Purity: Never Too Young For Protection

[indygirl76]

Is "intentional" a new fundie buzzword?

Yes. I think "intentional" is the new "purposeful."

[DistantStar]

Ewwwwww. The whole "purity" thing really leaves me wondering how the fundies can take something great (a good father/daughter relationship) and turn it totally creepy. I'm so glad I have no creepyweird memories of my dad being obsessed with the state of my genitals. I never had the chance to talk to him about any relationships as I hadn't had one before he died, but I have a pretty good idea of the sorts of things he'd have said. Things about how I am treated and if I am being respected as a human being, not about the specifics of any sexual activities beyond don't do anything stupid - I suspect he'd have chickened on that front and sent me to Mom, who would have made sure I was set up with anything I needed, though as it turned out I didn't need until I was out on my own.

This stuff particularly angers me because I lost my dad when I was 17. Twenty years ago this May. And we were buddies. I will miss him to the day I die. And these fundie dads with their weird obsessions are taking something incredibly valuable and twisting it into this weird control-freak realm which is lightyears past unhealthy. What a waste. :(

[AtroposHeart]

Fundies are so damn creepy.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

My Dad was pretty distant growing up (though in healthy relationship with my mother and my siblings - needless to say, I was the rebellious black sheep), and I wish we had been closer. We have a great relationship now, but I honestly think I would have avoided quite a bit of heartache in my adolescence and twenties (he was pushed further away by my behavior, I craved male acceptance and acted out, lather rinse repeat). With that being said, I would take my absent relationship with my father over a creepfest obsession with my "purity." I know it's not a black and white situation (not in the way I've laid it out, anyways), but the THOUGHT of my dad addressing my "womanhood" in front of a crowd skeeves me out, big time.My Dad and I were able to overcome our early issues pretty easily, once we were both ready. A father giving his daughter (basically) a wedding ring? W. tF!! How do you work past that? How is that not emotional incest?

[FJismyheadship]

If any grown man wanted to date my daughter or write her love letters before she turns 18 I would be calling the cops. *Shudder*

[Minerva]

I just told Mr. Minerva that if we have kids, we won't be throwing a party for our daughter's hymen. He gave me a weird look.

My Dad was pretty distant growing up (though in healthy relationship with my mother and my siblings - needless to say, I was the rebellious black sheep), and I wish we had been closer. We have a great relationship now, but I honestly think I would have avoided quite a bit of heartache in my adolescence and twenties (he was pushed further away by my behavior, I craved male acceptance and acted out, lather rinse repeat). With that being said, I would take my absent relationship with my father over a creepfest obsession with my "purity." I know it's not a black and white situation (not in the way I've laid it out, anyways), but the THOUGHT of my dad addressing my "womanhood" in front of a crowd skeeves me out, big time.My Dad and I were able to overcome our early issues pretty easily, once we were both ready. A father giving his daughter (basically) a wedding ring? W. tF!! How do you work past that? How is that not emotional incest?

Sometimes I get the feeling that emotional incest is pretty normal in the fundisphere.

[CruitLvr]

Skip the purity ball, go attend some sporting event or show or just enjoy each other's company on some project or whatever just like you do with sons!!

This x 100. Seriously, I can't imagine having my dad talk to me about anything sexually related whatsoever. I wasn't particularly close to my dad growing up, but he took me fishing, watched TV with me, and attended my music recitals. You know, normal stuff.

[Mela99]

I can't remember who said it, but I think this purity crap so young sexualizes little girls faster than any other. It's a huge problem if you see a baby girl wearing pajama pants and think something sexual can be construed. And no six year old girl needs to start thinking about "purity". They're innocent at this age.

[SpeakNow]

So what happens if the father dies? Does the eldest son take over the role of "guarding the heart/purity" of his sisters?

[DistantStar]

That's even worse!

I'm thinking in fundiedom probably a pastor or uncle would take over before an older son. Oh bleah. Pass the brain bleach!

[gardenvarietycitizen]

So what happens if the father dies? Does the eldest son take over the role of "guarding the heart/purity" of his sisters?

Even with the father still quite alive and healthy, it's creepy how so many of the fundie family blogs show older daughters needing to be deferential to their little brothers because, well, they're BOYS!! Can't hurt their little "adventurous" :roll: boy egos, and those boys are of course supposed to be "protecting" their older sisters.

Seems to happen at puberty (for the boy) maybe? Anyway, just seems creepy to me.

[Full enough quiver]

I don't think the "love letters from daddy" part is creepy. Every valentines day my husband writes a "love letter" to our girls. The letters just say how much he loves them, maybe lists some accomplishments he's proud of, things like that. Nothing creepy or sexual. I think it's sweet. However, other than privately asking me to have a chat with our oldest when she wanted to "go out" with a boy, he has yet to mention their purity.

[Minerva]

I don't think the "love letters from daddy" part is creepy. Every valentines day my husband writes a "love letter" to our girls. The letters just say how much he loves them, maybe lists some accomplishments he's proud of, things like that. Nothing creepy or sexual. I think it's sweet. However, other than privately asking me to have a chat with our oldest when she wanted to "go out" with a boy, he has yet to mention their purity.

Yes, healthy father-daugther affection is a far cry from what fundies do. My dad used to buy me flowers on special occasions, yet my purity was never mentioned. When I was told enough for it to be an issue (i.e. not when I was six) he told me where the condoms were kept should I ever need some. That is the extent to which a father should be involved in his daughter's sex life - to make sure she stays safe. Obsessing about her vagina to the point of telling her what she can do with it or throwing it a fucking party goes well beyond that.

Now that I think of it, it was pretty brave of my dad to tell me I could help myself to condoms. My mom would have killed him if she found out.

[sugarloaf]

I think they just don't fully appreciate the different kinds of love out there- not going into relationships for love, the way that their kind of religion can warp the word "love" to mean almost nothing (love the sinner hate the sin- where love seems to mean condescension or perhaps pity, and sometimes even happiness knowing that the sinner is going to burn someday). Maybe this kind of mish-mash goes further and they don't see the boundaries between the kind of love you express for a child and the kind of love that you express for a significant other? I'm not articulating myself clearly, I suppose. I'm thinking of the fact that other languages have so many different words for "love", and imagining a bad translator just translating them as the same concept, and the mess that would arise from that.

It's like they speak a different language.