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Most Women Would Rather Divorce Than Be A Housewife


NotALoserLikeYou

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but most women choose SAHM to be with their children, not to do housework, the housework just tags along.

Every home has to be cleaned and maintained unless one wants to live in squalor. Using housework as her argument is weak. It is sad to see that she has no idea how a healthy relationship between partners actually works. It isn't "either or" but many shades of grey.

Then again, she is right. If my husband ordered me to be home when I didn't think it was best for my family I would divorce him. Especially if he was one of these guys who is off in the woods praying all day instead of taking care of his responsibilities. Actually, I would not have married him in the first place.

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QFT. I'd like to think we just happen to know the same people, but I think it's probably pretty common. The men I know in this situation would get offended if someone pointed out to them that they are not actually as progressive and egalitarian as they like to think they are. And it's hard for the moms to know what to say. They don't want their kids (especially sons) to assume this how things should be. But they don't want the kids to feel guilty about normal things like needing to see the doctor, and they don't want to badmouth the father either.

One of the real eye-openers in my life was while cooking and cleaning the kitchen with hubby I mentioned that I'd always assumed I'd be the one to have to give up a career / job if he needed to move for his career.

He said, "why?"

Uh... Because that's how it's done?

But it was actually kinda an eye opener that he didn't think I was the one that needed to sacrifice my career for his just because he was the man. It's not actually an issue for us, as we co-own a business and there's no sacrificing one of us for the other. But I was really surprised that he didn't think it was my responsibility to automatically accommodate his career.

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The attitude in question doesn't manifest by the husband insisting his wife stays home. It manifests itself in a thousand small actions where the husband doesn't support his wife's career, where he doesn't leave early to collect the kids, where he doesn't take time off to be with the sick kid(s), where he makes plans on the weekends so his wife can't finish the work she brought home, where he doesn't want her to go on a business trip because then he will have to do more work at home, where he doesn't go to the parent/teacher conference or swim lessons or sports practice because he "can't," he has to work and he "makes more money so his job is more important."* The husband does those things because he assumes that his wife will pick up the slack. And she does because that stuff has to be done. So, yes, I can totally see why such a wife would want to divorce rather than be a SAHM. With such a husband, she's pretty much a single parent anyways. She may as well get to call the shots in her own life.

So, so true.

The other thing that the fundies don't mention is security. Recently, my husband took a lucrative position wherein I could, in theory, stay home now. But I'll be damned if I'm going to stay home. I can't get it out of my mind that even if we don't need my paycheck, we need to be saving it. What happens if he's injured? Or his industry has a bad couple of years? Or one of the kids gets a chronic illness? Or whatever. It doesn't matter what the reason is, we would still be fucked if he lost his job and we weren't saving when we could.

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Ideally, I want to work part-time. I want to set my own schedule too. I want it all! That may or may not happen. When I went to school to train as an SLP it was partially due to the fact that part-time options exist as does the option to be in private practice, which theoretically would allow me to achieve my goals, at least if I can make it economically viable.

I definitely liked being a SAHM, but we didn't stay home, we went places all the time. Playgroups, jump zones, the museum center, the park, the zoo, the grocery, wherever. I'm quite social and now so are my kids. So I can't fathom being home alone all day as they get older. I homeschooled for awhile, but now that's not the best thing for us (the older ones don't want to.) If I had some kind of important hobby I might feel differently, like my friend who spends a lot of the day at the horse barn while her kids are in school.

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This article is truly so sad. It is so full of feminist speak it makes my stomach turn. The saddest part is even among Christians today women would rather send their kids off to school. (wether they work outside of the home or are housewives) Husbands would rather see their wives working because then with two incomes they have that nice new car, nice new technology, nice vacations, nice big home, and plenty of toys and stuff! It's sad. I would be heartbroken if I had to send my kids to school everyday and go off to work for the no-longer-mighty-dollar!!

Of all the stupid mommy-wars bullshit online that pisses me off, this one (of course women only work because their families want more extraneous expensive crap!) has to be the one that pisses me off the most. I don't work so my family can have a Mercedes and one iPad per capita and annual vacations to Tahiti, asshole. I work so my family can have such over-the-top indulgences as food in the fridge, heat in the winter, and health insurance. It's not a choice between living frugally and living in luxury - it's a choice between a reasonable standard of living and hand-to-mouth. I think that's the case for a lot of us.

[Edited because I may have said the word "luxury" one too many times]

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I have been a SAHM for 5 months now - we are at a point in our lives where we can afford to do that - but honestly, there are days where I just go stark nuts with boredom. If I get another job or do something else besides simply being a SAHM, it won't be for the money. It will be because I am bored to tears - because, let's face it - I have no idea what some people do at home all day long. Granted, we only have one kid - but I clean my house all the time (bored), I have purged and organized our stuff within an inch of it's life (bored again), I cook everything from scratch, I make my own laundry detergent, I make my body care products, I make my own house cleaning products - and I am still bored.

I'm not saying I don't love being a mom - I do. But I also need to see other people and get out and DO something.

I think that is why there are so many mommy blogs, so many "make a dress a day" and all the DIY blogs. Because, even with kids, we don't live in a world where you have to take up the carpet and beat it by hand, carry all the water from the creek and grow, preserve, cook and clean up by hand all your own food, including meat. Now, people do, but often because unless they are overparenting their child(ren) they have some time.

Unrelated to SAHM, I also think there is some empahsis on urban farming, etc in part to encourage some displaced workers to stop looking for work and fill their time with productive or quasi-productive work at home. REbrand being unemployed or a housewife under a different name and there you go. SAHM sort of works, but I know people who call themselves SAHM when their youngest is in the military and deployed overseas......

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I think that is why there are so many mommy blogs, so many "make a dress a day" and all the DIY blogs. Because, even with kids, we don't live in a world where you have to take up the carpet and beat it by hand, carry all the water from the creek and grow, preserve, cook and clean up by hand all your own food, including meat. Now, people do, but often because unless they are overparenting their child(ren) they have some time.

Unrelated to SAHM, I also think there is some empahsis on urban farming, etc in part to encourage some displaced workers to stop looking for work and fill their time with productive or quasi-productive work at home. REbrand being unemployed or a housewife under a different name and there you go. SAHM sort of works, but I know people who call themselves SAHM when their youngest is in the military and deployed overseas......

This. My original post was not to brag (sorry if it came across that way), but more so to emphasize that you don't need to be a SAHM to get stuff done around the house. I have so much free time, I could absolutely do housework and look after a kid and work a part-time job - I may do that in the future (since my choice to be a SAHM has nothing to do with my husband making me). I think it is ridiculous that women somehow can't do the above and work at the same time. And any husband who insists that he needs to control how his wife lives her life is incredibly selfish and inconsiderate.

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This. My original post was not to brag (sorry if it came across that way), but more so to emphasize that you don't need to be a SAHM to get stuff done around the house. I have so much free time, I could absolutely do housework and look after a kid and work a part-time job - I may do that in the future (since my choice to be a SAHM has nothing to do with my husband making me). I think it is ridiculous that women somehow can't do the above and work at the same time. And any husband who insists that he needs to control how his wife lives her life is incredibly selfish and inconsiderate.

didn't seem braggy at all. I've been home with no kids a time or two for a while and I can see how one can become Martha Stewart or Super Volunteer--

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Also, Bluemilk had a really excellent post about this exact same study - most of the problem is that it's so fucking hard to have an egalitarian parenting relationship because of public policies & workplace issues.

QFT.

But totally aside from that, it is really fucking hard to manage caring for anyone with special needs - including anyone with an acute injury or chronic illness - within the bounds of a 40+ hour workweek with up to 10 sick/vacation days a year, which is pretty standard in the States. Right now I have several only-responsible-child unmarried MALE friends who are trying to care for elderly parents and going "oh wait this shit is hard to balance with working full time."

This.

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Opting out of the labor force indefinitely - long after the kids are back at school full time - is maybe fun and enjoyable at the moment, but these will be the women who - in 20 years or so- are scrapping for some minimum wage job to get back in the workforce once their husbands have left them for a cute attorney they did a deal with. Statistically, a large percentage of marriages are going to fail; this is not hypothetical conjecture. And also statistically, women are the ones who are going to end up on the short end of the economic stick.

Keeping your skills fresh and yourself employable is just good sense.

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This. My original post was not to brag (sorry if it came across that way), but more so to emphasize that you don't need to be a SAHM to get stuff done around the house. I have so much free time, I could absolutely do housework and look after a kid and work a part-time job - I may do that in the future (since my choice to be a SAHM has nothing to do with my husband making me). I think it is ridiculous that women somehow can't do the above and work at the same time. And any husband who insists that he needs to control how his wife lives her life is incredibly selfish and inconsiderate.

Your original post actually inspired me to get off the internet and go clean out and organize a cabinet in my bathroom! True story!

:chores-mop:

But now I'm back on the internet.

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