Ladies shouldn't work unless they've completed the following

[Cora Persephona]

I have just read this list out loud to Mr. MtL, who listened with a growing look of horror on his face, then suggested the following for #31: "Have you alphabetized your tampons?"

I think you mean: ''Have you organized funerals for all your tampons?"

[Conuly]

Interesting how "centerpiece!" is a must-have (or at least not explicitly a "would be nice"), but laundry being done is explicitly "no, lol, you don't HAVE to do this one!"

I don't know, those priorities seem just a wee bit skewed there. Just a little. What if your centerpiece IS a pile of unfolded laundry, is that okay?

[ADoyle90815]

Interesting how "centerpiece!" is a must-have (or at least not explicitly a "would be nice"), but laundry being done is explicitly "no, lol, you don't HAVE to do this one!"

I don't know, those priorities seem just a wee bit skewed there. Just a little. What if your centerpiece IS a pile of unfolded laundry, is that okay?

In my case, the centerpiece is often a cat sleeping on top of the pile of unfolded laundry. Only during holidays is there a centerpiece, usually my grandma's candle holders, but now there is a vase of tulips from Easter, and because it's spring. My future husband tends to do his own laundry as he's an adult who has taken care of himself since he left for college. As I mentioned, I have cats, so the rugs have cat hair all over them. I did a deep cleaning of the bathroom last Friday, so it's still clean. As for reading books, I do that for fun, not as a chore as I like using my brain.

[keen23]

We use the dining room table as a puzzle table. Do multiple jigsaw puzzles in various states of completion count as centerpieces?

[Cora Persephona]

So what happens if i don't have a dining room table? Do I still need a centerpiece? Should I got to work in order to have the money to buy a table? Then make/buy a centerpiece and quit my job?

[keen23]

So what happens if i don't have a dining room table? Do I still need a centerpiece? Should I got to work in order to have the money to buy a table? Then make/buy a centerpiece and quit my job?

You're doing it wrong if YOU have to work. That's what your loving husband is supposed to do for YOU. You just sit there and look pretty, while waiting for him to come home. :roll:

ETA- also don't nag him about buying the dining room table, you'll need to make him think that it's his idea that you need a dining room table and then let him buy one

[GodsKnickers]

She forgot 'have you lain still in the missionary position for your daily rogering so your husband can get his rocks off, no matter what' and 'have you birthed eleventy-one kids yet' and 'have you given head....I mean...submitted to the head today.'

[Bloo]

Why not spend my work time beautifying my home? Because my husband can't work and we need some income, dipshit.

Also, what if I don't WANT a fucking centerpiece? It makes it harder to see the people around the damn table!

[Cora Persephona]

You're doing it wrong if YOU have to work. That's what your loving husband is supposed to do for YOU. You just sit there and look pretty, while waiting for him to come home. :roll:

ETA- also don't nag him about buying the dining room table, you'll need to make him think that it's his idea that you need a dining room table and then let him buy one

Damn! I have to get a husband first? That's a lot of work for a dining room table!

[Jana814]

My goodness, there's a Roommate Agreement for every life stage! [/sheldon staccato laugh]

Love the Sheldon reference!! (Big Bang is my favorite show)

[MissBeaufort]

ONE new learning experience or book a year? Really?!

Setting the domestic standards stupidly high and the intellectual ones stupidly low, I see.

[skrmom]

Aside from having someone over for tea and growing tomatoes, I've accomplished the list. My books are organized by genre, the carpet was shampooed a few days ago, my pantry is organized (canned goods are in alphabetical order)...oh..it's store bought canned peas, not home grown and canned! Does it count anyway?

[Olive Plant]

Don't have a husband or kids. I live in sin and he is a neat freak, so most of this is all done by him or by both of us because he works from home (I don't). He has a gluten intolerance so no bread baking, but I occasionally cook for him. Or he cooks for me, because he's more picky. Yes, we eat very well, from scratch just about every time. Ironing? Please, not even neat freaks need their clothes ironed if you buy the right ones.

My income makes it so he doesn't have to lie awake at night freaking out about paying bills, because his monthly income tends to vary. Mine is the same every time. He is way, way less stressed since we started sharing the financial burden.

Morons like Lady Lydia think that women working cost so much money because homemade food is cheaper and various other things, but in our case, I bike to work, the dress code is casual, and the house we rent doesn't have space for a big garden (let alone space for a milk cow, chickens and so on. Sure, we could homestead, and he's actually done that, and he's way over it. He wants to live in town and take things easy).

From a dollars and cents angle, it works best when we both work. From a happiness angle, it works best when we both work. I like having a nice house and good food to eat, and I like doing my part with that, but I find it way more interesting to have a few other things to do as well. I suspect Lady Lydia does too, because why else would she blog all the time?

Also, let me just say, my "headship" is way more sexually satisfied than any damn sex martyr just-put-out-for-him SAHM blogger I've ever heard of. He walks around with a big fat smile on his face because I meet his needs intellectually, spiritually and physically, and because we're very creative together. I feed on the inspiration I get outside the humdrum of cleaning and cooking and I bring it back to him, and it's awesome.

[Swamptribe]

Ok, I work, let's see.

Do you have a morning routine in the house?

Yes, stumble out of bed. Trip over cat, let dog out, feed cat, feed and water rabbit, let dog back in, make breakfast. Get back into bed to watch TV and eat breakfast.

2. Are your dishes washed and put away?

Mostly.

3. Is your cabinet top clear?

Don't have one

4. Is your table clear, when not dining, and do you have a centepiece?

Always have a basket of fruit on the table for snacks. Does that count? How about the cat? Does the cat count as a centerpiece?

5. Have you cleaned your cupboards and storage areas and fridge in the last 3 months?

Actually, yes. Husband just cleaned out the silverware drawer last night. I clean the fridge weekly. Cabinets get wiped out all the time.

6. Is your porch clean and the entry way cheerful for visitors or people who see it from the road?

Yeah.

7. Are your carpets clean?

Yes. Hubbie vacuumed, I cleaned a spill just this am.

8. Is your floor clean?

Yup.

9. Is your living room ready for company?

Yup. If my company is offended by any clutter left, they can stuff it.

10. Is your laundry washed, folded, ironed and put away? (Keep in mind, I am not saying you have to do this. I am only listing it in case you think you have time to bring in another income!)

Yup. have a load finishing up in the dryer. I don't fold socks though. Don't wear 'em, so husband folds his own socks.

11. Is your mending and button replacement caught up?

Mending? Button replacement? How hard are you on your clothes lady?

12. Do you bake bread? (Once again, no one HAS to do it, but if a woman is bored, maybe she should bake her bread. It takes more time. It smells wonderful. It has far greater effects than can be listed here, both emotionally and physically or even involving childhood memory)

I'm cutting carbs out of our diet. I'm not even buying bread right now.

13. Is your bathroom shining clean and does it smell nice?

I have a husband and sons, so I have to say, my bathrooms are never clean for more than about 30 seconds.

14. Does your house smell nice?

It smells like beef stew right now.

15. Have you re-decorated or re-arranged in the last 3 years? (You need not do it, but if you think you need to go to work or take on extra work earning money at home, why not put the time into re-beautifying your house?)

Moved two years ago, so yes.

16. Are your beds made? Are your sheets and bedding fresh?

Don't make the beds, hell, we're just getting back in the silly thing later. Clean sheets, yes.

17. Do you hang your clothes on the line? (You needn't, but it takes more time, and is good for your health and it actually increases the life of your sheets and clothes, as opposed to the dryer)

Hell no, where I live they'd mildew in an hour.

18. Do you grow a garden, or even a tomato in a pot?

Grow lots of plants in a pot and the ground. Even mow my own lawn. Reminds me, should go pick tomatoes.

19. Are your drawers and storage areas organized?

Yes.

20. Are your photos organized?

Yes.

21. Are your computer files organized?

Which computer?

22. Is your correspondence caught up?

Well, I could probably check e-mail.

23. Do you make any of your own clothes?

Nope. But I do quilt. And draw, and crochet.

24. Does your husband ever have to ask for an ironed shirt?

He knows better. Goddess bless the man, he has actually ironed his own shirts.

25. Are your books organized?

Hell yes.

26. Do you go through your things regularly for garage sales?

Ah, no. I guess I don't buy much junk.

27. Are your windows clean?

Except for cat hair and dog nose prints.

28. Do you cook regular meals from basic ingredients?

Yep.

29. Have you had anyone over for tea in the last month?

Does having the relatives over for dinner count?

30. Do you read at least one good book or learn something new within the year, or learned any new skill?

You only learn one new thing a year? I learn stuff on a daily basis.

[Bloo]

I have to say, her life sounds really boring if she does all of this cleaning regularly and only bothers to learn once a year. Then again, I teach preschool and have a husband with a recent colostomy so you can say I'm more or less the reciprocated version of that equation.

[snarktastic]

Dear Gas Company,

I regret that I will not be paying your bill this quarter as my priorities have been making centrepieces and baking bread. I have therefore been unable to earn a living. I'm sure you will understand.

[itaintmebabe]

I don't think even Martha Stewart can say "yes" to everything on that list.

[nelliebelle1197]

I love how she thinks women get jobs because they're bored and have too much free time and not because, you know, they need the money.

If she worked she might be able to make cloaks out of actual FABRIC rather than craft store felt and buy a nice tea set or two rather than lead painted beauties from the dollar store

[Jenny]

15. Have you re-decorated or re-arranged in the last 3 years? (You need not do it, but if you think you need to go to work or take on extra work earning money at home, why not put the time into re-beautifying your house?)

How do I afford new decor without a job? For example: I have an ugly couch. To buy a new one would be expensive.

Oh wait...I'll just go shear my sheep, spin the wool, weave the cloth and thread, and then sew my own slip cover. Silly me. :doh:

[Bloo]

Yeah, same thing with all of those crafty things like centerpieces. I have to buy a lot of craft supplies (support your local teachers!) and that shit can get really expensive.

I suppose I get a pass for the porch thing because I live in an apartment complex.

[Loveday]

I don't think even Martha Stewart can say "yes" to everything on that list.

Sure, she can. But that's her job, she's made her living doing all that!* Which is apparently a concept beyond Lady Lydia's comprehension. :lol:

*well, not her personally, of course, she has staff these days, but you know what I mean! :lol:

[OkToBeTakei]

I had this whole long post thought out. Then I re-read her entry and decided 'load of bollocks' would suffice :lol:

[pookel]

Interesting how "centerpiece!" is a must-have (or at least not explicitly a "would be nice"), but laundry being done is explicitly "no, lol, you don't HAVE to do this one!"

Not to defend her, but just to make sense out of this - I suspect she meant to say that the folding and ironing parts were optional. (They certainly are in this house. I only bought an iron for sewing projects.)

[Wolfie]

13. Is your bathroom shining clean and does it smell nice?

This one amuses me, because according to visits to friend's houses and TV commercials for cleaning products, my bathroom is just fine, and it's not generally as clean as I'd like it, but it's cleaner than what I see around. (my mom has set my standards way too high, she has a white tile bathroom that was even white when she had three teens at home.)

[AnywhereButHere]

Do you have a morning routine in the house? - Make it out the door without killing someone?

2. Are your dishes washed and put away? - Why yes!

3. Is your cabinet top clear? - Only one? She's a slacker...

4. Is your table clear, when not dining, and do you have a centepiece? - No centerpience. My cat eats both live and fake flowers. I put out a decorative bowl once. He sat in it and scared the crap out of me when he poked his head up to hiss at the mailman. No centerpiece = no heart attack. Naked table works for me.

5. Have you cleaned your cupboards and storage areas and fridge in the last 3 months?- Why no!

6. Is your porch clean and the entry way cheerful for visitors or people who see it from the road? - The Jehovahs seem to find it welcoming enough.

7. Are your carpets clean? - Enough.

8. Is your floor clean?- Again, enough.

9. Is your living room ready for company? - If you're not too picky...

10. Is your laundry washed, folded, ironed and put away? (Keep in mind, I am not saying you have to do this. I am only listing it in case you think you have time to bring in another income!) - What? You mean everyone doesn't treat the dryer like a closet?

11. Is your mending and button replacement caught up? - Sure. The drycleaner down the street does a beautiful job!

12. Do you bake bread? (Once again, no one HAS to do it, but if a woman is bored, maybe she should bake her bread. It takes more time. It smells wonderful. It has far greater effects than can be listed here, both emotionally and physically or even involving childhood memory) - Baked bread once. It made a good cannonball.

13. Is your bathroom shining clean and does it smell nice? - Until I started answering this bullshit...

14. Does your house smell nice? - Well, it doesn't smell like Chanel No. 5, but it doesn't smell like cat either. I consider it a win.

15. Have you re-decorated or re-arranged in the last 3 years? (You need not do it, but if you think you need to go to work or take on extra work earning money at home, why not put the time into re-beautifying your house?)

16. Are your beds made? Are your sheets and bedding fresh?

17. Do you hang your clothes on the line? (You needn't, but it takes more time, and is good for your health and it actually increases the life of your sheets and clothes, as opposed to the dryer) - Hung and chased down after the wind blew them all over the yard. Aren't I industrious.

18. Do you grow a garden, or even a tomato in a pot? - My husband wants to plant corn. I think he's hoping a baseball team will appear. I think we need a slightly bigger backyard first.

19. Are your drawers and storage areas organized? - Depends on who you ask.

20. Are your photos organized? - I know where they are.

21. Are your computer files organized? - Now she's grasping at straws.

22. Is your correspondence caught up? - Does chatting with you all count?

23. Do you make any of your own clothes? - I made a skirt when I was 12. God help me, I even wore it. My husband has seen photos - I'm off the hook there.

24. Does your husband ever have to ask for an ironed shirt? - I've asked him for one. I bought him an ironing board for his birthday. Aren't I thoughtful? :)

25. ARe your books organized? - They're on a shelf. Mostly.

26. Do you go through your things regularly for garage sales? - Sure, because saddling other people with my junk is so cathartic and uplifting for me.

27. Are your windows clean? - They're see through.

28. Do you cook regular meals from basic ingredients? - No. I cook irregular meals from basic ingredients. :roll:

29. Have you had anyone over for tea in the last month? - Nope, but I had people over for dinner twice last week. I'm an overacheiver. :snooty:

30. Do you read at least one good book or learn something new within the year, or learned any new skill? - Haven't read a book in a while, but I did just catch up on the ast episode of American Horror Story. I definitely feel enriched.

Tomorrow I should be heading back to work so that we can all pay the mortgage on this sweet smelling, non-centerpieced house, but my laundry isn't folded, so I guess I'll just have to call my boss and quit. Maybe it will be less stressful keeping my cardboard box in it's location under an overpass clean and tidy. Hopefully she'll forgive the smell from the cars and exhaust.