Poor Sarah Maxwell lacks gratefulness -MERGED

[nokidsmom]

No private thoughts allowed, and certainly no negative ones either. I wish Sarah knew it was normal to wish for things.

On one hand, I wish she could move on and start the next chapter of her life as she so obviously wants to do, but on the other hand I'm glad that with each passing year, that's fewer children being born into Maxhell.

I wonder if part of the reason there's been no courtship is because it means Sarah would most likely move far away. Isn't that how it usually goes in fundie marriages? The woman moves to wherever the man lives. Anna-Marie moved from Washington state, and Elizabeth would have been moving from Tennessee had the wedding taken place. Even Sarah moving to another town in Kansas would be a no-no for Steve. He'd want her in the same neighborhood, on the same street if possible, and I don't think a lot of potential suitors would be on board with that. I guess Steve really is keeping her forever. :(

Re: the bolded. Yes, this is a variation of still keeping her at home, and under his watch and control. I don't think too many fundie guys, who expect to become their own headship upon marriage, would be willing to settle for a puesdo-headship with Steve calling the shots.

I tell you that sort of arrangement is really unheathy. My parents managed to achieve this with my younger sister. They have a lot of control over her life and her family and it's not been a good thing.

[Mary C Doates]

Surprised Steve hasn't deleted this comment yet:

"Marty on February 8, 2013 at 9:21 am said:

Today I am grateful for freedom to be myself, a conscience to help me make godly choices in my life, a job to maintain myself independently, and the will to actively navigate change, life’s paths and challenges in a godly way."

Especially because "godly" isn't capitalized.

edited for formatting

[jenny_islander]

Since I started following the Maxwells, I have always felt sorry for Sarah. There have been a couple of times she has pissed me off. Her comments about feeling sorry for public school kids and the incident with the Catholic lady at the nursing home are examples. I feel sorry for her because Steve is very extreme and isolated his children way too much. He has hurt his sons too. Christopher wanted to be an EMT, but Steve talked him out of it because of the possibility of having a female work partner. I think Sarah has gotten courtship offers, but Steve turns them away.

SERIOUSLY?!

"Dad. I feel a calling to save lives and--"

"NO YOU MIGHT WANT TO TOUCH YOUR PARTNER'S BOOBIES. LET THEM ALL DIE. DEAAAAAATH."

Sweet suffering codfish, I have never wished death on anybody, but can't Steve at least develop a condition that makes him aphasic? Or something?

Back to poor Sarah: I have passed 40, so I've been feeling glum about all the plans I had as a 20-something that never came to fruition. But I'm a Sunday school director; I homeschool my 3 children; I've been married for years; I have friends; I belong to clubs; I hang out online and occasionally win Internets; I've corresponded with some of my heroes; I have a life. At 31 I was doing much the same thing except that I was the church newsletter editor instead and I didn't have kids yet. Also our belated honeymoon trip to Hawaii was that year. Poor Sarah!

[Drina Adams]

I'm 31, have a child and another on the way. I bought the house we live in at 23, on my own before meeting the headship. I don't believe in god and we had a humanist wedding. How has my life turned out like this while she's my age, living at home, with no apparent plans for the future. At least Valancy Sterling had her aha moment and got out from under her mother's thumb.

[turquoise]

I think it's possible for an adult to be so brainwashed and controlled that they really aren't able to make a choice to leave, even at 31.

[nokidsmom]

She should be responsible for herself, and she could just leave,-bail with nothing.

But in reality, the practicalities probably aren't as simple. There's no evidence she has any access to money- what would she spend it on, if she is never alone to shop?- and I doubt Steve-controlled internet allows her to view information on the outside help available.

To leave and go into a world from which she has been so firmly set apart, with literally nothing, must be an impossibly daunting concept.

Agree that the reality for Sarah for just up and leaving is not simple. She has no money, or any access to information to help her, as far as we know. And the fear of striking out for herself in this horrible, evil world probably outweighs any unhappiness with her current situation. I don't know about any extended family that can help her but Steve probably controls any contact with them too.

[argypargy]

Sarah's story just makes me so sad. Even if she were to get out, where would she go? I know I've read that they have relatives close by that aren't part of the cult.

I just read the blog and I get bored. I could not imagine a life like that. A life where one of the four things I'm grateful for is rain. I am a year older than Sarah. I have a husband, a son, a college education, and travelled the world.

[TinyDancer87]

Has anyone considered that this is Sarah's public cry for help? Like, "Someone read between the lines and see that I am not happy! Get me out!!"

[Jana814]

Sarah's story just makes me so sad. Even if she were to get out, where would she go? I know I've read that they have relatives close by that aren't part of the cult.

I just read the blog and I get bored. I could not imagine a life like that. A life where one of the four things I'm grateful for is rain. I am a year older than Sarah. I have a husband, a son, a college education, and travelled the world.

I can't imagine a life like their either. But you have to read some of these commets that people write, they WANT to be a Maxwell, they think they are G-d's gift on parenting and rasing kids. What happened to parents who wanted their kids to be free thinkers!!

[Jana814]

Has anyone considered that this is Sarah's public cry for help? Like, "Someone read between the lines and see that I am not happy! Get me out!!"

Never thought about like that, that could be the case, I really wish someone could go in a help her. But Steve would probably tell her she was going to hell if she did not stay and serve him!!

[nokidsmom]

But Steve would probably tell her she was going to hell if she did not stay and serve him!!

Or give her the mother of all deaaath! speeches.

[bsue]

I keep hoping that the lack of marriage prospects (or prospects of any kind, really) might become the wedge between her and her father's beliefs. You only need a small space to get a crow bar in.

As far as getting out...she must have some contact with the nursing home staff, right? And, that would be about it, in terms of outside people she could turn to for help. It would take a tremendous amount of courage.

[VooDooChild]

I think it's possible for an adult to be so brainwashed and controlled that they really aren't able to make a choice to leave, even at 31.

This. She seems to know something is wrong which is causing her to be "ungrateful" (which I seriously think is actual depression), but she is so stunted that she doesn't even know how to identify her feelings properly, let alone, what is causing those feelings. I'm very concerned that she will never realize that she has been brainwashed and will remain unhappy; beating herself up over not being perfect for christ steve.

[darkplumaged]

Has anyone considered that this is Sarah's public cry for help? Like, "Someone read between the lines and see that I am not happy! Get me out!!"

I'm not sure Sarah is capable of such abstract thinking. It's not that she isn't intelligent, because I think she is. But she doesn't read anything but the Bible and instructional books, and while the Bible is full of symbolism, it's likely that she's just accepted Steve-o's interpretations as correct, never trying to analyze anything for herself. Plus, the Moody books are totally flat, no depth at all. It's obvious she isn't the most creative thinker.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I wish I could save Sarah.

I think she is starting to realise that there are things wrong with her life...I hope she is able to act on those feelings and get out of there and start living. The problem is that she might not have the ability to realise what she wants and how to get it, and doesnt have the skills yet to cope with the real world.

[Black Aliss]

Apparently "ungratefulness" is fundie speak for daring to express a wish or a preference. Mother Munck had a post up a while ago (muncksquiver.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-pink-cup.html) about her son being ungrateful because he told his older brother that he didn't want to have his drink served in a pink cup, and then when his brother told him he was getting the pink cup anyway, he got upset. For heaven's sake, the kid is 5 years old! For 5 years he's been told that only girls like pink, blah blah blah, and then when he says he doesn't want the pink cup, all of a sudden he's being ungrateful. Blogworthily ungrateful, no less.

I suspect something very similar happened at Chez Maxwell--Sarah expressing a desire or a preference and getting a verbal smackdown from Himself. I can imagine the reaction to her saying that she'd like to take a creative writing course, or maybe a photography class or to be able to go somewhere without an escort. It's sad.

[ems]

Even though there are several things I am discontent with right now, reading this makes me grateful for the amount of freedom and ability to change my circumstances (albeit slowly) I have compared to poor Sarah (who is only a few years older than I am).

[gardenvarietycitizen]

SERIOUSLY?!

"Dad. I feel a calling to save lives and--"

"NO YOU MIGHT WANT TO TOUCH YOUR PARTNER'S BOOBIES. LET THEM ALL DIE. DEAAAAAATH."

The EMT thing is discussed in "Keeping Our Children's Hearts," I should quote it somewhere when I get home.

The passage is creepy, as I recall it. Basically Christopher has this dream, and Dad talks to him, and talks to him, and convinces him that the dream isn't realistic, because he won't be able to live the ideal Maxwellian lifestyle with such a career (not just the coworkers thing, but he'd be on call and working long hours so he can't lead Bible study and all that) and so Christopher himself starts thinking that way and goes along with Dad's wishes which have become his wishes and he understands, because... Dad has his heart.

[FloraDoraDolly]

Has anyone considered that this is Sarah's public cry for help? Like, "Someone read between the lines and see that I am not happy! Get me out!!"

Could be. I hope one of the less fundie extended family members sees it.

[LynnGrey]

I think it's possible for an adult to be so brainwashed and controlled that they really aren't able to make a choice to leave, even at 31.

I agree. I don't call her stupid for not leaving. I hope she does find freedom and happiness eventually but when you are brainwashed and invested in a community and way of life, it's really hard to leave. And everyone is different in the amount of time they need to be able to break away, and some never do.

[gustava]

I agree. I don't call her stupid for not leaving. I hope she does find freedom and happiness eventually but when you are brainwashed and invested in a community and way of life, it's really hard to leave. And everyone is different in the amount of time they need to be able to break away, and some never do.

The two latest Westboro cult defections are sisters, and they apparently had somewhere to go. And Razing Ruth's sister left and went back. I don't blame Sarah for her situation.

[Closed Womb]

I think it's possible for an adult to be so brainwashed and controlled that they really aren't able to make a choice to leave, even at 31.

Agreed. And if we are to believe Razing Ruth/Mary's story regarding her sister, the control can be so severe that even with contact on the outside they return to the fold. I worry for Sarah, but Sarah probably worries about (or at least pities) people like me.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

We should all write letters and send them to her house . Maybe one would get through

[Closed Womb]

Apparently "ungratefulness" is fundie speak for daring to express a wish or a preference. Mother Munck had a post up a while ago (muncksquiver.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-pink-cup.html) about her son being ungrateful because he told his older brother that he didn't want to have his drink served in a pink cup, and then when his brother told him he was getting the pink cup anyway, he got upset. For heaven's sake, the kid is 5 years old! For 5 years he's been told that only girls like pink, blah blah blah, and then when he says he doesn't want the pink cup, all of a sudden he's being ungrateful. Blogworthily ungrateful, no less.

I suspect something very similar happened at Chez Maxwell--Sarah expressing a desire or a preference and getting a verbal smackdown from Himself. I can imagine the reaction to her saying that she'd like to take a creative writing course, or maybe a photography class or to be able to go somewhere without an escort. It's sad.

I haven't read that blog, and I find it wholly ridiculous that would be used as a prime example of ungratefulness, but kudos to the Munck family for not being so restricted by the gender binary that their son would need to use a "boy" colored cup (especially since the child himself knew it was "girly"). Well done, Muncks!

[NerdyHil]

I agree. I don't call her stupid for not leaving. I hope she does find freedom and happiness eventually but when you are brainwashed and invested in a community and way of life, it's really hard to leave. And everyone is different in the amount of time they need to be able to break away, and some never do.

I agree with all of this. Sarah did have some time being fairly mainstream as a kid, didn't she? Isn't there some story about how she went to a sleepover and something that scared her occurred? She's scared of the outside world, but she seems to know her life isn't right. As much as I would love to see her wake up one day, pack her things and tell Steve to fuck right off she is stuck in the fear of the outside world that her father has pushed on her.