Erica *smile* Shupe *laugh* On in-laws

[clarinetpower]

In the comments, she says they have lots of family who are not Christians at all and who disagree with them on morals, etc. but that they get together frequently and just mutually agree not to talk about certain subjects. It does sound like these inlaws have a few screws loose. (Well, look at the life their son chose. Does it surprise you?)

[Peas n carrots]

Does anyone else find the inclusion of *smiles* and *chuckles* while discussing disciplining their children super creepy? I kind of want to reach through my screen and slap her.

[chilsa]

Yes, she's super creepy. I would NOT want to be in her house at all, I get such strong vibes from her.

[sparkles]

Does anyone else find the inclusion of *smiles* and *chuckles* while discussing disciplining their children super creepy? I kind of want to reach through my screen and slap her.

Aside from its content (which makes me want to tear what little hair I have out by its roots), the constant use of *smile* *chuckle* *smirk* and so on makes her blog unreadable. Yes, she is super creepy and so freaking cold and calculating. She also comes across as way too tightly wrapped, like she could snap at any moment.

Most of her ilk--the perfect godly holier-than-thou fundies--remind me so much of Alex from A Clockwork Orange, smiling, gleeful, dancing around crooning Singing in the Rain, all while kicking the shit out of his victims. It's the entire child-training mentality in a nutshell. They freak me the fuck out.

[Closed Womb]

Erica is keeping her children from experiencing natural hunger *frown* and satiating that hunger *grimace*. She is likely setting her children up for a lifetime of disordered eating *frown*. She has denied them the comfort of grandparents *scowl*, which the children will probably interpret as a lack of grand-parental interest in them; they may consider themselves defective or unlovable *glare at Erica*. Erica is more worried about her comfort as a parent than her children's psyche and overall well being *rage*.

Erica thinks words like *laugh* and *chuckle* add lightness to her writing, but most readers can clearly see she is a control freak asshole *smile*.

[Koala]

Yes, she's super creepy. I would NOT want to be in her house at all, I get such strong vibes from her.

Totally agree. I get a very negative, mean vibe from her. And this may make me a bitch but I picture her twitching frantically when she starts that *giggle* *wink* *nod* *smile* *laugh* business every other word. Good god it wears me out just reading it.

[docmom]

To accommodate older children who do not need as much sleep as younger ones, we tell them they may get up earlier in the morning if they need to (and I am up at 5:00 am so they are not unsupervised), but not stay up late at night. Staying up late always has a certain seduction for both young people and adults alike, but really generally nothing productive is accomplished late at night

I guess she hasn't read any of the literature on teenage brains. Staying up late isn't "seductive"; it's biology.Teens are hardwired to stay up late and much as you may try to force the issue, many simply cannot go to sleep until late at night. They still need more sleep than the average adult- thus the sleeping till mid-day on the weekends we see in so many teens. And, actually, they can get quite a lot accomplished late at night. I am no night owl, but even I, as a teenager, could stay up till mid-night productively studying.

Erica *smile* *gag* does not seem to recognize, much less embrace, the wonderful diversity of the human species.

[sparkles]

Erica *smile* *gag* does not seem to recognize, much less embrace, the wonderful diversity of the human species.

What fundie does? The entire mindset is about erasing any hint of individuality, suppressing natural curiosity, forbidding exploration and treating normal acts of rebellion as the mark of the devil--all things that our growth as species depends on. If fundies had been around since the dawn of man, we probably never would have discovered fire or advanced in any way. Although I'm sure we still would have found a way to saddle up those dinosaurs.

[LilMissMetaphor]

It seems like she (and many other fundies) have such a black and white way of looking at the world. Assuming the grandparents aren't abusing the children, let em have a little leeway. Theres a huge difference between a little spoiling, and abusive or damaging behavior. Healthy boundaries with extended family=good. Being an insane control freak=bad. Ive set one major boundary with my mother. She is not to say anything negative about the girls' bodies. If she does, she will not get to see them. Bottom line is, she will not do to them what she did to me. When I was a child, my mother had serious body image issues. She policed every morsel I ate, for as long as I can remember. I remember crying from hunger, and her telling me "you've had your calories for the day, drink water. You're 20 pounds overweight, you aren't starving." I was maybe 10 or so. My mother is 5'4, 120. I'm 5'11, 190. Yeah, that was fun growing up with. My 14 year old is 5'8, 160, and 12 year old is 5'10, 160. They are not small, but they are perfectly fit and healthy, and I won't have anyone tell them that's a bad thing. My mom can do anything she wants, as long as she keeps her body hang ups to herself.

I hear you; a relative of mine told my 9-year-old she was "putting on weight". I was like hm, isn't that...you know...kind of the idea? Should she just magically develop larger bones that weigh the same as small ones?

[OkToBeTakei]

In the comments, she says they have lots of family who are not Christians at all and who disagree with them on morals, etc. but that they get together frequently and just mutually agree not to talk about certain subjects. It does sound like these inlaws have a few screws loose. (Well, look at the life their son chose. Does it surprise you?)

Actually this is what she said

Oh yes, most all of my extended family are non-believers. But I just love on them so deeply when we talk on FB, or occasionally see one another; we chat and get caught up. But we do not have any other relatives other than my in-laws who are so controlling or "in our face" about things, so we've never had to set any boundaries with anyone. We just have a mutual understanding of disagreement on most all major moral issues, so we don't go to those topics in conversation. =) Again, it's so infrequent that we see one another, although I grew up with most all of them spending large amounts of time together. I try to stay connected with all of my family via FB, actually, but have been "unfriended" by one cousin's wife. Oh well. That's okay. Hopefully I'll be able to shine a light in to their life with what little contact we do have. The problems only arise when someone is trying to manipulate another person or control or influence them without their permission.

:evil-eye:

And on possibly letting the grandparents see the kids.

Well for holidays/birthdays we can be together for 2-3 hours and conversation could naturally focus around the food being prepared and eaten together, gifts being opened and played with,, the weather or the latest sports team's success, and other shallow things; we would not be together long enough to have deeper subjects come up, and the children would certainly never be unsupervised. So it would be doable in our situation.

Yes. I would tell her to fuck off if she expected me to go along with some prescribed shallow script of her choosing. I am pretty sure if they the grandparents had committed something harmful to the kids as others have mentioned here, Erica would be singing it from the blogspot. Nope no calling kids overweight, no hitting, no smoking in front of them, instead all she came up with was her then 14mth old and 6 month old were led away from the path of God due to some sleeping, eating issues which as others have surmised could actually be Erica's control issues.

Yup she is *smile* creepy creepy. Was she not the one who separated her twins for some sleep control issue?

[Mary C Doates]

Does anyone else find the inclusion of *smiles* and *chuckles* while discussing disciplining their children super creepy? I kind of want to reach through my screen and slap her.

She is insufferable *snarls*. She's just so smug *grits teeth*. All that *smiling* and *chuckling*--my, she certainly is pleased with herself *snorts dersively*.

Ugh *puking noises*

[OkToBeTakei]

Oh man I need to stop reading this blog. It only gets worse!

Menu planning.

Basically same thing for breakfast and same for lunch.

But check out her menu half way down the page...

largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/09/large-family-meal-planning-shopping.html

:lol: MAXWELL BURRITOS!

[pirouette]

Thanks for posting about this. Erica is one of my... well, not pet fundies, by any means, but one whose blog I follow regularly with a mix of fascination and horror. The extreme control and overscheduling of her kids has always freaked me out, and this post was no different. Maybe it's the complete lack of specific examples of what the grandparents did wrong (which could be to avoid completely bashing or exposing the grandparents on the public internet, but reads like Erica's not willing to admit the extreme lengths she goes to to control her children's lives.) When I read this, the "moral corruption" and "18 months old" contrast really jumped out at me, too. Something screwed up is going on there, regardless of who's responsible.

The ultimatum Erica gave reminds me of one of my favorite moments from my televised guilty pleasure, in which a man gives his wife an ultimatum (basically, her job or her marriage.) The wife decides that she's not ready for the stress her job is putting on her, and cuts back at work. But she also leaves her husband, because what kind of marriage is a marriage with ultimatums in it? Maybe this is the same situation- not so much that the grandparents weren't willing to stop being specifically "corrupting" as that they felt that a relationship completely controlled by Erica's demands was not one they felt comfortable participating in. That's completely speculative, though. We'll never know what the grandparents were thinking, because little information was given in the blog post (which, as I said above, is probably a good thing when you're writing to strangers, but it lends itself to all kinds of questions.)

The part about the birthday cards also made me sad.

[Jana814]

This woman sounds nuts!! Is her husband on board w/ everything that she does!

[GodsKnickers]

First, it's fucking dangerous. Babies have been known to fail to thrive using that method

This is what I was thinking. FTT. I'm sure I've seen some news articles regarding the use of BabyWise and FTT. Way back when my husband and kids and I were still attending church, they brought in that BabyWise and some other parenting thing that was making the rounds of the churches. We looked at it (we weren't online yet then) and I was horrified - told my husband it looked like sanctified child abuse.

Wish I could find those articles. I've participated in other Ezzo debates and I know someone posted the articles.

[Mama Mia]

I guess she hasn't read any of the literature on teenage brains. Staying up late isn't "seductive"; it's biology.Teens are hardwired to stay up late and much as you may try to force the issue, many simply cannot go to sleep until late at night. They still need more sleep than the average adult- thus the sleeping till mid-day on the weekends we see in so many teens. And, actually, they can get quite a lot accomplished late at night. I am no night owl, but even I, as a teenager, could stay up till mid-night productively studying.

Erica *smile* *gag* does not seem to recognize, much less embrace, the wonderful diversity of the human species.

I've been told by friends that many of the schools in Mexico have the elementary students attend in the morning, and the Middle School/High School is from 2-8ish . I think that is such a good idea.

[Bethella]

Oh man I need to stop reading this blog. It only gets worse!

Menu planning.

Basically same thing for breakfast and same for lunch.

But check out her menu half way down the page...

largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/09/large-family-meal-planning-shopping.html

:lol: MAXWELL BURRITOS!

And Green Smoothies for breakfast!!!11!!1!! :lol:

[formergothardite]

The lives of her children sound miserable. It is like she doesn't even like kids, she just has them so she can have something else to control.

My inlaws drive me insane, but when they show up, I drink a glass of wine, plaster on a smile and as long as they aren't doing anything that will actually hurt the kids, just go with the flow.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Ive seen their schedule...I think Erica is too obsessed with schedules and routines, the kids are scheduled every second of the day.

[chaotic life]

Back before I was a mother, I worked my way through college by working at daycare centers. I worked the nursery every once in awhile (I was a substitute teacher and the only one they could put in EVERY classroom so I rotated everywhere). We had an Ezzoed baby in the nursery.

There are a couple of things you won't see from the outside about Ezzo because they deliberately are trained to mask the horror behind closed doors. First, EVERY reference to discipline or consequence means nothing but spanked. End of story. This woman is a ccontact mother for Ezzo, when she says she consequences or disciplines, she means she spanks and spanks severely.

Second, we as the daycare provider used to get in all kinds of trouble with our Ezzo mother. First, daycares put babies on a loose scheduel anyway. It's the only way you can make sure all those babies are getting all of their needs met. It means you rotate them through things BUT if they show signs that they need something specific, you skip the whole rotation thing and meet their needs. Hungry babies get fed. Crying babies are comforted. Sleepy babies get rocked or comforted to sleep (depending on what comforts that baby so they can get to sleep), etc. This mother was pyscho that we NOT alter her baby's schedule for ANY reason. If baby was tired, we were NOT to cut tummytime short. If baby was hungry, we were NOT to skip the rigid clock schedule to feed baby. She had a STRICT amount of milk she provided for her baby, and we were instructed to only provide water to baby if we used all of that milk. It was bad enough the director finally had to tell her that breastmilk or not, if her baby ran out of food again we WOULD provide formula unless we had a doctor's note stating baby could not have formula AND that tap water was safe for baby. It was AWFUL, MISERABLE and there wasn't a single worker whose heart did not break for that baby.

We were supposed to put him in his crib at his appointed sleep cycle and walk away. Not only would he not calm down and go to sleep, but he would distress the entire nursery. We had gotten into enough trouble with mom making surprise visits at his sleep times that we could not rock him to sleep, which is what he dearly wanted. The best we could do was rub his back (pre-back to sleep days) and comfort him *in* his crib. We refused to just leave him without comfort. If mom showed up, we could walk away from him fast, but if she caught us holding him, she would threaten to have us fired. It was AWFUL, just torturous for him and the staff. The director didn't fire the idiot until the baby got sick and ran out of his milk by 10am one day and she refused to pick him up, refused to provide anything but tap water for him to consume and refused to take him to the doctor.

I have heard of former Ezzo mothers talk about these horrors and how the minute you get a non-compliant baby you RUN away from the method. I had never seen it from the inside the way I did that baby, and it was awful. Erica's entire identity is wrapped up in Ezzo's methods. She is a contact mother. She runs the program at her church, and her children are supposed to be the success story. She's not about to walk away from it. She'll just beat her kids harder if they show normal rebellion because Ezzo makes NO room for rebellion and normal emotions. I have no doubt that her in-laws find her parenting toxic and dangerous and wanted to show love to her kids, which she finds an unacceptable choice. I can think of very few things that would be so egregious in grandparenting children as young as hers were when she cut their grandparents out of their lives--an act by her own omission that was NOT necessary.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Thats awful :(

Fundies complain about daycares, but it seems like you and the others at the daycare loved her child more than she did.

[Trynn]

Wait, she has time to come check on you that you're following the baby's sleep schedule, then what is she doing all day that she needs. Child care in the first place?

[Jana814]

Wait, she has time to come check on you that you're following the baby's sleep schedule, then what is she doing all day that she needs. Child care in the first place?

I was wondering the same thing!! That child care method sounds horrible!!

[Jana814]

Thats awful :(

Fundies complain about daycares, but it seems like you and the others at the daycare loved her child more than she did.

Agree!

[OkToBeTakei]

I just read an entry about camping. I THINK it was meant to be a holiday. It reads like a trip to prison camp for kids.

This woman should have joined the army. Not had kids.