Poor Sarah Maxwell lacks gratefulness -MERGED

[Mary C Doates]

I think I feel genuinely sorry for her for the first time.

She's basically taught that God doesn't speak to her - only to her father, about her. That's one of the most horrifying facets of this for me.

Maybe someday she will listen for herself...

QFT. Her post is just so sad. I imagine she had to struggle to come up with four reasons that would meet with Stves's approval: bland, vague, and devoid of any individuality. I don't see her ever escaping.

[ncb]

I left a scathing response on the blog that will never see Sarah or the light of day.

[Dysfundamental]

Stevehovah is the worst. Just the worst.

[Jana814]

Stevehovah is the worst. Just the worst.

Agree!!

[Free2BeMe]

[Libby Liberal]

Her life just seems so empty to me, and obviously she knows, on some level, she's completely missing out on life as well.

She's only a bit younger than I am. I can't imagine being under my father's thumb and having absolutely no independent life.

[mockingbird]

Free2BMe... the one thing that really creeps me out about Steve is that in some photos (like the one you posted) he looks like an older, creepy-eyed version of one of my high school teachers. Except that teacher was very popular because he was friendly and went out of his way to help his students, basically the opposite of Steve, and I don't want to associate him with Maxhell. LOL

[YPestis]

I have a feeling that even if Sarah is eventually allowed to marry, the reality of it will be nothing like what she may have dreamed about. It's unlikely that Steve will give the approval to anyone who doesn't meet his very strict criteria, which means that for Sarah it will just be more of the same—a husband who's just like her father. And given that depression seems to run in the family, I just don't see a very happy future for this poor girl. But happiness seems to be at the end of a very long list of ways to live your life for Jebus.

Even if the husband is similar to Steve, it's still one step closer to what she aspires to, which is to be wife and mother. It's still different to be a daughter of your parents' home, or a spinster of your siblings' home, than to be lady of your own place.

In the world that Sarah resides in, she will be a child unless she marries. If she doesn't marry, her position will only deteriorate as she moves into a brother's home after her parents' death. As a spinster in her a brother's home, she will defer to another woman but still cook and clean someone else's home and care for someone else's children.

If Sarah can get a husband, maybe she'll also have a few kids. There's always hope that her husband can become less fundie, or is less fundie than Steve Maxwell. Having a family of her own will also enable Sarah to have a life of her own, however restricted. I don't believe Sarah will break free of her conditioning at this point. Her only hope is a man who can sweep her away. I do fear that if her young sisters marry before her....I think that will be a turning point in her life.

On a slightly tangential note, does anyone think Anna and Mary's new look (stylish scarfs, done-up hair, makeup) could be because they fear Sarah's fate? Maybe they looked at other fundie girls at conventions and realized they need to dress up to be competitive in the meat market? Just a thought.

[johnhugh]

titus2.com/blog/index.php/2013/02/07/are-we-grateful/

Recently, the Lord has showed me how I lack gratefulness.

Seems that poor Sarah is pining for a headship or wants a bit of sweat fellowship. So Stevie has made her go public with the latest blog.

[johnhugh]

Sorry I see that this has already been noted.

[Itsnotaclowncar]

I don't want this to come off sounding mean, because I do feel bad for her, I wouldn't wish that restricted way of life on anyone but at what point does Sarah become responsible for her own situation? Will she ever? Do her parents need to be dead first?

[Viola]

she should be responsible NOW. she doesn't HAVE to stay brainwashed. She doesn't HAVE to stay in that wackadoodle family. i say this as a 20yo who found out I didn't have to and left my family and everything i've known and loved since birth.

Sarah has a choice, as sorry as i feel for her. She is a grown woman with a brain God gave her and she could at least use half of it.

[Viola]

and as harsh as my last post sounded, i do remember having those "moments" when God speaks to you just how ungrateful you are, how blessed your life is, how different you are from the sinful world.... those epiphanies were things to be shared with your friends, in youth group as a "testimony," or as Sarah has, on a blog.

Sarah you have a life ahead of you. RUN!!

[Drina Adams]

I wonder does she still believe she'll marry and have children, during those dark moments at night when we all have our worries.

[LucySnowe]

It's still different to be a daughter of your parents' home, or a spinster of your siblings' home, than to be lady of your own place.

Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

...but then, Poor Sarah isn't allowed to read Paradise Lost, either.

[sparkles]

Sarah reminds me a lot of career criminals who've spent most of their youth and adulthood in prison. Often, when they get out, they're so out of step and out of place in the real world that they re-offend in order to be sent back to prison and the life they're comfortable with. I would be very, very surprised if Sarah ever chooses to leave her prison.

Her "Gratefulness" post also makes me think of the scene in The Handmaid's Tale where the women in the Red Center had to stand up before the class to confess their sins and endure the mocking and abuse. "Whose fault was the rape?" "Her fault, her fault!" "Who brought it on?" "She did, she did!" Why did Sarah feel the need to publicly confess her perceived shortcomings and failures? As punishment for stepping out of line? Sad all around.

[kpmom]

I do feel sorry for Sarah, and all the "children".

Yes, she's a grown woman and responsible for herself, but I can only imagine the pressure she would feel if she wanted to make even minor changes in her life.

Part of the problem is the Maxwells entire income is based on all the "children" marching lockstep along with their parent's beliefs. All of their books are based on, "Raise your kids like this and you'll never have to deal with rebellion. Just look at our kids."

If even one of their children stepped out just a little, there would go the Maxwells whole testimony, and probably their income. And I've no doubt the "child" who stepped out would be ostracized. Look at Steve's past comments about not hanging out with ungodly relatives.

That's a lot of pressure to be living under.

[alysee]

I do feel sorry for Sarah, and all the "children".

Yes, she's a grown woman and responsible for herself, but I can only imagine the pressure she would feel if she wanted to make even minor changes in her life.

Part of the problem is the Maxwells entire income is based on all the "children" marching lockstep along with their parent's beliefs. All of their books are based on, "Raise your kids like this and you'll never have to deal with rebellion. Just look at our kids."

If even one of their children stepped out just a little, there would go the Maxwells whole testimony, and probably their income. And I've no doubt the "child" who stepped out would be ostracized. Look at Steve's past comments about not hanging out with ungodly relatives.

That's a lot of pressure to be living under.

You make a great point. Even if Steve wasn't outright saying it(and I bet he is) she must have those feelings of not being the screw up and ruining her family. That's a lot of pressure.

[AllisonWndrland]

You make a great point. Even if Steve wasn't outright saying it(and I bet he is) she must have those feelings of not being the screw up and ruining her family. That's a lot of pressure.

QFT for both quotations.

I haven't read the entire thread, so someone might have said this already. We know what we see on the blog and what they say at their workshops. We know it's bad for Sarah and the others from the little they are able to reveal. I can't imagine how much worse it is to be in that house, day after day, being brainwashed and belittled in the name of religion. If they have been raised in a house that tells them the outside world is sinful and evil and full of danger, despite what they've seen on their trips, they're going to believe that they have been told. I've no doubt Steve makes excuse after excuse- all backed up Biblically- for why there are nice pants-wearing women at their conferences. A cult is a cult and cult brainwashing is unbelievable. Sarah and the rest would have a lot to break through if they were to leave.

[MamaJunebug]

Nothing new to add except that I was in Leavenworth on a particularly rainy day, recently. I've got family there and love the town, which is far more cosmopolitan than you'd expect for a burg of 30-some thousand ... but I gotta tell you: it's a gloomy place in the rain, there's no two ways about it.

As the oldest duaghter in my family of origin, I've paid pretty close attention to Sarah. I remember the first FJer to crash a Maxwell presentation said she seemed unhappy to have to speak onstage, kept to the back of the stage during the screeching concert, was imperious with her sisters as showtime approached, and bustled around with the gigantic camera and equipment bag hung all over her.

Sounded then - and sounds now - like she desperately tries to keep busy, certainly does not enjoy the spotlight, nor being expected to say she's the oldest (and the shortest) when her siblings are chirping about being in their 20s.

She's really the prettiest of the daughters IMHO, Mary's got the youth thing going on, Anna looks happiest, but Sarah got just the right blend of DNA that she doesn't resemble Teri nor Stevus Of Leavenreth too much. Hard to say this from just having read about her, but i get the impression that, given a chance to be away from her family, in a supportive, relaxed environment, she'd blossom some.

That's what she reminds me of: a flower in bud, wrapped up in some mesh that prevents the full blossoming. Cheesy, I know, and hardly original, but it's what I see.

One of my sisters is gravely ill right now. And Caesar Stevenius trolleys along, large, in charge and with no regard for those around him, save for his bogus "where will you go if you die tonIIIIIIIght" blarney. Makes me sad. LIke Heath Ledger dying and Tom Cruise living on and on and on.

There's no justice, Sarah, but there's hope. I sure hope against hope for you. And for my sister. Too late for Heath.

[library_youth]

No private thoughts allowed, and certainly no negative ones either. I wish Sarah knew it was normal to wish for things.

On one hand, I wish she could move on and start the next chapter of her life as she so obviously wants to do, but on the other hand I'm glad that with each passing year, that's fewer children being born into Maxhell.

I wonder if part of the reason there's been no courtship is because it means Sarah would most likely move far away. Isn't that how it usually goes in fundie marriages? The woman moves to wherever the man lives. Anna-Marie moved from Washington state, and Elizabeth would have been moving from Tennessee had the wedding taken place. Even Sarah moving to another town in Kansas would be a no-no for Steve. He'd want her in the same neighborhood, on the same street if possible, and I don't think a lot of potential suitors would be on board with that. I guess Steve really is keeping her forever. :(

[MamaJunebug]

No private thoughts allowed, and certainly no negative ones either. I wish Sarah knew it was normal to wish for things.

On one hand, I wish she could move on and start the next chapter of her life as she so obviously wants to do, but on the other hand I'm glad that with each passing year, that's fewer children being born into Maxhell.

I wonder if part of the reason there's been no courtship is because it means Sarah would most likely move far away. Isn't that how it usually goes in fundie marriages? The woman moves to wherever the man lives. Anna-Marie moved from Washington state, and Elizabeth would have been moving from Tennessee had the wedding taken place. Even Sarah moving to another town in Kansas would be a no-no for Steve. He'd want her in the same neighborhood, on the same street if possible, and I don't think a lot of potential suitors would be on board with that. I guess Steve really is keeping her forever. :(

That's been speculated on as the reality, several times.

Sauce for the goose is not for the gander in Maxhell. Genuine-Maxwell Anna and her sisters will stay within the perimeters of The Aunts' Playground and the household attached thereto.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Seems that poor Sarah is pining for a headship or wants a bit of sweat fellowship. So Stevie has made her go public with the latest blog.

:shock: Surely not before marriage!!!!?? :lol:

[nokidsmom]

she should be responsible NOW. she doesn't HAVE to stay brainwashed. She doesn't HAVE to stay in that wackadoodle family. i say this as a 20yo who found out I didn't have to and left my family and everything i've known and loved since birth.

Sarah has a choice, as sorry as i feel for her. She is a grown woman with a brain God gave her and she could at least use half of it.

This. She's 31, so she is old enough, smart enough, and has been out enough to know on some level that how she is living is simply not normal. Yes, I do feel sorry for her and I do understand from personal experience how it is to have parents that refuse to let their adult daughters grow up and try all kinds of manipulation to maintain their control. Add to that mix kids that have been raised to mind their parents in all ways, with consequences if they don't, (think emotional blanket training) and it's very, very hard for such kids to break out of that "obey parents" mindset even as adults. I get that, but still by 31 you should at be thinking that there is something wrong with this picture and start doing something about it. That maybe the cost of not living your own life is greater than the cost of obeying Mom and Dad.

Yes, she does have a choice, she can leave and Steve is legally unable to do anything about it. He really has no power, other than emotional, that is all. As hard as it is, the power is in Sarah herself to take that power away.

[MysteryHaggis]

This. She's 31, so she is old enough, smart enough, and has been out enough to know on some level that how she is living is simply not normal. Yes, I do feel sorry for her and I do understand from personal experience how it is to have parents that refuse to let their adult daughters grow up and try all kinds of manipulation to maintain their control. Add to that mix kids that have been raised to mind their parents in all ways, with consequences if they don't, (think emotional blanket training) and it's very, very hard for such kids to break out of that "obey parents" mindset even as adults. I get that, but still by 31 you should at be thinking that there is something wrong with this picture and start doing something about it. That maybe the cost of not living your own life is greater than the cost of obeying Mom and Dad.

Yes, she does have a choice, she can leave and Steve is legally unable to do anything about it. He really has no power, other than emotional, that is all. As hard as it is, the power is in Sarah herself to take that power away.

She should be responsible for herself, and she could just leave,-bail with nothing.

But in reality, the practicalities probably aren't as simple. There's no evidence she has any access to money- what would she spend it on, if she is never alone to shop?- and I doubt Steve-controlled internet allows her to view information on the outside help available.

To leave and go into a world from which she has been so firmly set apart, with literally nothing, must be an impossibly daunting concept.