Sarah Mally: preparing for the seasons of singleness

[ari_belle]

Does anyone else remember that episode when she visits the Duggars? Either J'Mullet or Boob called her a "young lady." It was sad.

[spinsterwv]

Wow, would have loved to be there for the conversation with the waiter and the bug tracts!

tomorrowsforefathers.com/gracenotes/?p=10679

After we paid, as our server was about to walk away, I said, “Oh, wait—we have something for you.â€

He came back and I handed him a “Good Person Comicâ€. I try to give waiters gospel tracts in person now rather than just leaving it on the table. It’s more personal and it often opens a door for conversation.

He stood there for a second looking at it and muttered something…. which I can’t remember. It wasn’t exactly unfriendly, but it prompted me to ask, “Do you get many of those in here?â€

“Oh yeah—all the time,†he said.

It's nice that she's telling other fundies to leave a good tip, too. But, does she really expect to have an enlightening conversation while the person is working? And secondly, most people aren't going to offend customers while working, no matter how much they might want the fundies stay out of their personal spiritual business.

[GeoBQn]

I feel like I'm going to barf. There are pictures of her and/or her father witnessing at places I go to frequently. Downtown Iowa City, the mall, the Cedar Rapids farmers market. Am I going to have to be paranoid that Sarah and her father are going to run into me and hound me with their stupid questionnaires? I fantasize about what I would say to people like that, but in real life I just stick my hands in my pockets and cross to the other side of the street to avoid them. Of course, she will never write about the dozens of people who either ignore her or respond in a rude way.

[GodsKnickers]

What is with all these bloggers that do this [smile] or [grin] or [frown] or whatever? What the purple hell is wrong with a smiley? [smile] and the like is just weird and sort of creepy.

[HoneyBunny]

Being married does not make you better than her. Living your life and not just waiting for things to happen to you is what makes you a more interesting person.

Exactly this. It doesn't matter what anyone is doing at age 34, just that they're doing something that they want to be doing. To be in a perpetual waiting room expecting someone to walk in through a locked door bringing a purpose to life is what makes these SAHDs seem so ridiculous to me.

[Flossie]

After we paid, as our server was about to walk away, I said, “Oh, wait—we have something for you.â€

He came back and I handed him a “Good Person Comicâ€. I try to give waiters gospel tracts in person now rather than just leaving it on the table. It’s more personal and it often opens a door for conversation.

He stood there for a second looking at it and muttered something…. which I can’t remember. It wasn’t exactly unfriendly, but it prompted me to ask, “Do you get many of those in here?â€

“Oh yeah—all the time,†he said.

OK, does anyone know if she left a monetary tip before handing him an unsolicited gospel tract? If she (or someone in her party) left a tip, the gospel tract might be annoying to the server, but if that was all he got, then that's sucky behavior on her part.

The Duggars are famous for that. I've often wondered how they could get up the nerve to smugly hand out their fake $100 bill with bible verses on the back after their server was run ragged trying to take care of that huge bunch of people. That's the sort of thing that will drive people away from your religion, idiots.

[bananacat]

You know, it's not an issue to be unmarried and without kids at any age (yeah, I know their religion pushes it). BUT by her age I had bought my own house, had a career, owned my own car outright, and had many hobbies. And oh, yeah, I had lived away from my parents house for the most part since I was 18, and entirely since I was 23. I didn't sit around waiting for things to happen. I made a life.

And I hate how our society still thinks that people are different and either ignore or outright discriminate against unmarried and/or childless women.

I completely agree. I'm 27, single, and childless. But my life is so much different than Sarah's. I chose to be where I am. I've had sex. I've been in love. I've dated. I've met men and decided not to marry them. I've met men who didn't want to marry me. I'm single because I had opportunities for marriage but one or both of us didn't want it at the time for various reasons.

But beyond that, I've lived on my own. I've had roommates that I chose. I've lived on my own by my own choosing. I went to college. I have a job. I've had jobs and been laid off and quit and faced tough important ethical decisions. I have friends and hobbies, all of my own choosing. I've read books of all types and scoured the seedy depths of the internet.

These are all things that Sarah has never experienced. My life hasn't been all happiness and rainbows, but I've had many rich experiences which Sarah will never have. So even if we seem sort of the same in the sense that we are both unmarried and childless, my life is much fuller than hers. I would also hesitate to even consider an adult, simply because she lacks all the experiences that I had by the time I was 19. I'd much rather fall in love and be heartbroken than to remain pure at home forever.

[MrsYoungie]

OK, does anyone know if she left a monetary tip before handing him an unsolicited gospel tract? If she (or someone in her party) left a tip, the gospel tract might be annoying to the server, but if that was all he got, then that's sucky behavior on her part.

The Duggars are famous for that. I've often wondered how they could get up the nerve to smugly hand out their fake $100 bill with bible verses on the back after their server was run ragged trying to take care of that huge bunch of people. That's the sort of thing that will drive people away from your religion, idiots.

Do the Duggars really do that (leave a tract instead of a tip)? How did we find that out?

[JenniferJuniper]

Do the Duggars really do that (leave a tract instead of a tip)? How did we find that out?

There are one or two reports out there from servers saying Boob left a pretty minimal tip with a tract. I don't think he'd dare not leave an actual monetary tip though. He's a D list celebrity after all, and you never know what might interest TMZ on a given day.

[Drina Adams]

Does anyone remember her post about her dad's Hindu yoghurt?

[YPestis]

Anyone think that with all these eternal SAHD's hitting their 30's that fundies will make up a new category for them?

When the movement first started in the 80's, I'm sure every fundie family thought their darling daughters would get married and have kids. As that didn't turn out to be the case, they now have a bunch of SAHDs sitting around looking increasingly like idiots for having spent all their lives waiting for a guy that will (probably) never come. They still have decades ahead of them. Plus, many of these aging SAHDs have high profiles with their books and lectures so they can't just disappear into the family background like spinisters of old. What is a SAHD to do then? I bet these families will start talking about the need for single, "virtuous" women, not tied down by husbands and children, who can serve society at large. They can spin them as embodiment of womanly virtue who contribute in ways good mothers and wives can never do so....kind of like nuns or something. I see that coming up as these SAHD age past the marrying mark. I can't imagine the family touting them out to continually pine for Prince Charming into their 40's and 50's. Even fundies have to realize how silly it is to have middle aged women still waiting at home for their Prince to come and sweep them off their feet......

[Dysfundamental]

YPestis, it would be beyond hilarious if they recreated the old Catholic (both Roman and Orthodox) tradition of "consecrated virgins" because the doublespeak they'd bring out to explain how it was Not The Same would be amazing.

[bananacat]

I don't really think that unmarried SAHDs will be much of a problem within the movement, any more than Gothard himself being single and childless is. Because in fundieland, intent matters more than action. These daughters intended to remain at home and pure until God sent a husband to them. Their fathers intended to marry off their daughters to Godly courting gentlemen. If God himself never sent Prince Charming, who are they to argue? They had the right intent and God decided otherwise. Taking any kind of action would indicate a lack of faith.

I love to read the Left Behind snarking on the Slacktivist blog and this is a theme that comes up frequently. The alleged heroes of the story wield immense power in a post-Rapture world and could easily save millions of lives by doing fairly simple things, and could save even more lives by sacrificing their own. But they don't do anything. They follow of the Antichrist's orders to the T, but boy they sure to do feel grumpy and annoyed about it. This is never presented as a character flaw and is actually seen as virtuous behavior. They have the right intentions, and actions don't matter.

[kitkat]

I do think there is a point to mentioning that there are lots of women, even on this board, who are married with several children by their mid-30's. To put it simply-Doing it isn't that difficult, if you decide it is a goal. The fact that Sarah was raised in a family where marriage and children were supposed to be her life's purpose, and has built a career of sorts selling this idea, and has not managed to either marry or have children means that she has failed in her stated goal. The fact that she hasn't managed to do what a lot of godless heathens has done is a pretty clean indication that she's selling a badly flawed product.

[snuggles911]

Anyone think that with all these eternal SAHD's hitting their 30's that fundies will make up a new category for them?

When the movement first started in the 80's, I'm sure every fundie family thought their darling daughters would get married and have kids. As that didn't turn out to be the case, they now have a bunch of SAHDs sitting around looking increasingly like idiots for having spent all their lives waiting for a guy that will (probably) never come. They still have decades ahead of them. Plus, many of these aging SAHDs have high profiles with their books and lectures so they can't just disappear into the family background like spinisters of old. What is a SAHD to do then? I bet these families will start talking about the need for single, "virtuous" women, not tied down by husbands and children, who can serve society at large. They can spin them as embodiment of womanly virtue who contribute in ways good mothers and wives can never do so....kind of like nuns or something. I see that coming up as these SAHD age past the marrying mark. I can't imagine the family touting them out to continually pine for Prince Charming into their 40's and 50's. Even fundies have to realize how silly it is to have middle aged women still waiting at home for their Prince to come and sweep them off their feet......

I predict that once Sarah hits 40 she'll write a book about "the gift of singleness." When I was a fundie "the gift" was touted as a type of consolation prize for middle-aged Christians that never found Mr. or Mrs. Right.

[changemanagement]

Then question is, who is going to support them? Will they be mooching off of their brothers? And if they have no brothers, off their sisters? I can't even imagine a life like that. I got at married at 30 and had my kid at 31, but I had been to college, got my career, traveled and generally had a ball. I AM the evil heathen woman.

[yewchapel]

For some people, it is difficult. A lot of non-believers stay single into their mid-30s too. I don't think being a Christian makes you more or less likely to find a spouse.

[Wolfie]

I do think there is a point to mentioning that there are lots of women, even on this board, who are married with several children by their mid-30's. To put it simply-Doing it isn't that difficult, if you decide it is a goal. The fact that Sarah was raised in a family where marriage and children were supposed to be her life's purpose, and has built a career of sorts selling this idea, and has not managed to either marry or have children means that she has failed in her stated goal. The fact that she hasn't managed to do what a lot of godless heathens has done is a pretty clean indication that she's selling a badly flawed product.

It's not all that easy for everybody. Even if they are out there.

[TrueRebel1]

Anyone think that with all these eternal SAHD's hitting their 30's that fundies will make up a new category for them?

When the movement first started in the 80's, I'm sure every fundie family thought their darling daughters would get married and have kids. As that didn't turn out to be the case, they now have a bunch of SAHDs sitting around looking increasingly like idiots for having spent all their lives waiting for a guy that will (probably) never come. They still have decades ahead of them. Plus, many of these aging SAHDs have high profiles with their books and lectures so they can't just disappear into the family background like spinisters of old. What is a SAHD to do then? I bet these families will start talking about the need for single, "virtuous" women, not tied down by husbands and children, who can serve society at large. They can spin them as embodiment of womanly virtue who contribute in ways good mothers and wives can never do so....kind of like nuns or something. I see that coming up as these SAHD age past the marrying mark. I can't imagine the family touting them out to continually pine for Prince Charming into their 40's and 50's. Even fundies have to realize how silly it is to have middle aged women still waiting at home for their Prince to come and sweep them off their feet......

Interesting thoughts! My feeling is that the lesser-known SAHD (you know, all the followers of the Botkins and Maxwells, the ATIers, etc) will eventually melt into other life paths. Maybe some will move to another area than their parents and start a life of their own, some will join a different church and meet a husband, maybe some will ditch fundism altogether. But just like the frumpy jumper-wearing women of the 80's and 90's evolved into the "modest but fashionable" fundie women today, I think we'll see the strict courtship-only SAHD evolve into people with less rigid rules, and like I say, simply melt into a marriage, or a life of their own.

However, I wouldn't say the same for the SAHD heroes such as the Bodkinettes and Sarah Maxwell. Their parents have too much on the line to let them go yet. I do see these individuals turning their singleness into a fundy version of nuns. :-)

[JesusFightClub]

For some people, it is difficult. A lot of non-believers stay single into their mid-30s too. I don't think being a Christian makes you more or less likely to find a spouse.

It surely depends on the variety of Christian, no?

I'm single and in my 30s, but it's a happier life IMO (for me, personally, and for the unfortunate (s) who may have ended up in a relationship with me :pink-shock: ) I'm an unbeliever, but if I had built my entire life around marriage, hubby and babies from a very young age, yeah, I would have failed at that so far. It's not so much that Sarah is a Christian, but that she is a particular type of Christian which obsesses over woman in her reproductive function (and claims Biblical justification for this), therefore her lack of husband and kiddies looks like a failure on her part.

[yewchapel]

It surely depends on the variety of Christian, no?

I'm single and in my 30s, but it's a happier life IMO (for me, personally, and for the unfortunate (s) who may have ended up in a relationship with me :pink-shock: ) I'm an unbeliever, but if I had built my entire life around marriage, hubby and babies from a very young age, yeah, I would have failed at that so far. It's not so much that Sarah is a Christian, but that she is a particular type of Christian which obsesses over woman in her reproductive function (and claims Biblical justification for this), therefore her lack of husband and kiddies looks like a failure on her part.

No I get what you mean, but circumstances still happen and in Christian environments, women tend to outnumber men. What I mean is that being a Christian doesn't give you Magical Jesus Powers that makes it easier to find a spouse, although there might be more desire to find one.

[JesusFightClub]

It raises more questions - are there unbelievers who have strange marriage-fixated groupings? And why are there more female than male Christians? :think:

[yewchapel]

It raises more questions - are there unbelievers who have strange marriage-fixated groupings? And why are there more female than male Christians? :think:

I certainly know non-believing women who are very marriage-fixated. As for why there are more female than male Christians, I really don't know, but church life - even in churches with only male leadership - is very female-dominated. This is only in Western churches, presumably there are churches in other countries with mostly male membership but certainly in the US and UK, there are two women for every man in the church.

[martian]

I wonder why some enterprising fundie in need of a home-based business doesn't start a matchmaking site? They could give it some cutesy biblical name like "Cana" after the wedding where Jesus performed his first miracle, or maybe "Yenta" after the Fiddler on the Roof matchmaker since they like appropriating Jewish things. Then the Headships could post profiles for their daughters and review offers to make honest helpmeets out of them from the junior Headships.

If I had an ounce of fundie cred the Lord would be laying it on my heart to take up the lonely hearts ministry toot sweet. Ka-ching!

[Pearl]

I'm going to venture a guess that eventually she's going to have to find a job, or she'll find herself like the Bates' in the book Emma. Can you imagine being 40, 50, or even 60 and having to find a job after never having worked?

It is my experience that men do not like women who are desperate and seek after marriage and children as a thing. Men, like women, do not want to be used for their bodies - and these women who want "Prince Charmings" don't really want a particular man, any man that could fit the mold will do - and that's a turn off (just my opinion of course). I've rarely seen marriage desperate women actually finding mates while they are in that mold.

I find it really sad that Sarah is 34 and not married (seeing that it seems to be her wish). If she ever leaves the cult of her father, she's going to have a lot of adjusting to do - a lot of anger, a lot of feelings of betrayal, and years of fear as she tries to make it out of the religious stranglehold that her parents have put her in.