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Stephen Hammer's Sermon


MissBitters

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[Haven't served myself but worked for the Army as a DAFC (Dept of the Army Effing Civilian), and yes, Mr. Stephen's career trajectory is very, very interesting. I suspect that he is being groomed & placed for great things, Army style - that Trinity Forum stuff plus his accelerated assignment record suggest to me that they want him moving up. He's still just a 2nd LT isn't he or did he get a BTZ promotion to 1st LT already, thanks to his Ranger School + Afghan time?

Thanks. So it isn't just us.

No idea about his present status. How do you think Meredith fits in with other officers' wives?

Two more thoughts: I'd rather not be trained for combat by someone who never saw it, and I thought Stephen was very whiny about his "pink-eye" given that he is such a Macho Macho Man and Muscular Christian.

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No wonder that Mere's was not pregnant last year. Stevie wasn't around for 3/4 of it. I'm betting on a baby later this year - she's probably incubating right now.

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:( This makes me so sad. Meredith was the first fundy that I ever started reading about, and while I think a lot of her beliefs are poisonous, I was always attracted to her as a person. She seemed so hard-working and she wrote fairly well, and I just... I wish she had married someone who would let her be more than just a "helpmeet". For that matter, I wish she'd married someone who just seemed like an all-around nicer person.

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Guest Anonymous
:( This makes me so sad. Meredith was the first fundy that I ever started reading about, and while I think a lot of her beliefs are poisonous, I was always attracted to her as a person. She seemed so hard-working and she wrote fairly well, and I just... I wish she had married someone who would let her be more than just a "helpmeet". For that matter, I wish she'd married someone who just seemed like an all-around nicer person.

She chose to reduce herself to the status of a "helpmeet" and was very smug about it too. If her relationship turns out to be poisonous, I'm sorry for her too, but nothing about the situation is surprising.

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Interesting. I always liked Meredith. She was a good writer and a young woman with a wide range of talents.

Some posters here have suggested that it might be politically naive to 'recruit' a wife like Meredith if they want to make it politically. But I am not sure if it is all that unwise. I think Meredith is a versatile and intelligent person who despite her sheltered upbringing may very well adapt to the higher echelons of military and/or academic life. I also think that there might be a backlash against educated/empowered wives of conservative politicians. With the increase of morality politics, a stable marriage and home is a real political asset. Besides, maybe army life makes it hard for wives to have careers, with relocating and all, even in the best case, most egalitarian scenarios. In that sense, Meredith is perfect for him.

I hope they are happy together, I genuinely hope so. I also hope that his hard-line views mellow as time goes by.

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If the army thinks he's so special would they pay for law school for him to be a JAG lawyer? I don't know what kind of opportunities they present to officers.

I feel sorry for Meredith, but she openly advertised the kind of bed she wanted and now she has to lie in it for better or for worse. She has a lovely daughter, but dollars to donuts I bet Stevie (why are the weirdos named Steve?) wanted a boy child.

He's still pretty young. Perhaps a bolt of lightning like wisdom will come upon him and he will see what an ass he is.

:mrgreen:

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Annie, she's still pretty young too. Can we blame her for being hopeful and naive and for buying into this ideology that her parents set her up for? If she was smug - in her defense - it's the smugness that lots of young people have when they think they have it all figured out. The tragedy is that the consequences for her are so much more binding and potentially, so much more damning if things go wrong.

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I think you're right on track! It's always been my thought that he wasn't aiming for traditional politics, but rather the upper echelons of the military. Political in their own right, but a different manner of getting there. And one of the first things a young officer with major aspirations realizes is that he needs the 'right' wife to make that happen. Many moons ago I used to run in those circles, and although the religion didn't appear to matter (much. As long as you were Christian.), many of the fundy behaviours were exactly what proper officers' wives espoused.

I think he picked brilliantly with Meredith. She was trained from birth in the skills she will need to advance his career and she is smart and willing enough to figure out the nuances of the military beast.

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If Meredith is following the model of a classic military wife of the 1950s style hinted at by Stephen's comments - supports hubby's career, manages his home & entertains appropriately, joins the wives' club, does the bidding of the senior officers' wives - I'd guess that many if not a majority of the other women she deals with don't think much of her or pity her. People aren't stupid and today's military spouse is often well-educated or at least has solid aspirations towards schooling & careers; this was true even in MY day 20+ years ago. On the other hand, Stephen's male superiors (and that's who decides his advancement) may think she's just what the Army should have issued this fine, up-and-coming officer.

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This is the guy & group that Stephen says was so important him while at Oxford: ttf.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=81&Itemid=159

Anyone know anything about them?

Interesting, this is a christian group per se but it is not fundie. There are probably christian evolutionists in the bunch and the US president of the board is a woman. Yep she is lording it over them men. It is also cross polinated with ebil catliks and episcopalians. eeek! These people are highly educated and send their sons and their daughters to real colleges. I don't think you would find them slumming with Lady Pink till you Puke Lydia. hahaha

hummm I think you guys are right that it may not be political office he is after but to climb the military ranks. Time will tell.

Just my 2 cents worth.

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Guest Anonymous
Annie, she's still pretty young too. Can we blame her for being hopeful and naive and for buying into this ideology that her parents set her up for? If she was smug - in her defense - it's the smugness that lots of young people have when they think they have it all figured out. The tragedy is that the consequences for her are so much more binding and potentially, so much more damning if things go wrong.

There is much that is commendable about Meredith's character and yes, there is much tragedy in the way her upbringing has influenced her decisions. I don't blame her for he patriarchy in which she lives. I don't think she deserves unhappiness in her life. But I simply wouldn't be at all surprised if things go pear-shaped for her because her entire blog was full of hopeless fantasy.

And, as nice as she seemed in many ways, she did exhibit a smug pride in herself and set herself up as an example to other women, and that side of her I do find repugnant. This is surely going to bite her on the arse one day:

Contrary to what many advised as necessary, I did not have to put myself out there or date an endless string of guys to get the man the Lord had already chosen for me. I simply had to live the life to which the Lord had called me.

My somewhat counter-cultural life as a twenty-two year old living at home, striving to serve her family, and preparing to be a wife and mother is the very thing that Stephen says first attracted him to me.

The Lord has answered my prayers for a godly husband with a man so much greater than I ever could have imagined. I am not marrying the "man of my dreams"-- my dreams were nothing compared to what God had in store for me!

It is so evident that the Lord has been preparing both of us for each other for many years, shaping each of us into the one who perfectly suits and complements the other. Our vision and hopes for the future correspond beautifully.

I am so blessed to be marrying a man with a desire for us to carry out our biblical roles in our future home. He encourages me and is proud that I want to be a homemaker and helper to him and a dedicated mother to our children. I could not possibly be any more proud to be the girl at his side. I can't wait to be his wife!

Stephen prays the sweetest prayers over us and will be such a wonderful spiritual leader for our future family. We both pray that the Lord will use us mightily as a couple; that we may be a Jonathan and Sarah Edwards of our generation. I pray nearly daily that the Lord will mold me into an excellent wife for such a godly man.

Again, I don't think she deserves unhappiness for her failings, but I do think she has a debt to pay to the younger women that she has influenced and, if the shit hits the fan for her, I hope she will repay that debt with a good dose of honesty and frankness about how married life has really worked out for her, rather than papering over the cracks (eg, like some of the former YLCF women have done).

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"Before I got to know my wife, I was almost despondent about the possibility of meeting a godly helpmeet, especially when I considered my likely career trajectory and the world my career would force me to inhabit. Where could I possibly find a woman devoted to the Lord, to the work of hearth and home, and to the virtues of Proverbs 31?"

Translation: No female in the military would do.

As far as the shortness of the deployment, I don't follow this pair, but maybe he joined a deployment in progress? Also, some of the units have had seven month rotations to AFG - my ex has been on two of them.

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There is much that is commendable about Meredith's character and yes, there is much tragedy in the way her upbringing has influenced her decisions. I don't blame her for he patriarchy in which she lives. I don't think she deserves unhappiness in her life. But I simply wouldn't be at all surprised if things go pear-shaped for her because her entire blog was full of hopeless fantasy.

And, as nice as she seemed in many ways, she did exhibit a smug pride in herself and set herself up as an example to other women, and that side of her I do find repugnant. This is surely going to bite her on the arse one day:

Again, I don't think she deserves unhappiness for her failings, but I do think she has a debt to pay to the younger women that she has influenced and, if the shit hits the fan for her, I hope she will repay that debt with a good dose of honesty and frankness about how married life has really worked out for her, rather than papering over the cracks (eg, like some of the former YLCF women have done).

Well, I guess this is why I am very happy blogging wasn't a big thing when I was a smug 20-something year old. And that my smugness was contextualized by secular politics and life-style choices rather than fundamentalist Christianity - I always had an escape clause. I could always change my mind, revise my opinions and move on.

I think this points out to many dangers (or at least problems) with both the fundamentalist culture and the accessibility of the internet. It is so easy for us to put ourselves out there. All of us. Whether it's facebook, blogger or even FJ. But in an internet-pervasive culture, I wonder if some people really think through the consequences. A lot of these SAHD's (and their families) are blogging intensely (and often, not anonymously) about their lives and vocal opinions. But what if things change? Their words are for ever cached and stored online (as are the very words I write now!) That's why I tend to have compassion for people and their strong opinions, no matter how disagreeable I might find said opinions (barring the truly idiotic or racist, of course).

Of course, internet vulnerability and exposure is a far, far larger problem than just the fundie-subset but I don't want to derail the thread. Yes, Meredith wrote what she did. Yes, obviously, we might take issue with her words. But given how few options she (or young women in similar positions) have to change their tune (which often happens naturally in that stage of life) without huge and negative consequences, I have more compassion than judgment for these young women. Who I do NOT have compassion for are their leaders who groom and manipulate these families to do what they do and cut them off from real life and real options and the chance to walk away.

A lot of these SAHD's are just young, passionate adolescents who are 'rebelling' by adopting just another 'subculture'. They could have been a Goth or a Rastafarian or a Punker in a parallel universe. Unfortunately, they stepped right into a control grid far dangerous than the 'control grid' they claim to critique (our secular society). Disclaimer: just because I can contextualize their actions doesn't mean that a) I approve and b) I have no larger concerns about the ideology they represent, mind you. But part of me just really 'gets' them - their passion, idealism and yes, even smugness.

Isn't it great to think you have it all figured out and you're 23? :)

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Soooo I guess I'll try and answer some of these questions about the military side, and hopefully not give too much away about my identity since its a small small military (meaning you will constantly run into the same people over and over and over and you never know where people are reading). I've been an officer for 6 years, and just finished up active duty and am continuing on as a Reservist since there are some pretty awesome bonuses for nurses. While I am a staff corps officer I commissioned through ROTC like Stephen did which means I trained with people on the line side of things and have been exposed to many communities within the military. My husband has also been on a combat deployment so from him I know about this kind of deployment. As an officer you auto promote to 03. This is fairly recent and was done to give us four years to learn our jobs without competing as much--still extremely competitive but you know your first 6-8 years you aren't even going to be looked at for promotion, though the people you meet will likely still be around as you come up for 04 so most people start "playing the game" early as far as networking and striving for the good jobs. As far as Stephens short deployment--after you finish training or commission, or change battalions/take new orders you generally sync your schedule with your new units. I'm 99% sure this is why his deployment was short--he said his battalion was already deployed so he had to go meet them, most likely more than halfway through their deployment. This is pretty normal for most of my friends. As far as getting a great job it's really probably because he's a Rhodes scholar and is really smart. The Army doesn't tend to attract the most intelligent people--they have fewer jobs that require extreme intelligence than the Navy and Air Force (as far as I know there aren't the nuke, aerospace, and engineering needs there), their pilots are warrant officers (extremely desirable job in other branches), and they deploy a really long time under worse conditions than any other branch. And a Rhodes scholar is going to be rare in any branch but especially the Army. The Army definitely attracts people who are interested in infantry and supply, not as often academic folks. I hope this isn't coming off as condescending to any Army soldiers, and what I'm basically trying to say is that if you are super smart (as evidenced by getting into an Ivy League school and doing well) the Navy or the Air Force will probably offer you a giant bonus to take a nuke or engineering school, or offer to send you to law school while getting paid so that is usually what will get chosen. I really think this is why Stephen was picked for his security job, and most flag officers will handpick the best and brightest to "groom" under them.

As far as the military being dominionist, I haven't really seen it. Granted I haven been in one of the few areas that are 50/50 male/female, but my husband worked in the "manliest" area possible with Marines and didn't experience that. Roughly half of my coworkers vote Democrat, and some of them hold very high ranking positions. A very high ranking line officer on one of my deployments was a fairly open agnostic.

I have to head to work, but hope this cleared some stuff up without being too much of a mess (typing on an iPad in the five minutes before work isn't always a good thing!) I read here often, and would be happy to clarify on more about being an officer/in the military, and religion in the military when I get home if people are interested.

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Thank you RNRaya. That was incredibly useful.

I think we can all agree that Stephen is highly intelligent and driven but, beyond that, there is something incredibly cold and calculating about him that I find distasteful. Looking at what you wrote, the cynic in me suspects that he chose the Army because it would give him greater opportunity for swift advancement. Less likelihood of competing with other Ivy Leaguers if most are recruited into other branches. The biggest smartest fish in a smaller pond, if you will.

Here are a couple more articles on our golden boy: princeton.edu/main/news/archive/S24/30/24S02/

and

princeton.edu/main/news/archive/S22/74/98A55/index.xml?section=topstories has this quote:

Hammer, a member of Princeton's Army ROTC program, believes that while his graduate work would postpone his military service during a time of war, his planned course of study will benefit his career in the Army and beyond.

"I believe that the study of theology at Oxford will prepare me for leadership unlike anything else," he wrote in his Rhodes application. "As the lawyer, judge and public thinker I ultimately aspire to be, and even as the newly minted platoon leader I will surely be, the insight and ability to navigate the fraught intersection of faith and public service will be fundamental to the integrity and vigor of my leadership."

A long-term planner who does at least recognise that the intersection is "fraught." Stephen obviously doesn't suffer from low self esteem. :roll:

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While I am a staff corps officer I commissioned through ROTC like Stephen did which means I trained with people on the line side of things and have been exposed to many communities within the military. My husband has also been on a combat deployment so from him I know about this kind of deployment. As an officer you auto promote to 03. This is fairly recent and was done to give us four years to learn our jobs without competing as much--still extremely competitive but you know your first 6-8 years you aren't even going to be looked at for promotion, though the people you meet will likely still be around as you come up for 04 so most people start "playing the game" early as far as networking and striving for the good jobs
.

This was also done because of the shortage of officers/people getting out. As long as noses are kept clean, all will go well. He should still have spent 18 months at each rank, but I think the timeline is right.

I really think this is why Stephen was picked for his security job, and most flag officers will handpick the best and brightest to "groom" under them.

I would agree with the latter part, but not the former. I've met plenty of officers picked for the security job, and some of them were total idiots. I would say it's more likely that someone has been keeping tabs on him, or wanted to show off their pet Rhodes Scholar.

As far as the military being dominionist, I haven't really seen it. Granted I haven been in one of the few areas that are 50/50 male/female, but my husband worked in the "manliest" area possible with Marines and didn't experience that. Roughly half of my coworkers vote Democrat, and some of them hold very high ranking positions. A very high ranking line officer on one of my deployments was a fairly open agnostic.

The dominionists are hiding (and luckily we got rid of some of them - Jerry Boykin comes to mind) but they are there. There is a much more prevalent push to assume everyone is Christian, and just leave it at that. I would say you're definitely in an area that is non-representative, as far as voting. Intel fields (my area) have a lot of non-religious people, but still a more conservative outlook overall.

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It's a little terrifying that someone as obviously intelligent as Stephen can be such an inveterate patriarchal tool. I've transcribed a snippet of the sermon if you don't want to listen:

"Before I got to know my wife, I was almost despondent about the possibility of meeting a godly helpmeet, especially when I considered my likely career trajectory and the world my career would force me to inhabit. Where could I possibly find a woman devoted to the Lord, to the work of hearth and home, and to the virtues of Proverbs 31?"

In this short sermon, he refers to Meredith as a "helpmeet" more than once. It's obvious he was looking for a partner he could easily dominate, as opposed to, say, a classmate at Princeton or Oxford with whom he would have been on more even intellectual and social footing.

I can't wrap my head around what Stephen's family and childhood friends must think of his hairpin turn into extreme fundamentalism. My first thought is to wonder whether he had some trauma in his past that prompted his conversion, but I kind of think not, except in the more pedestrian sense of "I drank and had casual sex in college, and I didn't like how things worked out." My gut feeling is that it's in the genes--he's a naturally fastidious type that thrives on rules and perfect order and is allergic to ambiguity, so the rigid framework of fundamentalism suits his sensibilities perfectly.

Hello godly trophy wife. :(. Poor Meredith, though from her blogging it seems it is what she wanted.

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This is what I find really puzzling about Stephen. He appears to have political aspirations. What modern politician has a wife like Meredith? I think most Americans - even conservatives - expect political wives to be cultured and intelligent. The First Lady of Texas has a M.Sc. in nursing. The First Lady of Tennessee has an M.Ed. The last First Lady of South Carolina was an investment banker with a degree from Georgetown.

A politician's spouse is a reflection of them. I like Meredith, and I suspect she's a naturally bright woman, but I can't see how a bush-hogging rural woman who's never been to school could ever be a political asset.

I remember Meredith wrote something once about being the "wife of a difficult man" where she was comparing herself to either the wife of some Puritan leader or of one of the founding fathers (possibly Abigail Adams?). But even the Mrs. Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, Washington, etc. were not submissive doormats, especially for their times...

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It's a scary ideal to aspire to: to integrate the concept of spousal difficulty with an unequal balance of power in your marital ideals. It's setting yourself up for failure and possibly worse.

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Soooo I guess I'll try and answer some of these questions about the military side, and hopefully not give too much away about my identity since its a small small military (meaning you will constantly run into the same people over and over and over and you never know where people are reading). I've been an officer for 6 years, and just finished up active duty and am continuing on as a Reservist since there are some pretty awesome bonuses for nurses. While I am a staff corps officer I commissioned through ROTC like Stephen did which means I trained with people on the line side of things and have been exposed to many communities within the military. My husband has also been on a combat deployment so from him I know about this kind of deployment. (1)As an officer you auto promote to 03. This is fairly recent and was done to give us four years to learn our jobs without competing as much--still extremely competitive but you know your first 6-8 years you aren't even going to be looked at for promotion, though the people you meet will likely still be around as you come up for 04 so most people start "playing the game" early as far as networking and striving for the good jobs. As far as Stephens short deployment--after you finish training or commission, or change battalions/take new orders you generally sync your schedule with your new units. I'm 99% sure this is why his deployment was short--he said his battalion was already deployed so he had to go meet them, most likely more than halfway through their deployment. This is pretty normal for most of my friends. As far as getting a great job it's really probably because he's a Rhodes scholar and is really smart. (2)The Army doesn't tend to attract the most intelligent people--they have fewer jobs that require extreme intelligence than the Navy and Air Force (as far as I know there aren't the nuke, aerospace, and engineering needs there), their pilots are warrant officers (extremely desirable job in other branches), and they deploy a really long time under worse conditions than any other branch. And a Rhodes scholar is going to be rare in any branch but especially the Army. The Army definitely attracts people who are interested in infantry and supply, not as often academic folks. I hope this isn't coming off as condescending to any Army soldiers, and what I'm basically trying to say is that if you are super smart (as evidenced by getting into an Ivy League school and doing well) the Navy or the Air Force will probably offer you a giant bonus to take a nuke or engineering school, or offer to send you to law school while getting paid so that is usually what will get chosen. I really think this is why Stephen was picked for his security job, and most flag officers will handpick the best and brightest to "groom" under them.

(3) As far as the military being dominionist, I haven't really seen it. Granted I haven been in one of the few areas that are 50/50 male/female, but my husband worked in the "manliest" area possible with Marines and didn't experience that. Roughly half of my coworkers vote Democrat, and some of them hold very high ranking positions. A very high ranking line officer on one of my deployments was a fairly open agnostic.

I have to head to work, but hope this cleared some stuff up without being too much of a mess (typing on an iPad in the five minutes before work isn't always a good thing!) I read here often, and would be happy to clarify on more about being an officer/in the military, and religion in the military when I get home if people are interested.

Thank you! So much enlightenment!

Re (1): This sounds like a better system for the younger officers - maybe it doesn't eliminate the politics but at least reduces them.

Re (2): This tracks with what I heard years ago, especially from the enlisted folks. According to them, if they had wanted to transfer to the USAF or USN as enlisted personnel, they'd have to give up on average two pay grades because Army jobs were not seen as being as demanding by the other services. So, if they left the Army at say E6 they'd have to go into the USAF at E4.

Re (3): I am really glad to hear this but I also wonder if, because you're in & around medical/dental people, you're less likely to run into the complete fundie wackadoodles. I regularly worked with Medical & Dental Corps officers and was generally impressed with their calibre. I think that the dominionist stuff is insidious, though. One of the most outstanding guys I worked with went on to a fairly prestigious 06 slot (as an 05) for a high profile military facility. He was pretty normal when he PCS'd but I was shocked to get a Christmas card from him a year or so later (after 9/11, which may be significant) in which the whole thing was the Lord this and the Lord that. :shock:

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So to address the suitability of Meredith to be an ambitious army officer’s wife, I offer my personal experience: Back in my misspent youth, I was engaged to a very nice army second lieutenant. We were together through his training at two different bases, one in the South, one in the Midwest. With some exceptions, many of the baby officer’s wives were vapid twits with Mrs. degrees who spent way too much time gossiping about each other and causing drama. This was particularly true at the base in the South. Compared to that group, I think Meredith is absolutely an asset, as long as she isn’t embarrassing about evangelizing. The ability to keep sweet, keep your mouth shut, and be charming were traits very evident in the wives of officers on the fast track.

edited to add that since I was clearly the yankee bitch with a chip on her shoulder, I was not the most unbiased observer of that particular subculture. :D

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I remember Meredith wrote something once about being the "wife of a difficult man" where she was comparing herself to either the wife of some Puritan leader or of one of the founding fathers (possibly Abigail Adams?). But even the Mrs. Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, Washington, etc. were not submissive doormats, especially for their times...

Ems, it was Jonathan & Sarah Edwards whom she talked about a lot. I had never heard of them until she reviewed a book about the couple.

strivingtoserveathome.blogspot.com/2010/02/marriage-to-difficult-man-uncommon.html

If you look at her post about her courtship she definitely has a desire to emulate the Edwards:

Stephen prays the sweetest prayers over us and will be such a wonderful spiritual leader for our future family. We both pray that the Lord will use us mightily as a couple; that we may be a Jonathan and Sarah Edwards of our generation. I pray nearly daily that the Lord will mold me into an excellent wife for such a godly man.

In some ways, she sounds just as ambitious & smug as Stephen...

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You're right, MissBitters - fancying herself as another Sarah Edwards does put her on a par with Mr. Stephen and his daydreams of Calvinist glory.

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Meredith has already started another business - very cute, classic children's clothes. So even if her marriage does fall apart (which I don't wish on her) she does have other ways to make money and have her own source of identity and accomplishment, regardless of how much "helpmeeting' she does. I love the "jon jons" (so that's what they are called) for little boys.

And little Margaret can always run to her UU relatives...

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Glad to have the input from former and current military--I find the whole Meredith/Stephen thing fascinating. I'm still not sure if it's a train wreck or a lifetime of happiness in the making, and only getting a few snips here and there, mostly from Joy's blog, isn't helping!

I get where "calculating" comes from, but I could also see someone like Stephen who, IIRC, has divorced parents and has an internal compuslion to get things "right" to look at his future in the army with deployments, frequent moves, lots of nights and weekends working, and wonder how the heck he could ever have a family if his wife was also trying to build a career and didn't have the flexibility to roll with the craziness and keep things going when he couldn't.

I'm not saying it can't be done, and I'm sure it often is, but for someone who's so driven and who saw his own parents' marriage fail, it was probably hard to wrap his head around making that work unless he married someone who was happy to be in charge of the household and didn't have the scheduling conflicts an outside job would present (or resentment about not being able to follow her dreams if that was how they decided to work it out).

I think in that context, the "keeper of the home" style wife, and especially one as self reliant as Meredith, is a pretty good choice. She wants the kind of life he's offering, and the kind of life he has works well with what she wants.

I do often wonder why he picked Meredith--goodness knows there are no shortage of SAHD bloggers to chose from! I hope it's because he really did admire her and hopefully even fall in love with her, but who knows?

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