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Firstborns are at risk for damaging marriages


lilwriter85

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Lori's posting from today.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-curse-of-being-first-born.html

I nearly destroyed my marriage because I was so controlling. The bottom line of being controlling is selfishness, wanting my own way. I have learned to battle this curse, ie. sin. I don't want to be controlling. Other people don't like being controlled. I know I sure wouldn't want to be controlled by someone else.

Now there are some positives about being the first born. They are usually born leaders and have strong personalities. They can be trained for good things...good leaders and teachers. All personality types have positive and negative qualities.

So to all you firstborns out there who are controlling, recognize it and repent of it! It destroys marriages and relationships. Let people be who they are and do what they want to do. Life is much more pleasant and peaceful this way. Others will even want to have you around. Hopefully, Emma, a first born, will not follow in her grandmother's footsteps!

I hope little Emma grows up and leaves the fundie lifestyle and rejects all of her grandma's beliefs.

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This is from a woman who says women should submit to their husbands, and praises force-feeding a crying toddler. She is the last person who would let someone be who they are and do what they want to do. :roll:

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Being a first-born,I dont see these "controling"tendencies in myself,or in my marriage.I know birth-order does have some affects on peoples personalities,but Lori takes this a bit far,IMO.Being a first-born doesnt have crap to do with why Im not a submissive wife.A controling personality doesnt have anything to do with it either.Whatever my birth-order,I dont buy into that fundie crap.She can call it what she wants...It doesnt make it so!

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I am a first born and yea I can be a little controlling at times. Yes I am very independent and no I will never be a submissive wife. I can be stubborn and have a strong will. Id like evidence this will destroy my future marriage because my boyfriend told me he finds my personality admirable cause I don't take shit from others. Of course I am sure Lori and Ken would say he isn't a real man.

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Has Lori never heard that there are two types of firstborns? There's the controlling/leader type she mentioned, but there's also the compliant firstborn. These are the people pleasers, who feel the need to do everything right and make everyone happy.

Oh, and people don't want to be around me because I have a tendency to... well, I don't think I'm controlling, but I'm definitely not compliant either. Probably more like strong willed. Anyway, the point is, if no one can stand to be around me, how come I have so many friends? *scratches head*

The logic, it is lacking.

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I really hate the whole birth order crap. I'm the baby and I fit every characteristic of being the first-born, while my brother is more like the baby of the family. Blaming your shitty marriage on being first-born is stupid. Perhaps it's the whole patriarchy that's causing problems, hmm?

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As it happens...

In my ESL class we have been reading and analyzing an article about various myths attached to birth order. The result is that my 14- and 15-year-old newcomers, some of whom are quite limited in their productive English skills, could readily tell Lori that assumptions about firstborns being controlling are part of our folk wisdom (a vocabulary term they will be quizzed on tomorrow) and are essentially bunk. They could point out to Lori that several other factors do influence personality traits (more vocabulary they're responsible for knowing), including family size and spacing births. They could back their assertions by citing several studies from both the United States and Europe.

Public School Immigrants = 1

SOTDRT Christians = 0

:banana-linedance: :banana-linedance: :banana-linedance:

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Has Lori never heard that there are two types of firstborns? There's the controlling/leader type she mentioned, but there's also the compliant firstborn. These are the people pleasers, who feel the need to do everything right and make everyone happy.

Oh, and people don't want to be around me because I have a tendency to... well, I don't think I'm controlling, but I'm definitely not compliant either. Probably more like strong willed. Anyway, the point is, if no one can stand to be around me, how come I have so many friends? *scratches head*

The logic, it is lacking.

Yeah, I am the compliant first born for sure. My sister, the baby? Controlling type A lol

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I'm a firstborn, married to a firstborn. We will be married twenty years in September, '13. We're happy. I am strong willed and like getting my way. So's my husband. We learned a long time ago that the only way to live peacefully is to communicate and to work together. He says he married me because I WASN'T compliant to his every whim.

Marriage is a roll of the dice no matter what either party's birth order is. Successful marriages are built by couples who take the long view, and give both parties a say in the relationship.

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I'm a first born. I'm a compliant first born. Brother Claddagh is the semi-controling/leader type.

Lori really needs to realize that a controlling attitude is not linked to birth order. Some people are natural leaders.

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I'm a first born married to a first born, and for the longest time we only had a first born child. We are fucked. :twisted:

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I really hate the whole birth order crap. I'm the baby and I fit every characteristic of being the first-born, while my brother is more like the baby of the family. Blaming your shitty marriage on being first-born is stupid. Perhaps it's the whole patriarchy that's causing problems, hmm?

I'll have to agree here. I know somebody who considers one reason that her marriage has fallen apart (and she's stayed in it for so long as it was falling apart) on the fact that she was too compliant. (yes she is getting out now.)

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Crazy comment from one of Lori's fangirls

Alyssa · 11 hours ago

My husband and I are also both firstborns (and my name is Alyssa ;) We have a 7 month old son and I had never even thought about purposefully training the typical oldest-child tendencies out of him. Thank you for pointing that out!

Lori Alexander · 9 hours ago

I hindsight I should have addressed that issue in the post! Maybe I will have to write another post about that...

I think the fangirl is a bit crazy. Her son is still a baby and she has no idea what his tendencies will be. Not all first borns are controlling.

Bonus: Link to the fangirl's blog

thetexaswalkers.blogspot.com/

thetexaswalkers.blogspot.com/p/why-you-shouldnt-read-this-blog.html (She borrowed the below passage from another blogger.)

Don't read this blog

If you haven't spent time reading your Bible today.

Don't read this blog

If you haven't yet today humbled yourself in prayer to your Heavenly Father.

Don't read this blog

If you haven't sung songs of praise to your Creator.

Don't read this blog

If you haven't met your husband's needs--whatever they are.

Don't read this blog

If you haven't read to your children today.

Don't read this blog

If you have no dinner plans and the floor needs to be vacuumed.

Don't read this blog

If you have church family that needs ministering to.

Don't read this blog

If there are strained sibling relationships that need your undivided attention.

Don't read this blog

If you are struggling with submission to your husband.

Don't read this blog

If you aren't investing in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

Don't read this blog

If your little ones are awake.

Heavenly Father, we are weak. Help us to keep our eyes on You and our priorities straight.

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I am a last born married to a last born -I am stronger wille dby him by far. I was also very shy as a child I became a force once i married and got out of th efamily BS. DH is a procrastinator and opinionated as can be-makes me nuts when he blabs on about soething he really has no experience in.

My Brother is a first born married to a first born I would not say he was compliant just a freaking braniac. He does not care about pleasing people but about doing a good job and he will say whatever he needs to sayand many in his line of work are shocked at what he says to his superiors but he is right and they all bow to that and if they dont know it they realize it fast! His wife is veyr sweet but she will bed over backward for her mother which drives DB batty!

Birth order is such a generalized bunch of mumbo jumbo!

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So, I'm a head-strong, stubborn first-born. My husband knew that about me before we married. I'd say so far, we have a pretty good marriage. There is nothing wrong with having a strong character. My parents didn't beat it out of me. They showed me how to control it, and how to use it properly. I am super thankful for that. Just because you have a strong will doesn't mean that's a terrible thing. My husband loves that I know how to use my brain and think things through for myself - and that I don't take shit from others for not good reason.

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I find it interesting how most fundies never stop to question why God creates people with natural tendencies that conflict with what they believe people should act like. There's a strange duality that happens when they simultaneously call some natural traits evidence of a sinful nature while calling others evidence of God's design. When women are natural born leaders or anyone has homosexual feelings--sinful. When girls like dolls and boys like trucks--God's wonderful design! It's so arbitrary; they just pick out what they want to keep and what they want to change in people.

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What if I'm an only child? Will I ruin my marriage and my parents' chance at salvation because they weren't Quiverfull? And they are divorced, too, so there's that.

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