Sarah Mally is 32 and unmarried

[snarkykitty]

Did you know that most people who recieve marriage counceling in the Catholic Church now do so by Pastoral Ministers who happen to be married. Besides you follow a book and stuff. Anyone could do that. Most people diss the Catholic Church but I am so happy I went through those classes because I know I am married to someone that I true agree with and know where we differ

I co-sign this. I loved my pre-Cana counseling. During the big seminar, when they ask questions about bank accounts, celebrating holidays, jobs and have people stand up according to their answers - the stuff that most married couples might disagree on - we knew what each other wanted what we were going to do when conflicts arised. I felt very prepared for the marriage part of "Getting Married". So many people just think about the Wedding Day but not much past that.

[takers401]

I co-sign this. I loved my pre-Cana counseling. During the big seminar, when they ask questions about bank accounts, celebrating holidays, jobs and have people stand up according to their answers - the stuff that most married couples might disagree on - we knew what each other wanted what we were going to do when conflicts arised. I felt very prepared for the marriage part of "Getting Married". So many people just think about the Wedding Day but not much past that.

My husband and I also enjoyed that part of our engaged encounter. It was interesting to see how some couples were spot-on with their answers and others took a different stance on almost every question. I'll admit I wondered what they talked about prior to getting engaged since they obviously hadn't thought about number of kids, together or separate banking accounts, stay-at-home vs. working care-giver, etc.

[Cassandra]

For any of you who wonder just how dreadful this book is: bookreviewprince.blogspot.com/2009/06/beginning.html

If you missed this the first time it was posted (couple of years ago) it's worth a look.

Honestly, that book has dreadful writing, bad characters, cliches by the bucket load. And then the author jumps in at the end of each chapter and hits you over the head with the true meaning of what you just read.

BARF!

So, at 32, what happens when she realizes that her maidenhood is now decreasing in value with every passing day? How sad is that?

Maybe she secretly wants to have less than 5 kids?

At 32 she maybe has a 10 year window for the baby making.

[debrand]

I was going to break down and buy the book but I can't get if for my kindle. It seems like if they want to reach many girls, they would offer it for the e readers.

[GenerationCedarchip]

It is like too too strange that the fundie royalty have their wimmin folk writing about the ideal of courtship, yet said royal fundie women are single into their late 20s and early 30s, while the fundie serf women are getting married off young. What is up with that? And why would you ever take romantic advice from women who literally cannot get what every fundie girl is told to want most -- a husband and kids?

Based on what some of my fundie friends have confessed, I think some purposely don't want to marry early because that is a socially acceptable way of not having 10+ children in that culture.

[kpmom]

I love how they mention the Mormon girl was basing her conclusions on feelings rather than logic. There are some who would say a religion based on a man who was born of a virgin and who later was crucified, died and rose from the dead in three days, and who, still later, flew up into the sky and should return any day now (2000 years later), isn't all that logical either.

[debrand]

Its sad that two adult women can't decide if they should stay overnight in a hotel. There is nothing wrong with asking their parent's advice but to waste the airline worker's time is just inconsiderate. The decision should have been their own. Most young women would have simply told their parents that they would be staying overnight and wouldn't have waited for permission.

[Deleted03]

well like someone reminded me on the old board, Gothard is single and has no kids and yet he advises thousands of people to have as many children as possible and how godly marital relations should be, etc... does not surprise me they think unmarried stay at home daughters over 30 (think botkin soon enough) are good role models.

If I were a guy I'd be very scared to enter in a relationship with someone who wrote a book on how to wait for the right husband and all... but I'm not a guy obviously lol

[lilwriter85]

well like someone reminded me on the old board, Gothard is single and has no kids and yet he advises thousands of people to have as many children as possible and how godly marital relations should be, etc... does not surprise me they think unmarried stay at home daughters over 30 (think botkin soon enough) are good role models.

If I were a guy I'd be very scared to enter in a relationship with someone who wrote a book on how to wait for the right husband and all... but I'm not a guy obviously lol[/quote]

I agree I would feel the same way too if I was a guy. But I do think some fundie or conservative type guys would get turned off by someone like Sarah.

[Guest LilaFowler]

I agree that Sarah was acting weird. Just the way she spoke was very...off. But I think part of it is horniness. She can't even please herself. Sad.

[moreorlessnu]

Her demeanor was odd.

Was that a classic example of the Emperor's New Clothes? She's 32, and talking to a bunch of teenagers who, no doubt, view her as much, much older than themselves, and who can see that she's unable to practice what she preaches. Tell me each and everyone of those teenagers wasn't thinking, "No way do I want to be in her shoes when I'm 32!".

Besides that, what could have possibly been said that evening that hasn't already been said (read: drilled into their heads) before?

[debrand]

Her demeanor was odd.

Was that a classic example of the Emperor's New Clothes? She's 32, and talking to a bunch of teenagers who, no doubt, view her as much, much older than themselves, and who can see that she's unable to practice what she preaches. Tell me each and everyone of those teenagers wasn't thinking, "No way do I want to be in her shoes when I'm 32!".

Besides that, what could have possibly been said that evening that hasn't already been said (read: drilled into their heads) before?

I agree.

Sarah Malley is not unattractive so there isn't any physical reason for a guy to find her unappealing. I wonder if her parents keep potential suitors from her. She has a 26 year old brother and a 22 year old sister who aren't married either.

Whatever the reason for her single status, I can't help but wonder why anyone would listen to her.

[moreorlessnu]

The irony is Sarah is a failure in the fundy world, but successful in her own right (an author and sought after guest speaker) as a 32 year old woman.

[moreorlessnu]

Sarah Malley is not unattractive so there isn't any physical reason for a guy to find her unappealing. I wonder if her parents keep potential suitors from her. She has a 26 year old brother and a 22 year old sister who aren't married either.

Is there a gaggle of kids behind those 3 who need to be watched? What reason would their parents have to keep them unmarried? Sarah's career would flourish even more if she were married.

Whatever the reason for her single status, I can't help but wonder why anyone would listen to her.

Do you think these young girls do listen to her? Or, are they just being polite, and are they each secretly determining their own reason for her unmarried status (book writing? having a career?), and making mental notes not to repeat Sarah's mistakes?

[bea]

Radiant Purity.....FOREVER, because you will never get married.

The Mallys aren't much of a success story for courtship, I have to say. Three unmarried children, and a ministry that appears to be mostly focused on the importance of reproducing? Do as I say, not as I do, I guess.

[bananacat]

She's semi-famous and as powerful as she can ever get in that world. Why would she throw that all away to be some man's servent? She has some degree of freedom and her own money. She lives at home and probably has very little responsibility, because I don't think she has a lot of younger siblings. It's not an ideal life but it certainly won't get better if she marries a fundie man. I don't blame her for still being single under these circumstances; I just think it's hilarious that people take her advice seriously. But maybe a lot of QF daughters are hoping for the same thing, especially the ones who don't have a bunch of younger siblings to raise. Maybe some of them aspire to have a part-time fundie-approved job while also having the time and freedom to enjoy it.

[bananacat]

The irony is Sarah is a failure in the fundy world, but successful in her own right (an author and sought after guest speaker) as a 32 year old woman.

In a way, she's not a failure. She's completely devoted to Daddy and willing to stick with him for as long as it takes to find a replacement, even if that is forever. The father worship is a central tenet among these groups, even though it is unspoken. Giving up a life of marriage and children to stay faithful to Dear Old Dad is like the biggest show of loyalty. For all of their talk about having a bunch of kids, I think they do it just to have more people to worship their fathers.

[demgirl]

I have no problem with her delaying marriage to limit her children and give her more freedom. I have a problem with her hypocrisy.

[dawn9476]

At 32 she maybe has a 10 year window for the baby making.

If she is lucky. At 35, a woman's chances of getting pregnant takes another big hit.

Do you think these young girls do listen to her? Or, are they just being polite, and are they each secretly determining their own reason for her unmarried status (book writing? having a career?), and making mental notes not to repeat Sarah's mistakes?

If the Duggars do that with her, wouldn't they have to do the same with Gothard? He's never been married or had children either.

[emeraldskull]

Is there a gaggle of kids behind those 3 who need to be watched? What reason would their parents have to keep them unmarried? Sarah's career would flourish even more if she were married.

No, there is just the 3 of them... no reason whatsoever for any of them to be still unmarried, especially Sarah. There is nothing wrong with being 22 or 26 or 32 and unmarried... but when it becomes your whole goal in life, and you promote it to others but can't even attain it yourself?

[lilwriter85]

She's semi-famous and as powerful as she can ever get in that world. Why would she throw that all away to be some man's servent? She has some degree of freedom and her own money. She lives at home and probably has very little responsibility, because I don't think she has a lot of younger siblings. It's not an ideal life but it certainly won't get better if she marries a fundie man. I don't blame her for still being single under these circumstances; I just think it's hilarious that people take her advice seriously. But maybe a lot of QF daughters are hoping for the same thing, especially the ones who don't have a bunch of younger siblings to raise. Maybe some of them aspire to have a part-time fundie-approved job while also having the time and freedom to enjoy it.

I agree as a single woman Sarah is living a pretty good life. I could also some fundie girls wanting her life. The Duggar girls or girls with at least 5 or more siblings probably would want to get married and be away from the house. I wonder if Sarah's mom possibly only had her and the sister and then adopted the brother. Maybe the mother had health problems that kept her from having a lot of kids.

I think all of us here find it hilarious that people do take her advice. Sarah will continue to focus on her nice fundie audience. I bet if she went to mainstream Christian churches she would be laughed at.

[tehgoobster]

WTF?! Her book is currently in the top 100 at Barnes and Noble. :shock:

[Deleted04]

I think some of the ideals of courtship are very noble. But it may not be very well thought out or based in reality. The "christian coutship" ideal was created in their own community, yet there still seems to be somewhat of a shortage of "godly men" willing to marry godly women. Im going to assume the male:female ratio is about the same in fundie world as in the general population. So why does it seem as if 3/4 of the women over 20 are unmarried? Have they failed to raise young men to meet their own ideals? Failing to meet up to your own standards is a good indication that things need to be reevaluated.

[GenerationCedarchip]

WTF?! Her book is currently in the top 100 at Barnes and Noble. :shock:

Oh yeah - at least in this part of the country, her book is big reading in fundie lite and even mainstream youth groups.

[purpleeee]

So why does it seem as if 3/4 of the women over 20 are unmarried?

I'm wondering whether the fundies haven't thought themselves into a corner. They idolize virginity in women; they demonize sex as evil. I haven't read Mally's book, but if the detailed blog review of it was an accurate description, she took both these fetishes to the utter extreme. The virginal woman is *radiantly pure* and sex is so evil she needs a whole layer of shields - not just the internal ones of her own common sense and smarts, but external ones of her mother, her father, and a fricking actual castle wall.

How are you supposed to go from that to a life of babies, which requires sex? What man could possibly be perfect enough to risk tearing down all those barriers for? Especially when you can never get to know him - so how can you possibly trust that he's safe? Sometimes I think no wonder she's single the longer she thinks like this.