Sarah Maxwell is 31 today.

[hoipolloi]

As long as Sarah is forced to worship at the Church of Daddy-Said-So it's hopeless.

[Sobeknofret]

Dear, sweet Sarah,

By the time I was 31 I had a house, a husband, a good education, and was trying for a baby. My parents were actively involved in my lice fro a good long distance, and I was happy to have them for advice, but equally happy to manage my life without them peering over my shoulder and directing my life for me. This is normal. This is the real world. Please try to find your way into it.

[Jessica]

My parents were actively involved in my lice fro

Not to jack the thread, but.... LMAO.

(I know what you meant)

[veron1que]

Being single at 31 isn't a bad thing for anyone, but for a girl raised to think her purpose is being a wife & mother, she must feel so unfulfilled :/

Wishing her a better future.

[emiliawasframed]

I have a winter birthday and never found it depressing. :) You can even have a pool party with a winter birthday - just at an indoor pool.

I'm 31 for another month or so. I have a bachelor's and two master's degrees. I've been married for nearly 8 years, we own a house, we have a 2.5 year old and another child on the way. I work at a job that I enjoy (although I admit the prospect of 3 months of maternity leave pleases me) and we have a great extended family and group of friends.

It's so sad that at less than a year older than Sarah, I've experienced so much more in life. I don't think I'm terribly exceptional, either. It's unfortunate that this young woman has been taught that if she does what her daddy says and has NO FUN, she'll get the husband and children that she's been taught is her only option in life. She must feel such doubt and sadness, especially to see her brothers out on their own with families of their own. She can probably see now that unless something dramatic changes in the next year or two, she'll grow old caring for her parents and then have to be at the mercy of a brother willing to take in the spinster aunt. It's just bleak.

Your comparison really drives home something I discussed with my students (in a Senior Seminar on Human Sexuality at a small Christian college) in our last class: many Christians strive so hard to be "in the world but not of it" that they forget to be in the world at all (Jn. 15:19; Rom. 12:2). If Christians think of all things outside of their immediate religious or theological circle as inherently evil or wrong and desire to shelter themselves to an illogical extreme, not only are they dishonoring God who created humanity as complex by reducing the world to some "us v. them" stereotype, but they are also drastically hurting any witness they may have to those outside the faith if they do not accept that ALL people are equally flawed and in need of the grace of Christ (Rom. 3:23). This is why isolationists like the Maxwells bug me. How can you possibly truly believe in a Savior who gave the Great Commission and raise your kids (adults) that way? It just doesn't make theological sense.

[fundyfunland]

I hate to sound like a jerk. I do feel really sorry for Sarah, but at least every year that goes by where she's unmarried & not procreating, means fewer kids born into the Maxwell cult. That is a actually a good thing, especially considering those kids will likely be raised to hate gay people, despise freedom for women, and deny evolution. We really don't need more of those people around.

[Sobeknofret]

Not to jack the thread, but.... LMAO.

(I know what you meant)

Damn tablet keyboard! :lol:

[Bbfamteam]

I hate to sound like a jerk. I do feel really sorry for Sarah, but at least every year that goes by where she's unmarried & not procreating, means fewer kids born into the Maxwell cult. That is a actually a good thing, especially considering those kids will likely be raised to hate gay people, despise freedom for women, and deny evolution. We really don't need more of those people around.

I wonder about all of this. These fundie parents purposefully have as many children as possible for God then set out to make their children afraid of the world and to rob them of their potential. You look at families like the Duggars, Bates', Maxwells, Botkins, etc and see many adult children at home. The opportunities for good jobs to support your family and remain debt free without some sort of real education are fewer than they were 50 years ago. For a movement who values this it is devastating to the next generation. To further a movement the younger generation has to both buy into it and breed children of their own to indoctrinate. Hopefully it will begin to die off. 31 isn't old by any means but the fates (ie Steve's crazy) have been cruel to someone who was raised to believe wife and mother are the highest roles she can achieve and not be able to step into that role. She and I are of similar age. I would love to get married and have children but in the meantime I have a nice job, nice house, two fur babies to practice on, and the ability to travel all over the world. I'm depressed for her but like fundyfunland I'm also thankful children will be spared the lifestyle

[DefraudedbyGothard]

The Lord IS using Sarah. He's using her to tell Steve that his grand plan to control and isolate his family ISN'T WORKING. Unfortunately Steve has stuffed his fingers in his ears and is chanting I CAN'T HEAR YOU NEENER NEENER NEENER! like three year old.

This!

And it makes me sick to think that a father would do that to his daughter. He is a destroyer of the soul.

[Mary C Doates]

Happy birthday, Sarah. I hope you get a whole box of animal crackers (with a train ticket out of town hidden inside) that you don't have to share.

[wildflower]

Happy birthday, Sarah. I'm a liberal Christian. I just celebrated my 32nd birthday two months ago. For my birthday, I had three birthday dinners: one from my friends, one from my Mom, and one from my first cousins. My pre-agreed on birthday present from my Mom was Elton John tickets (AWESOME concert!!). In October, my company sent me to Las Vegas. Out of the blue, my Mom calls me and says that she had put money in her bank account (which I have access to for emergencies) for me to buy something for myself extra for my birthday.

Sarah, I pray that you can get out of your family and have a great 32nd birthday like mine with a great rock concert, way too much food, and a fun shopping trip in Las Vegas.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I agree with all you've said.

Also, Steve has said he doesn't believe he should be looking for potential mates for his children. Meaning all the female children have to wait until a man approaches Steve. Then if he passes muster, the young woman gets to meet him. Good luck with all that.

Yep. That's the most unrealistic part of all this, the idea that any sort of proactive action means they're not trusting in Jeebus, or whatever it is.

[VampireProtectYou]

I don't know if she is sad about it. I bet she was sad in her 20s but she has now already got it into her mind that God will bring someone or it is not meant to be. I do wish she could take a class at college on something...maybe an art or writing class. Just to get out of the house a little.

[roddma]

It seems they get athrill goig back to a time when women were never allowed to leave until marriage. Steve, hello, it is 2013. I guess when you know no different, your life seems normal to you.

Every month that passes is an arrow that will never make it to Sarah's quiver Stevie.

Something to think about......"[/

]I guess he never thinks her chance to produce a quiver is getting severely limited. Funny how they preach about filling Quivers but have 25+ yr old daughters at home with no prospects and no chance at life. What's gonna happen when these women turn 45+ with no skills and their parents die? It happened to plenty of women in 'the old days'.

[lilwriter85]

Out of the Maxwell daughters, Sarah is the one I really worry about. I think Stevie will marry off Anna and Mary.

[NeonJungle]

I guess when you know no different, your life seems normal to you.

Yes, but this is what gets me: The Maxwells tour and sing and speak, and so their adult children get to see that some folks live outside their frame of reference. I can't imagine wanting to hang onto isolationism when there is such a wonderful wide world out there. If your faith is strong enough, and familial teachings imbedded enough, give your kids a chance and trust them to handle things on their own.

[Jana814]

Out of the Maxwell daughters, Sarah is the one I really worry about. I think Stevie will marry off Anna and Mary.

Have to agree with you. They need someone to take care of them in their old age!

[snarkyjan]

Have to agree with you. They need someone to take care of them in their old age!

Speaking of old age, what do they think will happen to Sarah if she reaches her sixties without having held a job? She won't be able to collect social security as she won't have the requisite 10 years or 40 quarters of social security credfits And if she's still unmarried at that age, as is more than likely, she can't collect under a spouse's social security.

Having to depend on the charity of one or more married siblings will really suck.

[lilith]

Speaking of old age, what do they think will happen to Sarah if she reaches her sixties without having held a job? She won't be able to collect social security as she won't have the requisite 10 years or 40 quarters of social security credfits And if she's still unmarried at that age, as is more than likely, she can't collect under a spouse's social security.

Having to depend on the charity of one or more married siblings will really suck.

I hope Steve and Teri leave their estate to their unmarried daughters. I doubt they will though.

[roddma]

Yes, but this is what gets me: The Maxwells tour and sing and speak, and so their adult children get to see that some folks live outside their frame of reference. I can't imagine wanting to hang onto isolationism when there is such a wonderful wide world out there. If your faith is strong enough, and familial teachings imbedded enough, give your kids a chance and trust them to handle things on their own.

Maybe I should have said when you are taught one way is the only right way your whole life, your life seems normal to you. Life outside the box is scary. It's kinda like when leghumpers say the Duggar kids are happy. Yes they have seen most of the world but it is under strict supervison and have the belief their life is better and holier than everyone else's. I wonder if the Maxwell SAHDs and other older SAHDs know there is another way to live. But as I said they are made to think their life is the only right way.

[library_youth]

Out of the Maxwell daughters, Sarah is the one I really worry about. I think Stevie will marry off Anna and Mary.

I agree with this as well. I don't think he'll want to make the same mistake of waiting too long to find guys for the younger two.

It did take a long time (and at least one broken courtship) to marry off Christopher, though. Wasn't he 31 when he married NR-Anna? Maybe there's hope for Sarah yet.

Can you imagine if they were to announce a Sarah courtship? It would probably make FJ crash! :)

[miffy]

Its sad that these people don't have an established network of people who will help them escape, like the FLDS & Amish do.

I had a few ancient unmarried great-great(I think?/siblings of great grandparents) aunts still around when I was a kid. They were unmarried because they had either lost their fiance or boyfriend during WWI or were lesbian. They all had careers in the younger days, one in particular had a really successful clothing manufacturing business. Whilst they probably weren't the norm because they were more educated than most women at the time.

I really don't think that many spinsters in the old days sat around their parents house all day unless like Sarah they were being abused & controlled by their parents or they had some kind of disorder in the days when there was a choice of lithium or electric shock therapy.

[Georgiana]

Poor Sarah. I think the last year has shown that Steve has given up on her. My parents gave up on me for a little while, and it was terribly painful. Luckily for me, they are only fundie-lite, so while it was hard for many years, they have come around to the idea that I don't necessarily need to marry to be successful. No way that is happening for Sarah.

Most children in my parents' fundie-lite social circle don't move out until they are married/engaged. And by that I mean that the males buy a home/get their own place when they get engaged, while the females are with their parents until the wedding night (one even moved her wedding up because of pregnancy, but STILL didn't even move her stuff in to her husband's house until they were married). However, the parents still treat their unmarried children like ADULTS.

I think it speaks volumes that even most fundies would find Steve's control unacceptable. Even their followers try to turn a blind eye towards their family life, and I think many of the broken courtships/lack of prospects were caused by the fact that even their most ardent followers are not willing to allow their children to join this sort of lifestyle.

[JesusFightClub]

Hey Sarah if you're reading,

Happy birthday to you. And I think you're missing out.

I'm single too and you're about the same age as me. You don't need a bloke to make you happy. Maybe, secretly, you don't want one. (That is not a proposal, by the way. I think it may be the case you're just chill as you are.)

Here are some of the things I did by your age:

I went to several different countries and taught in one

I have been arrested (you may want to avoid this, mind)

I had a long term partner and we split up

I spent loads of time on picket lines and on demos (do you have a cause close to your heart? Not what Daddy tells you to think. What do you feel strongly about?)

I've handled grenades and live weaponry (again, this may be one to avoid)

I went to university and got a degree, and with your brains that should be no problem.

I cuddled a tiger cub, which was super cute. Their fur is more like dogs' fur than cats, strangely.

Go into the world, Sarah! We are wishing you all the best.

[Myfanwy]

Happy birthday Sarah. Do you find it odd that a bunch of (heathen) strangers wish more for you than your parents?