Sarah Maxwell is 31 today.

[MysteryHaggis]

Sarah and I share a birthday, it turns out.

Sarah, happy birthday to you. I don't have a cake this year, but I'd share my birthday vodka with you if I could.

Another year passes, but another year starts too, for new beginnings. I hope you find true fulfillment someday this year, and find space in your servant's heart to think of your own happiness.

I'll be raising a glass and thinking of you today.

[StacyW]

Happy Birthday, MysteryHaggis! :clap: :clap:

[MysteryHaggis]

Happy Birthday, MysteryHaggis! :clap: :clap:

Thanks! I like my January birthday- it means no post Xmas blues:D

[jenny_islander]

Sarah, at 31, my husband and I had set the date for me to stop using birth control so we could have our first child. (We now have 3.) We had our own house on our own land. We were active in a congregation of people who listened respectfully to what we had to say even though we were by far the youngest couple there. (Our church family has also grown.) I edited the church newsletter and had poetry published in the local paper. And my oldest male relative would have stared incredulously at anyone who suggested that he ought to decide what the Lord had in mind for me to do.

Sarah, dear, are you waiting until your father dies? He could live for a very, very long time, you know. And he will never let you go. You are too useful to him--like a cow, or a typewriter. The love he has for you is the kind that consumes. You are thirty-one years old. Find your own husband. You can, you know. You are made in God's image too. You are no one's shadow.

Your mother will have to find some other way to cope with being stuck with Steve.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I'm 31. I've been married, had 3 kids, been divorced, gone to college, traveled all over the world. I've experienced heartbreak and joy and fear and financial problems. But the important thing is I've experienced! I get to be alone, think for myself, and find out what makes me happy. I can't imagine who I would even be if I had lived at home until now, really wasting the last 13 years that I've been an adult. No magic husband is going to fall out of the sky for her; she needs to get out there and trust herself, not Steve!

[DrPusey]

Happy Birthday, mysteryhaggis!

Sarah, I fear, is going to end up like Miss Bates in Emma. Except Miss Bates, at least, got to participate in neighborhood picnics and other community events with people who weren't related to her.

[sewingmom2]

Let's say, as a basic premise, that Sarah's dad isn't preventing her from getting married. But, there are standards. The guy must be financially solvent, carry little or no debt, have an earning potential capable of supporting a family w/o his wife working, be a Christian, have no prior marriages/children unless widowed, be supportive of homeschooling (and likely homeschooled himself), and love Sarah.

A guy like that is nearly impossible to find.

Guys who have good earning potential probably have training/college under their belts and that means debt.

Most men today expect a spouse to contribute financially. The permanent SAHM is extremely rare.

Many men who were homeschooled themselves end up being strongly anti-homeschooling. Or they are still living at home, w/o resources to date, marry, or support a family. And are pro-homeschooling.

Most men in their 30's either have children, an ex-spouse, or both.

Fundamentalists are notorious for picking apart another's Christian faith, so it would be difficult for a man to meet dad's approval faith-wise

So, Sarah, and all the girl sibs face a difficult road in finding a suitable spouse. Dad may strongly want them to marry. The pool of prospectives is very, very small.

[Roycroft]

Sarah, I fear, is going to end up like Miss Bates in Emma.

I was thinking more like Boo Radley, once Stevehovah and Teri go off to Jeebusland and the siblings marry. :(

I think that all of the daughters are going to have a very hard time when the parents pass, because Steve has deliberately made himself the axis of their universe, and they have no skills or tools with which to make independent lives.

It's such a waste of these young women's lives, and it's tragic.

[kpmom]

Let's say, as a basic premise, that Sarah's dad isn't preventing her from getting married. But, there are standards. The guy must be financially solvent, carry little or no debt, have an earning potential capable of supporting a family w/o his wife working, be a Christian, have no prior marriages/children unless widowed, be supportive of homeschooling (and likely homeschooled himself), and love Sarah.

A guy like that is nearly impossible to find.

Guys who have good earning potential probably have training/college under their belts and that means debt.

Most men today expect a spouse to contribute financially. The permanent SAHM is extremely rare.

Many men who were homeschooled themselves end up being strongly anti-homeschooling. Or they are still living at home, w/o resources to date, marry, or support a family. And are pro-homeschooling.

Most men in their 30's either have children, an ex-spouse, or both.

Fundamentalists are notorious for picking apart another's Christian faith, so it would be difficult for a man to meet dad's approval faith-wise

So, Sarah, and all the girl sibs face a difficult road in finding a suitable spouse. Dad may strongly want them to marry. The pool of prospectives is very, very small.

I agree with all you've said.

Also, Steve has said he doesn't believe he should be looking for potential mates for his children. Meaning all the female children have to wait until a man approaches Steve. Then if he passes muster, the young woman gets to meet him. Good luck with all that.

[WonderingInWA]

Poor Sarah. Poor, poor Sarah.

[Ellimenopy]

Oh, how I hate Steve for doing this to the lovely Sarah! I wish the best for her, but I don't think anything can save her now.

[BornFree]

I think in the photo, Sarah is standing on top of the mountain peak the family climbed last summer. OMG, a BELOW ankle STRAIGHT skirt! Is Steve afraid that all those hoards of strange men on the trail will be defrauded or tempted and Sarah will somehow lose her innocence? A tough mountain made needlessly harder to climb in that outfit.

[salex]

Does she earn anything from the books she writes? I have no idea how many if any are really sold, but does she get paid for any of her book writing or work for their publishing house, or is all that part of her daughterly duties and a way to give her 'work' while keeping her financially dependent. Does anyone know?

[RachelB]

Sarah, I hope you receive the gift of confidence, plus the perspective to know that you can both love your father and be a distinct person with different opinions and priorities. God is not served by your self-erasure.

[bluelady]

My birthday was yesterday. I turned 34. In 34 years, I have experienced a lot of good and a lot of not so good. My parents allowed me to try things. And then, when I made mistakes, they advised me on what I could do and then left it up to me to dig myself out of whatever hole I had fallen into. They supported me in my marriage, even though it wouldn't have been their choice, and then supported me through my subsequent divorce. My father publicly told off a sexist asshole co-worker of his when, after proudly announcing I had been accepted into an engineering program, this man asked him how he could "allow" his daughter to choose a profession clearly meant for men. Both my parents taught my sister and I from a young age how to provide for ourselves and to never be fully dependent on anyone, man or woman. They taught me to be a critical thinker and to make my own decisions. My father has not made a decision for me since I moved out of his home at 19. If anyone were to suggest that he should, I can fully see my dad laughing in their faces.

So, when I think of my birthday yesterday - cards and flowers from my parents, a dinner out with my SO, followed by a bottle of wine and a movie at our apartment - and the fact that I was celebrating another year of experiences and memories made, and then think of Sarah's today - two animal crackers, forced Bible time and even more forced fake smiles, maybe? - and the fact that she's celebrating another year of perpetual childhood with no new experiences and nothing to call her own, it just makes me sad.

[WonderingInWA]

I wonder at what age Teri's hair started to go grey? I'm guessing Sarah's will start at some point. I know I started greying at 25 (just like my mother) but I started to color my hair. I'd bet the Maxwell girls aren't allowed to do things like that.

[desertvixen]

Let's say, as a basic premise, that Sarah's dad isn't preventing her from getting married. But, there are standards. The guy must be financially solvent, carry little or no debt, have an earning potential capable of supporting a family w/o his wife working, be a Christian, have no prior marriages/children unless widowed, be supportive of homeschooling (and likely homeschooled himself), and love Sarah.

Don't forget he has to be willing to deal with a father-in-law who has been calling the shots for so long he's probably incapable of stopping. This hypothetical guy would have to really LOVE Sarah to suffer through Steve.

Guys who have good earning potential probably have training/college under their belts and that means debt.

Maybe a military guy, but I don't think that would fly with Steve either. A currently-in guy would end up meaning Sarah would move away, while a former military guy would probably remind Steve of whatever transgressions he seems to have committed while in the AF.

So, Sarah, and all the girl sibs face a difficult road in finding a suitable spouse. Dad may strongly want them to marry. The pool of prospectives is very, very small.

This. Plus, no one is looking for a spouse, and he's not going to drop out of the sky.

[KitCatCadillac]

I'm a pretty lazy person (or perhaps I just value efficiency?), but I would go completely nuts if I were unemployed, not going to school, and living with my parents. If I thought that my course in life was to marry and be a homemaker, I would be out there advertising my eligibility and being domestic like nobody's business. Making preserves and knocking on doors, so to speak.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Its cruel for someone to spend all of their daughters life telling her that her highest calling in life is to get married and have a large family, but keeping her at home and not allowed to meet any unrelated men at age 31.

[Witsec7]

Its cruel for someone to spend all of their daughters life telling her that her highest calling in life is to get married and have a large family, but keeping her at home and not allowed to meet any unrelated men at age 31.

Courtship apparently is left up to god aka Steve Maxhell. Just something to think about.

[SouthCarolinaGirl79]

Courtship apparently is left up to god aka Steve Maxhell. Just something to think about.

And God..or Stevie... isn't doing a very good job.

[Coconut Flan]

Tagline: Steve Maxwell is a failure. Having unmarried 31 year old SAHDs is a failure. They can't reconcile various parts of their belief systems and Steve apparently isn't even trying to do that.

[fundiefan]

Yep. Sarah is an example of the complete failure of the whole courtship and SAHD thing. Joseph's engagement being broken, by the girl, a week before the wedding - but less than two months after the engagement - speaks volumes for failure as well. If something isn't working, change it.

Unfortunately for the offspring of Steve Maxwell change is a foreign concept to their father and they are all screwed. Sure, he changed when he became god's representative here on earth, but to him, he's reached the pinnacle and there is no reason to change anything ever again.

[frumper-rump]

I wish I could talk to or hang out with Sarah for a day, just to show her that the things her dad teaches his (adult!) children about other people are just not true. That you can be a Christian without condemning and being scared of the rest of the world. That you can have FUN and its good to both express your own and learn about different ideas and viewpoints about life and the world.

I am close in age to Sarah and can't imagine still living like a child. Even my 13 year old has more freedom than she does.

Sarah really is a beautiful, sweet spirited girl. She deserved so much more in life...

[Marian the Librarian]

I think Steve-o considers himself anything *but* a failure. He's one of the most egregious examples of "Gotta get my money's worth" fundie parents who see their children as commodities, and use them as cash cows. He has Sarah, and all his other sons and daughters, exactly where he wants them: making money for Daddy.