Lori-Respect your husband even when he's being a dick

[PhiMuLady]

This will never see the light of day, but I had to post. I watched my neighbor's son try desperately to fit in with the "cool crowd" and couldn't understand why he would keep going back for more punishment, thinking it would eventually gain approval. After being pantsed at a middle school dance, he hung himself.

What if your dog would not have come back a third time, because it was lying dead at the foot of the hill after you had thrown it?

Both of you disgust me.

Want another real life illustration? Happened three years ago in my hometown to my neighbor's son.

13 year old boy tries to fit in with a group of kids at school. 13 year old is told he must do certain things to be a part of the group. 13 year old wants so badly to fit in that he keeps returning to the group after being humiliated numerous times in front of crowds of students, being told "just one more thing and you'll be one of us." 13 year old is eventually found dead after hanging himself with his belt on his bunk bed.

[treehugger]

The dog story makes me physically sick. How could any person in their right mind do that?

Lori's blog makes me sick. There are red flags all over it. Men who abuse their wives will not be changed by submission. Most abusers thrive on the fear and pain they inflict on the abused. This kind of advice is just going to get someone killed.

[GiggleOfGirls]

Right. More submission on the wife's victim's part will totally help an abuser stop abusing her :roll:

Admittedly, I haven't read much of Lori's blog (yet), but Lori sounds like she'd get along beautifully with the woman who writes this blog: exposegcm.wordpress.com/

I found that one a little while ago and am appalled at how this "sister" is publicly berating her sister for getting out of an abusive marriage.

The idea that women should just stay in abusive situations and take whatever they're dealt is another idea that I have never (and probably will never) understand :evil:

[Dixiebelle]

This will never see the light of day, but I had to post. I watched my neighbor's son try desperately to fit in with the "cool crowd" and couldn't understand why he would keep going back for more punishment, thinking it would eventually gain approval. After being pantsed at a middle school dance, he hung himself.

What if your dog would not have come back a third time, because it was lying dead at the foot of the hill after you had thrown it?

Both of you disgust me.

Want another real life illustration? Happened three years ago in my hometown to my neighbor's son.

13 year old boy tries to fit in with a group of kids at school. 13 year old is told he must do certain things to be a part of the group. 13 year old wants so badly to fit in that he keeps returning to the group after being humiliated numerous times in front of crowds of students, being told "just one more thing and you'll be one of us." 13 year old is eventually found dead after hanging himself with his belt on his bunk bed.

That is so horrible! :(

I'm sure Lori would turn this into a post, too, on why to avoid ending your kid to school.

I am in shock that she would see anything positive in the dog story. I;m glad the kids learned to not abuse their dog anymore, but to use that as a "real life example" is shocking to me.

[2xx1xy1JD]

lorialexander.blogspot.ca/2013/02/the-husband-as-boss.html

More of Ken's general asshole-ness revealed.

Ken runs a large orthodontal practice. This may explain why Lori puts up with him - she's a stay-at-home wife with health issues and chronic pain, while he is fairly successful and well-off. If they split, would she have any access to funds? Might he have convinced her that she would be destitute?

Anyway, Ken thinks he's making a convincing argument. Here's why he's not:

1. The husband-as-boss analogy falls flat right off the bat for a couple of reasons:

a. The boss bears final responsibility for whole operation. If I ignore the good counsel of my law clerk, I will ultimately pay the price with my clients, the courts or my professional regulator, while she could simply find another position. With a marriage, both husband and wife have joint obligations to children, to pay bills, etc.

b. Employees are free to leave at any time, without obligation to the business. In fact, if there are personality differences, that's what often happens. Ken, however, doesn't approve of divorce, and wives have continuing obligations to children and creditors after divorce.

c. Employees usually don't share directly in the success of the enterprise. Both risks and profits go to the boss.

2. Employee-employer is not the only business arrangement around. There is also something known as......the partnership. Members of a partnership both contribute to the venture, and both share responsibility. They may assign primary areas of responsibility, but major decisions need to be made together. One partner can't simply boss the other partner around. If they are completely unable to work together, the whole partnership dissolves. Plenty of businesses have been run on this model, and in some cases they are more durable than employee-employer relationships. THIS is the model for modern marriage.

3. In an employer-employee relationship, some effort needs to go in to establishing authority. There is a certain level of supervision needed, and a boss sometimes needs to maintain a certain reserve and be prepared to assert their authority.

With an egalitarian marriage, however, the idea is to move beyond power struggles. When it's clear from the outset that both are equal and that there is mutual love and respect, each issue can be dealt with on its merit, and not as an exercise in jockeying for power.

4. Decisions/solutions that are made by equal partners are not imposed. At the end of the day, the process is known only to the partners, and the rest of the world simply sees the decision of the partnership. In an employer-employee relationship, the final decision is the sole responsibility of the boss. There is no expectation that the employee played any role in the decision or that they will necessarily agree with it.

One of the things that's really important in the relationship between my husband and I is that we'll hash decisions out together behind closed doors and sometimes take a while to do it, but when we do come to a decision - it is OUR decision. We both support it. We will both defend it. We will live with its consequences. There is no eye-rolling, no saying that it was the other one's idea, no "told you so" if things don't turn out. We are in it together. If I say "that's fine", my husband can take me at my word, and not wonder if I am simply giving in to him. If we run into problems, I'm not simply going to abandon ship and say "you're the leader, you need to deal with this, nice mess you made."

How does this play out in real life? Well, some issues can take a really long time to decide. It took us a few years to decide to move to our current house, for example. Once we do agree, however, we often can't remember which one came up with the idea.

[wild little fox]

What I worry the most about her advice is that a woman will listen to it and end up in the morgue, beaten to death, because she was staying meek and "Godly."

[lilwriter85]

What I worry the most about her advice is that a woman will listen to it and end up in the morgue, beaten to death, because she was staying meek and "Godly."

I also worry and like I mentioned before, I have that bad feeling that some tragedy will be linked to Lori's advice. Sadly, I think at least one woman Lori "mentored" is probably being abused in some way. When I first started reading her blog, I didn't think she was dangerous or as bad like ZsuZsu or the Louswife. Now after reading her blog for almost a year, she and Ken scare me quite a bit. They aren't major haters of the government or law enforcement like Zsu and PP are. But their "mentoring" and their extreme beliefs regarding sex and spanking have raised major red flags that I don't see that much on other fundie blogs. Other fundie bloggers admit to spanking but they don't have dozens of posts about spanking like Lori does. Lori reviewed a movie and she brought up spanking in it. She is the only fundie that I see who constantly talks about Michael Pearl. I also don't see other fundie women blogging about never refusing sex or certain sex topics as much as Lori does.

I hope that some of Lori's online fangirls eventually wise up about the shit Lori spews out. I worry more about the women she mentors through her church. Those women and their husbands are actually around Lori and Ken and they probably get advice that L&K never put on the blog. I was relieved when Lori revealed that a few couples rejected her and Ken as mentors. They will still manage to reel in couples. They attend a megachurch that has about 3,000 members. I hope some people reject them again in the future.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Does anyone think that at least some of Lori's physical ailments could be psychosomatic? Her inner distress over the way she's treated at home, coming out in sickness and pains? She seems to frequently mention problems she's having.

My theory is that the pain is linked, at least in part, to the stress of living with Ken. There's plenty of medical documentation of cases where (primarily) women who don't have other outlets for stress develop serious chronic pain (fibromyalgia) that is very real, but not explained by physical findings. The stress basically triggers the nerves.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC416451/

[lilwriter85]

I think when it comes to Lori's chronic pain is possible that they are psychosomatic. But she has talked about the accident that injured her neck and have surgery. Stress probably increases her pain.

[JaChelle Sugar]

Lori, Lori, Lori. Respect is earned! Period.