We're totally equal....except I'm the boss!

[Koala]

Also file under: It's really weird that Ken keeps hijacking Lori's blog :?

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-husband-as-boss.html

Lori sometimes refers to the husband as “the Boss†in her posts to make the point the husband should be respected as the leader of his home. Her idea comes from the clear teachings of scripture which repeatedly say that wives are to “submit†to their husbands, respect their husbands, and “be subject to†or obey their husbands. The husband is given by God the role of the head of the

Odd. My husband and I just call each other by our names. There is no "boss" here.

I decided to do a brief comparison as to how I am “the boss†at work and how I am “the boss†at home

It is thinking right that leads to right behavior, so the leader must find the lies that the employee is telling themselves and help them replace the lie with the truth.

Brainwashing much?

My employees are my equal in every way, except that I am their leader.

We're totally equal. Except that we're not, because I'm in charge.

I do desire to be respected as the leader of our home.

Here is what I think lies at the heart of the successful marriage, that no matter what the disagreement, no matter how much something is communicated, there will be times that husband and wife disagree. It is at those few points of disagreement that God votes with the husband, whether he is right or wrong, and says that the wife is to submit

See, Ken is right even when he's wrong because GOD!

What most godly Christian men crave from their wives is respect and their willingness that when there is a disagreement that cannot be resolved with good communications, he allow her man to have the final say, to let him lead, to let him be the leader.

Translation: We're totally cool as long as you respect me and I ALWAYS get my way!

Your laugh for the day (you may thank me later):

The best discovery a Christian man can find to unlock his disagreeable wife is the ability to smile at his wife, give her a big hug, and as he holds her tight he whispers in her ear, “I love you. But we going to do it my way. I hope you understand that although we significantly disagree on this important issue, that God wants me to lead. I will continue to think about what you want, and I may change my mind, but for now, I know you want me to be the leader of our family and our relationship, so please, let me be right on this.â€

There can be no leader without someone who follows.

So true. Stop following him Lori. ;)

[Closed Womb]

Looks like Ken cannot understand the meaning of equal. Saying something is equal does not make it so.

eta: even people with penises don't get to change meanings of words.

[salex]

I tried to comment on their site a couple of days ago and oddly enough my post did not past muster. I may find another name and try again.

This guy is a complete dick, isn't he?

I can't figure out what the heck they disagree over all the time he gets to / has to choose and get his way.

It sounds more and more like kink (which is likely what I told him that he didn't like.

[Koala]

I tried to comment on their site a couple of days ago and oddly enough my post did not past muster. I may find another name and try again.

This guy is a complete dick, isn't he?

I can't figure out what the heck they disagree over all the time he gets to / has to choose and get his way.

It sounds more and more like kink (which is likely what I told him that he didn't like.

I may never get over the "naughty girl" reference.

[Claddagh]

Control freak much, Ken?

[quincygal]

OK so if God votes with the husband (that's stupid but whatever for the point of my question) and the husband wants to do something "ungodly" & not Christian what is the wife supposed to do? You can't make your own decisions but you can't not do what your husband wants. So what then??

Seriously, I would love to know. This has mystified me for years.

[VooDooChild]

I wish Burris would respond to this. She is a Christian, yes? I would like a non-fundamental definition of submission. I have tried google, but all I find is fundie doublespeak and circular thinking.

[Closed Womb]

OK so if God votes with the husband (that's stupid but whatever for the point of my question) and the husband wants to do something "ungodly" & not Christian what is the wife supposed to do? You can't make your own decisions but you can't not do what your husband wants. So what then??

Seriously, I would love to know. This has mystified me for years.

Well, it depends on your (general you) brand of Christianity.

I've heard a few preachers address this. Most say that if something is so blatantly against the Bible, the woman is not longer being led by a Godly Man , so she should follow God's word directly. These matters are usually pretty direct: he wants you to rob a bank, he wants you to commit adultery (often in the form of a threesome, wink, wink), etc. That is the reasonable answer; but, of course, there is always going to be a gray area of what is "wrong" in the eyes of God.

I heard at least one asshole preacher say that a woman should always follow the man, and then let God smite his sorry ass if he is abusing his power. Personally, I think such "men of God" are abusers themselves, simply by stripping away all female agency.

Before going back to school and getting my degrees, religion, especially Judeo-Christian religions, were a hobby of mine. Visited a ton of churches, read a bunch of books, and wish I knew that I would stumble across this forum some decade(s) later, so I could have kept notes and named names!

[Minerva]

No idiot, that's now what lies at the heart of a successful marriage, it's what lies at the heart of a marriage in which you get whatever you want like a spoiled child.

[tanksmom]

What he seems to be missing is the fact that a marital relationship is not the same as a business relationship. I am no better or worse than the people I work with, I am no better or worse than the person I am married to. Each relationship needs to accomplish something different in the long run.

However, I also work with/have a business relationship with people that I trust to do the job they are hired for. If I make a decision that they don't agree with I expect them to argue why it's not a good idea. Just because I want to do something & I think it's a good idea does not necessarily make it a good idea.

Whether I'm at work or at home I want someone who brings their intelligence with them to help me grow whatever relationship I have with them.

What you want is someone to gaze at you and tell you that you are smart.

That is not a very good idea when building either a personal or professional relationship.

[OkToBeTakei]

Ken has a very wee penis. :(

[Maggie Mae]

The best discovery a Christian man can find to unlock his disagreeable wife is the ability to smile at his wife, give her a big hug, and as he holds her tight he whispers in her ear, “I love you. But we going to do it my way. I hope you understand that although we significantly disagree on this important issue, that God wants me to lead.

This might be one of the creepiest things I've ever read.

[salex]

I may never get over the "naughty girl" reference.

[LynnGrey]

This might be one of the creepiest things I've ever read.

If my husband said that to me (and I believed in submission) I would feel so much anger towards God.

[Minerva]

Ken has a very wee penis. :(

AND he's the 10 minute wonder. Lori must be so proud.

[Maggie Mae]

He's at it again in the last bit of this newest post

There is no bigger turn on for most men than to know their ideas and desires are respected and honored by their wife. Love and respect really do work to build a successful marriage that is pleasing to God, and submission gets to the heart of trust and intimacy in a marriage, just as it does in our relationship with God

She referenced 50 shades of gray, didn't read what she said about it, but I suspect it is right up their alley, though we'd never know.

[KitCatCadillac]

This mindset completely baffles me. The man is always right. Because he says so. And he's right about that because he's the man. It's very circular. What's truly confounding is that women go along with it. But I guess there are women out there who find it easier to never make decisions. And I'm sure there are men who'd rather be served than loved and respected from a place of equality.

[Jinger Jar]

This might be one of the creepiest things I've ever read.

And if she continues to be disagreeable, does he holder her tighter and tighter until she suffocates? Because God ordained it?

This is both creepy and abusive. Yuck.

[Minerva]

If my husband said that to me (and I believed in submission) I would feel so much anger towards God.

If ANYONE did that to me I'd kick them in the sack and run for it like those Stranger Danger videos taught me. Holding someone tight and whispering "we're going to do this my way" is not going to make them feel safe.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

OK so if God votes with the husband (that's stupid but whatever for the point of my question) and the husband wants to do something "ungodly" & not Christian what is the wife supposed to do? You can't make your own decisions but you can't not do what your husband wants. So what then??

Seriously, I would love to know. This has mystified me for years.

That's your one out - you don't have to submit if you know it's ungodly

[laura oz]

If my husband said that to me (and I believed in submission) I would feel so much anger towards God.

[snarkyjan]

If my husband said that to me (and I believed in submission) I would feel so much anger towards God.

If ANYONE did that to me I'd kick them in the sack and run for it like those Stranger Danger videos taught me. Holding someone tight and whispering "we're going to do this my way" is not going to make them feel safe.

[emiliawasframed]

I wish Burris would respond to this. She is a Christian, yes? I would like a non-fundamental definition of submission. I have tried google, but all I find is fundie doublespeak and circular thinking.

Not Burris, but I am Christian as well as feminist, and my husband and I had several discussions about Christian notions of submission once we began discussing the prospect of marriage together. Though many Christians cite the Ephesians 5:22-4 (Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.), they do not continue and cite verses 25-8:"25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

Though the verb is different in translation, it is much more similar in the original language, and the command to husbands to love wives as Christ loves the church is as much (if not more) a call to self-sacrifice as is the command to wives to submit. My husband and I and other Christian egalitarians think that such mutual submission wherein both parties try to think of their spouse before themselves is equality in Christ. If one member of a marriage becomes selfish, problems develop, but the ideal is that we try to think of what's best for the other person.

[emiliawasframed]

I should also add that this does NOT mean being a doormat, and that both of us are free to speak our minds and disagree at any point. That's definitely not the case in some more complementarian or overtly patriarchal Christian marriages.

[doggie]

Nothing like trying to follow marriage advice in a 2 to 3k year old book when marriage was about selling a wife to a husband to make heirs or seal some deal. Can't these idiots think about why something may have been written in the bible? I bet the whole reason why the bible tells people how to love each other is because marriage was not about love at the time. We do not live in biblical times and trying to run your life like you do is stupid.