Sarah Mally: preparing for the seasons of singleness

[debrand]

None of the Mally's are married. I don't know if the brother is living with his parents but he isn't married either. There must be something about fundamentalism and courtship that removes the desire to start a family and an independent life away from your parents.

https://twitter.com/stephenmally He has a twitter account but he doesn't discuss religion on it He also has a facebook page and friends who support same sex marriage. Maybe he isn't as right wing or fanatical as his sisters.

https://www.facebook.com/stephenmally

It does seem unfair that he gets to live a more full, exciting life than either of his sisters

The only way that I can see fundamentalism as the Mally's, Arndts and Maxwells practice it surviving a few more generations is if they start arranging marriages.

[Joan of Snarc]

From Sarah Malley's Bright Lights Facebook page:

Radiant Purity Conference?

What could they possibly confer about for two days regarding "radiant purity?" Is average 'ole purity not enough for these gals? What's radiant about their particular "purity?" Do their hymens sparkle? Are their vajayjays bedazzled? (I'm guessing no.) Are their vulvas a heat source?

Fundies confuse me so. I can never understand them.

:pull-hair:

[Wolfie]

You know, it's not an issue to be unmarried and without kids at any age (yeah, I know their religion pushes it). BUT by her age I had bought my own house, had a career, owned my own car outright, and had many hobbies. And oh, yeah, I had lived away from my parents house for the most part since I was 18, and entirely since I was 23. I didn't sit around waiting for things to happen. I made a life.

And I hate how our society still thinks that people are different and either ignore or outright discriminate against unmarried and/or childless women.

[DarkAnts]

You know, it's not an issue to be unmarried and without kids at any age (yeah, I know their religion pushes it). BUT by her age I had bought my own house, had a career, owned my own car outright, and had many hobbies. And oh, yeah, I had lived away from my parents house for the most part since I was 18, and entirely since I was 23. I didn't sit around waiting for things to happen. I made a life.

And I hate how our society still thinks that people are different and either ignore or outright discriminate against unmarried and/or childless women.

:penguin-no: There is a difference between choosing to be single and/or childless and being forced to.

[debrand]

You know, it's not an issue to be unmarried and without kids at any age (yeah, I know their religion pushes it). BUT by her age I had bought my own house, had a career, owned my own car outright, and had many hobbies. And oh, yeah, I had lived away from my parents house for the most part since I was 18, and entirely since I was 23. I didn't sit around waiting for things to happen. I made a life.

And I hate how our society still thinks that people are different and either ignore or outright discriminate against unmarried and/or childless women.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. The problem is that Mally wrote a book telling young women to wait under their dad's control under he decides that his daughter has met Prince Charming.

Fundies hold up marriage and parenthood as something that all young women should strive for and yet, they set up road blocks that make it unlikely some of these women will ever marry.

[debrand]

.balancingthesword.com/homeschool/speakers/speaker_detail.asp?ID=2722

Her bio reads:

Sarah, Stephen, and Grace Mally (homeschool graduates) live in Marion, Iowa, where they are involved full time in their family ministry called Tomorrow's Forefathers. They are the children of Harold and Rebekah Mally.

They speak frequently at conferences, encouraging families and young people to be strong for the Lord. In 2002, Sarah, Stephen, and Grace co-authored the book, Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends.

Sarah is the founder of Bright Lights, a nationwide discipleship ministry designed to equip young ladies to live fully for the Lord. Today over 400 Bright Lights groups have started around the country. In 2006, Sarah also published the book Before You Meet Prince Charming.

As our world grows increasingly dark, it is the desire and prayer of the Mallys that the Lord would raise up mighty warriors for His kingdom in this generation.

Although other writers might have their siblings mentioned, it is their accomplishments that are usually the main point of their bios. In contrast, Rowling's wikipedia page talks about her accomplishments BEFORE it mentions her family. Mally's bio makes it sound as if she has no life outside her family.

I'm very close to my siblings and even named one of my children after them but they probably wouldn't be the first thing mentioned in even my boring biography. There is a me outside of my family

[RachelB]

Age 34?? Sarah, your season of singleness has arrived and you are soaking in it.

My brother, who is that age, has been happily married for seven years, and she'd consider him and his wife heathens.

Oh FUCK, her dad is a streetcorner preacher in downtown Iowa City. I think he's one of the guys who hands a pamphlet to every single person waiting at the central bus location. If Sarah ever writes about a short Jewish girl who screams at him uncontrollably, you can be pretty sure that will be me.

I was there for a while. I would ask how I missed running into this dude, but as one of my current classmates tells me, I have an "atheist haircut."

[Wolfie]

:penguin-no: There is a difference between choosing to be single and/or childless and being forced to.

She's not forced to. She chooses to live her life in a way that will make it very hard to find somebody.

But a lot of people are just single or childless by chance and not unhappy about it, just sort of figure if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, I'm not going to let life pass me by. (I feel like it's much worse to marry somebody just to be married.)

[Wolfie]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. The problem is that Mally wrote a book telling young women to wait under their dad's control under he decides that his daughter has met Prince Charming.

Fundies hold up marriage and parenthood as something that all young women should strive for and yet, they set up road blocks that make it unlikely some of these women will ever marry.

I know that. She's got her back up against a wall- and I doubt that most of the type of men she's hoping to meet are the kind who want a wife who has been held up as a leader.

My comment was more aimed at all the "I'm younger than her, but I'm married, and have # kids" comments above. Being married does not make you better than her. Living your life and not just waiting for things to happen to you is what makes you a more interesting person.

[Dysfundamental]

Born in '79, so 34.

I got married at that exact age, which felt perfect for me! Maybe she should try my plan of leaving home at 17, being bisexual and having lots of relationships, and being cranky as hell, because that's how I found my Prince Charming. I mean, her way hasn't worked for her so far---assuming her goal is as stated, to find a husband---so maybe mine would?

Oh, yeah, also feminism and snark.

[JenniferJuniper]

My comment was more aimed at all the "I'm younger than her, but I'm married, and have # kids" comments above. Being married does not make you better than her. Living your life and not just waiting for things to happen to you is what makes you a more interesting person.

Agree with this. Being married at a younger age than Sarah Mally is now doesn't make one superior to her. What's sad about Sarah is that her entire life is on hold waiting for Prince Charming. Literally. And for a Prince Charming that must be Daddy approved at that.

She has no real life outside of her immediate family and their "ministry". No actual career. She will likely end up dependent on male relatives once her father dies. Assuming she's fortunate enough to have one who will be willing to support her.

She's little more than a prisoner being held captive by her crazy father. And should a daddy-approved Prince ever arrive, she's psychologically wired to beaten down by him as well.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

I know that. She's got her back up against a wall- and I doubt that most of the type of men she's hoping to meet are the kind who want a wife who has been held up as a leader.

My comment was more aimed at all the "I'm younger than her, but I'm married, and have # kids" comments above. Being married does not make you better than her. Living your life and not just waiting for things to happen to you is what makes you a more interesting person.

Agree with this! I am guilty of it too, but whenever Sarah Maxwell or Sarah Malley are mentioned we all chime in saying 'Well I'm younger & I've travelled the world, married, had 2 kids, bought a house etc etc'

It does sound like bragging & saying we are better because I'm married or have children etc & I apologise for this.

Being married or having children or even having a job does not make my life 'better' than the Sarah's.

[socalrules]

I wonder if Prince Charming came along for Sarah, and her father agreed, if she would even go through with a wedding. I would think that after this amount of time, the idea of marrying, living with a stranger and having would scare fundies like Sarah. It's one thing to get married at 20 like Anna Duggar and quite another to be getting married in your thirties and never even having held a man's hand. The pressure would seem to be enormous. Plus, after waiting for Prince Charming for so long, I don't see how any marriage wouldn't end up being a disappointment. Nothing can live up to the fantasy she has created in her head and her books. Most girls realize the fantasy doesn't exist after the first high school boyfriend.

[ari_belle]

Check out this grossness from her blog:

“Did you go to the parade Sunday?†I asked the bank teller this afternoon while she deposited a few checks for me.

“No, we didn’t,†she said, “But I was thinking we should have…â€

She was very warm and chatty.

I told her, “We went, but not just to watch the parade — we went to talk to people about St Patrick. Hardly anyone knows who he really was.â€

She agreed and replied, “He wasn’t Irish, he was exiled to Ireland, or something like that.â€

“Yes! he was captured as a slave and brought there, and then he escaped, but then went back as a missionary…†I told her.

“Well the Irish really like him!†she stated.

“Yeah,†I smiled, “well apparently Ireland was really dark at that time, but Patrick brought the gospel, and started a bunch of churches, and the gospel changed Ireland so much they still remember him today.â€

“Yeah, we looked him up,†she said, “and yes—it sounded like he was as a missionary. But there’s really not that much information about him.â€

“Well, it was a long time ago,†I said, “but the other night my dad was reading some of his writings—it sounds kind of like the Bible,†I smiled.

“You know what you would like?†she told me, “the BIBLE series on the History channel… we were watching that the other day. It’s really great.â€

“Yes, I’ve heard about it,†I said.

“You know what I thought as I was watching it?†She said. “There was so much violence! I mean, it seems like God really lightened up when he had a kid.â€

I laughed. “Yeah. Well it shows the rebellion in humanity …and it was God’s plan unfolding because the world needs a Savior—â€

After speaking of the violence in the world some more, she said, “Well, one day God is going to judge.â€

“Yeah that’s true!†I agreed.

“So it just comes down to ‘Are you a good person?’†she said soberly.

“Okay, so since you just said that I have to give you this,†I said, pulling an Are You A Good Person gospel comic tract out of my purse and handing it to her. “It explains how we have ALL broken God’s laws and that’s why we need a Savior…â€

She began flipping through it and saw a picture of the KKK, Hitler, etc. She commented, “You know, with these people that are the worst of the worst, you have to just think that there is even some good in them. You know, I hope Saddam Hussein took his boys into the back yard and played ball with them.â€

“Well, maybe, but we have to realize that there is evil in each of our hearts,†I said, “and Heaven is a place of perfection…! It’s true that God will judge all the evil in the world, but the thing is: we aren’t exempt from that! We have evil in our hearts, too. A lot of people think that we can get to Heaven by being good but the truth is that we have to repent and trust the Savior—that’s what the Bible says.â€

She thanked me told me she would definitely look over the good person comic.

This lady obviously doesn’t realize that Jesus is the Creator who has always existed. God didn’t “have a kid†– rather He “sent His Sonâ€. And God is merciful and always has been. When Jesus died for us evil people, that shows how merciful God truly is.

Please pray that this bank teller would be convicted of sin and trust in Jesus. She (like many other Americans) likes the Bible, grew up Catholic, has Bible knowledge and, I believe, some fear of God. But what she obviously does not have is an understanding of Christ’s offer of cleansing from sin and guarantee of eternal life for those who come to Him.

[JenniferJuniper]

“You know what you would like?†she told me, “the BIBLE series on the History channel… we were watching that the other day. It’s really great.â€

“Yes, I’ve heard about it,†I said.

“You know what I thought as I was watching it?†She said. “There was so much violence! I mean, it seems like God really lightened up when he had a kid.â€

I hope that sinful Catholic bank teller really did say this to her. It's pretty funny.

[Sola]

Maybe if they actually went looking for themselves they wouldnt be single forever. Courtship doesnt work.

I get the feeling some of these girls will be single forever.

I don't think thiis is even a courtship issue so much, its more an isolationist issue. There are many in fundie circles who believe in courting and still find a spouse. What they dont do is isolate themselves. Many who follow the courtship model attend homeschool conferences, go to Gothard type residentials, fo on missions etc. They find spouses at all these places. They meet likeminded families and become friends regularly visiting each other. They have small but established social networks.

Now take the Maxwells for example. Despite meeting no doubt hundreds of familes over the years the haven't established solid friendships with any of them. They don't visit nor do they have visitors. They are totally isolated and therefore courtship opportunities are completely curtailed.

The Maxwells expect to live a life of isolation but still have a husband fall from the sky for Sarah. It doesn't work like that, not even in the courtship model of fundie circles.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Yeah, its not like youre going to meet anyone who would be interested in courting you (or people who have a similarly aged kid of the opposite sex who could make their kid court you) when you never leave the house or meet people. The Maxwells are even more isolated than most fundies are, cause theyre too fundie for even the fundies, and dont make friends with other people.

[Drina Adams]

I can understand people saying getting married and having children isn't the be all and end all and that its not something to boast about. But when it comes to Sarah Mally, I think its a different kettle of fish. Her whole raison d'être for her current job revolves around her book on Before You Meet Prince Charming, which kind of assumes every good christian girl will meet him, and the spin offs of her Bright Lights conferences and paraphernalia. She's inextricably meshed her Christian-ness, her family's ministry and her 'career' around how young christian women can prepare for being a wife when they meet Prince Charming - despite never having married herself. I wonder if she ever gets questions about it at her conferences and how she deals with them if they are asked of her?

[ThatSnark]

That's just it-- her shelf life for this angle has long since expired. It's "cute," I suppose, for a fundie young woman in her late teens/early 20s to ponder her future mate and prepare for marriage; by her mid-30s on their timeline, she should be nearing double-digit blessings. All this is communicating is that she's spent all her time waiting and none of her time doing what it takes in the real world to become acquainted with potential Prince Charmings. FAIL.

[debrand]

Wolfie is correct and I will be more careful next time.

It is interesting to me how families like the Maxwells, Arndts, Botkins and Mallys(Mallies?) managed to isolate themselves in their own minds. Even though some of these families come in contact with other groups, they manage to still retain a wall that is difficult for potential male suitors to break down

[MrsYoungie]

For any of you with a morbid curiosity as to exactly how awful her book is - go here: bookreviewprince.webs.com/

I am tempted to go to Amazon and the other more religious sites that recommend her and just leave this message: "Sarah is still not met her Prince Charming. She is now 34 years old and no longer of prime marrying age. I wish her luck in her continued spinsterhood"

[Drina Adams]

She needs a follow up, "After you realise Prince Charming isn't coming". I wonder will she move into 'called to singleness talks'? Heading for 35+ she can hardly be inspirational for teens looking for a role model much longer.

[sassycupcake]

Radiant Purity Conference?

What could they possibly confer about for two days regarding "radiant purity?" Is average 'ole purity not enough for these gals? What's radiant about their particular "purity?" Do their hymens sparkle? Are their vajayjays bedazzled? (I'm guessing no.) Are their vulvas a heat source?

If I were 34 and had never had any sexual contact, my lady business would be on fire.

[sparkles]

She needs a follow up, "After you realise Prince Charming isn't coming". I wonder will she move into 'called to singleness talks'? Heading for 35+ she can hardly be inspirational for teens looking for a role model much longer.

I don't think her singleness will reflect negatively at all. Her intended audience will probably look on it as taking one for the team. This godly woman is so eager to get the message out that she's willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING for Jesus. Much in the same way that unmarried, childless Bill Gothard is able to continue to lead and advise to the much married and child-blessed sheeple. Do as I say, not as I do.

[CelticGoddess]

Ugh. Just read her blog. I'd heard of her but never read her stuff.

How obnoxious, trying to engage people in "spiritual" talk at a St. Patrick's Day parade. Lady, just let us drink our green beer and get out of our faces.

It's times like that when I really appreciate my smart ass t-shirt. It simply reads "Pog mo thoin" :)