A daughter’s coming out, a father’s faith shaken

[Lady]

Bobby Johnson’s daughter Kelby came out of the closet at age 14. The reaction from their church, he says, was immediate. “The pastor’s response was, ‘you can come here but you can no longer teach, you can no longer hold any position of authority or power within the church because that’s a part of our bylaws,†says Johnson, adding, “since that day … we have not been back.â€

It was a defining moment for a man raised in a deeply religious household, and was the beginning of a journey of introspection of his faith.

“As I began to see the hate, the anger, the intolerance that came out in the community with Kelby, that really made me reflect on what I was taught,†he said.

“One of the things that is always driven into your head growing up in Christianity is that God, being the personification of love, there is no greater love than God. So now as a parent, I look at my child and I think of my unconditional love for my child … I could never sentence my child to an eternity to what Christianity calls Hell,†said Johnson, adding, “I no longer believe in the concept of Hell as it’s taught in modern Christianity.â€

Johnson and his wife Londa were not just congregation members of their Baptist church but also helped found it. “The church actually started at the local high school … then after we raised enough money to build the building, between the time we were meeting in the high school and the time the new building was ready, Londa and I actually took over the youth group and ran that out of our house. So on Sunday evenings all the youth would gather at our house.â€

The treatment from their church was compounded by the reaction to Kelby from their small Oklahoma town, as a whole.

“The gay lifestyle in this area in the country … it’s so frowned upon, and so shunned, and so disliked,†said Johnson, adding, “It’s not an exaggeration to say we lost all of our friends, I mean it’s literal – we have no friends left in the community.â€

Kelby says she also faced bullying so relentless at her high school, her father began to fear for her safety. “My dad actually made the decision of ‘something needs to be done. I can’t let you go into that school knowing whether or not you’re going to come home.’ So my junior year we actually decided to take me out of school and I went and got my GED.â€

While Kelby anticipated some animosity from the rest of her community, she thought their church would be their sanctuary. “This is where you’re supposed to be accepted. You’re supposed to be loved. This is supposed to be a haven for people to come and that wasn’t the case. And that shocked me,†she said. “Because of all that has happened to me, I am now atheist.â€

For her father, watching Kelby struggle with her spirituality has been difficult but because of the lesson he was taught, he gives his children room to find their own path.

“You got to be open to questioning what it is you believe. You know you’re taught one thing growing up, but when you begin to see evidence that leads you down a different path to me you are going against everything that means to be a human being to not question that,†said Bobby.

“I think Western Christianity has really chosen to be selective about what they believe and don’t believe in regards to what the Bible says and what they are going to enforce,†he said. “You can walk into any church around here and how many … sitting in that church are divorced? They all know what the Bible says about divorce, but that’s OK. Gambling, alcohol, sexual addiction, those are all lines that are OK for us to cross. We’re going to draw that line on homosexuality.â€

Bobby continues to look for a new church that better fits his much different outlook on religion but so far has been unsuccessful. While his faith in humanity is shaken, his faith in God remains.

“I will never doubt my belief in a creator,†he said. “My understanding of that God has changed completely, however, because of this situation.â€

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2013/02/26/a ... =obnetwork

We read so much about those who choose religion and their own flawed idea of God over their children and their families. It is beautiful to see an example of someone brave enough to ask questions of his church and faith and loyal enough to stand by their child.

[duplessis3]

Oh i wish i could reach out to him and t hat he w as in Tulsa...the Church of the Larger Felloship (UU virtual church ) might be rtf he ticket...

[ILoveJellybeans]

:clap: :clap: :clap:

What a great dad.

I have never understood why some parents would kick their child out of the house for being gay and choose their religion over their child.

Its great to see Christians acting in the way Jesus would have wanted

[NoneandDoneinCali]

I want to give the whole family a hug. What a great dad - I hate to say this, but maybe they (especially Kelby) need to move away from this town. It sounds like something from a Lifetime movie (minus the tearjerking part where everyone learns a valuable lesson).

[Full enough quiver]

This guy is a true Christian! The fundies need to take a page out of his book. This is how you love your child unconditionally, sacrificing yourself for what's best for them. I wish every gay person had parent like this. I have a nephew who just came out, and the shitstorm from the family has been epic. I hope his parents come around. Meanwhile, he knows he's always welcome in my home. I loved him before he came out, and my love hasn't changed. I truly don't get why everyone else's has. He's the same boy who loves animals, pickles, the movie grease (and his auntie) that he was before. Makes me ragey!!!!

[sugarloaf]

I hope this girl finds some peace and that the whole family find a community where they feel accepted for who they are. It's just awful that stuff like this happens in the 21st century- that it ever happened, but I'd hope we were a little more enlightened now.

[LostSamurai]

Now THIS is what Christianity is; a parent accepting their daughter, no matter who she is.

I wish I lived in Oklahoma because otherwise I'd befriend this family and their daughter.

[Lady]

I'd like to invite the family to my church, unfortunately the commute would be a bit too far.

[Lady]

I have never understood why some parents would kick their child out of the house for being gay and choose their religion over their child.

I've always argued it would be similar to kicking out your daughter because she's over weight and you choose to uphold the cultural standards about appearance. No one would hesitate about calling out such a parent but if the child is gay suddenly things get ethically murky.

[indygirl76]

:clap: :clap: :clap:

What a great dad.

I have never understood why some parents would kick their child out of the house for being gay and choose their religion over their child.

Its great to see Christians acting in the way Jesus would have wanted

QFT, on all points.

[latraviata]

A great Dad? A good christian? Jesus would have done that? Really? He is doing what he is supposed to do, love his daughter without reservations, he deserves a medal for that or the christian of the year award? What al load of nonsense.

[grovelina]

I want all gay people to have the support of thier families. I wish they also had the support of the community, but the family is a good start.

[freesarah88]

A great Dad? A good christian? Jesus would have done that? Really? He is doing what he is supposed to do, love his daughter without reservations, he deserves a medal for that or the christian of the year award? What al load of nonsense.

When no one does the bare minimum, the bare minimum begins to look more impressive.

[FJismyheadship]

this is on cnn right now

[Mama Mia]

When no one does the bare minimum, the bare minimum begins to look more impressive.

That's not the "bare minimum", the bare minimum is when you make sure to pick up cereal at the store and get your kid to school reasonably on time.

This Dad stood up for his daughter and did the right thing. He was vocal about it. He made changes that negatively impacted his personal and social relationships - in order to protect his daughter and advocate for her. That does make him a good Christian and a good dad.

It's easy to love someone without reservation when nothing comes up to challenge that. It would even be relatively easy for him to continue to love her without reservation, showing her support, but to have kept going to the same church - and minimized the impact on him personally. He went the extra step of loving his daughter, taking care of her and calling out the people and institutions that were making her life difficult, and did it in an environment where that would be very difficult.

It's easy to sit at a computer screen and say "no big deal, everyone should do that" - I would imagine it's a little bit harder to actually go against what your entire social setting says is right and make an unpopular stand.

Why shouldn't people say he's doing a great job- when he clearly is ?

[latraviata]

When no one does the bare minimum, the bare minimum begins to look more impressive.

Well I suppose you have a point, after all this happened in the USA, apparantly little things please little minds. I do not mean that in a bad way, but this is really is news???

[latraviata]

That's not the "bare minimum", the bare minimum is when you make sure to pick up cereal at the store and get your kid to school reasonably on time.

This Dad stood up for his daughter and did the right thing. He was vocal about it. He made changes that negatively impacted his personal and social relationships - in order to protect his daughter and advocate for her. That does make him a good Christian and a good dad.

It's easy to love someone without reservation when nothing comes up to challenge that. It would even be relatively easy for him to continue to love her without reservation, showing her support, but to have kept going to the same church - and minimized the impact on him personally. He went the extra step of loving his daughter, taking care of her and calling out the people and institutions that were making her life difficult, and did it in an environment where that would be very difficult.

It's easy to sit at a computer screen and say "no big deal, everyone should do that" - I would imagine it's a little bit harder to actually go against what your entire social setting says is right and make an unpopular stand.

Why shouldn't people say he's doing a great job- when he clearly is ?

I am afraid I am too European for this.

[Mama Mia]

I am afraid I am too European for this.

That's just silly. It doesn't matter what the exact issue is. It could have been anything where the parent felt compelled to make a drastic, public change that went against popular opinion in order to support their child.

I'm sure in any community there is something that could conceivably fall under that heading. In my own particular community it would have been very easy for that family to have simply switched churches and found an accepting one, and I can't imagine that all of their neighbors would stop being their friends. So in my community, it would have been "easy" for this dad to do this, he would have alienated his long-standing social support system, but it would be pretty simple to find another one. It's the making a stand on behalf of his child despite the difficulty to himself, and doing it publically, that shows he is a good parent imho.

Is it "news" like a war, or shooting, no. It's a human interest story - not a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Well I suppose you have a point, after all this happened in the USA, apparantly little things please little minds. I do not mean that in a bad way, but this is really is news???

Sorry we're not enlightened enough for you. :roll:

[AVENues]

I always wonder... how come the most bigoted d-bags always bring up Jesus as an example to back up their hate and intolerance. Jesus. Why Jesus? He only got p*ssed once or twice, and by greed and temptation of the biblical Satan. The biblical God however is a complete jerk and a douchebag. According to Dr. Thomas Sheridan, a textbook example of a psychopath. And I agree. He's a narcissistic, misogynistic megalomaniac. Why don't they bring up God? Jesus did nothing, he sat around with the outcast of society, educated people, led a simple, quiet life and never humiliated anyone for being poor or a woman looked down by others. Hm.... nevermind. Just contemplating.

[latraviata]

That's just silly. It doesn't matter what the exact issue is. It could have been anything where the parent felt compelled to make a drastic, public change that went against popular opinion in order to support their child.

I'm sure in any community there is something that could conceivably fall under that heading. In my own particular community it would have been very easy for that family to have simply switched churches and found an accepting one, and I can't imagine that all of their neighbors would stop being their friends. So in my community, it would have been "easy" for this dad to do this, he would have alienated his long-standing social support system, but it would be pretty simple to find another one. It's the making a stand on behalf of his child despite the difficulty to himself, and doing it publically, that shows he is a good parent imho.

Is it "news" like a war, or shooting, no. It's a human interest story - not a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Why do it publically? He did what he is supposed to do, love and accept his daughter, it is hardly news.

This is just so very far away from me, I really believe it is a cultural difference.

[latraviata]

Sorry we're not enlightened enough for you. :roll:

That's allright I love you anyway.

[Mama Mia]

Why do it publically? He did what he is supposed to do, love and accept his daughter, it is hardly news.

This is just so very far away from me, I really believe it is a cultural difference.

Seriously ? No one in your country ever protests anything publically? I find that hard to believe. The POINT of the public protest would be the point of any other public protest - to share your views and help people see where there are problems in a particular belief system.

[CelticGoddess]

A great Dad? A good christian? Jesus would have done that? Really? He is doing what he is supposed to do, love his daughter without reservations, he deserves a medal for that or the christian of the year award? What al load of nonsense.

Unfortunately, I have seen all too often what happens when a person comes out to their parents, and the parents have a religious mindset. Major reason I am still in the closet, at 43. I have friends who have been disowned and have had to move out of state to get away from the hatred. I worked with a bitch who was proud of how she ostracized her brother, when he came out. (She also ostracized her Greek Orthodox family, because they aren't "Christian" so that should give you an idea of what kind of person she is) Her parents disowned him.

When you live in the bible (or babble) belt, this is an all too uncommon occurrence. I understand where you are coming from, but you have to understand, some of us just don't see it often. You are right, he is doing what is supposed to do. Just some parents don't.

[Full enough quiver]

What this dad did is what any decent parent would do. However, we are talking about a "Christian" father. Can you picture Doug Phillips (is a tool) or the PP doing that for one of their blessings? I don't think so.