Attended a Maxwell Conference yesterday

[marywrathers]

I am a new user of this forum. I have been interested in the Duggars and the Maxwells recently. I caught a glimpse of the Duggars while Netflix surfing in 2010. I bought a couple of their books, and they've been really helpful. The Duggars referenced The Maxwells. So, I bought a few books by the Maxwells - Managers of their Homes, Managers of their Chores, Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, and Managers of their Schools. I have read all of those books, except for the Schools book (1/5 of the way through?). All of these books have been helpful.

 

Then, I attended, for my first time, a conference of theirs yesterday. There was a lot of helpful information, as well. But, he did make two comments that stuck out as condescending or arrogant or proud. I think pride is not a good thing to have in the Bible. He said, "I bet my daughter knows more about the computer than 90-95% of you in here." At a later discussion he said, "I bet my daughter is healthier than 99% of you in here." I was really mad when he said those things. It was presumptious, arrogant, bold, etc. But, I told myself to get over it (maybe I was being too sensitive), and kept listening.

 

While I did learn a lot of helpful and useful information there, at the same time I felt kind of scared. I feel more confused now than when I went in there (about what I am doing wrong, what I should be doing, what I should not be doing, how to guide my children for the future, whether or not to let them go to church youth groups, should we continue watching movies as a family on Friday night?, TV watching, etc.)

 

I felt like rebelling. I wanted to go and watch a movie at a theater really badly, but I rented one at the Redbox instead. I felt confused. Like, is this okay?

But, I have to remember that Steve Maxwell is not God/Jesus. Is he a certified preacher? I don't know.

 

Well, I bought another book while at the conference - Keeping Our Children's Hearts and an anger poison CD. I didn't know much about the book, but just flipping through the pages - noticing how much sheltering is talked about. Don't do this, don't do that, etc. Now, I am even more afraid to read the book! So, I just don't know what to do.

The conference also made me feel more paranoid about my role. Is it okay to talk to men as an equal? What can I or can I not say? Is it wrong to wear tight jeans? Probably. Can I wear heels?

 

So, while googling the Duggars I came across this site. May I ask, why was this site formed? I didn't know that The Maxwells belong to a cult. Is it called Fundamental Christianity or extremisim? I haven't perused this forum much, but I am sure that might answer most of my questions.

What does make me a little more scared is I have read/seen pictures on the internet about physical abuse in these types of extreme homes. I think I saw a picture of a young male's back with slash marks like from a whip or something. How sad is that! This is terrible!!! So, is this like the LDS families in Utah country or Amish families to where it goes on but it is all that the child knows? This is terribly heartbreaking. It makes me worry about having books written by the Maxwells and the Duggars in my home because I don't want my kids to see these books and then become curious and delve into that world when they are older. However, I highly doubt the Duggars or Maxwells physically abuse their children. The kids seem happy, confident, sincerely and geniunely good/nice kids.

 

And, I know physical abuse can happen even in homes that do not adhere to the fundamental extremist views. Sadly, a lot of that happens in lower income neighborhoods, correct? Or anywhere for that matter.

 

I guess I am getting off topic. So, can someone please shed some light for me. Please tell me why the Maxwells belong to a cult, so I will not feel so terrible about my parenting if, once done reading their next book, I do not follow their suggestions on the extreme sheltering. I am interested in homeschooling my children (they are not of school age, yet), but if I do, I would want to enroll them in a lof of extracurricular activities for the extra socialization that everyone is concerned about.

 

Thank you for your time and help.

[ThatSnark]

Welcome to the forum. There is plenty of information regarding what it's all about in the SOTDRT forum, and you'll find answers there concerning why we're all concerned.

My advice is to parent from your own heart. It takes a great deal of courage to be someone's parent, so decide for yourself what the right thing to do is, and then do it. Your children are not the Duggars or the Maxwell children-- they're your children. You get to decide what's right for your family. There are homeschoolers on here, as well as public schoolers, private schoolers, teachers, and people with no children. All of us have made those choices for ourselves and we're all doing our best to raise thoughtful, productive people. Unless we're not, and that's a choice, too.

If any of their advice rings true to you, then use it. There's no rule that you have to accept everything in order to get the one good thing out of what anyone is saying. Look inside yourself rather than outside-- you have all the answers already.

[desertvixen]

Long story short, Steve Maxwell is creepy and controlling.

[clarinetpower]

The Duggars and the Maxwells work very hard to put out the image that They Have It All Figured Out Because Jesus Loves Them And They Do It Right (And You Don't)™. That doesn't mean it's true.

Before you decide to jump into their pool, do some other reading. Spend some time here, look through the No Longer Qivering website, especially Vyckie Garrison's story (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerqu ... arrison-2/), and check out RazingRuth.blogspot.com or her posts on nolongerquivering (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerqu ... azingruth/). Read some stories of people who have left the lifestyle, and delve into why, and go back and read the whole story.

Then ask yourself: does Jesus REALLY forgive me? If so, do you think he would have a big problem with a movie from Redbox?

[samurai_sarah]

(snip)However, I highly doubt the Duggars or Maxwells physically abuse their children. The kids seem happy, confident, sincerely and geniunely good/nice kids.

And, I know physical abuse can happen even in homes that do not adhere to the fundamental extremist views. Sadly, a lot of that happens in lower income neighborhoods, correct? Or anywhere for that matter. (snip)

You don't need to whip someone to terrorize them. Personally, I think that the Maxwells' idea that the world is so depraved and perverted, and that they need to shelter their kids to the extreme, is a form of psychological terrorizing. If you're raised to believe that the world is bad, then no matter how terrible your home might be, it will still look better than the outside. And in my opinion that leaves you with no escape other than to grit your teeth and keep on smiling. (Edit: Plus the idea of hell. To me that is psychologically terrorizing someone. You can't leave, because you're going to go to hell. If you truly believe that's a terrible thing to have hanging over your head.)

Physical abuse happens everywhere, not only in low-income neighbourhoods. The Duggars have definitely used techniques from the Pearls' book "To Train Up a Child", which does recommend physical abuse. Their methods have contributed to the deaths of several children. Are they really such good/nice kids, or are they secretly terrified?

eta: The Maxwells seem to be very controlling of food, and portion size. In my books that counts as physical abuse.

[ladyamylynn]

*cough* troll *cough*

[sunshine]

Awww, sweety you need a hug and a cleanse. I have never attended their conferences, but appears they are selling a lifestyle that is not meant for everyone. If you are creating a Christian lifestyle for yourself, the Bible is sufficient. I'm sure the maxwells and duggars offer a few ideas that can improve you, but take it as a grain of salt. Too many people hold them as a god and try to live up to their ideal of living. Believe me, they can't maintain their own ideal of living, so take what he said with a very small grain of salt and seek God and bible for what is best for you.

[Burris]

While I did learn a lot of helpful and useful information there, at the same time I felt kind of scared. I feel more confused now than when I went in there (about what I am doing wrong, what I should be doing, what I should not be doing, how to guide my children for the future, whether or not to let them go to church youth groups, should we continue watching movies as a family on Friday night?, TV watching, etc.)

Well, what has born the best fruit for your family? Use your own conscience instead of concerning yourself with whether you fit the unyielding framework the Maxwells have built for their family.

I felt like rebelling. I wanted to go and watch a movie at a theater really badly, but I rented one at the Redbox instead. I felt confused. Like, is this okay? But, I have to remember that Steve Maxwell is not God/Jesus. Is he a certified preacher? I don't know.

Please, please tell me you're young, and not an older woman worried about "rebelling" against the edicts of an arrogant man whom she's never actually met.

The conference also made me feel more paranoid about my role. Is it okay to talk to men as an equal? What can I or can I not say? Is it wrong to wear tight jeans? Probably. Can I wear heels?

Assuming this is a serious request for information - and that's a really big 'if' - why would you care? Read the Bible for yourself, and remember the Teacher's warning in Ecclesiastes that all things are best done in moderation.

May I ask, why was this site formed?

As another poster mentioned, there are answers in the forum. For my own part, I'd direct you here.

Is it called Fundamental Christianity or extremisim?

Rhetorical question: Don't the Maxwells strike you as being a little...extreme?

It makes me worry about having books written by the Maxwells and the Duggars in my home because I don't want my kids to see these books and then become curious and delve into that world when they are older.

The thing is...I'm sorry; I just...okay:

Here's the thing: I'm not a parent, but I'm willing to put down money that most of the posters on here who are parents would tell you the job doesn't come with a single set of instructions that, if followed, will invariably result in kids with good characters.

It's better simply to model good character for them, since they see what you do more than they hear what you say. And I think if you're open to questions and let them know you're safe to ask, then they'll bring you any material they might find disturbing and request information about it.

However, I highly doubt the Duggars or Maxwells physically abuse their children. The kids seem happy, confident, sincerely and geniunely good/nice kids.

The Maxwells likely strike their children with a rod. That may be an effective way to produce obedience, but it doesn't produce anything like critical thinking skills. Better to teach children both skillsets without violence than to teach the former without balancing it against the latter.

Bad things happen when people are taught to obey without thought.

[marywrathers]

Thank you for the links. I will definitely check them out.

To the last poster, that is exactly what I was thinking, too (focusing on the Bible instead of the Maxwells' books or Duggars' books).

I forgot to add in this last question - By sheltering their family and putting down those who do not ascribe to their ways, aren't they judging? Doesn't the Bible say not to judge others. Also, doesn't the Bible mention going out in twos to help others? I felt like an outsider at the conference because I was wearing a bright pink jacket (I think the brightest color in the room) and tight jeans with running shoes. When it was time for a restroom break I could choose the restroom on the end of the hallway where most of the women were (the women's calss) or the one on the men's end of the hallway. I chose the men's end because I don't like to wait in line. But, I felt really odd there when all the men were released from their class for the restroom break and there I was in tight jeans walking down the hall. I felt like I was "defrauding" or doing a bad thing to the other women who wore skirts (that hid a woman's buttock lines). So, my question is - doe the Maxwells care about the notion or perception that they appear above a lot of people and not wanting to help others - habitat for humanity, charity work, etc. It seems like they are just sticking with their own kind. I could be wrong. And the families at the conference - they seemed pretty much to themselves, with a couple of exceptions. How can one reach out to help others like Jesus did in the Bible, if one chooses not to reach out to those unlike himself/herself?

It seems like they are anti America and more like the people in Iraq. Because there the women are more submissive than the women in America (more rights for women in America). I just don't understand.

[marywrathers]

*cough* troll *cough*

sorry, no troll here

just a person with questions

if you want to help me out then please chime in

thank you

[Dysfundamental]

Steve Maxwell has no formal training in theology or divinity, and has not been ordained by any denomination as a minister or preacher. He is just talking out of his ass.

If you feel that you lack the knowledge or discernment or motivation to set your own spiritual path, let me suggest going to a church led by an ordained minister with training in theology and divinity, and with a transparent, participatory system of governance. Churches affiliated with the United Church of Christ tend to be sound and welcoming to people raised in different religious traditions.

[tabitha2]

the maxwells are the extreme of Christian fundamentalist-the fringe of the fringe you can say. they literally do not believe in fun-no outside friends, no sports, no newspapers. most regular fundies go on mission trips if they can afford it, vote, go to outside church, etc.

[Marian the Librarian]

I think Steve Maxwell is mentally ill. As in, certifiably. His family are being held emotionally and spiritually hostage.

[marywrathers]

I guess you could say I am young. My mom resides in a nursing home. My father is not really in my life much (mom and dad divorced when I was younger). So, I am married and have young children. I'm trying to figure out the best ways to raise my family. I'm searching, reading, researching, finding, looking, learning, etc. But, I feel like I kind of entered a trap recently with the whole Maxwell stuff. I feel caught up in it all. I feel like I'm trying to copy the Duggars and Maxwells (some aspects).

I spoke to my neighbor about it today (about the conference and parenting and trying to find my way, etc.). He spoke a lot about confidence. He listens to classic rock and roll (what I grew up on). His children are not isolated (they go to public school and are all karate champs). They are friendly and happy people, and they are really strict or cut off from society like the Maxwells. So, there is hope!

I need to do what one poster said on here - follow my heart, and what another poster said on here - turn to the Bible.

It's bathtime for the kiddos, so I don't know when I will be back on here, but thank you to everyone for your input and help. It is appreciated!

[Bethella]

Marywrathers in your first post on this thread you stated

I am a new user of this forum. I have been interested in the Duggars and the Maxwells recently.

Yet you've been a member of this forum since August 7, 2012, seven months. :liar: If you are really interested in why the members of this forum dislike the Duggars and Maxwells I suggest you do some reading instead of stirring up trouble. Right now you appear to be a troll.

[samurai_sarah]

Marywrathers in your first post on this thread you stated Yet you've been a member of this forum since August 7, 2012, seven months. :liar: If you are really interested in why the members of this forum dislike the Duggars and Maxwells I suggest you do some reading instead of stirring up trouble. Right now you appear to be a troll.

:shock: Steve, is that you then?

[Burris]

To the last poster, that is exactly what I was thinking, too (focusing on the Bible instead of the Maxwells' books or Duggars' books).

I am about 97% certain you're trolling us, but I'll answer anyway: Why, precisely, are you worried about this? Some people find useful information among the Maxwells and the Duggars, but for my own part I think their methods produce people ill-equipped to deal with any decision that requires reason or an ethical response.

Do you want kids with good characters because they choose to have good characters, or do you want automatons with "good characters" who act this way only because they have never seen any alternative?

I forgot to add in this last question - By sheltering their family and putting down those who do not ascribe to their ways, aren't they judging? Doesn't the Bible say not to judge others.

It warns that people will be judged by whatever measure they apply to others. The Maxwells have a very particular standard - one by which I'd fear to judge and be judged.

I felt like I was "defrauding" or doing a bad thing to the other women who wore skirts (that hid a woman's buttock lines). So, my question is - doe the Maxwells care about the notion or perception that they appear above a lot of people and not wanting to help others - habitat for humanity, charity work, etc.

Not very subtle, but the bait you offer sure is juicy all the same.

To answer your question, the Maxwells seem to be the sort of people who believe charity begins at home - and stays there.

It seems like they are anti America and more like the people in Iraq. Because there the women are more submissive than the women in America (more rights for women in America). I just don't understand.

Now I'm 99% certain... :D

[marywrathers]

Okay, I'm still on here - hubby is giving kiddos a bath. no, this is not Steve. wow.

and yes, I signed up in 2012, but I haven't been back here in a while. This thread is my second post. sorry, to disappoint anyone.

[marywrathers]

I just told hubby that some of you think I am a troll and that I am Steve. He asked, "What is a troll?" I said, someone who goes on websites and spams and starts trouble.

Wow. I am going to take a bow and leave the forum. I thank you to all who responded helpfully. I really appreciate your input. I'm thinking about just donating the Maxwell and Duggars books that I bought because I don't want those books in my house if they are referencing Ted Tripp and the Pearls and people like that. And, the extreme isolationism is kind of scary. But, at the same time, they contain helpful info. So, I'm still a little confused, but I guess it'll all work itself out.

So, thank you all again.

[samurai_sarah]

I just told hubby that some of you think I am a troll and that I am Steve. He asked, "What is a troll?" I said, someone who goes on websites and spams and starts trouble.

Wow. I am going to take a bow and leave the forum. I thank you to all who responded helpfully. I really appreciate your input. I'm thinking about just donating the Maxwell and Duggars books that I bought because I don't want those books in my house if they are referencing Ted Tripp and the Pearls and people like that. And, the extreme isolationism is kind of scary. But, at the same time, they contain helpful info. So, I'm still a little confused, but I guess it'll all work itself out.

So, thank you all again.

Look, we've had an awful lot of fundie trolls here, so naturally, we're a bit suspicious. That doesn't mean you should leave. On the contrary, if you're serious, stick around.

[kpmom]

Wow. First post at 9:30 p.m. and last post at 10:47p.m. Is that a flouncing record?

ETA: although she's still showing as online. Mary, a good flounce includes logging off the forum.

[johnhugh]

Next time Stevie logs on here's and reads this, he is going to get even more paranoid :lol: Poor old Joe will have to give him an extra long back rub.

So tell us more about the conference, how did the Maxwell 'children' seem, any funny moments?

[Boogalou]

Is it okay to talk to men as an equal?

Yes.

[DarkAnts]

I think its good that you are questioning the extreme nature of the Maxwells and Duggars. Moderation is a good thing. It keeps us all in check. Marten Luther once said that a hangover is a good way to humble a man. You may be experiencing a kind of hangover from trying the extreme christian fundamental movement. You are trying to be a good mom. That is commendable, and I understand why you would do it after experiencing divorce as a child. You should focus on finding out what is right for your family. Dont try to fit your family into a lifestyle that is not right for them or for you. The Duggars in particular try to convince everyone that they are happy 100% of the time. Its part of their brand, but its not realistic. Everyone gets grumpy, and, people dont always get along. The important thing is to handle these situation in a productive manner.

About the troll comment, there have been many trolls here lately. Its frustrating to people who read and post here. We have also had some other drama lately so everyone is hyper sensitive right now.

[feministxtian]

Is it okay to talk to men as an equal?

Only if he IS your equal...one Y chromosome does not a better make.