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An interesting piece of hypocrisy: parenting


Koala

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thefatherknowsbest.com/2013/01/its-better-to-be-hated-than-liked.html

A couple times a week I take my children to the child center at the gym. This is a good opportunity for my children to see what's out there, so to speak. Last week my daughter told me that a little girl wanted to play a game that would exclude others. My 8 year old, naturally, went right along with the game. Peer pressure is just a nasty thing. It doesn't take much for a child to be swayed into doing something that isn't appropriate, even when they know deep down it isn't right. Thank goodness my sweet girls are only in there a little over an hour! My daughter and I had a discussion about her behavior and she was well aware that it probably was not the best game to play. It's never ok to exclude anyone. I told her the next time she is faced with that scenario she needs to tell the little girl she can not play that game. Well, yesterday the little girl asked my daughter to play the same game, and thankfully my daughter responded with, "my mom said I couldn't play that game". I was thrilled that she didn't give in to the peer pressure. However, I challenged my daughter to say that she didn't want to play that game. My daughter's response was, "but I want her to like me".

Did you catch that?

I told her the next time she is faced with that scenario she needs to tell the little girl she can not play that game.

Well, yesterday the little girl asked my daughter to play the same game, and thankfully my daughter responded with, "my mom said I couldn't play that game".

However, I challenged my daughter to say that she didn't want to play that game.

That REALLY bothers me. She told the little girl what she had to say, but she didn't want the little girl to credit it to her. She wanted her to act like it was her idea. Why? It wasn't her idea, it was her mother's orders. The whole thing just irritates me.

I am totally on board with not letting your kid be mean to other kids, but I am not in favor of making them pretend like your commands were all their idea

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Maybe the more diplomatic thing would be to ask the other little girl to include others in the game. I'm not sure what was behind the decision to "exclude" others. Was it just the other girl wanted to play with a few people? Or it the game required only a few players? More importantly, did the little girl purposely excluded others who wanted to be included? I just think the way to deal with negative peer pressure is to speak with the child about how to handle it in such a way as to not minimize hurting anyone's feelings. There's no reason for her to be mean to a little girl who was trying to offer her friendship. Sometimes, children just need a better suggestion when they seem to act mean, not an outright rejection. It seems like the mom just didn't like her kids socializing with any other kids.

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Maybe the more diplomatic thing would be to ask the other little girl to include others in the game.

Exactly. That seems like the obvious solution. At the very least, she could have done the whole thing without asking her daughter to lie

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Thank goodness my sweet girls are only in there a little over an hour!

This made me laugh because I pictured her clutching her pearls while exclaiming this.

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She says its wrong to exclude others, yet she feels that the majority of humanity will burn in hell for believing the wrong way. Right. :roll:

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What game IS it? Is excluding others the whole premise, or was it a matter of simply being a game that not everybody could play? Does this woman really never engage in activities that can't be shared?

Also, am I the only one who wants to take those kids and hug them a lot? They're surely going to need it by the time they're grown.

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What game IS it? Is excluding others the whole premise, or was it a matter of simply being a game that not everybody could play? Does this woman really never engage in activities that can't be shared?

Also, am I the only one who wants to take those kids and hug them a lot? They're surely going to need it by the time they're grown.

Actually, they need it now.

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