A Real Dilemma for Bathroom Baby

[Three and Done]

My girls are all quite a bit older than T1, but my granddaughter just turned 2 in November. She has an entire toy box (our storage ottoman) full of toys. plus my daughters' stuffed animals, pillows, etc. as she likes. We ALL love to see her play with whatever she likes, and I am quite content to put things back to right when she leaves.

She is an amazing little girl, and I would totally allow her to (safely) destroy my house if if it made her happy and I felt that she learned a little bit.

I have always felt sad for T1... poor baby has never had what he needs. :(

Edited for proper capitalization.

[DarkAnts]

It would have been easy to turn this into a learning experience. All she would have to do is help T1 put the toys away. It's not hard to turn that into a game.

[Shoobydoo]

I have very distinct memories of getting out of bed after my parents put me to sleep and overturning a huge laundry basket full of toys all over the floor. Totally normal kid stuff.

Heck, if she was that dead set on keeping the toys sorted, she could turn it into a learning activity. Sorting the toys by color or texture or material could be a decent game, especially since it seems like he needs play therapy.

[Feberin]

When they're a lot older than this, yeah. Like, a lot older.

[\quote]

I disagree about organizing toys. My son is around T 1's age and we just redid things to keep his toys more organized. The little pieces type things get lost in a big box. He also can clean up better when he has a small job to focus on so I'll give him a tub to put in his trains while I deal with the rest. Also if TW is so uncomfortably pregnant why doesn't thatasshole help?

[Stickers]

"I be so careful with my toys mama"

That poor ignored baby :(

I'm a big kid and I still like to pile all my crap onto my bed. Why can't her husband put the toys away? He's not pregnant.

[BlondeAgent007]

"I be so careful with my toys mama"

That poor ignored baby :(

I'm a big kid and I still like to pile all my crap onto my bed. Why can't her husband put the toys away? He's not pregnant.

That would involve him taking Jenna's needs and feelings into consideration. I think from past experience we know he doesn't do this. He doesn't seem to interact much with T1 when he's home. I don't know why he would bother to take care of his sundry needs.

[grovelina]

"I be so careful with my toys mama"

To me, this sets of warning bells. Boy is worried or scared of mom's reaction. We know ThatBitch ignores her son, but what do we know about her views on discipline?

[Nothing2CHere]

The bed is a "Montessori bed" because T1 goes to Montessori preschool

I've never heard of that before, and one of my very good friends is a Montessori teacher. Her children all had regular beds as toddlers. I'll have to ask her about it.

And if that is all the toys he has, I must say, it's not very many for a toddler who is about to get a sibling. They're fairly well off, aren't they? It's not that toddlers need tons of toys, exactly, but most people with a little money spend some of it on their kids playtime, don't they? Especially at that age?

If nothing else, you'd think T1 would have grandparents who would want to buy him lots of toys. I swear this past Christmas, if it said "Fisher Price" on the box, my in-laws bought it for LittleBabyNothing.

[latraviata]

instagram.com/p/U1To_zLqur/

Please note TW's comments on her Instagram ... wtf??

Is it really that difficult to deal with an upturned basket of toys? I guess maybe it is, when your child usually only has five total toys that are all stored out-of-reach ...

We always had an Ikea (tipi) tent in our living room with all their toys in it, so every night we tidied up by putting all the toys back in the tent.

When my eldest son (aka CuteneuroRad) was 2, he pooped in his Playmobile farm which was in the tent, we went to the loo he held the farm and I slided off the 'enormous' turd with a bit of toiletpaper and let him flush.

Situations like that always cracked me up.

[Bloo]

I work as a preschool teacher (currently on leave due to Mr. Bloo's accident) for children with developmental delays. Even my most profoundly disabled or delayed children know how to help clean up the toys and which ones go in the sandbox, the kitchen area, or specific boxes.

I do think that sorting is more of a requirement in the preschool setting than at home. Presumably T1 can recall whether he put the toy horsey in the box or the shelf and go get it later. If A in the morning class puts the toy horsey in a different place, though, how is S in the afternoon class going to find it?

In any case, T1 is old enough to be able to put his toys away, but his mama should put him to bed like a fucking parent before going to sleep herself.

[FairyPrincessK]

Wait, you mean kids make messes and need to be put to bed? Astonishing. Seriously? How hard is it to work together with the kid and put the toys back in the boxes? She could even talk to him while she was doing it. You know, say things like, lets put all of x toys in y box! Or does she need a speech therapist to show her that too?

[rene76]

My son would get out of bed and play too. Once I caught him, he was put back to bed. By the time I went to bed he was sound asleep. I hate the thought that he's awake while they are asleep. I hope they have a baby gate so he doesn't have the run of the house. I really hope she doesn't have his door locked from the outside. Shutting the door is one thing but locking it is another story.

[constantgardener]

I have a very, very old book (1930s) that describes the Montessori 'mattress on the floor' thing. Quoting from it:

'A mattress is spread on the floor so even the smallest child can get on it without assistance. The child is allowed to go to bed when he likes ... it has been proved over a long period of time that most children appreciate this recognition of their independence and soon form the habit of retiring of their own accord at an early and regular hour.'

Now that all sound very laudable and an interesting exercise in teaching self-reliance. However in this case it seems like it could be used as the perfect excuse for just leaving a kid to look after themselves at bedtime. I have no idea if this is current Montessori thinking or not.

[bbtlover]

We allow are kids to play with a stuffed animal while they are in bed, but they must stay in bed and play quietly with it. It really helped them to stay in bed when they were T1's age.

I'm still annoyed that she is going to have another baby around the time I was supposed to have mine. She doesn't seem like she likes being a mom so why is she doing it again? (I guess I'm a little jealous and angry and frustrated that she gets her blessing and I don't!) These feelings are part of grieving, right? It's really hard to read about someone who treats her son this way and soon another to be a bother, when my little angel didn't make it.

[valsa]

We allow are kids to play with a stuffed animal while they are in bed, but they must stay in bed and play quietly with it. It really helped them to stay in bed when they were T1's age.

I'm still annoyed that she is going to have another baby around the time I was supposed to have mine. She doesn't seem like she likes being a mom so why is she doing it again? (I guess I'm a little jealous and angry and frustrated that she gets her blessing and I don't!) These feelings are part of grieving, right? It's really hard to read about someone who treats her son this way and soon another to be a bother, when my little angel didn't make it.

Very normal. You lost something precious to you that other people take for granted (or, in this case, outright neglect) in their own lives. It's okay to be angry about it.

[greek_chorus]

Very normal. You lost something precious to you that other people take for granted (or, in this case, outright neglect) in their own lives. It's okay to be angry about it.

Absolutely normal bbtlover. I'm so very sorry for the loss you and your family experienced.

[Georgiana]

In fairness, a lot of people have trouble interacting with babies and toddlers. We mostly don't remember that period in our lives, and we are less and less likely to have had copious babies around to practice on as children.

Of course, most people in this situation realize they have a problem and read up on child development and go to play groups and such in order to remedy it. They do this BEFORE they're forced to by speech delays. And while it's possible to just be crappy with babies, nothing I've read gives me hope that she will be any better with her kids when they're older. Normal people who aren't good with kids either don't have them or, if they already had one, stop having them until they can fix the problem. Some people are never naturally good with kids, but nearly everybody can learn. Parents usually want to learn, because they love their kids.

As far as the mattress goes, I guess it depends on whether she's just too lazy to put up a bed or if she deliberately chose to put up a floor bed to encourage independence. (Yes, that's a thing, though not a common one, I think.) Of course, if that's the case then she really ought to have baby proofed the room better. I can say from experience that a lot of outlet covers can be easily pulled out by an interested toddler, but if that is the case then there still is no excuse for not putting the dresser right in front of the outlet instead. This isn't rocket science. Encouraging independence is a valid approach (I'm aware I'm being generous here), but reasonable safety measures won't ruin that.

And if that is all the toys he has, I must say, it's not very many for a toddler who is about to get a sibling. They're fairly well off, aren't they? It's not that toddlers need tons of toys, exactly, but most people with a little money spend some of it on their kids playtime, don't they? Especially at that age?

To be fair though, there is a HUGE difference between having trouble interacting with babies/toddlers and interacting with your own child so poorly that they experience developmental delays. Babies and toddler brains are highly resilient and ready to learn. Globally, there parenting styles run the gamut from the Western point and identify and babytalk to tribes in Africa that never directly speak to a baby until it is speaking in sentences, and they all have the same result. The truth is, there is no proven "best" way to interact with a baby or a toddler. When it comes down to it, babies and toddlers have sponge-like brains. As long as they have stimuli and interaction, their brains will do the rest. IMHO, developmental books are for the PARENTS to make them feel more comfortable on the journey that is a growing child. Like a map. Just interact and love on your child, and they will do the rest. Trust me, they are hard wired for it.

Back to TW. When you see a child fail to develop linguistically, it usually means two things:

--They have a language learning impediment (true impediments are rare)

--They have a poor language environment

And like I said, you don't even have to talk to the baby. It just needs to be AROUND people talking, and you need to interact with the baby in other ways like responding with your facial expressions, playing with toys, etc. Toddlers, just let them be around you. Answer a few questions. Respond to their sentences.

Poor language environments often are code for one thing: Neglect. We don't want to say that because that is actually criminal, so you don't use neglect in my State until you are considering handing this off to child services, but that's basically what it boils down to. It's putting the baby in another room while you interact with your friends and family or work. It's ignoring the child. Some people are so afraid to interact with babies that this is what they do. Just put them elsewhere and ignore them. Clean up things without ever making eye contact with the baby. So they attend to the physical needs of the child without providing them with stimuli.

It sounds like T1 is fine in terms of his ability to learn language. It sounds like TW needs to be taught how to interact not because she was doing it wrong, but because she was hardly doing it at all. That woman should not be having more children until she gets comfortable having them around and having them be kids. The good news is that for future T2, T1 can provide a lot of stimuli, so the chances for the new baby are much better.

[Koala]

"I be so careful with my toys mama"

To me, this sets of warning bells. Boy is worried or scared of mom's reaction. We know ThatBitch ignores her son, but what do we know about her views on discipline?

I agree that this is a worrisome reaction from a 2 year old :cry:

[Feberin]

I have a very, very old book (1930s) that describes the Montessori 'mattress on the floor' thing. Quoting from it:

'A mattress is spread on the floor so even the smallest child can get on it without assistance. The child is allowed to go to bed when he likes ... it has been proved over a long period of time that most children appreciate this recognition of their independence and soon form the habit of retiring of their own accord at an early and regular hour.'

Now that all sound very laudable and an interesting exercise in teaching self-reliance. However in this case it seems like it could be used as the perfect excuse for just leaving a kid to look after themselves at bedtime. I have no idea if this is current Montessori thinking or not.

I've seen Montessori mattress on the floor on Pintrest so they are still used. However I bet TW chose this option to avoid buying a bed.

[BlondeAgent007]

I think she realized if she lets T1 stay up and play all night, he sleeps in during the day. Leaves her more time for herself.

ETA having to organize toys the next day REALLY cuts into that me time.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Shes probably now researching parenting methods that would allow her to leave his food and water on a bowl on the floor that she can change a few times a day...or maybe one of those water things that you get on the side of hamster cages.

[bbtlover]

Thanks, for the words of encouragement Valsa and Greek_chorus. :)

I bet that she will be teaching T1 how to change the diapers of T2. And then she will teach him how to feed T2, so she can have all the time for herself! I guess I shouldn't give her any ideas in case she reads here.

[Morton Fan]

Thanks, for the words of encouragement Valsa and Greek_chorus. :)

I bet that she will be teaching T1 how to change the diapers of T2. And then she will teach him how to feed T2, so she can have all the time for herself! I guess I shouldn't give her any ideas in case she reads here.

She wrote that she had planned to breastfeed T1; however, it didn't work out for them. She says that she plans to breastfeed T2, but I'm kind of skeptical. She actually used to prop up T1's bottle so she didn't have to hold him or the bottle while he ate - it seems hard to imagine that you'd go from that to breastfeeding exclusively without some kind of watershed parenting moment.

[Love]

""Jan 11: Remember yesterday's sleeping picture that made him look like an angel? All of that is thrown out the window the moment he wakes up. This is a tantrum thrown because I refused to go upstairs with him so he could pee (what's wrong with the downstairs bathroom????)""

Have you all seen this? WTH is wrong with this woman that she can't just go upstairs to help him pee? potty training is soooo important!!! I get that she is really pregnant and all, but HELP YOUR CHILD!

http://instagram.com/p/UWaTyxLqlc/

[Koala]

I think she realized if she lets T1 stay up and play all night, he sleeps in during the day. Leaves her more time for herself.

ETA having to organize toys the next day REALLY cuts into that me time.

I hadn't thought of this, but I bet you are right.