Lori Alexander's 30 Day Challenege

[lilwriter85]

We made it thirty days without one argument or conflict! I mentioned that to Ken and he said, "How did we do that?" I told him if we disagreed, I allowed him to be right and didn't fight him about it. If he said something that I didn't think was that nice {since men aren't women and they don't act like women, thank goodness}, I didn't get offended.

It was wonderful! Peace is a wonderful thing. I figured if Sandy and Peter can go their whole married lives without arguing, we could go thirty days. They say it takes thirty days to change behavior. I challenge all of you to make a commitment with your spouse to go thirty days without one argument or any conflict whatsoever.

A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is beautiful to the Lord and I am sure is

beautiful to your husband also.

If you struggle having conflict with your husband, look up all the verses that deal with arguing, quarreling, dissension, and anger in the Bible. Begin meditating on them regularly to allow yourself to be transformed by the renewing of your mind with God's Truth. Then memorize verses about peace. God's Word will convict and change you.

I began down the path of not arguing with Ken ten years ago. I simply tried biting my tongue and working hard at not arguing. I have learned a much better way. I began allowing God to change me through knowing His Word and what He thinks about the matter. He does a much better job than my own self-will. Ask your husband to keep you accountable and begin your thirty days of peace.

Are any of you up for the challenge???

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-thirty-day-challenge.html

Link to Lori's posting where she claims that her friends don't fight

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/02/they-never-argue.html

[AnywhereButHere]

Well, if peace = doormat, and she's okay with that...

I feel a good difference of opinion and a healthy compromise now and again make for a good marriage.

[VooDooChild]

No thanks. My husband doesn't want me to be a doormat. Disagreement and anger are not sins, Lori. I'm sure God finds it much more lovely, beautiful, precious, etc. when his creation uses their God-given intellect to constructively work through problems leading to a stronger bond in the relationship.

This woman is dangerous.

[Hane]

My first mother-in-law insisted that, in the 40+ years of her marriage, she and her husband had NEVER had a fight. My marriage counselor told me, "Well, actually they have--and it's about 40+ years long." Meaning that sweeping things under the rug does NOTHING to resolve conflict.

[slickcat79]

I began down the path of not arguing with Ken ten years ago. I simply tried biting my tongue and working hard at not arguing. I have learned a much better way. I began allowing God to change me through knowing His Word and what He thinks about the matter. He does a much better job than my own self-will. Ask your husband to keep you accountable and begin your thirty days of peace.

I love how she doesn't even pretend that Ken will have to do any changing at all :roll: Lots of these women-as-doormat "counselors" at least claim that your submission will change your husband through the magic of god's will.

[linnea27]

This is so bizarre to me. My hisband and I dont argue. We disagree, sure, but we talk things out and are adult enough to keep our tempers in check and work together until we reach a resolution. This is all without me being submissive. I don't bite my tongue when we disagree, and I would say that we are stronger for it.

I cannot imagine a marriage such as Lori describes, and I really cannot fathom how she preaches that as the healthier option. Two heads are better than one, and with my husband and I discussing things through and considering both sides before reaching a decision together, I am sure we make more rational decisions than either one of us would alone.

[linnea27]

I am still shaking my head over this. If I told my husband we made it 30 days without arguing, he wouldn't think anything of it. Truth is, I am sure we have made it much longer. The fact that Ken reacted to this with surprise is telling, I think.

It's sad. I was once in an abusive relationship and I remember telling him once that we made it one week without "arguing." I thought that was an occasion worth celebrating. I shudder to think that Lori would have told me that the answer to that would have been to be more of a doormat to him, instead of the RIGHT answer which was to GTFO and get into a healthy relationship.

[dairyfreelife]

I saw this post, but was like "typical arrogant, ignorant Lori." Her first paragraph was all I needed to see to know how it was going to go.

One, arguing and disagreeing are not the same thing. You can disagree with someone without arguing with them.

Two, if you think your spouse said something not nice, why is that attributed to him being a man and not that he was being rude or said something uncalled for? If someone I know says something that I think was not nice, I tell them.

Disagreeing with someone, but biting your tongue is sometimes necessary. I do it at times because I know that it's not worth it and because no one will win. But when it's not that sort of situation where it's just a difference of opinion on a matter like religion or politics, biting the tongue is not going to solve the issue. Too often resentment will build up and that is not healthy. The couple she claims never argues, I don't believe they have a healthy relationship because two people will disagree with each other sometimes. It happens when two people live in close quarters and everyone is different. Lori seem to see disagreeing and discussing the same as arguing, so I am counting that here with the couple.

I can be brash at times and I can be stubborn. If I have an opinion, I will state it with people I know unless I think it's just gonne cause conflict when there's no win. But if I have a concern, I will say it. If I disagree with my boyfriend, I will tell him. If I have an issue, I state it. I do this because it helps mem understand things better and learn and prevents resentment building up. I cannot imagine living the way Lori thinks I should. I would be one bitter, miserable woman.

[laura oz]

I told myself when I was clicking on this thread that "I should not be doing this. She makes me nuts." Why didn't I listen to me? Lori is on her way to a fucking nervous breakdown someday if she keeps swallowing her true feelings and real thoughts in regard to her marriage. This "lady" is not shy about calling others out on their supposed shit, so why can't she just tell her husband that he has upset her? Oh, wait. It's because he has a penis. :angry-banghead: I have got to quit clicking on her threads or my head will explode. Y can't I quit her? :think:

[BlackHawk]

What kind of fights are they having that require them to notice when they go 30 days without one? That's my question. Seriously does she think every time she disagrees with her husband that is a fight? The Partner and I rarely fight, we argue occasionally, but honest fights, nope. I can think of the 5.5 years we've been together and realize I can name ONE fight that we both sat down and worked it out after we had our screaming match. It took probably 15 hours total and we were as over it as we were going to get that day/night. I think someone needs to let her know that you can disagree, and even talk about the disagreement without it being a fight.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Their relationship is really bad if its such a big deal that they went 30 days without fighting.

Seriously? They think theyre qualified to give marriage advice to others. I think they need advice themselves.

[Closed Womb]

Mr Womb and I have gone about five years without fighting. Just saying.

Not that we don't disagree; as others have already pointed out, that is a different thing. We talk, compromise, sometimes one of us gives in (usually realizing how important something is to the other person), sometimes one of us convinces the other to see it differently.

Perhaps this is because we were adults when we married. We picked our own partners. We choose partners based on important qualities. That is, Mr. Womb was *not* attracted to me because I was Gothard-approved slim and had loose curls; Mr. Womb did not seek out my Dad to see if he (Mr. Womb) had appropriate qualities, such as a paid off house. Fundies like to pretend their marriages are based in the firm foundation of Christ. Seems to me like their marriages are on no foundation at all, having picked partners based on the shallowest of criteria. This leaves nothing but fights or a submissive wife (or fights that all end the same way -- giving in to the hubby.)

Just to blow some fundie minds: when Mr. Womb and I got married, I was the one with the paid-for house. As in paid for with cash(iers check).

[mlady]

So werid. In my marriage there was never any fighting. I mean the none of the yell, don't talk to each other, go to bed mad kind of fighting. It just never happened. We were just kind of mellow all the time. I raised my voice with my kids, and he may have as well a couple times, but it was frustration more than anything an it blew over within minutes. I have friends who seem to primarily communicate by yelling and screaming then having the occasional heart-to-heart abuot how they need to change. I don't get it. 30 days? I wouldn't have married someone I fought with every 30 days! I wouldn't have even dated them!

[Minerva]

Either Ken is used to being treated like a spoiled child by Lori, or he's dumb as a rock. You can bet Mr. Minerva would think something was off if I just started agreeing with him on everything.

"Hey Minerva, friend X just posted on facebook that Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim is a manic pixie dream girl."

"OMG they're totally right Mr. Minerva! I was just thinking that the other day! She fits the definition perfectly except for this one thing, but I don't think that one thing is enough to disqualify her. Here is my reason for thinking that."

"Oh, see I was about to disagree with friend X on the basis that that one thing is enough to disqualify her from being a manic pixie dream girl."

"You're right Mr. Minerva. It is enough to disqualify her from being a manic pixie dream girl."

"But you just said it wasn't."

"It's ok, I was wrong."

"Are you ok? You had a pretty strong opinion that you were able to back up and you just changed it to match mine before I even defended mine."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I've never thought Ramona Flowers was a manic pixie dream girl. We agree on everything and never argue, remember?"

"So I'm going insane?"

"Do you want to be?"

[skeptifem]

:roll: as if you can decide not to have any problems.

[Mice]

This is so bizarre to me. My hisband and I dont argue. We disagree, sure, but we talk things out and are adult enough to keep our tempers in check and work together until we reach a resolution. This is all without me being submissive. I don't bite my tongue when we disagree, and I would say that we are stronger for it.

I cannot imagine a marriage such as Lori describes, and I really cannot fathom how she preaches that as the healthier option. Two heads are better than one, and with my husband and I discussing things through and considering both sides before reaching a decision together, I am sure we make more rational decisions than either one of us would alone.

This. I've been married for 15 years and we almost never argue. We discuss a lot, and we get cranky sometimes but we don't fight. Lori's blog post was really sad - I can't imagine being stuck inside such a lousy relationship and having to pretend all the time that it was wonderful! The best to be hoped for! I pity her.

[mg78]

Basically, it took you 10 years of practice to reach the 30 days mark. Well done Lori! Here is your prize...