ThatWife calls (former) Bathroom baby a "jerk"

[Feberin]

I remember when Youngieson#1 was that little. (sigh) My dad would take him somewhere just about every week, but he would always make it a major expedition - like the Science Centre or a museum or something. I kept telling him that the little guy would enjoy taking a bus ride to the end of the line (the lakeshore) and back again. Total cost? about $5 total plus maybe some crusts for the geese. Or even just to the parkette around the corner to go on the swings. 3 year olds don't need big expeditions. Everything is new and amazing. If they want to see animals - take them to the local shelter or even a PetSmart on adoption day. You don't have to actually adopt an animal, but there are always lots of cats and dogs to see. At 3 years old, a big Newfoundland dog is just as impressive as an elephant. I saw 2 Newfie dogs at my PetSmart a while back and I was totally impressed!

I think it really depends on the kid. My son LOVES the zoo so much that we got a membership for it and whenever we have a spare day that I want to do something fun we'll go to it. Our zoo is also only 15 minutes from our house so it's not a long trip to get there or anything. He loves the big animals but is incredibly scared of all dogs. Even little dogs cause him to flip out. I will say his favorite part of the zoo is the tram. So we always ride it. We did have a disasterous trip to the zoo when he was 18 months but it was the DC zoo and free so we just moved on after half an hour.

I think a lot of big outings are as much for the parents as the kids. You have fond memories of it so you drag your kids out and expect them to feel the same despite the fact they are like half the age you were when you created those memories. We tried the aquarium when my son was only two and he only was mildly interested in the sharks. My five-year-old nephew was with us and loved it. So we'll probably head back when my son is five and finds fish more interesting. Even a year can make a huge change in the experience for kids.

[HopelessWanderer]

Are you new to That Wife? Because she calls him a jerk, treats him like a jerk, and, in my estimation, probably calls him a jerk to his face as well.

+1 Clearly she took nothing away from any of the EI, although how could she when that only went on for .02 seconds. My biggest fear going forward for T1 is that because T2 is "the baby" and ThatBitch's "princess" that he will even more so be labeled the problem child.

[lorem ipsum]

We recently took our twins to the zoo for their 3rd birthday and had almost the exact same experience as ThatWife.

The difference? I already knew from, you know, frequently talking with and interacting with my kids that they're into pirates and fascinated by maps (treasure and otherwise) as a result. So I wasn't surprised in the least when they were more interested in the zoo map than the animals, and wanted to take turns carrying and "reading" it.

And instead of saying they ruined our day by doing this, we showed them where we were on the map, where we were going, and had them help us find the pictographs of what animal we were looking at or going to see (and tracing the way to get there with their finger).

There is NO reason you can't incorporate a child's interests into an activity. Pity TW doesn't seem to understand that.

P.s. and if our zoo had a train, I can guarantee we'd have had to ride it 500 times because they both love trains. :P

[Koala]

As predicted, her responses are ridiculous:

Poor grandpa who paid $60 for his grandson to not show any positive response to such a generous gift.

At what age do we hold them responsible for their actions? Because I’m hearing a whole lot of “he isn’t old enough to understand what’s going onâ€.

When is it time to say “Someone is doing something nice for you. Here are ways that gratitude is shown� Or we at least label the behavior is inappropriate and ungrateful.

[Mama Mia]

As predicted, her responses are ridiculous:

It is really amazing how totally clueless regarding child development she is. I know she ignores the kid, and has really bizarre priorities ( like using your 2nd bedroom for an office while your baby sleeps in a bathroom ) .... but just from interacting the minimal amount she does -- you would think she would have a clue that her expectations aren't realistic.

Sure you can tell your 3 year old to say "Thank You" - that would be a normal, developmentally appropriate expectation. You can be annoyed when the 3 year old pitches a fit when you are on a special outing -that's a normal human reaction. But expecting the 3 year old to "take responsibility for behavior that is inappropriate and ungrateful" is really no developmentally appropriate.

If the kid was 13 and in a snit - sure maybe they were planning it out to make your life miserable - if they were in that particular phase on a particularly bad day - but that is just not whats going on with a 3 year old. Even if the 3 year old is lashing out and saying "I hate you" that doesn't mean the 3 year old means it for more than that second.

It's like she has never even met an actual child.

[desertvixen]

It's not just her use of the world jerk, it's her whole view - which she keeps repeating - that a 3 yr old should somehow understand that grandparents paid $60 for the zoo and that he's therefore got some obligation to enjoy the animals more than the map or the rides.

He is a prop to her.

We all get frustrated when our kids don't want to do stuff that we thought they would want to do - like our last foray into roller skating classes. MiniVixen wanted to go, but then didn't enjoy class.

The other thing is that yes, a lot of kids LOVE the zoo. MiniVixen is one of them. I miss the Reid Park Zoo in Tucson because it was small enough to get around easily, and a good price for the membership so a visit wasn't wasted. But also, at home, we read books about animals and talk about animals and enjoy the interaction.

[Patsy]

He is a prop to her.

You've summarised the entire thing.

I can't BELIEVE her "you were ungrateful to grandpa's great gift". How did YOU show your gratitude for the greatest gift of all, ThatBitch? By propping his bottles with blankets and wrenching his legs wide open to fit THREE DISPOSABLE (yes, disposable!!) nappies on overnight -- while he was still a tiny NEWBORN. While being a SAHM to one child.

[kpmom]

As predicted, her responses are ridiculous:

She is unbelievably clueless. A three year old has NO concept of generosity or $60 or showing gratitude. Can she really not see that?

[Jana814]

We recently took our twins to the zoo for their 3rd birthday and had almost the exact same experience as ThatWife.

The difference? I already knew from, you know, frequently talking with and interacting with my kids that they're into pirates and fascinated by maps (treasure and otherwise) as a result. So I wasn't surprised in the least when they were more interested in the zoo map than the animals, and wanted to take turns carrying and "reading" it.

And instead of saying they ruined our day by doing this, we showed them where we were on the map, where we were going, and had them help us find the pictographs of what animal we were looking at or going to see (and tracing the way to get there with their finger).

There is NO reason you can't incorporate a child's interests into an activity. Pity TW doesn't seem to understand that.

P.s. and if our zoo had a train, I can guarantee we'd have had to ride it 500 times because they both love trains. :P

The difference between you and ThatWife was that you knew how your kids were going to react already and figured it was fine!! However, w/ her she got pissed because it did not go the way she wanted it to!! Also wanted to add what a GREAT idea to do that for your kids!!

[Morton Fan]

Ew. That Wife has a birth story up. So far, I'm at the part where her mother instructs her to have sex to get the baby out, and to "'lift up your hips at the end to help the sperm get to your cervix.' I would have tried anything recommended by a medical professional at that point, and so we did… it."

Hey, ThatWife. ThatGross.

[Morton Fan]

Oh, and don't worry ... she makes a point of mentioning (again) how she wanted the baby to be born while there was good light for photography, and how important it was that her hair was french braided this time for pictures ... oh! And she manages to get in a dig or two for T!:

"Sometime between 8:00 and 9:00 T1 had a full on meltdown, dashing any hopes I had of a sweet family experience. I pointed toward the door to let my mom know that I wanted our firstborn elsewhere if he was going to act that way, and made it known that TH was not allowed to leave my side."

Bonus: she used the coochie-stretcher again!!

[Curious]

Someone called her on it in comments. This is her reply:

I think the appropriate response is something more like:

Mom, you are a lunatic. I was 3 years old. I was not deliberately making anything a negative experience, I was being a 3 year old. Please read a book on child development or see a therapist or both, but stop trying to guilt me for things that happened when I was a child. A child, who was behaving in developmentally appropriate ways, unlike my supposedly adult mother.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

I agree with the posters who say she seems so unhappy. I think she would have been a lot happier as an atheist, concentrating on travel & a career with a guy who loved her (or happily single!)..& definitely no children.

It's a shame, some people aren't cut out to be parents, clearly she is one of them. And they make her miserable. Hope she stops at two. And reads some child development books. 3 years too late.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I tell my kids to stop being jerks all the time. Among other things. But, as has been said, I don't post about it on private FB, much less a public blog. And I am frequently a jerk myself. I accept and acknowledge their rights to be jerks now and again. They are people too, albeit small and crazy ones.

[snarktastic]

When my kids were little I had a very good book about toddlers, which pointed out that for a little one, pigeons are just as exciting as exotic animals. It said that you shouldn't take tiny kids to the zoo if you were going to get upset about the fact that little one would probably get fixated on the 'wrong' thing. Like pigeons, or maps.

[Nothing2CHere]

I can't help but wonder, too, if maybe the poor boy was just tired. It's hard to tell from the blog entry what took place when, but it sounds like T2's blessing might have taken place the same day as the zoo trip - that could be a lot of variation from the normal schedule for a little kid to deal with.

[EmmieJ]

And instead of saying they ruined our day by doing this, we showed them where we were on the map, where we were going, and had them help us find the pictographs of what animal we were looking at or going to see (and tracing the way to get there with their finger).

There is NO reason you can't incorporate a child's interests into an activity. Pity TW doesn't seem to understand that.

And not only did you incorporate your children's interests into the outing, you set the foundation for basic understanding of what a map is, how we get from Point A to Point B, how to figure things out.

[Verin Sedai]

Oh, and don't worry ... she makes a point of mentioning (again) how she wanted the baby to be born while there was good light for photography, and how important it was that her hair was french braided this time for pictures ... oh! And she manages to get in a dig or two for T!:

"Sometime between 8:00 and 9:00 T1 had a full on meltdown, dashing any hopes I had of a sweet family experience. I pointed toward the door to let my mom know that I wanted our firstborn elsewhere if he was going to act that way, and made it known that TH was not allowed to leave my side."

Bonus: she used the coochie-stretcher again!!

I have to admit, having gone through labor twice myself, if my older kid started tantruming in the room with me while I was going through transition (translation for those who haven't given birth: hell on earth) I would have not too nicely demanded that they be removed from my presence limmediately.

Then again, I wouldn't have let my almost three year old watch me in labor/transition, because how terrifying would that be for them!! I read about moms doing this all the time, and have a friend who, at the age of 7, witnessed her sister's home birth, and says that it really opened a breach in her relationship with her mom (who is probably bipolar and a fundie to boot) that has never healed.

[eowyn1217]

I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves "maps". That's not a problem - I'd say it's a blessing because we have a nephew who I SWEAR is the next best thing to a caveman. I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but there is not much to his life other than food and destruction and pooping. lol So why is she ticked that her 3 yr old is doing something that clearly, shows where his interests lie?!

I'm not a perfect mom. We had 2 girls 16 months apart, and in that time I've had several meltdowns and bad days. But to reach the point where you not only think nasty thoughts about your kids - we all do it - but to post them on your public blog? You need counseling, if not CPS to take your kids. That's NOT ok.

[So Many Lies]

She's an awful woman. But she did say he was a "bit of a jerk" not "my son is a total jerk" and I do think there's a difference.

[JenniferJuniper]

She's an awful woman. But she did say he was a "bit of a jerk" not "my son is a total jerk" and I do think there's a difference.

This may have been posted upthread but this was her response to a poster who said her mom calling her a jerk would make her cry:

"I have tried really hard to objectively think through how it would make me feel if my mom said to me 'I invested in an opportunity for you at 3 years old and you deliberately made it a negative experience. You were being a jerk.'"

That would not make me cry. That would make me sad… that I was a jerk to my mom."

So that's her mindset. T1 should feel sorry about being a jerk to her. He just turned 3.

Jenna is a hardcore narcissist.

[So Many Lies]

This may have been posted upthread but this was her response to a poster who said her mom calling her a jerk would make her cry:

"I have tried really hard to objectively think through how it would make me feel if my mom said to me 'I invested in an opportunity for you at 3 years old and you deliberately made it a negative experience. You were being a jerk.'"

That would not make me cry. That would make me sad… that I was a jerk to my mom."

So that's her mindset. T1 should feel sorry about being a jerk to her. He just turned 3.

Jenna is a hardcore narcissist.

Hmmmm. Yes, that does rather change the complexion of things and expose, once again, her low level of empathy.

[JenniferJuniper]

Hmmmm. Yes, that does rather change the complexion of things and expose, once again, her low level of empathy.

Yes, and it's the "you deliberately made it a negative experience" part that I find the scariest. People have noted her lack of understanding of child development and her general indifference to T1 for a long time, but I think comments like that one are very possibly indicative of full-on hatefulness towards that poor little boy. "You deliberately ruined an opportunity I provided for you!" I mean, sure, say it to your 18 year old who gets kicked out of college for smoking pot all day, but to a child that's barely out of diapers over his lack of interest at a zoo? shudder

[LadyBlue]

I have to admit, having gone through labor twice myself, if my older kid started tantruming in the room with me while I was going through transition (translation for those who haven't given birth: hell on earth) I would have not too nicely demanded that they be removed from my presence limmediately.

Then again, I wouldn't have let my almost three year old watch me in labor/transition, because how terrifying would that be for them!! I read about moms doing this all the time, and have a friend who, at the age of 7, witnessed her sister's home birth, and says that it really opened a breach in her relationship with her mom (who is probably bipolar and a fundie to boot) that has never healed.

3 of my kids have been present at the birth of a sibling, the eldest 3 times, the second twice & the 3rd once. They all were very happy and excited about it and not the least traumatized. My eldest actually wanted to catch his youngest brother, or at least be the second person to hold him. They usually all do their own thing while I'm labouring, occasionally wandering in to check on how things are going, then when the birth is close, they all come and hang out. My then youngest was not quite 3 this time and he was so excited by everything. He talked about it for weeks after. It's not like you just have them show up to watch with no preparation. Or at least considerate parents don't. We talked about it, and I tried to have him watch some videos. He got a bit worried at a couple points, but just needed some reassurance and he was fine. I think if I were to have another, all my older kids would be annoyed if I told them they couldn't be there.

But yeah, upset/freaking out kids need to leave during labour. Unlike this prize winning parent, though, I 'd be happy my child was being cared for & I could focus on what I needed to do, not mad he "ruined" things.

[divadivine]

Am I imagining things, or do the frames on her glasses have two different shapes? The left is circular and the right is square? Is that on purpose? Is that something new they're doing to treat vision problems? Did she borrow those from the discarded pieces at the Mr. Potato Head Factory? Are those a joke?