Men Aren't Supposed To Do Housework

[lilwriter85]

Lori's posting. No surprise.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/03/men-doing-housework.html

My husband and sons have never done much housework. I never expected them to and I didn't teach my sons how to do much of it. They made their beds and learned how to run the washer and dryer. They would put their dishes in the dishwasher sometimes. I felt like I really failed in this area. Several other people told me I should have taught them housework and they felt sorry for their future wives!

Dennis Prager has a male/female hour every week. On a recent program, he said that we shouldn't expect the males in our life to do much housework because most men don't think it is a masculine thing to do. Wow! Maybe I wasn't so far off base!

Studies have shown that when household chores are split, divorce is much higher. It is good for a wife to be home full-time to take care of the children and home so the husband has a safe, peaceful place to come home to after a long day of work.

The Bible does say several places that women are to be keepers at home, guide the home, etc. All of the Proverbs 31 woman's work revolved around the home. The man's job is to provide a living for the family. It is pretty clear in Scripture what the ideal roles are for a family. We should always strive for the ideal and teach it.

I know some husbands love to help with the housework. Ken had to do quite a bit when I was sick and pregnant or ill. Steven lives on his own now and does a pretty good job at keeping his apartment clean but it is definitely not his thing! Ryan has had to learn to help when Erin is sick. They all do housework when needed but they sure would love to be doing other things!

However, I enjoy taking care of the home. God has blessed me with a nice home and wonderful family. I feel like it is my job to take care of it. Most women need to learn to enjoy it since it is definitely a feminine role.

So please don't destroy your marriage if your husband doesn't do much housework. Don't ever nag him or complain about it. Do your work willingly as to the Lord. Decide that this is your job and you will do it to the best of your ability. If he helps, great and if not, that is fine also.

Here's the link to the studies Lori references in her posting.

http://www.news.com.au/tablet/higher-ri ... 6483002283

I'm also surprised that Lori's daughters weren't keeping house when she was ill.

[mg78]

Studies have shown that when household chores are split, divorce is much higher. It is good for a wife to be home full-time to take care of the children and home so the husband has a safe, peaceful place to come home to after a long day of work.

I wonder which studies are this, from Lori's Head University?

They all do housework when needed but they sure would love to be doing other things! .

Well, iI am sure I would love to be anything else when It is my turn to vacuum so I guess those feelings are share equaly between men and women.

[lilah]

I freaking hate housework but I do it becuase I hate living in squalor.

My husband is much better at cleaning than I am becuase he is more patient, methodical and detail oriented.

[rbella627]

The study said it's not a cause-and-effect thing, just reflective of the attitudes of a modern couple. Maybe the more traditional couples are more likely to live in a miserable, loveless marriage rather than divorce?

They all do housework when needed but they sure would love to be doing other things!

Yeah, who wouldn't? Who cares if household chores are perceived as "masculine"- they should be considered basic life skills everyone should have. Many men live on their own, they need to be able to take care of themselves...

[lilwriter85]

I freaking hate housework but I do it becuase I hate living in squalor.

My husband is much better at cleaning than I am becuase he is more patient, methodical and detail oriented.

I'm friends with a married couple who is that way. The husband does most of the housework. He also works from home and he says it is common for him to do a chore or two in between work. Lori would probably hate my friends, the wife is also an ebil working woman.

[Helena]

Heh. Here's what my husband had to say about this. (He's religious, I am not. It works). He said, "Look, if you're a Christian and your life is dedicated to service, you PITCH in where service is needed. You don't get to say "that's not my job" and be self-righteous about it. That's not the way it works. "

[GeoBQn]

When my dad moved into his own apartment for the first time at 24, his (male) roommate said, "I am going to teach you everything you need to know about living on your own." Over the course of the next week, my dad learned how to clean the apartment, do laundry, brown ground beef, etc. He and his roommates cleaned every Saturday so that work would never pile up. My dad was the one who did most of the cleaning, my dad was the one who taught me how to do laundry. My husband does the dishes (I will be glad to take over when we move into a place with a decent dishwasher.) When I came home from rehearsal late last night, my husband made me sit down and relax while he prepared dinner.

This is not "woman's work." These are basic life skills that everybody should know. You know who didn't seem very masculine to me? A husband in an episode of Wife Swap I caught where he expected the substitute wife to do all the housework. When she said that she had "four degrees," he responded with "BOO-BEES." Also not masculine? A husband I read about in Quiverfull whose wife tried not doing dishes for several days to see if her husband would do them. She ended up having to do them when they were in the sink so long that they started attracting maggots. Also not masculine? JD and Joseph Duggar when they were staying in the TTH while the rest of the family was in Little Rock to be near Josie. The J'slaves had to periodically go back and clean the house for the boys--including throwing out moldy food.

I don't consider it "manly" or desirable to be completely and voluntarily unable to take care of himself.

[AnywhereButHere]

I definitely clean the house to the best of my ability - it's just that my husband's ability is so much better than mine. He's better at the details. That said, I clean on a regular basis because I have the time for it. If he feels something needs to be done "better" or differently, well then, he knows where the vacuum lives. :D

I enjoy having a clean house but have no more enjoyment in getting it to that state than my husband does. I certainly feel no need to "...learn to enjoy it since it is definitely a feminine role." We both appreciate not stepping in sticky stuff or wading through a storm of dust bunnies, so we both do our best to make sure that happens.

Oh, and my son scrubbed out the toilets and cleaned the baseboards this past weekend. I guess I've just ruined his chances at marriage, as no real woman will want a man who cleans toilets. The horrors! :P

[nelliebelle1197]

I have no words. If that works in their relationship, fine. But why does everything have to be so finite for these people?

[Effie]

If men aren't supposed to do housework, then how come housework makes them happy? Suck on that, Lori: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2 ... -happiest/ or http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... adies.html (not breaking the links cause they just lead you to news-pages...).

[Koala]

I can't imagine being married to one of these lazy bastards. I hate to brag, but my husband is awesome. It would never occur to him to declare that he "doesn't do housework" or "doesn't cook". He does housework because we have a house and he often cooks, because it needs doing. It would also never occur to him to throw a tantrum and get a divorce because he had to scrub the floors. :roll:

[micatite]

Interesting. Following a stint in the Navy, when my dad was in college he wound up rooming with two students from Asia (what two Chinese men were doing studying in North Dakota is a question for another time). Evidently they came from well to do families with servants and so flat out refused to clean up a thing as that was 'women's work'. The place was rapidly degenerating into a sty. So my dad, the former farm boy (who grew up with a stay-at-home mom, but still managed to learn how to keep things tidy) made them a deal. He'd clean if they'd cook (apparently cooking was 'men's work' in the roomies' families...restauranteers, maybe?). Apparently everyone was happy with the plan. The apartment got cleaned, my dad didn't feel his manhood was somehow destroyed in the doing, but he got regular access to tasty Chinese food (which was utterly impossible to find in the 1960s in North Dakota).

As another interesting point. My dad can sew. He didn't know how to, but when I was a kid he decided to learn. Of course he didn't start out with something super simple. Nope. He bought a book, studied it, set to work and poof! He presented me with a new collared school blouse with buttonholes and everything. Have you ever heard of someone learning to sew that way? He also learned how to make French onion soup and make homemaid (5-strand braided) bread the same way. Develop Plan, Read Directional Manual, Create Stuff. Such an engineer.

[runrgrl65]

I take care of the inside, Hubby takes care of the outside because we both like it this way. That being said, Hubby doing dishes/vaccuuming/dusting=foreplay.

[Burris]

I'm probably an outlier here in that I've never expected my husband to do any housework. Lori is mistaken, however, in her apparent belief that all marriages can successfully follow a single and specific pattern for the division of labor. It's also troubling that she never expected much housework from her sons: Cleaning is a basic life-skill.

[docmom]

Clearly I am not a woman. I pay someone to clean my house and I'd love to be able to pay someone to cook for me :D That being said, I do cook every night and DH clears up. We split laundry duty. We have been married for 15 years. It seems to work for us.

[salex]

"As another interesting point. My dad can sew. He didn't know how to, but when I was a kid he decided to learn. Of course he didn't start out with something super simple. Nope. He bought a book, studied it, set to work and poof! He presented me with a new collared school blouse with buttonholes and everything. Have you ever heard of someone learning to sew that way? He also learned how to make French onion soup and make homemaid (5-strand braided) bread the same way. Develop Plan, Read Directional Manual, Create Stuff. Such an engineer.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Men are supposed to do housework. If you live in a house, you do housework. Its part of being a responsible adult.

[yewchapel]

When my dad and his sisters were growing up, my grandma worked days (yes, my good Catholic grandma worked, clearly she was an ebil feminist - she was a union rep too so not far off to Lori though :D ) and my grandad worked evening shifts - so it was my grandad who did the majority of the housework and who cooked for my dad and his sisters. My grandad was an ex-sailor who served in the Navy during the Korean war and then at that time worked at a tractor factory (Massey Ferguson for UK folks). Not exactly effeminate. Not that effeminacy is bad, it's not, but it hardly made my grandad feminine to do housework and cook for his children. He was just doing his part as a good husband and father.

[Anxious Girl]

So basically, do what the husband asks of and/tells you what to do; but he should never listen to you. Wow, that sounds like such a healthy relationship! :roll:

[Lady]

Right now my boyfriend works many more hours than I do, so I do the majority of the housework. This has deteriorated since I've been sick, with him doing everything. As soon as I am better, I plan to take up housework again. Right now, this works for us, but we will have to renegotiate down the road.

[C Potter-Pirbright]

If my significant other decided that we were getting a divorce because he wanted me to do all the housework, we'd have bigger problems, including that moment where I'd wonder how I wound up with him. The rule of living in a home according to my mother is you pull your weight, it might not always be to your strength but it is what you do. Basic respect for yourself and those you live with. But hey my parents have been married almost 45 years so what do I know.

[Koala]

Men are supposed to do housework. If you live in a house, you do housework. Its part of being a responsible adult.

Amen!

It's a shame that Lori didn't teach her boys how to care for themselves. My son is 9. He can:

Sweep and mop

empty, fill, and start the dishwasher

empty the washer, fill the dryer, fold and put away clothes

make his bed

These are skills he will need in the future and to send him off into adulthood without then would be neglecting my role (or roll- nod to the fundies) as a mother.

[Arete]

So, Lori would no doubt consider my grandmother to have been a feminist hussy who both worked outside the home and trained the sons as well as the daughters on how to cook, clean, iron their own damn clothes and shop the markets. Of course she did this by conspiring with Satan to rob my grandfather of his masculinity and making him a complicit, Godless, tool who allowed his sons to be robbed of their proper role in life. How else did she manage to stay married for 40 years in this state of Rebellion without some help from the Dark Side?

The most shameful result of this warping of the God given roles in the family is that my Dad and uncle could even change diapers. :shhh:

[Hisey]

I wonder how Lori's daughters felt as they cooked, cleaned and tidied up while the boys sat around, mowing an occasional lawn.

[Koala]

Oh, and my husband is the only one of us who can sew. He doesn't do much, but when a stuffed animal needs "surgery", he's the one to perform it. And newsflash for Lori: He's miles more masculine that Ken is. He doesn't have to be tricked and coddled to feel like a man either, and a weak, babyish woman would disgust him.