is madness.

All this is teaching kids is resentment and that someone bigger than you can pick on you. Having to go back, apologize, and pay for the candy bar would've been a much stronger lesson for the toddler.

I agree, why weren't the neighbors asked where she had gone off to or the police called?

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I am very confused here. From what I am understanding:

~a mother leaves her 3 year old outside (alone). She comes back and the child is gone. No police are called.

~neighbors watch as a 3 year old heads off down the street (alone) and do absolutely nothing to intervene.

~said 3 year old little girl manages to walk 6 blocks to the store, shop for candy, walk 6 blocks back. When she returns her mother is still standing in the fucking driveway conversing with the neighbors who clearly don't know where the child is. Police have still not been called.

~3 year old returns and proudly shows mom her candy. Instead of grabbing her baby and holding her tight (and being eternally grateful she is home safe and sound) mom proceeds to hit her child.

~mom then torments the child for 2 weeks and then rewards herself with a candy bar (I'm assuming to reward herself for her stellar parenting and to further torment her toddler).

:angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: These people know fuck all about child development. Seriously, the fact that the child calmly returned home and showed the candy to mom indicates that she had NO CLUE that anything was amiss. I am so fucking sick of these people assigning adult motives to childish behavior. 3 year olds aren't planners and schemers. They are live in the moment kind of people with no ability to see around corners.

That this woman took HER negligent parenting out on a small child absolutely infuriates me.

And no one from the store - customers, managers, cashiers, no one - noticed an unattended toddler in their midst. Even at a warehouse store with hundreds of employees and shoppers someone is bound to question a three-year-old walking around with no one nearby to claim responsibility for her. In the story it was a neighborhood store, smaller with probably with far fewer customers to keep an eye on. Who's going to Okay with a kid being there by herself, even if they didn't notice her pilfered candy bar? Someone would have noticed her. Someone would have asked questions.

I'm suspicious of the story. If it happened, my guess is that it didn't happen quite like the author claims it did. I think the author fabricated it, or large bits if it, to justify spanking and tormenting toddlers. Because cruelty is - dontcha know - biblical. :roll:

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I think this is more of a parenting fail than a story of a child being badly behaved.

The mother should have been watching her three year old, it is a fail on her part for the child to have walked 6 blocks and back to steal a candy bar without her mother noticing.

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